Thursday, January 10, 2013

i dreamt that i found my hat

current mood:
currently listening to: oblivion -grimes
currently watching: signs

just a quick rundown before i go to bed of my first week at the university ...

the first day was a fucking disaster-nightmare. i didn't have my books yet, i didn't have a parking pass yet, i had algebra, and the desks for that classroom remind me of something that snookms would beg me to sexually torture him in. they were so tiny i couldn't even fit my binder on them! the teacher is nice, but when he speaks i cannot comprehend because it is a completely foreign language that i have yet to decipher.

ironically, the next day was probably one of the best days of my life. i got my parking squared away, and because i made so many fuck ups about getting lost the day before on campus i was like a pro getting around this time. i had philosophy and looooooove the teacher, and my old friend rachel from ivy tech is in that class, so i was able to pal around with her instead of being by my lonesome self. i was further relieved by the fact that the professor said that the required reading for the class was not nearly as expensive as what was initially projected. alsoooooo, he was one of the contributing writers for the philosophy of star wars book that came out when episode III hit the theaters sometime ago. i guess he wrote on religious philosophical standpoint of luke skywalker? i'm curious to read it.

later that same evening i went to my communication class, and i was really nervous about parking because i thought i was going to have to park miles away from the usual parking lot since it is in the nurses building, but when i got there almost the whole parking lot over by the nurses building was nearly empty. the classrooms were much better this time, and there were tables instead of desks, so i had plenty of room to put my binder on the table. the teacher is amazing, and he spent most of the class on his facebook, showing off all the famous people he knew that were in his class. i even stalked his page when i got home & he is in a band that does rage against the machine covers, red hot chili pepper covers, and other such surprises which surprised me, because of his level of professionalism in the classroom. but at the same time, it didn't surprise me, because he just sort of has that melodic type of voice that most vocalists have. the name of his band is 'sugar moon rabbit'. it's not the greatest band, but at the same time, i thought it was kind of great because he took me by surprise with the rage against the machine cover.

the next day was my algebra class again, but this time i was prepared for just about the worst, and because of that it wasn't so bad. i wound up having to walk half an hour from the parking lot just to get to the campus, but i enjoyed the walk, and i was still pretty miserable about the shitty desk situation, but at least this time i knew what i was in for. i still felt lost about algebra about 10 minutes into the class, but i reminded myself that this was the pattern i dealt with regarding my last 2 math classes as well. i hate that my math classes don't transfer over from ivy tech, but at least it will give me an opportunity to play around and experiment with the theory i've been developing regarding why some people have a knack for numbers/math and others do better with letters/language.

today was pretty lovely for a whole bunch of reasons, but mostly i was just happy that my philosophy teacher acknowledged my joy division shirt that snookms & the spawn bought me for christmas. he said that the image on that particular album cover is so iconic that it automatically invokes a special sort of emotion in those that know what it is. the whole class was just him going over the "get to know your class better" survey he passed around from the day before. he took time for each student to address us personally and ask about the interesting things we had to list about ourselves. one of the ones i mentioned was playing old nes games, and he said that he just played some of his old games not too long ago. it. was. coo.l.

later in the evening i had my history class, and i found parking no problem again. there is still a bit of a walk to the campus, but i enjoy it very much. even if it is freezing ass cold. when i got to the classroom it was those same ridiculous desks again, but i was just like whatevssss this time and dealt with it. the teacher is a pretty basic dude, but he is an older gentleman, and hella handsome. he mostly likes to talk & get the facts out with hardly any feedback from the students, but that is okay in my book because i do like to listen.

i have another math class tomorrow, and that'll be the end of my school week until the next episode. so far the good far outweighs the bad, i just think i might get some extra help with algebra from a tutor or something. OR SOMETHING

& so, now here i am, at home, late as heck, everybody in bed, & i'm watching signs and wanting to cry like i do every time that one scene comes up where mel gibson is telling god how much he fucking hates him. GOD DANG DO I KNOW THAT FEEL

Saturday, January 5, 2013

dear aunt beast, ...

current mood:
currently listening to:
currently watching:

ugh. shespawn woke up really sick, so i've been playing aunt beast since the middle of the night last night. i'm ready to crash for the night but i still wanted to work at making some sort of attempt at daily documentation before i hit the sack.

after carmen fell back asleep for the morning (in my bed, of course!) i snuck out & to the grocery store & bought tlc foods, like chicken noodle soup, 7-up, crackers. all that fun stuff. when i got home she was still fast asleep so i got to finish watching 'return of the king' on hbo. i got mega teary eyed like i always do when aragorn & his elf lady get hitched, & then when everyone started kneeling to the hobbits. by then i was bored & decided to make coffee for me & snookms & started cleaning & doing my daily devotional thingy. it was a boring one for the day & didn't really lift the dreary feeling i was carrying around because of the youngest being sick. but i soldiered on.

carmen woke up a few hours later feeling brand new, which cheered me up. plus snookms was being really sweet in that extra huggie way that makes all the difference when i'm feeling sad about my kids being sick. sad & overwhelmed, really.

we decided to brave the cold & slip out to exchange a blouse i had bought at jcpenney's in metropolis with the gift card money my mom & dad gifted me with for xmas. david also had one, so he wanted to check some stuff out too there. carmen started feeling like shit again so her & i sat in the shoe area until snookms & the boys were done looking at stuff, which didn't take long at all, & by then shespawn was feeling better. i spied a pair of white combat boots with pink flower print while we were waiting, & i want them with all my heart now.

david asked to go to his friend's house for the night so we dropped him off there, stopped & picked up one of mike jr.'s buds on the way, & came home. snookms took it upon himself to make a 3 hour corned beef brisket for dinner which was fine with me because i totally hate the idea of cooking on friday nights. i got really bored & decided to play a bunch of our nes games on the new retro console that we got mike jr. for xmas. first i played ghosts n goblins & only got to third part of the second level, right before you confront the second unicorn monster guarding the gate to the underworld. then i turned it off & played super mario 2, which i realized i hadn't played in hella long. i really sucked at it bad. it also didn't help that the controllers for that console are different and have the turbo action built in which throws me off big time. i got annoyed & decided to play contra & got a huge kick out of how good i was doing because of the rapid fire button & wound up beating it on my second continue. then i played adventure time until level 1-3 and then played mega man 2 and got bored after beating metal man, wood man, and bubble man like i always do.

after that i went back out in the living room where snookms was watching grid iron gang & i was like "oh hey i remember this flick, it's a good flick!" so we watched that until dinner was ready. i've been really cry-ey lately so the movie got me all choked up.

when that was over we ate dinner, joked around with the kids for a bit, then watched the new 21 jump street movie. it was pretty funny, but there was some parts that i was kind of 'meh' about, so whatever.

now the kids are all asleep & snookms is watching a boring cowboy movie that i don't care about so i guess i'll go to bed now & hope to be back here again tomorrow.

(p.s. i'm starting to get really excited about going back to class again!)

Thursday, January 3, 2013


current mood:
currently listening to: ziggy stardust -bauhaus
currently watching: a wrinkle in time: the graphic novel -madeleine l'engle & hope larson

man oh man. i really & sincerely wish i could just post a blog everyday regularly. like poof, there it is! & i guess i really could if i would just stop worrying about everything else so much.

i've been going on nearly 3 weeks of vacation time now, & let me tell you it has been great! i'll resume getting up early and scholarly life on monday with the rest of my kiddoes, but for now i am just enjoying waking up at 1 in the afternoon & going to bed at 4 in the morning. and also cooking dinner at 10 or 11 at night. one of the best things in life right now for me is never having to rush about anything. I HATE RUSHING

so. things i have done. i saw the hobbit! and the avengers! & the newest batman. they were all great. i also saw lol, (loved) & ted (blahhhhh) and got to watch shespawn play skyward sword. & all because of christmas! christmas was really good this year. or, well ... last year, i mean. i got a lot of great loot. and so did the kids. and snookms. and we had a fun new years eve too.

for christmas from snookms & the spawn i got the graphic novel version of "a wrinkle in time", which i just finished and shespawn is now reading. that book has so many meaningful connections to me. my senior year was spent sitting alone in the school hallways during lunch with slaughtered & a warm place taking turns playing in my head & that book constantly being read over & over. this was basically the recipe for the imminent disaster you see before you now. having read the graphic novel version of that book has completed a very special part of my life that i had forgotten about & was by far, my most favouritest gift this year.

i also got finn headphones which are adorbs to the max, an owl that i promise you looks just like cosmic owl without any intention of it being so when snookms initially set out to get it for me. there was also a spirograph based gift under the tree for me which even has the mathmatical equations explained about how those things work in the book that came with the gears. talk about a blast from the past! speaking of blasts from the pasts, snookms, the kids & i took our wintery annual trip to the antique store & we found the holly hobbie lunchbox that i use to have from when i lived in seattle, washington as a first grader! it even came with the thermos, & snookms totally bought it for me which snapped my heart right in two, considering all the dough he had dropped for the spawn & i this christmas. i got it home, cleaned it all up, & am heavily considering using it as a purse/handbag/carry-all thingamahoozit.

3 bands shirts were unwrapped; joy division's 'unknown pleasures' album cover was pictured on one, pink floyd's 'the wall' another, & the smiths was the last. they all fit me perfectly too!

there are also superfancy hello kitty sunglasses that come in a really cute case, and spicy gumdrops and chocolate coins to talk about, but most of all i was just so excited that we all got to see 'the hobbit' for christmas. my brother even got to come along, which i love since we both geek out about tolkien stuff so much.

oh, i almost forgot about the nightmare before christmas snuggie too. that thing likes to suck the body heat right out of me, so much that when i take it off it's like i have to put it right back on or i'll freeze to death on the spot.

the kids all got a lot of really great stuff too, but i'm already getting bored talking about presents so i won't even bother with all that.

as of monday i'll be officially attending iupui. i am taking what mysty deems a 'football math' course but what i deem 'liberal arts' math because yeah, i suck that bad at math still and the classes i took at ivy tech do not transfer over unfortunately. also taking a intro to philosophy class, an 1800's history course, & a communications course to work towards my major.

i had a big fat scare on the last day of my classes at ivy tech with financial aid, but thankfully i was able to take care of it after much haggling and whining to the associate commissioner of the federal grant division about my lowly financial position in life & my inability to pay for what was a sad & simple fuck up on my behalf, but one that was potentially going to cost me over $1000.00 had i kept my mouth shut. basically, transferring from one college to another is scary fucking business, especially for me, and especially since i am a first generation college student at that.

oh! the honors symposium thing that i was invited to be a part of was probably one of my favourite parts of this semester. it was a huge success and i was honored to be presenting & pitching & conversing with everyone involved. all kinds of faculty came in to here me & 5 other capstone course students talk about what each of us are passionate about. there were deans, department heads, and all other walks of scholarly life weaving in & out of the room for the day. i talked to about 12 different professors, and shared with 3 of the fellow participating graduating students about the presentation i did at valparaiso. i was able to print out colored sheets of the powerpoint presentation at valparaiso & cut out the images to paste onto a display board that was issued to each presenting student. i had the pleasure of working on that the night before the symposium, all while watching 'stick it', which is one of my favorite movies. i spent the better part of the night sprawled over the top of the display board, trying to strategically place my images so that they would be both visually appealing while at the time being emotionally effective. i hadn't even realized it while i was there, but my communications professor had later pointed out in an email that i was the keystone speaker, which looking back if i base that observation strictly on position alone, was true. i'm not going to lie and say that didn't flatter the hell out of me, whether it was meant to look that way or not!

i think the thing i loved most about the experience was that i was able to talk casually with faculty that have long been advocates of what i am working towards and that they had so much to contribute to the conversation. i loved the encouragement that each professor gave me and that they had even taken the time to ask questions and further inquire about what i had to present. they treated me as their equal and nothing less, and that felt exhilarating.

i'm thinking that i've forgotten a million other things i wanted to talk about, and hopefully this will be enough fuel spark the motivational fire i need to get my ass on here everyday, so that i DON'T forget to talk about all the million and one things i wind up forgetting instead of just cramming it in one big long boring blog post. but now my elbow is tired from laying in a really weird position while typing on my laptop on my kid's bunk bed and also snookms is getting really lonely and i feel bad for that.

hopefully i'll be back tomorrow!