The realm of covetedness

sausalito, california

2012-01-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

current mood: remnants

currently listening to: crazy for you -slowdive

currently smelling: malibu musk

mom & dad had just made up after a long & laborious argument.

we went for a long drive, like we always ritualistically did after their makeup sex.

i know this, because this tradition has been passed down to me. snookms & i do it too. it's a release.

we drive. my brothers & i packed up in a red ford minivan with my mom & dad.

them, rejuvenated & full of fresh dreams for the future. my brothers & i? ... not so much. grown cold to the novice ideal of their reawakened hopes & dreams, we knew better. or at least thought we did.

there was a town, which caught my attention as we drove. it was exceptionally sunny. it held the essence of what i had imagined in my childhood while living in seattle. the charm i had sought out these many years, after having been whisked away on a ferry ride one foggy afternoon so many years passed. i was only 5 or 6. but i remember it like the traces of skin folding beneath the palms of my hand.

this town held that charm. it reawakened something i had forgotten about. hope existed again for that one afternoon & brought me beyond the rough adolescent years i had fought tooth & nail through until i could stand on my own without vodka sea legs or chronic laced stilts.

we drove on, through the town, the sea enveloping this quaint little village as if it were a long lost lover. i had to shield my eyes, (& my heart) from the sun's rays that reflected the ocean waves. piers & docks attached themselves to every abode. endless strips of markets & cafes & diners called out to me, begging to be explored.

apparently i wasn't the only one that day, because unceremoniously, my mom & dad decided to find parking. we were getting out. a walk maybe? we are led down a strip, on a crowded sidewalk. i hear the sound of hollowed footsteps as we walk clumsily down the wooden planked path to our questionable destination. i smell the sea, taste the salt of her in the air.

so many unfamiliar faces look at our non-traditional group of thugs. we don't fit in. we don't belong. but i do not care. black railing separates the "them" from the "us" as we pass by the onlookers of outdoor eateries. i look forward to the sea, where i belong.

but we take a sharp left, another uncustomary move. inconspicuous stone stairs lead us up to a balcony, well lit, with an absolutely breathtaking view of Her.

the railing is no longer black. & their is no longer an "us" or a "them". the sound of humanity raises in volume as i discover we are only one of the many other lucky contenders that have discovered this little niche.

& we are now on the same side. we all wish for the same thing.

my mom & dad are holding hands, whispering in each other's ears & smiling to each other in that secretive way that only lovers do. they see my brothers & i in the same way that i now see my own children, enjoying life & the simplicity of the many wondrous things in it.

they tell us they will be back, they are going to order some food & for us to find somewhere "nice" to sit. i look behind us & sure enough there is plenty of outdoor seating.

i choose, because i never choose. i usually always settle for whatever everyone else wants. because it makes me happy to see others happy. but never because i am complacent. i didn't learn complacency in that way until i was much, much older.

outdoor smoking is allowed, which i thankfully rejoice over since my parents let me smoke. i grab the astray set up for the table i chose & to my delight i find a roach the previous customers must have left behind. it was enough to get the four of us high, had i let my younger brothers smoke back then. but instead, i give my oldest brother a knowing nudge & pocket the treasure for later use before my parents could come back with our food.

(snookms, me)

2012-01-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

current mood: heartbeats -the knife

currently listening to:

currently watching:

so far this year, i have:

shot a 12 gauge
fallen in love with all my new classes this semester (sociology, interpersonal communication, microcomputers, & psychology)
managed to NOT beat the living hell out of somebody that has managed to make my worst nightmare come true
get into a friendly debate on facebook (which i typically avoid like the plague)
fall in love with snookms all over again like it was the first time (& then readily hate his guts 2 seconds later)
begun reading "catching fire"
watch "it's complicated" 5 times
watched every episode of "elfin lied"
start playing guitar again & do nirvana/alice in chains karaoke with shespawn
run out of gas in the middle of a snowstorm at 8 am, walk home, get gas cans, fill said gas cans, get offered a free biblical end times dvd whilst in the midst of filling these cans, calmly tell solicitor no, drive back to the car, fill it up, drive back home, walk back to the car, & take it home, all without losing my shit. IN THE MIDDLE OF A SNOWSTORM AT 8AM

my conclusion is that i am getting old. but i like it.

also, i forgot how old i was the other day.

i have a dick on my face, don't i?

2012-01-03T18:27:00.000-08:00

current mood: this is planet "look-at-me, LOOK-AT-ME"

currently listening to: sexy boy -air

currently watching: 10 things i hate about you

LOOKIT WHAT MAH NETBOOK CAN DO LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

this is what i have been reduced to.

something so, so, so fucked up happened in these past few weeks. & i can't even talk about it. i want to die inside & the sadist inside me keeps laughing. i'm so glad i don't have the desire to murder myself anymore. otherwise i'd be dead right now.

FUCK

(me, snookms)

2011-12-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

current mood: i don't want him to go back to work

currently listening to: i don't want him to go back to work

currently watching: i don't want him to go back to work

christmas loot!

2011-12-25T02:15:00.000-08:00

current mood: i'm in love & i don't care who knows it

currently listening to: amy says -flyleaf

currently watching: elf

a netbook/notebook?
nightmare before christmas chain wallet
nightmare before christmas house slippers
nightmare before christmas snow cap
running sneakers
hello kitty knee high socks
black bjorndal uggs
black snow boots
towels galore
holiday gumdrop & cranberry scented candles
free dinner to 'on the border' with snookms & kids
free dinner to o'charleys for snookms & i
pear glace bath & body set from victoria's secret
pure seduction bath & body set from victoria's secret
socks galore
an oldschool popcorn popping machine
a canvas picture with me & snookms favourite bible verse ("& the greatest of these is love")
fancy photo frame that says the word 'love' in the middle
huge fuzzy nativity scene blanket
trip to rave metropolis to watch "sherlock holmes 2: a game of shadows" (which was beyond lovely)

knights of the round table

2011-12-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

current mood: quadra magic

currently listening to: still born -burning witch

currently watching: the gate

fuck the universe -craft

magic spells -crystal castles

history of hell (crippled lucifer) -burning witch

ghost song -the doors

it took the night to believe -sunn 0)))

pap smear -crystal castles

in that corner -khanate

eutow -autuchre

whorecrown -marduk

baptism -crystal castles

werewolf -gehenna

darling nikki -prince & the revolution

tower place -burning witch

intimate -crystal castles

a witch is born -gehenna

i am a disaster

2011-12-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

current mood:

currently listening to: eutow -autechre

currently reading: blood willows -caroline m. yoachim

all my friends are embryonic

2011-11-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

current mood:

currently listening to: gutless -hole

currently watching: degrassi: nowhere to run

friday nights are my favourite. i'm sitting here watching the newest season of degrassi & eating some magnolia brand mango ice cream from lee's, the asian grocery store that my mom & i typically haunt to gather ingredients for our holiday filipino food-fest. i love going to that store with my mom because she knows all the oldskool brands & has a story for all kindsa different food items from her past, which make our trip that much more precious. i seriously treasure our trips there together. she's like a little girl again & i love how knowledgeable she is of everything there. a wizard at it, really!

human biology was fucking rough today. i struggled with the lab assignment; the packet we had to work was chock full of dna & rna translations & decoding. i wanted to fucking cry at first because i couldn't get it at first, but then the professor pointed out that i had to use mRNA codons to determine amino acid sequence & i was sort of okay after that. i just couldn't wait to get out of there today & see my mom & kids.

finalllllllllllllllllllly got to watch splice late wednesday night, it's been in rotation on the hbo channel & we have that channel so i obliged most willingly. i really liked it a lot, kind of figured i would after my dad told me about it, but it took forever for me to make the time & develop the willingness to sit down & just watch it already. the only thing i kind of hated was the way the boy version looked. everything else was pretty much perfect & i just wanted to hug dren when she was crying about her cat. :(((((((((

the following night i stayed up super late, glued to my monitor because i was hooked on reading the two chapters my public speaking professor sent me of her ms. it really reminds me of that new show 'homeland' on showtime (which is my new favourite) because it's about her experience in the middle east but it has ties with her life here in the states, traversing between the two realms very elegantly. it's really intriguing to read her life story & i feel so flattered she was willing to share it with me & the next morning i was able to talk her into sending me the rest of it. i'm looking forward to reading it this weekend! i'm hoping i can point her in the direction a few agents that will be appreciative of her manuscript. i can really see it happening as a publication.

& then thursday evening my daughter was a representative in the spelling bee competition for her school. their team scored last, but she was the top scorer of her team, which i was really proud of. there was some seriously hard words to spell. i used to be a wizard at spelling back in my day, i got like, 3rd place as a fourth grader or something. but i don't ever remember having to spell some of the crazy words that were on her list! scrimshaw? octahedron? YANGTZE RIVER??? sheesh.

in love with a ghost

2011-11-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

current mood:

currently listening to: love is a stranger -eurythmics

currently reading: the hunger games

TEAM VIOLET & TATE FOREVaH

american horror story does have a pretty sucky element to it, which i can't quite put my thumb on? but there is this chemistry between tate & violet that i totally obsess over. it's like a kitiara/lord soth kind of trope we're dealing with here i guess? that undying devotion, that is so sad & sick, there is a deep down part of myself that resonates. & how he wrote "i love you" in chalk on her wall? it was so romantic it made me want to puke.

also, i like seeing dylan mcdermott cry because it's sexy.

anyhowwwwww. TODAY YOU GUYS. today i had to present my second informative speech in the public speaking class i'm taking this semester & i scored the whole 150 points it was worth total! i was really blown away by that number because i just started working on it the night before & thought for sure it was gonna suck, suck, SUCK. but apparently it didn't according to my teacher. which, i in fact adore. she used to live in iraq, saudi arabia, germany, & louisiana. before she was a professor, she would give presentations to military troops in saudi arabia & all these other countries, on ethics, medical needs, & all kindsa other cool shit. i got to tell her a few weeks ago that she was a college student's wet dream because she's super efficient teacher-wise & she was so flattered. she was all, "leave it to the girl who writes erotica to say that. i can't wait to tell my kids somebody thinks i'm a wet dream!" i blushed with pleasure of course. i dunno what it is with me falling all over these teachers this semester. shalafi! TEACH MEH

let's seeeeeee, rewind to the day before that, wednesday i think? snookms had a day/night off from work because of election day & we got the spawn out of school early & went driving out the the strip on west washington out past plainfield to go antique store browsing. we managed to find this huge fucking antique mall that was still open for another hour, so we got lost in the past & had so much fun. we got turned back on to going to antique stores after our visit downtown in irvington after me & mysty's lovely book launch last week. i love that my kids actually LIKE going there & don't hate it. & it's free! if, of course, you don't want to buy stuff.

now, let's go back to monday, the beginning of this week, when i finally go visit mysty's new haus. it's her & werewolf's first haus, & it's so lovely. i mean, i know it's just a house? but it seriously has a charm to it that i fell in love with right away. mostly it's mysty's stamp on it i s'pose, but i really love the vaulted ceilings, as well as the colours that her & werewolf painted their rooms. also it didn't help that i had a dream about that haus a few months before. when i walked in & saw the gypsy teal coloured walls with a fresh coat of paint & the slant of the vaulted ceiling & about fell to my knees because it was pretty much the exact replica of what i had dreamt months ago, except it was snookms & i living there, & it was in our neighborhood. so freaky, but i've come to expect experiences like this anymore. i'm a starting to become a firm believer that my family comes from a long line of non-nurtured psychics.

the proboscis/prognosis ...

2011-11-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

current mood:

currently listening to: patience -guns & roses

currently watching: the exorcism of emily rose

taking a quick snack break before i dive back into reading 'the hunger games'...

this book, man! this fucking book! i'll place the blame on my daughter, as she's the culprit for making me care about it in the first place. her school has a new librarian, & she's all about getting the kids into literature by making them care about what they read. i mean, i know it's important to engage a child whether they care about a particular subject or not, but at this tender age it's so hard to make them care about much of anything that doesn't directly relate to them. so yeah, the new librarian put this, amongst a handful of other "controversial titles" on the shelves to replace many of the ones the previous librarian had targeted for shespawn's age group. this peaked carmen's interest, (which i'm happy to say doesn't take too much in the way of reading these days) but yeah, i guess the new librarian's strategy has "success" written all over it, as there is now a huge wait for most of the titles she recently put out there for her YA public. shespawn felt she couldn't bare to wait any longer, so i indulged in her pleading to buy her a copy from the store. i couldn't deny a kid that's begging to read! she's had it for a week & is on page 100, i just started a few days ago, & i'm on page 55. i'm at the part where katniss is tasting hot chocolate for the first time.

i guess i can blame another part of why i started reading it on shespawn's reports of the movie that is in the making. she was complaining about who was being cast for the role of 'gale', saying that he was miley cyrus's ex (whom i secretly adore) from 'the last song' movie they were both in. i got especially curious when she mentioned that josh hutcherson ("jess" from the 2007 version of 'bridge to terabithia' movie) was playing as peeta, & then resolved firmly to read it when she said that ol' what's her face from the movie 'orphan' was playing as the knife throwing girl. (i so adore isabelle fuhrman & can't wait to see her play some more roles!)

it took me awhile to get sucked in; carmen has been sick with a mild virus all week that led to some wheezing in the chest which had me concerned enough to take her to the doctor over. once the doctor was able to alleviate my worries, i felt nothing holding me back from tearing into the book today. it's been my 'go-to-guy' for the better part of today, aside from making foodies, giving flirty winks, kissses, & nods to snookms, & whining over the cramps from my period. i'll be digging right back in once i'm done here, as a matter o' fact.

wanted to make a quick mention of the "WWW" book launch. it was a real success, everyone showed that said they were going to show, & a few unexpected faces as well! it was smack dab in the middle of the halloween festival that was being held downtown in Irvington, so streets were blocked off due to the costume parade that was going to be coming through later on. the lazy daze coffee shop was super fucking packed, but sure enough our little area was available to set up me & mysty's cozy little repartee for the afternoon. so many people supporting our cause, it felt really invigorating. & snookms was such a complete sweetheart, he even came up to mysty once we were done signing books & asked to purchase a copy of our book with his $20 in hand. i had to clutch at my heart strings, & i saw mysty's face just kind of melt too. it was really a great experience. i was so happy see katie there, & my mom & dad too. i was super shocked to see mysty's husband's parents show up, & delighted to formally be introduced to mysty's mom.

(mysty & i signing copies of our book at lazy daze coffee house, photo taken by miss katie!)

my ex showed up & snookms totally handled it like a champ. they even talked about pizza for a bit & snookms referred to him as "prince charming" for the remainder of the evening, which totally had me giggling for mr.-quinn fox-whom-i-have-promised-to-stop-calling-denny. it's harder than you think, remembering to refer to someone who has not only been a great ex, but a family friend for nearly the past 20 years.

welllllll, not much else to report. going to resume reading about katniss slurping hot chocolate. & even if there are no fight-to-the-death-matches soon, i'm still totally enjoying hearing katniss configure to what ends she would have to go to make meals that the Capitol produces with the ease of pressing a fucking button.

the little girl inside that died ...

2011-11-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

current mood:

currently listening to: souvlaki space station -slowdive

currently reading: the hunger games

i need you everywhere; in everything ...

where ever i go; whatever i see ...

it is all a magnified version of you; past, present, & future

i want to feel you in my bones, in my marrow, furrowing deep beneath the many layers of tissue & sinew i possess within this mortal coil of a shell

your vibrations travel within me, in waves overflowing, crashing to the ground with a resonance,

this beautiful lexis is so ambiguously translated, that ...

that i cannot bear to decipher where it will go or where these things will take me

my nose stings against the breeze of where you carry me, through the night ...

you take me down, s'very far down from what i've ever known

only to bring me back to majestic heights of drowsy unawares

pleasures unknown, not ever sought after...

as a child, thinking i would never care about so much of what you have brought me into,

yet i maintain my childlike image, in an eternal vial of reproach ...

... you will forever be the Thing that has saved me from drowning in a volatile puddle of my own self-hating ways ...

gretel & hansel

2011-10-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

current mood: wooden heart

currently listening to: only you -portishead

currently watching: american horror story

i keep forgetting snookms isn't coming home tonight! he went on a trip out of town, will be gone over night. i haven't been away from him for more than a night since the day we kissed. this is going to kind of suck, but at the same time, i like being able to test my parameters. i wonder when i'll finally break? i sure do miss him already. he always leaves his bowl & spoon out on the counter from his nightly 3 bowls of cereal ritual & uses it the next day so he doesn't have to dig for a spoon & bowl the next morning & i always get aggravated & throw it in the sink anyway, but it reminds me of him so i'm leaving it out. & then when i was folding his underwear i got all emotional. he'll be back soon enough.

we are talking about going to see paranormal activity 3 this coming saturday with the kids & a buttload of their friends, i think it will be super grand. the more the merrier! (sometimes)

this month has been full of activities, mystymayhem sure knows how to give me a run for my money in october. she does not EVEN fuck around. she managed to put together another successful "ghouls night out" this year. our evening involved jockomo pizza for a dinner meet-up with like 20 of her worshippers (lots of fresh meat this year!) & they had the CUTEST topping combos i've ever seen. there was even a "slaughterhouse five" pizza named in honor of vonnegut himself. so the pizza joint got sexy points from me. & thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, just a block over & across the street from jockomo pizza was the irvington ghost tour at the lazy daze coffee shop that mysty had taken the initiative to set up for us. IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN ON A GHOUL'S NIGHT OUT. 15 bucks got you a book of the haunted history of irvington, as well as a well guided, 2 hour walking tour of the community led by the author of the book you receive at the beginning of the tour. he is an actual ghost hunter & was more than happy to brag that he was doing it "before ghost hunting became cool". so we all trolloped aboot this gorgeous middlesex-ish looking town with the leaves crunching under our feet & the moonlight & lanterns the guides held to guide us. there were so many lovely stories & it was such a beautiful night.

when that was over half of the girls/ghouls had to bail since it was getting late, but the rest of us headed to the asylum house, where we went last year with the hopes of getting felt up by jack the ripper. no such luck tho, he wasn't there this year. but it was still fun, & an annual ritual well worth re-living. there were some new set ups & ideas, but less pop out actors coming to grab you & carry you away. it makes me wonder how similar this haunted house experience is in comparison to the "sleep no more" one that mordicai speaks so fondly of. i'm sure it pales in comparison, but at the same time, the spooky/sexual interaction situations that go on maybe? oh heck, i don't even know. I JUST KNOW I WANT TO GO SO BAD

getting off subject too much is soooooooo my thing to do.

so yeah, our night was over after that, mysty & i got to enjoy each other's company on the drive home. (we even got to see a shooting star together!) it's nice to have her all to myself sometimes? she's good with a crowd tho, unlike me. i don't even know how i am NOT going to wig out at our book launch in two weeks. she's going to have to coach me big time, i am TERRIBLE with crowds! get your tomatoes ready ladies & gentlemen!

i am kind of fangirling out over here about mysty & i being able to book our event at lazy daze, even. it's the same spot we started our ghost tour at & it's smack dab in the middle of historic downtown indy. there's going to be all kinds of halloweeny action going on that day too, so again, i am shocked that jeff is letting us do it. BUT EXCITED. we are going to take turns reading excerpts of our story to whoever shows up & then have our books available to purchase for anyone interested in dropping 2 tens on the table. initially i was just going to have my kids stay home & have snookms come on his own because there isn't a whole lot i can read of my story without traumatizing them for life, but i found some choice paragraphs i can chop up so that they can partake of the festivities. my heart would not be in it if my babies couldn't make it!

the college-front is going decent these days, i have a pretty well established study schedule that i more or less stick to & it is getting me the results i want. i was kind of bummed that i only got a B on my last paper in ENG111; it was a review of "the soulforge" & i wound up spending too much time explaining shit rather than critiquing, (something i am notorious for) which was the whole point of the paper, so i got points off for that. my professor included the note, "my wife reads these books, i on the other hand am not a fan"... so i was like "oh, FINE, be that way!"

but it's cool. a B is a B is a B is a B. i'm just used to effortlessly scoring A papers in that class & got a little too careless. my next paper is a problem/solution essay & i'm doing it on the drop out rate in indiana... it will be more of a challenge but i'm looking forward to it.

managed to score a B on my 2nd math test, despite the fact that my professor likes to berate us on tha regz in the classroom setting. he didn't yell at any of the students the last session, but none of us were brave enough to ask questions or piss him off this time. so he was a happy little camper.

my greatest accomplishment this week was in biology; i got a 92 on the lecture portion of our 2nd exam, & 100% on the lab. i knew i did well, but i wasn't sure if i got all of them right. the process of elimination is really on my side when i'm in unchartered territory, i s'pose. i studied the heck outta the chapter on bones, as well as the muscular-skeletal system & whatnot. also the cardiovascular system is & will always be my motherfucking jam, so i had a lot of that already committed to memory from 9 year old me fantasizing of becoming a heart surgeon. i had the human body model (both pregnated & non-pregnated versions to boot) & would take the little heart out almost every night before I went to bed & mentally make love to the atriums, chambers, & ventricles of that thing. i can still smell the fumes of testors modeling paint like it was just yesterday.

well, i'm off to bed, i've gotta get up earlier than usual to meet up at kid conferences early in the am, & then there is the therapy that i have neglected to show up for in the past 2 months. i've got some serious catching up to do with mother katherine...

once upon a hallow's eve...

2011-09-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

current mood:

currently listening to: a place to belong -little dragon

currently watching: carrie (1976)

3 little girls playing in my closet, like a dream come true. they find all my things, my precious, precious articles.

out my clothes billow, in piles heaped upon my bed. i want to object, because the mess. but i let go. i let them play.

because i watch them with an ache in my heart so hidden & ancient. once upon a time i was one of them. they unearth my bloody maid costume. they each take turns trying it on. i do not object, but my heart cries, because i love them so much for their innocence. i will not rob them of that. it is far more precious than they will ever know.

they look so pretty in my things. so many of my parts want to devour them whole in their ability to be so unknowingly beautiful & sexual. it is the demon in me that has been passed down from my father, & his father's father. i am in need of a shaman, because sometimes masochism isn't always the heaviest dosage. tho neither is sadism, & so, here i am, caught in a paradigm, of watching myself through others & learning from their graceful movements.

my vast collection of boots are tried on & they too are thrown in the heaping pile. i smile at the novice click-clack that resonates from the overly confident 12 and 13 year old footsteps as they only act out what they think they see. they are simply a projection of their counterparts.

they never knew the details of what went on behind the scenes; beyond the curtain of act I, II, or III.

& the Protector in me will make for damn sure they never have to play the part.

eventually they all meander out from my room, satisfied with their final choices.

one saunters out, all silly. dusting things with my bloody feather duster. the black & white costume only adds to the endearingly macabre of cuteness. i let her giggle & be herself. who knows how long anyone will ever let her do that again?

another takes cerebral strides, donning a geisha like gown of blues, blacks, & yellows. she whispers to me she'll be a zombie geisha. my heart beams at her creativity, but also cries out for it's loss at that opportunity. i let her too have her moment of bliss.

the third is wearing a pink & black ruffled dress. one even the grown up in me hasn't had the audacity to wear. she possesses just the right amount of innocence in it to pull my heart out of the argument of letting her wear it. it suits her just fine & the smile behind those eyes is one of pure joy. i don't ever remember allowing myself that at her age. i want it for her.

why it has taken me so long to come to where i am today, i will never be sure of. but i'm certainly glad i am here, ready to stake a claim for my brethren. they are free & i am proud to have fought the war for their freedom.

yukiko-chan's dream

2011-09-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

current mood: women writing the weird
currently listening to: old man -neil young
currently watching: lords of dogtown

the last dream i remember feeling (& not having) is from a week ago. i went to bed feeling really cold; i was shivering. i grabbed snookms' brother's old ivy tech hoodie & curled up in bed. i guess i was shivering so bad that it affected my dream? i was walking on this desert mountain, but it was filled with townfolk, very urban-esque looking. snookms, the kids & i were walking on the fault line of some legendary shit, & then i felt vibrations in my legs, really bad. they were so strong they hurt. then i began to feel them in my heart & in my arms, but when i looked to my surroundings there was no evidence of an earthquake. & then we all realized the earth was bleeding, & it was tearing us up from the inside, out, since we were all extensions of the earth. i looked around & then the vibrations came out in sounds that shook only the trees but nothing else. cicadas came out & had bowls attached to their proboscis, almost giving them the appearance of wearing gas masks, except they were gold. they flew overhead & poured the substance that was in their bowls over everyone in the mountain-town. they were floating letters in an undecipherable language & i knew what was happening. but i really don't! but in my dream i did! the vibrations became so intense that it woke me from the dream & i bolted awake feeling all traumatized. it was like the cicadas were stuck in my legs now & they kept making them vibrate. not going to lie here, i was freaked the heck out. but you know how it is when you wake up from a dream, you're all like, "mannnnnnn, that was so. fucked. up!" & then BLONK! you're right back to snoozing away.

i love dreams. i love hearing about other people's dreams. i even love nightmares (excepts snookms' nightmares, because he scares the shit out of everyone when he has them). i had this re-occurring dream about lo pan, from big trouble little china? from like, the time that i was in high school all the way up until my early thirties. i'd be walking around in chinatown, wearing this miniskirt & some high heels. & he'd bust out from some corner & start chasing me & i couldn't run good because of my high heels & corner me and lift my miniskirt up & sodomize me. I HATED LO PAN FOR A VERY LONG TIME GUYS.

soooooooo. there's that. i keep forgetting to talk about seeing super 8. super 8 was a great fucking movie that i hearted a whole fucking lot! it was basically iron giant meets goonies. so, so, sooooooooooo perfect. & elle fanning is super fucking cute in zombie make up! you should totally watch it if you grew up in the seventies & sometimes miss the weird lighting & the oranges & greens that accompany that decade. they really went into some detail i could seriously appreciate in order to capture that feel of the post-hippie vibe. & the alien thing at the end, iron giant guys! i'm telling you, it's great!

snookms & i also saw drive, which was a let-down on ryan gosling's part, for me. hey man, i actually LIKE hearing him talk, which he did so very little of. i have a review that i wrote in ENG111 about it. might post it on tumblr sometime since one of my follower buddies is all butthurt about not being able to see it yet. i'm like, dude. trust me, you didn't miss much. (much)

on the women writing the weird front, yesssssssss, i know i'm promo-ing the fuck out of it on facebook, but dang! i'm excited! so sorry if that is annoying. there are a lot of ladies involved in this project, & they are doing their darndest to help spread the word about it too. supposedly, there are two females that may get a panel open for promotion at fantasy con? & then wendy, who is such a doll, is doing a launch in scotland! so. rad. again, if you're interested in reading my story, it's in the first section, second to last story. it's titled, "a stray child". also, mysty's is in there as well, hers I believe, is in the second section (there are 3 total, categorized by each story's particular "weirdness") & it's titled "the scene changes". pre-orders are available at the moment & should be ready to ship in late october.

(cover art by LushLynx)

in other news, i am so overwhelmingly excited about all the new shows on tv that i've been watching! doctor who is my new favourite, which snookms & i watch together. on saturday evenings, we'll either go out on a dinner date just he & i, or with the kiddoes too, & then we come home, slip into our jammies & watch it together. i think it's so cute that he's into it. & i can always tell when he's into something when he tries to predict what's going to happen at the end of the show, & he's usually right. our fav eps so far are "the girl who waited" & the "praise him" one, "god complex" is it? i got to watch the dollhouse ep & one of the weeping angel eps (so. fucking. perfect. i.....i want angel dust in my eye!)

there is also big bang theory, & community. but i have to wait to watch community on demand, because i have math class the nights it comes on. s'kay tho! 2001: a space odyssey homages don't happen everyday. my dad & i have a super-special connection with that movie. he said when he saw it in theaters as a teenager that it changed his life; his whole perspective on everything, really. he had me watch it when i was around 10 or 11, one of those nights when i was either sick, or couldn't sleep. it was a special father-daughter sci-fi bonding moment. we have a lot of those!

i can't really think of anything else. i'm doing pretty great in all my classes so far, & that is why i'm hardly on the internet anymore. my paper for ENG111 got an A (i wrote about the jucifer concert), then an A on the public speaking exam & a B on my first speech. uhmmmm, i got a B on my math exam (woohooooo, i guess a lot of people didn't do so good on it?) & then an A on my lecture exam for biology & a B for the lab test. not too shabby for the beginning of the semester, ya?

the ring, the sword, & the unicorn

2011-09-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

current mood: killer rabbit, run away! run away!
currently listening to: fuck the universe -craft
currently watching: my life flash before my eyes

all the pieces are in their proper position
the knight can strike each taint only once
while the queen does all the work
& the king only layeth in his filth
hail the ways that lead beyond the cosmos
did She ever know her hatred is the key
to my twisted & blackened heart?
death will not welcome me
because i will govern its branches
& uproot its beginnings
i am the dark creature
i come through these barriers to claim Her
forsake your light-bearing ways
& forget what you have been crafted unto
it is useless to fight against me

i can almost hear you scream

2011-09-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

current mood: orestes -a perfect circle
currently watching: phantasm 2

footsteps fall on a blackened, tree covered floor
somewhere in my mind i hear your voice, summoning me
black hands, black hair, black mane, & an even blacker voice commands me back to life
i am trained to do your bidding, tho my mind can't comprehend one fucking word you say
the spirit obeys again & again, and all i care about is the task you have set before me
i want to cut out my own heart & give it back to you, since you have succeeded in designing me
to be
... just like you ...
nothing i want to do is in convergence with what i Will to do
i am nothing but evil deep inside
but the holy light keeps shining through
a blade of unity to keep me bound to you for an eternity
i have learned to obey instead of walk away
somewhere, somehow, & at some point this will have been proven to be a fruitful strategy
for the plan of Chaos is no plan at all
i strike blindly, not ever revealing to my right hand what my left hand chooses to do
but Chaos is no master strategist
it's end is no end at all, no beginning ...
only rebirth & destruction
it is all i ever Will
& all Will i am never
for you are the way, the truth, & the light

ritual

2011-09-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

current mood: suehiro maruo gif
currently listening to: weird tales -electric wizard
currently watching: jennifer's body

turns out i'm chatty on muscle relaxers! i've been having to take them every night before i go to bed since last week & you know what? i LIKE talking. i sometimes miss not having reservations.

i've been having neck pains off & on for years now & ever since school started back up for me & the kiddoes, there has been added stress i guess? i thought i was handling things pretty well, honestly. but it came out in a physical distress signal instead. so here i am, feeling good, feelin' fine.

today was super fun in biology class. i really dig my teacher too. she's short, old, & full of spunk. she loves to tell stories & is not afraid to talk about nasty, crazy, shock value shit. she brings it up in a funny way tho, & somehow manages to pull it off classy. i like her a lot. she has a super short pixie hair cut too, & it compliments everything about her. the first half of her class is just lecture, & then the second half we go in the lab, which i love doing. we get to work together with our classmates in groups which i realized i actually enjoy doing. i never have before! but i am kinda clueless in that class & it makes me feel so much better to realize most everyone else there is too & that we can band together to form a knowledge Voltron of disaster. today we were learning about molecular structure & how to read periodic tables. i liked drawing them & writing out the formulas. & then we got to mess around with a bunch of solutions & measure their pH balance. the cabbage juice we got to use was a really pretty shade of purple & i wanted to put some in a vial & secretly drink it. GROSS.

there is this guy that sits across from me in lab & he is HELLA FUCKING BUFF. but he's so quiet & not like the "hey y'all come look at my bi-ceps" kind of a dude at all. & i hate to throw this term around so loosely, but he is what one might classify as the "nerdy" type, & not in the new way that everyone & they gran-maw-maw likes to claim they are these days. basically he reminds me of what napoleon dynamite would look like if he had washboard abs & straight blonde hair. that is a really hard thing to visualize, i know! but if you saw him, you would get it, i think. but yeah, anyway. i thought for sure he was on top of his game in class but when we got to get in groups today we were both talking about how lost we felt. the teacher talks so fucking fast! & then muscle-man said that he thought this was just going to be a class about the human body & i was all "i know right?" but then said it will be eventually, these are just some of the preliminaries & then he opened up his binder & busted out this old school looking muscular tissue chart of the human body & was all, "see!" like he was loud & proud about it. i dunno. i just thought it was cute. in a napoleon dynamite way.

what else... ohhhhhhh. the whole "Women Writing the Weird" anthology thing is creeping up on me. it's due to be released sometime in October, i believe. some of the females have already begun the process of promoting, Scotland (hiiiiiiiiiiiii Wendy!) being one of the places that at least one writer is from, & then a possible panel at the world fantasy con? mysty & i were talking the idea of our stories being shared across the world, in places we've only dreamed of being, & that we thought that was really neat shit to get all head-swellered about. i still can't believe we're being published in an antho together.
*le twirl*

snookms, the kiddoes & i went to see "don't be afraid of the dark" last saturday. it was very disappointing. it had so much potential to be a great movie & a great story that i thought for sure there was no way guillermo del toro could fuck up, but sure enough, (whether it's his fault or not) it sucked. the opening scene had me hoping for a theme that did not continue throughout the duration of the movie & by the time it was all over i was glad to be done with it. it was about evil faeries for christ's sake! HOW COULD YOU FUCK THAT UP?

i am all about seeing the remake of "the thing". & i really want to watch the new "fright night" too. & then "paranormal activity 3" is on the must see list. oh yeah, has anyone heard anything about the "lady in black" flick yet? i never thought daniel radcliffe was uber cute or anything but he looks totally suitable to me in this. i'd say it's like "lemony snickett" meets "the shining"? one can only hope! coming out in february, so we'll see...

i also forgot to say that my new math teacher for this semester looks like superman with grey/gray hair. he dresses like clark, acts like kent, but reminds me of jor el more than anything i guess. he's not sexy to me, but it's cool that he's all fit & still takes care of himself. he's not a very blunt fellow, likes to beat around the bush with everything. i don't take that as a bad thing neccessarily, i've just noticed about myself over the years that i have come to appreciate blunt honesty. i guess maybe because of having to live with & adapt to snookms for the last 15 years? & this teacher is not blunt. but it's okay, i can adapt to the different behavioral patterns of society.

lastly, i think i might be headed in the pastoral counseling direction for my career. at my last appointment with my therapist i asked a bunch of questions about what she does, because i want to do what she is doing, but i just don't want to limit my availability to only those of a religious faith. & mother katherine made it clear that that is not a requirement. & so the more questions i asked her about it, the more intrigued & excited i became about pursuing it. & i really like how she emphasized the point to me of a non-evangelical approach in how their system approaches clients, which is a very important thing for me. the last thing i want to do is the whole "turn or burn" dance. she even told me they stress that in the classes & instructors go out of their way to be informative in cultural upbringings as well as environmental factors. so who knows? i may be a pastoral counselor in my future, & i'm excited about the thought of it. set me up with the finest red robes y'all!

good night <3

throned in blood

2011-08-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

current mood: dead to the world
currently listening to: dead to the world
currently watching: dead to the world

it's been over 24 hours since i saw jucifer live & i'm still in the kind of daze where all i want to do is talk about what i experienced. i mean! like, all day in class today, & even last night in my math class all i wanted to do was tell everyone, 'GUESS WAT I FUCKING SAW JUCIFER'. & i was so sad because the only person that would ever even care was mysty.

so i'll start by apologizing up front & center for the horrific fucking recording that i did on my camera phone of jucifer. Amber was so fucking tall & slanky that i thought positioning the camera would be an advantage, but it turns out it only ruined the visual sharing of what was experienced. & to be fair, i was just in complete fucking awe and my senses kind of went into shock so that anything that made sense to me pretty much went out the window for the rest of the night.

jucifer didn't even go on until 1 in the morning & i was in a super sleep haze because it was a school night & so ready to go home. but when Amber came out with this pitch black hooded cloak on, tinkering with her Wall o' Sound, me & mysty were all hush-hush & totally gawking. i mean, it was dark as fuck & she STILL had her hood draped over her head & would only peak her head out long enough to make sure all the amps & stacks & lights for the show were working up to par. i just kept thinking to myself, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN".

next thing you know, her husband, who is the drummer, comes out & starts testing out the drums. he's wearing some tight cut off hipster looking jean shorts & a tee shirt with his hat turned to the side. my tits & pussy just kind of melted when he started pounding away on his drum set. & the show hadn't even started yet.

finally Amber slinks off her hooded cloak to reveal this sleek, silk coven-esque looking dress that is blacker than the heart of nosferatu. her hair is a sickly pale blonde & is tied in two loosely braided piggy tails on each side of her head with black & white feathers dangling from the ends. her eyebrows are as black as motherfucking midnight & she just keeps her face covered with her hair the whole time. then she slings this metallic silver flying v around her body & starts wailing away on her axe. i look over & her man is screaming into the mic while he's blasting away on his drum set & i'm all like, "HOLY FUCK HE SINGS TOO???"

mysty has already seen jucifer live in bloomington, i was supposed to be with her,that night but shit happened & i had to cancel. so us seeing her together was like this heroin like ritual that we felt we absolutely had to engage in with one another. we take one last look at each other before shit started to get real & went in for the plunge.

so ... the whole tiny little stage goes dark, & then these green lasers start flailing all around Amber like some kind of crazy satanic-fairy haze & Amber is banging her head all the fuck over the place while she cranks out the most amazing drone i've ever heard in my life. it reminded me so much of sunn 0))) & my heart started beating so fast because it was everything i ever imagined it to be. she starts screaming into the mic while she's banging away on her axe & i look over at her husband & he is LITERALLY mouthing every fucking word she is singing & he has this mad look of fuck-passion on his face like there was not going to be a damn thing that got in the way of his expression of love for his wife's art. every word she screamed he had a gesture for like the song was etched into his the very essence of his soul & it was just like mysty described: you felt like you were intruding on some sort of intimate act, but you just couldn't look away. & you could tell he was in so much pain from beating the shit out of his set, but he wasn't going to let anything stop him from performing to his wife's expectations. & she had no doubt in his ability, not once did she look over at him in concern or doubt. he was so fully imbued with the vibe that he started punching his heads instead of beating them with his sticks. i about fainted from the erotic-ness of it all.

i also forgot to mention that while Amber was getting all her equipment ready that i saw her GREASING the neck of her guitar up like a well oiled cock. when she started actually playing i noticed that she was oiled up all the way to her forearms in that shit. & oh GOD did she need it for how spectacularly she was was wailing away. she was belting out these oldschool metallica sounding riffs that made me so jealous i started whimpering. at one point she turned completely around, facing away from the audience (mysty, werewolf, & i were smack dab in the front, inches away from her) & she gathers up the ends of her dress, gets on her knees & just starts belting away on her axe in this crazy, fucked up, masturbatory kind of trance, right in front of her Wall of Amps, just getting blasted away by her own music-made jism. out of the corner of my eye i see mysty's werewolf making homage gestures with his arms & mysty just nods in perfect agreeance. i love how mysty & eric were made for each other like that.

so like, i'm totally alone in the this experience in that "romantic" kind of sense, but i'm not sad about it at all because i felt like it was a very intimate thing for me. i know this sounds stupidly ridiculous & cliche, but i really feel like that whole night changed my outlook on life. i feel like, maybe there really are things & people & channels out there in sync totally with everything that makes me tick.

the drive home was like a dream, my hearing was totally massacred, even though mysty hooked me up with ear protection, & everything sounded like i was on the planet jupiter, sound traveling through time & space like spheres of liquid metal. i was able to put my brain on auto-pilot the whole ride home since mysty & eric said i could just follow them home in my own vehicle, so that is what i did. & i love how smoothly snookms' car rhythm flows once you get it in a good shifting trance. i rolled all the windows down & just let the humid midnight summer breeze hit me full force while i daydreamed of how beautifully black Amber's eyebrows were in contrast to how sickly pale her face & bleach-blonde hair was. & the way mysty's flawless complexion reflected the unholy light of that night so beautifully & perfectly.

that night has seriously made up for every shitty thing, for every heart-wrenching disappointment that has ever occurred in my life.

birthday blitz!

2011-08-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

current mood: thor vs. loki
currently listening to: pieces of quiet -khanate
currently reading: the wasteland

oh, so hay guess what? snookms' vacation totally happened this week! & so did my 35th birthday & one of my brother's birthdays & then 2nd oldest's, & then sunday is snookms' 34th birthday. so. many. birthdays. yOU. GUISE.

i guess i'll start with my birthday, it came first. again, i was really feeling the birthday girl blues, but i'm over it. monday came with a fresh new outlook on life. i wanted to have a nice & clean smelling house, so i took joy in prettying the place up. wound up needing to make a trip up to supertarget for a few things & snookms offered to take over what i hadn't finished up. i really wanted to kick the sun's ass because it was killing my eyes & giving me a potential migraine headache. i am an allstar pro @ losing my shades tho, so i didn't have anything to protect my eyes. decided that needed to go on my list of things to purchase once i got to target. before i left to go i told snookms i wanted to try this new taiwan tea house restaurant in castleton for my birthday dinner right? well i get to target after all that gridlock bs & am like "fuck all of that, let's just go somewhere close". so we went to the chinese buffet on 10th. but by the time i get home from target i'm all drained from the sun beating MY ass. those 17 dollar sunglasses came a dollar too late i guess? so when i get home i don't want to do anything but lay in bed until i feel normal again. so while i am doing this snookms goes out & when he gets home i awaken to a box to my head with a picture of a girl running on it. so i'm all "oh hey! snookms bought me a pedometer since i am all up on the staying in shape front now?" & pass out again for a minute. then i remember registering the word "sprint" in my head & then i'm all "oh! that's an effing fancy cell phone right there!" snookms got me an android. i've not ever had a super fancy phone like that so i was really excited to have technology at my fingertips. it was a touchscreen & i didn't realize that at first; i kept trying to slide the keyboard out, haha! but then snookms came sauntering in the bedroom & showed me all the ropes since he already has a smart phone. at first i thought he had the victory fanfare ringtone from ff7 put on my phone, but that was just his phone ringing with the personal ringtone he had set up for me. i got a big kick out of that & it sort of flung me out of my "i'm sick please feel sorry for me depression". it's the little things you guys!

after that we all made it out to the buffet. i didn't eat a whole lot because i didn't want to get attacked by that migraine again. i even avoided playing around with my new phone for too long so as to avoid it's return. after that i was in the mood to be one with nature (i usually get that away just before the sun goes down these days) & so we headed out toward avon park. didn't make it in time tho, it closes a 9 & it was right on the dot when we got there. & i forgot to tell you guys all about the last time we went there a week or so ago. there was these folks out there practicing their martial arts, two older guys specifically were in the "bark" (which is actually recycled tires instead of wood that are cut into tiny pieces that have been made to look like bark) doing all kinds of amazing backflips. i was cheering them on while shespawn & i were on the swings & we totally got a free show from them. this dood was doing backflips off some 12 foot playground equipment! & he was trying to teach his friend/pupil how to do backflips & what not to do when doing when. i mean he was so elegant that he'd be all, "see, i USED to do it like this" (insert less than perfect formation) "but now i do it like THIS" (insert perfection). i walked over to where snookms was shooting hoops with the other 2 spawn & told them about this awesomeness & of course they wanted to see it for themselves. then we all walked back over to them & i introduced the family, asked questions & asked if he could show off some of his moves. he was super friendly & knew exactly what moves to pull off to bring out the "oohs & ahhs" from us. i guess he is in charge of some kind of gym that helps to keep kids out of trouble & was teaching/prepping them for some show he's getting ready to put on for the public. i wished him well in his journey & gave him encouragement. i wish i would've remembered to ask for some kind of website or something, he was really great. but i digress, this was again, last week's events. nothing happened this time since the park was closed so i think i remember us just driving around for an hour or so. we came home & i made peach dumplings from a pancake mix i got online. the failure here was in my forgetting to remember how gross nutmeg is. so the batch i made the next day came out better since i remembered to eliminate that fucking ingredient.

the next day was a haze, except for me thumbing through the last bit of mordicai's book"the wasteland". my nose has been buried in that book off & on since last week, i've been excited to get to the ending of it, tho i haven't quite made it yet. i'm on page 187 where lovely Gillick is having to fight off the attack of ogres & a giant acid leaking snail. i have this to say so far, i really like how mordicai introduces the element of surprise in the book. i really don't see the shit coming, & when it does i'm like "whoa holy fuck, i didn't even predict that at all!" & i really enjoy that a lot. & i also like the way he uses vampires in his books. they scare me & mystify me & glamour me the way they used to! woohoo to that. so that is what i'll say about that for now.

as the hour grew late the turner party became restless & so we set out to go driving once again & then next thing you know we end up in greenwood @ movies8 to see "thor". & see, here is the thing about that movie. i see a shitty preview & typically i don't get phased by those too much. but something just told me not to trust my instinct to see it anyway. so i held off. & then when we saw it i was kind of mad for listening to myself to not listen to myselfffffffffffff. pretty dumb, right? i really enjoyed that movie a lot. loki & the frost giants were what made my night the mostest, & then thor being cut like nobody's business. & you know what? i had no complaints whatsoever about idris elba as heimdall.

i think he is an eloquent actor & sexy as all get out. especially when he was laura linney's part time lover in "the big c".

wednesday was set aside for snookms dr. appt with the surgeon @ clarian west, he needed to get a second opinion on whether or not his suspicions were to be confirmed that he had a hernia. & guess wut you guys? he doesn't have a hernia, HE HAS 3. yes, can you fucking believe that shit? i am so glad i went to that appointment with him, because i would have had no clue exactly what all this meant for him. he has to get surgery now & it's going to take him 4 weeks to fully recover. so like, he has a hernia in his belly button (which has explained away his most adorable but ever so sensitive "outie" all these years, the doc even confirmed this shit) & two other hernias resting neatly on each opposite of his belly button. i've always been a fan of symmetry, y'know!?!? i am telling you all right now, it was everything in my power i had to muster up to not pass out from the doctor opening up the hernia brochure to show us what exactly had happened to my snookms. it was like looking at a fucking brochure about akira. & then explaining the surgery is basically explaining how you fix a flat on a bicycle. you get some mesh, & just patch that fucker up (for the ones with symmetry, anyhow). the belly button one will require the doctor to sew the muscle back up where it has torn, before anymore of poor ol' snookms guts come spilling out. so this has been a real stress on me, worrying about snookms everytime he clutches his stomach. he shared with me that he has suspected this for years, now that he's read up on it. he thought all along it was just some re-ocurring cramp from lifting so many heavy things when he used to frame houses for a living, which he's been doing since he was fucking 15 years old & all the way up until just last year getting hired at this new city job he has. such a scary thing, man.

snookms promised to me that he was okay to go to the kings island trip his mom wanted to treat us to on thursday, so we went. i knew he would be more bummed if we didn't go anyway, so i just kept reminding myself of that whenever i started to worry. we had a lot of fun there, & snookms took the pain medicine the dr. prescribed, which he claims makes him feel "stupid". i think that helped take any edge off he might have been experiencing. the first coaster i got to ride with snookms when we got there was the firehawk, & that was a pretty decent ride. the mechanics of it have you going from a sitting position to a lying down one, & then you are going head first into the coaster, which disables you from seeing a whole lot of what is in front of you. but i stuck my little head out like a good little kender would to see what adventure lay ahead & it was funner that way. after that i just kind of stayed with whoever in the party was not down for the spinning rides, since they make me puke my brains out. we went on the log water rides which are always great & then spent a good portion of the day in boomerang bay where they have a wave pool that simulates the ocean's movement. the other kids ran off & got in the 2 hour lines for waterslides but i was perfectly content with bobbing up & down in the pretend ocean. we met up with everyone in the parking lot for a sandwich lunch & snookms had fun blasting the best of skid row & forcing his brother to have flashbacks of their childhood together. it was really cute to see snookms & his brother singing along to "youth gone wild" & never missing a beat. it's like seeing two picture perfect housewives doing "the donnas" karaoke.

& so that leads us to friday. snookms, jr. & i had a date w/ the special needs coordinator at mike jr's school since he is making the transition from jr. high to high school this year. we were able to get his schedule & a more in depth tour of the school so that he would be a little more familiar with his surroundings. & let me just say thank GOD for shit like this, because back when i was going to school these kinds of opportunities were just not available for us. or at least if they were, i was not made aware of them. because believe me, i would have taken up on them in a heartbeat. anxiety tore me in fucking knots because of not being able to better understanding my potential surroundings.

when that was done & over with we came home for a bit & by then i was pretty emotional. i get this way every year when it finally sinks in for me that my kids are getting older. i also miss them very much when they go back because they are some of my best friends in life, so my heart remembers that too. i cried on snookms' shoulder for a little bit about that & he was the total gentleman he always is when it comes to me crying & it helped me a lot. once that was addressed we met up with snookms sister to give her back her daughter since she asked to spend the night with shespawn after the kings island trip. then we went out to zionsville & got pizza at my favouritest pizza joint ever, "amore's". they have pepperoni stuffed breadsticks that taste like how i would imagine the word "beautiful" to taste if ever it could be tasted.

after that we all did some school supply shopping at "big lots" & then clothes & shoe shopping at "shoe carnival" & "rue21". both the places were packed like sardines so we tried to get out of there quickstyle.

made it home to relax, home, sweet, home. how we miss you when we are gone away from you for more than a day! snookms & i got right into our jammies & played the "hey, wanna spend the night?" game, which basically entails me asking him to call his parents & ask if we can have a sleepover & then him saying okay & then me saying "what are we gonna do" & then him saying all the fun stuff we already do, like watch "burn notice" or "transformers cartoons" & eat fruity pebbles & build forts. i always crack up really hard when he says all this cos he says it like he's 5 & its kind of cute in a really goofy way.

& now it's 5:08 in the morning & it is officially my 2nd oldest's bday.

malice in wonderland

2011-07-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

current mood: you & your friends are dead. game over
currently listening to: i hate the human race -grief
currently reading: the wasteland

2 more days until I turn 35.
getting ready to read some more of the ms for the Women Writing the Weird anthology.
the other writers are blowing my mind.
Adam & Deb say they're working on a Halloween-ish date for the release.
my hair is back to its usual blue/black. also, freshly shaved.
starting to get some birthday girl blues, but oh well.

not a soc

2011-07-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

current mood: raise your weapon
currently listening to: blue skied an' clear -slow dive
currently back to reading: the wasteland

so like, i just remembered some other things i totally wanted to talk about that i forgot about in my last post.

my moms bday. my dad & i drove out to Eduardo's, this filipino restaurant that i found out about when i was on a mad internet hunt for goldilocks venues to appease my mom. i got fed up when i realized that goldilocks only exists in california & the philippines, so when i googled 'filipino restaurants in indianapolis' this was literally the only thing that popped up. about a 20 minute drive from our house, so it was worth coaxing snookms into venturing out. i guess the place is mostly a fried chicken joint that sells filipino food on the side? the day before my mom's bday, snookms & i went to scope the place out. not a fancy place at all, but not terrible either. it prolly wasn't the best place to throw a birthday shenanigan (i really hate that word for some reason) but i figured we could always bring the food to my mom & surprise her for her bday with it, so that is what we did the next day. it was a nice surprise to realize halo-halo is served there too, because my mom is nuts about that dessert. its basically an ice cream sundae served filipino style, is the way my mom has always explained it? shaved ice, jack fruit, evaporated milk, leche flan (some kind of carmelized sauce i think?) ,coconut & these little things that look & taste just like green rice crispies called pinipig. my dad ordered a huge serving of pancit for the whole family, some pork adobo, shanghai lumpia, and the infamous filipino version of the shishkabob which i didn't get to try any of because everybody tore that up quickstyle once it got served at my mom & dad's house. we also got my mom a cake that said, "Maligayang Bati sa Iyong Kaarawan!", which of course translates to "Happy Wishes on Your Birthday!".

my mom seemed really touched by everything. she has this way of saying thank you that makes you want to go the extra mile, all day & every day, y'know? she's just so full of gratitude & it's super gratifying. i mean, i'll like do something as simple as scrub a skidmark off their toilet & she'll make me feel like i just laid my coat out over a puddle, gentlemen renaissance style & all. no doubt!

also! i was able to order my books for this next upcoming semester. it has got me really excited for this school year, not only for me, but for my kids & snookms too. jr. got his schedule today & i can't believe he is going to be a freshman this year. OHGOD. & i'm going to be 35 years old in a coupla days too. ohgodOHGODohgod. not because i feel old, but because its just all going by so fast!

last night we all actually sat together as a family & rented "Limitless" on demand. i thought it was going to be this dumb hipster shit that was going to bore me 5 minutes into the movie, but you know what? it really was some hipster shit prolly, but I WASN'T BORED. i was into it intensely & even predicted the ending. i think i tend to like movies better when i can figure them out & nobody else in my vicinity saw it coming, y'know? so HA!

ooooooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaah, I ALMOST FORGOT. shespawn showed me the trailer last night, but i was ridiculously excited about the newest Paranormal Activity trailer. the whole time i watched part 2 last year i kept thinking to myself how great it would be if they went there, & they DID, THEY DID! so hooray for October y'all!

one last thing real quick, i was able to explain to snookms the manic side of bi-polar due to the movie's portrayal of the whole "limitless" perspective. it's just like that, you feel like you understand everything so clearly & that you are capable of anything & everything. it all just goes together like the most perfect puzzle you ever could piece together. i was so happy to be able to convey that to snookms for some reason, & the movie just got me all amped up like i wanted some NZT-48. but sometimes i get it fo' free, ya heard?! fringe benefits of being manic-depressive i s'pose?

good things

2011-07-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

current mood:
currently listening to:
currently watching:

got this feeling
when i heard your name the other day
couldn't say it
couldn't make it go away
it's a hard place
can't be friends we can't be enemies
it's just too much
i feel the weight crushing down on my face

the hardest part is things already said
getting better worse i cannot tell
why do good things never wanna stay
some things you lose some things you give away

broken pieces
try and make it good again
is it worth
it will it make me safe today?
it's a dumb song
but i'll write it anyway
it's an old mistake
but we always make it why do we

this time it'll be alright
this time it'll be okay

i will follow you unto the dark

2011-06-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

current mood: the summoner of all
currently listening to: vanished -crystal castles
currently watching: proposal of darkness

its late & i'm tired, but not sleepy.

woke up this morning feeling like my bones had been chewed on all night, coming to the realization that MY PERIOD WAS IN FULL FORCE. i guess it didn't help that i started the new weight lifting plan that snookms recommended me either? but i was motivated so whatever! i lost all my motivation to do healthy things for my body last week; my mind & emotions delved into a sort of depression that couldn't be putted out easily. my pms does that to me & i have learned to make way for it rather than ignore its pleadings to be kind to myself.

i was in luck tho, what with mordicai recommending me "Tender Morsels". it took me awhile to finish it, but i was able to turn its last page as of friday evening. snookms had just got home from work & i was buzzing through, hoping for its perfection of storytelling to veer me where i wished so badly for the mc to go. everything about that book was perfect, but the ending broke my heart kind of. i was still especially pleased with it, & very grateful for mordicai's recommendation.

it was funny too, because i had been talking about reading the book off & on on twitter, & then margo lanagan, (the very author herself!) retweeted my tweets about the book so i totally fangirled out about that. i really enjoyed the way in which this story was told. so much emotion was invested in each character, each perspective. things that are typically so terribly difficult to convey & discuss when it comes to the affairs of the heart were so beautifully translated in the storytelling & it gave my heart a new found appreciation for the art of writing. it really made my heart happy!

it seems like time goes by so quickly & little things that i always want to talk about on here slip away into the Nothing.

snookms DID find 4 baby rabbits at work & the kids & i visited him for lunch to bring them home & see what could be done about stabilizing their situation until we can get some sort of wildlife experts to advise us otherwise. they are as tiny as mice, these little cuties. they still have the white stripes on the tops of each their heads, & according to the information we gathered on the internets this is an indication that they are not ready to be on their own yet. so while snookms & the 2 boys ventured out to his brother's & mom's on the northside, shespawn & i set out to gather the neccessary ingredients to make the proper baby rabbit formula. it calls for sweet condensed milk, heavy cream, light karo syrup, & 1 egg yolk. TALK ABOUT A SWEET OVERDOSE MAN! but when shespawn administered it, they tore it up. i really hope the little cutie pies make it & that the wildlife experts can point us in the right direction. i read that most wild rabbits don't live past six months! BIGTIMEFROWNYFACE

my sleeping schedule is starting to get on the night owl prowl; i'll sleep until 12 in the afternoon or so, & then won't be going to bed until 2:00 a.m. at the latest. it doesn't bother me too much, really. sometimes i miss the day seeming to last longer, but i enjoy staying up & watching a good sunrise without a struggle, too. it'll get back to its regularly scheduled programming soon enough.

school will be starting in about a month for me, and 3 weeks for the kids, so it won't be much longer! yet another frownyface. i look forward to school starting for us but GODDAMN do i miss my babies. & then the whole idea of snookms even existing basically becomes a ghost too, once school starts. we'll trek through this tho, its all for a greater good.

i've been having lots of late night fun with my new tumblr layout these days, as i was able to find a code that honours size maximization of backround photos, as well as permalink images. i change it quite often because there are s'very many pretty pictures out there that make a great tumblr layout. plus i've been getting all crazy with the cursor art, so that doesn't help one bit either. it takes so little to please me, y'know?

other than that i can't think of much else to report. of course i had a fuckton of mouthwords to shout out when i first initiated this particular blog post, but now? I HAVE NOTHING

playing dress up

2011-06-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

current mood: seal of metatron
currently listening to: confession room
currently watching: the color purple

a rundown of snookms stats:

ryan goslings eyes, cheekbones & beard. (he can totally sprout one out in like, 4 minutes?) also, 1/4 of his contrived hollywood kindness.

faramir's nose

h.p. lovecraft's forehead, ears & jawline

balrog with a bouquet of flowers spirituality.

mark ruffalo's five o' clock shadow & complexion.

bruce lee's physique

tom green with a side of dirty bob saget sense of humour.

sturm brightblade's loyalty & Francis Dolarhyde's sexual conflict.

the other night i had a really good but also creepy dream about snookms. i was in a polyamorous relationship with a past version of him & then also his present version, both existing simultaniously. the past version of snookms was just like he was 15 years ago. he had a ponytail, was super pale, super skinny & super horny. also very emotional & needy compared to the snookms of today? & then the present version of him was exactly how he is now; preoccupied. just always fucking preoccupied! it was funny in the dream how "present Snookms" treated my relationship with "past Snookms". he was just treating him as if he were a nuisance, an annoyance, almost like an extra kid he didn't want around but tolerated. & "past Snookms" was all like, "what's his problem?". & i'd alleviate his anxiety by making out with him. "present Snookms" was sort of grossed out by it but had more "important things" to worry about, like paying hospital bills i guess? the dream was nice because i got to see young snookms again & get my mack on but it also felt terrible too. i just hate being annoying to snookms, even tho i know it happens all the time in real life.

oh well. he totally annoys me sometimes too.

balance hath been restored to the universe

2011-05-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

current mood: yoga flame
currently listening to: i only have eyes for you
currently watching: i am speed muthafucka

i found a new favourite blog to read, but unfortunately it looks as if she doesn't post on a daily basis. it has also made me realize a couple of things reading into about the fourth or fifth post she wrote...

i've lost my funny. it's been about 3 years since i started taking st. johns wort & the omega 3's. it's been another two since i've elected to start doing some serious healing on a regular basis. i realize this has all come for the better, but i miss my highs. it sounds so goddamn cliche, but being bi-polar, you come to miss them. like maybe the way a drug addict craves the feeling of being doped up? i had "highs" occurring on tha regular before i got all balanced out. i desired to laugh, & go to any & all costs to make others laugh as well. not so with this newfound balance that has been restored in my life. for a second there i wanted to mourn this loss, but i sat on the porch in my front yard after reading "Checking the Electrical Box" to sneak a smoke & further ponder my emotions about all of this. i'll readily admit, i am happier now than i have ever been in my life. i guess i didn't need my manic ups & downs to keep me as sane as i thought i needed to be. peace of mind has outweighed the need to laugh at someone else's expense (including my own, which was usually my favourite way to spend funny points?) but i don't miss the lows. nobody ever does. i mean sure, i'm a sadomasochist by nature, but i could only take so much of beating myself up the next day for all the stupid risks i took in the name of sustaining a high that had evaporated long before i realized i could even sustain them in the first place.

another realization that occurred to me: i miss writing. a lot. writing about nothing. writing just for the fun of it. i don't do much of that now because the creative spark doesn't catch flame nearly as much as it used to when i was less balanced. but, once again, i am happy. i had this inherent fear when i first agreed to start taking herbal supplements that i'd zone out & conform. the fear lessened as each day went by because i was just tired of being on edge all the goddamn time. even though i might have appeared cool, calm, & collected on the exterior, i was a madhouse inside of my head about 90 percent of the time. the other 10 percent belonged to me in the bathroom on my knees crying my eyes out. i second, third, & fourth guessed every thought that came into my mind, and couldn't ever find a way to throw a wrench in the spokes so that i could slow the fuck down. & when the likelihood of that did occur, there you had it; me an emotional shutdown of self loathing. trust me, what i have now is way better. it takes more for me to experience the highs, but i'd trade that any day for the manic-depressive bullshit i was treading through.

on a lighter note, i'm staying fit these days! katie had been keeping track of herself via myfitnesspal for some time, & i had started an account there way back, but got off track. all her progress (as well as snookms getting buffer n shit) inspired me to get back on the bandwagon. i've been keeping track of my calorie intake as well as exercise & calories burned for 50 days in a row now. it feels great. i get off track every once in a while, but i don't beat myself up over it. i just use it as a learning experience for the next possible circumstance & get back to where i was. it's nice to get on the exercise bike & do 10 miles a day like it's nothing. it's also nice not to feel overly stuffed with food constantly. counting calories has taught me the importance of paying attention to serving sizes. & of course when you start dieting, you will automatically assume that you have to starve yourself to lose weight, but not so. you might hafto go hungry an hour or two, or get used to your belly not feeling stuffed, but you can still eat & enjoy what you eat. just in moderation. so far i've lost *-edit-14* pounds. i've gained a couple pounds back & then lost them in 2 separate occasions, but i'm noticing this takes place when my period is on the prowl. so it could be water weight gain, or it could be that i just don't give a fuck around that time of the month so i stuff my face with salty stuff then chase it down with chocolate. but again, there has been so many benefits to this life style change because i can't handle the effects of overeating the way i used to. & i am always down for a good trek in the woods or bike ride through the neighborhood. so yay me?

some really sad stuff happened over the weekend, but i'm not one to talk about all that. it's really nobody else's business & it'll just get me sad talking about it again, but i'll just say that a funeral for a firefighter is no fucking joke. there is so much ceremonial tradition, care, & respect put into such a thing. i really had no idea what all that was about until this took place. it really brought tears to my eyes. tragedy abounds, & you only live once. if anything this week has taught me the true importance of living each moment to its fullest.

take that, you inefficient text analysis internet generator thingamahoozit.

quadrinomial is not even a WURD

2011-05-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

current mood: it's britney, BITCH
currently listening to: the metro -berlin
currently watching: quadratic equations crawl up the wall & out the door

time to celebrate!

i passed my math class for the semester. i failed my first test, got a C on the second test, & failed the third test. i got a 91 on my final, which averaged all my homework, mathlab work & tests into a final grade of a B! holy shit, can you believe it? iMEAN! you guys should have heard me when i first checked my score that night. i was squealing & yelping & clapping & jumping up & down & kissing snookms' neck over & over because i was so. so. HAPPY. & i have my pal dana to thank for it, she pushed me to keep on keepin on. i was feeling pretty damn sick & heartbroke that day too. no joke.

i aced my other two classes too. those were relatively easy tho. next semester i'm taking another math class, a biology class, public speaking, english 111, & intro to microcomputers. i'm considering dropping the microcomputers class tho because i have a feeling that 4 classes is going to be quite enough. waiting to hear from my advisor...

so sunday is mother's day, eh? my momz has plans & my dad too. i've already whipped up a batch of pansit to take over to my parentals on sunday & going to work on making lumpia tonight when shespawn gets home. we're gonna watch scurry movies & drink monster energy till our brains fry out y'all.

my mom is going to make this killer macaroni salad that i haven't had in years. i think i am most excited about that, of all the mother's day events.

so snookms had his brother make this neverending story-ish looking pendent for our 15th wedding anniversary. his brother put a lot of time & effort into it too. 15 spirals to represent each year, not to mention the spiral he wrapped around the whole crystal itself (which is the traditional element for 15 years of marriage i guess?) & then he even added an extra spiral of coil on the back for a symbol of the next year to come. how fucking sentimental, yah? i seriously love it. snookms also got me a beautiful diamond ring, he even re-proposed to me! we have to get it resized tho because it was too big. apparently i wear a size 5 1/2! me & mah tiny fingers. but yes, i can't wait to get it back & wear it. I LOVE IT

snookms & i also got to see hanna @ metropolis too. we missed the first 10 minutes of it, but it was a pretty amazing fucking movie. just go see it already!

so like, eddie izzard is killing me on the united states of tara's newest season. it gives me great joy to know he has black sabbath & motorhead posters hanging on the walls of his office as a professor of psychology. OH FOR REALZ EDDIE, I LOVE YOU.

i really thought i had way more to say than this.

you have bewitched me, body & soul

2011-04-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

current mood: the storms of early summer
currently listening to: jackyl -true widow
currently watching: pride & prejudice

summer is getting closer & closer & i can barely contain myself.

a couple of things:

i looooooooooove my new blogger layout
it's late saturday night & i can't sleep but i am at peace with this
the kids are all snuggled up in their beds watching episodes of 'the whitest kids you know'
snookms, shespawn & i went out on a late night taco bell run & it was so fun
i got trapped into seeing 'scream 4' today & man did it suck. it sucked so bad that it was worse than 'little red riding hood'.
nobody will ever be good enough for Her. 2 have come close. the other girls can all SUCK IT
since i made my tumblr layout less creepy i have been getting a fuckton of followers. but i LIKE creepy
i am still haunted by The Laughter
i have fond memories of watching 'hellraiser 2' with my dad when i was somewhere around 12 years old
i really, really, realllllllly want to get a giant cicada tattoo on my chest for my next ink sesh
i also want to get the words "smiling the smile of broken glass & fallen empires" tattooed on me somewhere too. it's one of my favourite lines from the 'teenage wasteland' project i started forever ago but haven't had time to pick back up
i really need to go to bed so i can be ready for the facepainting booth that i volunteered for tomorrow @ fall creek

goodnight babies <3

welcome to your doom!

2011-04-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

current mood: norfair <3
currently listening to: the storms of early summer
currently watching: eat, pray, love

i'm in the lair of ridley. i'm on the cusp of greatness, of defeating a most worthy opponent, yet i am still recovering from the warfare of a previously fought foe. i won't lie around for long. i'll pick up this great wavebeam of strength & shoot with the might of my missile soon enough. for now tho, i just wander around in this bubble realm of relaxation & false pretense, for that is the charm of norfair.

i have 3 weeks left for this semester. i'm doing awesome in Life Skills & Writing (ENGL 025) but I failed my last math test. i'm fucking bummed about it too! worst case scenario? i'll have to take the class again next semester. the advantage here is that i can take a lower level math class. BUT. i just can't shake the whole, "i'm a failure, i'm so dumb" feeling outta my chest. i'm trying tho. i'm really, really trying. it's like i feel betrayed by mathematics. i work so hard everyday, committing myself to it's ways, learning it's in's & out's. & it sucks because i'm still in love with the concept of mathematics, but it's like this mysterious ex, y'know? no matter what you did, it just wasn't good enough? so i'm not all like, "fuck you math! i hate you hard". but i'm heart broken. i'll just have to keep on keepin on. it's hard not to get discouraged!

supposed to go see 'insidious' later tonight with snookms & the spawn. i heard it was pretty spooky, from the same directors of 'paranormal activity' (& 'saw' too, but barf, i think the 'saw' movies are dumb). it's also pg-13 which is to my benefit when it comes to horror movies since snookms isn't too fond of rated R flicks. GOD I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. i mean, i can really get frustrated with him over that shit, real quick? but like, for the most part i love that he is my polar opposite in so many ways. it makes for some great chemistry. & he has such a carnal effect on me too. i can smell the scent of his skin & he won't even be around & i'll get butterflies in my stomach & wanna go hump something. or even just the other day. i had to follow him home in my car because he bought a new car for work right? so i was trailing behind him & i could see his mouth (5 o'clock shadow & all, but keep in mind, it was just his mouth framed in that tiny mirror!) in his rear-view mirror & i got all excited & bouncy & wanted to kiss him. i love how he has this effect on me. but it has it's disadvantages when we argue. i'm all like" FUCK YOU I HATE YOU I DON'T WANNA COME NEAR YOU!"

so what else? oh! 'eat, pray, & love' was a lovely lovely movie for me to wake up to last sunday afternoon. it was on the starz channel or hbo, & i was prepared for something boring but it really moved me emotionally. & i still harbor somewhat of a crush on julia roberts too. there is something about her gentle assertiveness that i find myself magnetized to. & then ol' what's his face from 'no country for old men'? that 'friendo' dood? he makes my tits hard. & even moreso in 'eat, pray, & love' because he is the Ultimate Protector, but so sensitive too, eh? so yeah, this movie made me cry. especially when julia was in india & that guy from the temple was giving her shit about his forgiveness story. good movie!

so i finally got to check out this whole 'zumba' ordeal on thursday. mysty has been going & had invited me several times, all of which i had declined due to other obligations. but i finally got a chance to go with her, & i have to say that all my preconceived notions about it have been thrown out the window. i thought it was going to be really dumb, un-entertaining & embarrassing, but it was only one of those things. & after about 10 minutes, the embarrassment went away too. i felt so alive & invigorated & it was fucking fun. i found myself becoming envious of the zumba instructor because she moves so sexy. so the plan is that mysty & i are going to go back every thursday & dance our pants off. exercise & dance for an hour for 3 dollars ain't bad at all. i'd love to get my mom involved too because i think she'd love it. she loves dancing & is awesome at it, & this is SO her cup o' tea.

i'm really excited for the summer break that's coming up. i can't wait to start reading mordicai's 'the wasteland' again, & 'american gods' & all the other books that i had to put down in order to put college first. & all the silent hill video games that snookms & i got shespawn for xmas have remained unplayed for the most part, so those will DEF get torn to pieces once summer break hits. (i almost forgot about 'ico' too!) plus, snookms & i are in the works of planning a camping trip to florida. my sister-in-law went & i'm so jealous because it sounds like her & her family had the greatest time. i am at one with the motherfucking ocean people! can you handle this? can you wrap your brain around the idea that i am married to the sea? because i totally am. so i really hope me & snookms & the spawn make it out there this year. it's been far too long since i've last inhaled the salts of the sea into the desperation that is my lungs.

& last week i received one of the most endearing compliments. i went to study with my new study buddy & when i left to go home she noticed i drove a mini-van & said, "so that's your car? you are such a contradiction of character!" & it made me feel super proud. i don't know why really. i guess i like the idea that my character doesn't fall into the hands of the analytical so easily? but yeah. it's made me smile thinking of that notion.

& the dreams i've been having? they are back to insects speaking spiritually to me. there are messages encrypted into the sounds they are making, their movements, they way they sway to & fro & float free form around the four corners of my room. there's definitely a sense of urgency about what they are trying to convey, but i can't always decipher what they mean to communicate. it makes me want to cry in my sleep, not being able to transcend to a dimension that will help me understand what they say, & they cry too when my dreams are gone. i wake up feeling the need to know. cicadas & beetles have managed to worm their way into the fibers of my unconsciousness, but the spiders are still the stars, & my mind is the galaxy in which they roam. it feels like they tell me secrets about a crystalized realm. a future that is not so far away, but far enough that i may transpire of old age before i come to it. but it's a message for me to pass down to my children, & my children's children. & it's fucking important & i don't know what it is! it's been like this for so many years. it was shortly after 9-11 took place too. it's probably just my mind's way of dealing with the fear of the world coming to an end? i always fantasize about the what's & how's of it, but i still carry a lot of fear of the unknown in regard, y'know?

welllllp, the storms of early summer are calling to me, as well as snookms' super-sexy coffee.

childREBELsoldier

2011-03-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

current mood: alice glass
currently listening to: love&caring -crystal castles
currently watching: grave of the fireflies

dearly beloved! we are gathered here today to update!

i'm so happy today because i don't have a class to go to or an appointment that needs keeping or any other such obligation that will tear me from what i love doing most. (which is lounging around in pajamas and torturing my kids that are on spring break)

i started my writing classes a couple of weeks ago. it's an accelerated course too, so it's kind of been kicking my ass, but in a good way? at first i thought i was going to regret taking this class but it has been really beneficial to me so far.

mysty is supposed to be coming over in a bit & i'm super excited about that. i'm going to head up to green leaf & grab her some taro bubble tea. i think i'm going to go with mango for myself. i'm really jazzed for her & i, cause remember that 'women writing the weird' antho i was telling y'all about? one of her stories got accepted too! so we're both going to be in it. & deb, the editor, said that she was able to fill the spots up so it looks like it will be coming out sometime in the fall. *does a happy dance*

rewatched black swan with shespawn yesterday & i was able to enjoy it a little more this time around. i don't know what it was last time, i think i was just really out of tune with my emotions? i actually got teary eyed a couple of times with this second viewing. i of course had to fast forward & tell shespawn to get outta the room for some scenes but i overall had a better experience watching it the second time round. perhaps the expectation factor being washed away helped to better the situation? who knows.

haven't got to see suckerpunch yet, but snookms took shespawn to see it on their day out. shespawn really liked it. i've heard a lot of mixed reviews, but i wanna see it for myself still. i think it'll be as cheesy as i've projected it to be, but visually cool. i can take the cheese like nobody's business y'all.

i'm going to be attending a self defense class @ ivy tech in april, the day after me & snookms' anniversary. (we'll be married 15 years! holy cow!) i'm rather excited to be taking this class because i'm kind of tired of feeling a tad helpless when i get outta my car late at night y'know? i mean, i have a visual of what i'll do in my head if an attacker comes, but like, nothing extravagant. i wanna be able to bash a person's brains out with a milk carton if i have to okay?

oh yeah, snookms & i took the kiddoes to the HorrorHound convention this last saturday. it was a lot of fun considering how horribly crowded it was. only got to see mysty & her werewolf for a few seconds tho. they had some cool folks at the panel that i squeaked, ooh & ahh'd over in my own weird way. the terminator 3 chick was there, ol' what'shisface from reanimator, & a shitload of others. corey feldman was supposed to be there too but i never did spot him. i did come away with some rad loot tho. i was just happy to share the experience with snookms & the kids.

united states of tara season 3 started up last week so the sunday nights with my mom & dad have re-convened. i'm glad because i really miss hanging out with them. they are some of my best friends in life. my dad has such a low tolerance for bullshit, but goddamn is he funny. his stoic demeanor is most definitely an asset. & my mom is so cute & charming when she tortures my dad with her little girl nuances. it makes me proud to be a part of their circuit. their relationship dynamics remind me a lot of me & snookms. i love how my feet are the only feet snookms will ever tolerate touching him. he lets me pet any part of his body; WITH MY FEET! but if anyone else even thought about putting their toes upon him he would roundhouse kick them in the face. i really find that kind of shit endearing. LOYALMINOTAUR

so i guess i better bounce. i gotta get some bubbletea & mysty will be here soon! don't wanna get flogged by my domina!

subtle poisons

2011-01-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

current mood: grima wormtongue
currently listening to: rather be dead -refused
currently watching: .................

oh man has it been a day! a week! a month!

it's been over a month since i last posted? shit's been crazy around here, but a good kind of crazy i s'pose. at first it was pretty miserable but things have really turned around for the better.

yesterday i was s'posed to team up with mysty, katie, robbie; we were going to chicago to see emilie autumn perform. her show was postponed tho, hella last minute but not last minute enough that we were already out there before we found out. it sucked, but at the same time i was kind of relieved. my back was killing me all day & i did miss my kids. i kind of hated the idea of being away from them all day.

so instead mysty & katie & i still met up (robbie tapped out since he's still not feeling 100%), but we opted to go eat at applebees for an early dinner & then went back home to pick up my youngest & her cousin so that they could go see the new justin beiber flick while we 3 grown lay-days saw 'the rite'. i mean, it was 'okay', but i was almost thinking i might want to see the justin beiber flick more. i was genuinely interested in seeing that movie. but whatever, i ain't gonna cry home to mama about it.

thursday was pretty cool because snookms & i went on a belated valentine's day date. first we ate at chili's & couldn't eat anything because it was way earlier than we're used to eating. it was just barely past eleven & neither of us are used to even thinking about food till around 4 or 5. but at least we had great leftovers to take home. afterwards snookms wanted to go to dick's sporting goods @ metropolis & i opted to venture into barnes & noble. i just wasn't in the mood to have a bunch of hunter doods gawk at my v-day outfit. my knee high platform boots are stoopid noisy to walk in & turquoise lace stockings were just as loud as well. the people in b&n tend to be a little bit less rubberneckish so i felt less socially anxious about lurking in there.

i originally set out to complete my sandman collection but the only volume they had was #2. i was dissapointed for a little bit but then brightened up when i found sophie crumb's 'evolution of a crazy artist' (daughter of r.crumb!) for a price that was a lot cheaper than i expected. i went ahead & picked up 'american gods' as well since i've never had the chance to read it. i bought a used copy for my oldest brother, erin, for christmas, but he's still reading it & i'm too impatient to wait for him to get done so that i may borrow it. by the time i had decided on that purchase snookms came slithering around the corner of where the sf/fantasy section meets the special needs section, so i started headed up front to pay for my shit. snookms got caught in the bargain bin net & soon enough i too was knee deep in it's treachery. i managed to come away with 2 purchases, but i was still happy. snookms was strong enough to resist temptation, as usual. i found 'cobain unseen', an amazingly beautiful hardcover photography book of kurt cobain in all his glory, & only for like, 10 bucks. & then there was this origami kit i picked up for my 2nd oldest since he is a wizard at that folding shit. that was only 10 bucks too.

when we got home snookms & i slipped right back into our pjs & i snuggled up next to him in our bed while i thumbed through the kurt cobain book & snookms slept. it felt so cozy! i have been super excited about our new bedroom set up as of late (thanks to snookms' big brother & wife) because they gave us their old dresser/tv entertainment stand-thingamahoozit. it's fucking huge & takes up at least 3/4s of a wall but it holds all the clothes we both had in our old dressers, plus our t.v. & shit-ton of action figure crap. as a result i was able to free up the custom built in bookshelves that snookms had built for me years ago & he had the idea of making a little nook so i could have a place to study & write. together we worked about 3 or 4 days to make the room into perfection & our efforts have paid off quite handsomely because it almost has this hotel feel to it every time i enter the room. it's tiny as fuck, but very cozy & not cramped with too much crap like it was before. having that tv stand/dresser thing really helped! it feels like a hotel room that i got to customize with me & snookms' personal tastes. i really love it a lot.

took the kids shopping for some much needed clothes the week before last & paid up all of our bills since we got our refund. also went out to dinner a coupla' nights, but other than that not too much else, aside from school, school & more school. i've been doing really great in my life skills class & not as great as i want in math. but i'm slowly getting it, even if i'm not making the grades i want to in that class. i am learning, i know that much. slope intercept form! quick! what's y=mx+b???? huh? SOLVE FOR y BITCH!

oh yeah, & in my life skills class i won the game we played last week. each student had to make up 3 questions for the test we had last monday & put them on index cards. then we had to go around the room & quiz one another on the questions. if you got the question right the person asking the question had to give the card to you. if you got it wrong you got nothin. if you ran outta cards you had to sit out till someone with 3 cards or less came to bail you out. by the end of the class the guy with the highest amount of index cards was 8 & i beat him with 11 cards total. i won a bunny sticker y'all. proud as shit, i aint' gonna lie.

& the other thing! the thing i am most excited about, really... a short story of mine got accepted into the 'women writing the weird' anthology that deb hoag & adam lowe are going to be in charge of publishing. deb hoag is the editor & adam is in charge of the business end of it. adam sent me deb hoag's way & said my style might be a good fit for the project she was working on. one thing led to another & next thing you know i'm getting an email saying that my story had been accepted. i was excited, to say the least. i was told it will be published possibly as of winter this year, so keep your eye out for 'a stray child' if any of y'all wind up picking it up. also, if any of you are interested in submitting anything that pertains to that genre, let me know because they are still taking submissions!

can't think of much else to say, really. tumblr is where i usually go if i have free time, so if you ever wonder where my face is these days it's either there or nestled firmly between snookms' hairy thighs.

(i even put up a new avatar pic, via ju ju mechanics)

feel free to stop by & say hello!

...two stoges y'all, i'm out.

shinRa technology at it's finest

2011-01-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

current mood: gogo yubari
currently listening to: xiu xiu -ceremony
currently watching: hero

(img src via bespoke innovations)

i found the cutest pyramid head cursors on deviantart.com. also, some really cool elemental icon sets. so now i have a gogo yubari backround with the five elements as icons & pyramid head for a cursor. woot.

my laptop crashed over the weekend so snookms had to fix it & i lost everything. but it's whatever, i'm over it now. i celebrated with a new theme.

so my first day of school was really fun. i was so nervous i thought i was going to puke on the way there but everything went really well. it's a life skills class & i love everything about the class so far. journaling for homework, talking about our emotions, the teacher looking like a redheaded tina fey. heck, even the students had really great senses of humour.

tonight i go to my math class & i'm not as nervous as i was yesterday just because i'm ore familiar with the terrain than i was yesterday. it's at my old high school so we'll see. more than anything i'm just worried with how my brain will take in numbers. it seems to automatically shut down whenever numbers are involved. that's why i suck at dnd. it's frustrating & embarrassing at times, but it is what it is. no sense in trying to hide from it or lie about it. BOOM. there it is.

other stuff. it really seems like there is but there isn't i guess? still plugging away on wasteland & i got all excited when gillick had a flashback dream of the carnivale days w/ red & blondie. i have homework to take care of already for the next two weeks so i'll probably be spending more time on that than anything else.

also. the first thing snookms asked me last night when he got home from work was if anybody hit on me. he said, "because if they did, they're gonna hafto meet me @ the flagpole after school".

shake dre4ms from your hair my pretty child, my sweet one

2010-12-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

current mood: theseKritdiaryoFlauraPalmeR
currently listening to: magic spells -crystal castles
currently watching: advent children

i just woke up from a nap & i'm feeling under the influence with grog.

my friday has begun & i'm so relieved & happy. the kids were all consecutively sick during christmas & that shit is more depressing than Elliot having to part from E.T.

already talked it over with snookms today after i got off work & we're all gonna see paranormal activity 2 at movies8 in greenwood tomorrow/tomarrow before the new year's eve festivities. SOEXCITED. even tho i seen it already with muh redhead & 20 other of her worshippers, i am still jazzed to see it with snookms & my kiddoes. i think they'll appreciate the spook factor.

snookms sister (aka big boss matsumoto) & snookms aunt (aka my co-worker) & i were gathered round the subwayeatfresh table today at lunch exchanging haunted house stories. i hafta say that snookms & his sister & mom take the cake when it comes to them. i guess they even had an exorcism performed in one of their houses when they lived on the east side of indy because it got so bad. it's to the point where snookms sister is the only one willing to talk about it these days. i am telling you all right now, demonology & paranormal activity is one of my isolated interests. do NOT get me started on that shit or i will never & i mean NEVER shut the fuck up. that, & anything psychology related. ESPECIALLY autism.

also, do not bring up symphony of the night, ff7, ff10, sandman series, the smell of snookms flesh, fell beasts, or obsessive compulsive disorder. prolly not a good idea to bring up all things laura palmer related either. you best QUIT.

okay. so, insofaras loot be goin, yeah. snookms got me stuff, even tho we said we weren't gonna do that. he got me that wikked awesome nightmare before xmas purse that i put a picture up of on twitter, & the best of u2 cd, & a very trench coat-ished looking black coat. i got him a replacement wedding ring made of titanium, & some colour-coded clippers that i've already de-virginized in order to touch up my shave.

the spawn made out like motherfucking bandits. jr. got an ipod touch, a fuckton of horror movie paraphenalia (mostly movies & shirts of the friday the 13th & halloween essence) & a beanbag chair & his very own ninja star & combat knife. fezziwig got halo reach legendary edition, call of duty black ops, two miniature sized combat knives that are the size of my pinky but made exactly like a full scale model, 2 pairs of pants-on-tha-ground pants cuz he's like his momma used to be, a webcam w a mic, & some module thing that transfers xbox360 memory from one console to another. shespawn got silent hill 1, silent hill origins, shattered memories, midnight pomegranate body spray & body butter, a gray hoodie that i am coveting thee fuck out of because it has silver bedazzled bradz all over it, pre-poked thumb holes in the bottom of the sleeves & an ear bud system sewn inside. she also got a bunch of xmas scented hand sanitizer from bath & body works, including vampire blood scented which i heart. snookms picked out an 'how to draw manga' book for her along with a really keen looking drawing journal that has a hard cover silver embellishing on the front. it seems like there is other stuff i am forgetting, but yeah, that is just what they got from us parental units.

other gifts from fellow family members:

under the dome by stephen king
ramona & beezus the movie
a 'jesse' themed (toy story 2 & 3) candy cane from my mom which has so much meaning it makes my heart fucking hurt with unexplainable delight every time i peek at it in my purse
a loaf of kick ass homemade cranberry-pumpkin bread that snookms sister baked
a bunch o' culinary ware from snookms mom & stepdad

we also went to see the new tron @ metropolis on xmas day. it was definately an xmas worthy movie, like, one you'd hope to see on xmas day. the daft punk music was a perfect fit for the movie & jeff bridges still manages to get my panties in a bunch even if he is gray & takin one for team zen.

am making slow progress on the wasteland, but still enjoying thoroughly. i have a thing for beetle already & i barely know the fellow. & of course gillick. because why? because he's a hit with the ladies, alright? & the fact that he's a hit with beetle gets me all giggly as well. you'll all hear about it soon enuff.

other than all of this it's just been work, take care of sick babies, deal with college paperworks & assistance program appts & the likes. it's like being pulled through a knot having to deal with it all, but i just push it to the very furthest recesses of my being & let it be dealt with when the time comes for it to be dealt with. it also gets lonely as fuck with snookms working nights, but i am a resourceful girl & now know how to use my time (mostly!) wisely. after tomorrow/tomarrow it will be 10 more days till college. i'll be able to put that statement about myself to the true test!

10 things i hate about everybody

2010-12-20T17:14:00.000-08:00

current mood: watchtower gothic
currently listening to: boy's life, two-wheeled train
currently reading: The Wasteland

i think i may keep on with this intro to each blog entry. i really like being able to show off not only what i feel, but what i'm listening to, what i'm reading at the time & what colour my underwear is if i'm feeling manic enough.

also. I'M TIRED OF CAPITALIZATION. mostly i blame tumblr for this, but yeah. i capitalize when i want to. so there.

i think mostly what it comes down to is that rules hold me back from so much. unwritten law, written law. all that. i'm not saying it's bad or good. i'm just saying it holds me back. from a lot. whether that is a good thing or a bad thing can only be deemed by the one having to deal with my lack of propriety.

i am hating things today. needing my terrible weapons for things unseen. i woke up with the prospect of a small ball of malice & it steadily snowballed into a great Balrog of unurthly hatred towards all living, breathing things. i think i'm over it for the most part, but oh man! there are those days where it's like a fucking plague & it washes over the whole household till there is nothing left for me to do except mutilate some inanimate object. i didn't do that today tho, some i'm glad about that. it came out in the form of a stupid ass migraine instead.

i am completely in love with united states of tara. went over to my mom & dad's last night & finished watching the last 6 episodes & that show just fucking blows me away with it's accuracy in regard to multiples. or like, d.i.d., whatever it's called. dissassociative identity disorder? i am just kind of floored in how much my own therapist applied this disorder's call for healing to my own personal journey & every word i am just hanging on to for dear life because i can relate so terribly much. i almost started crying (well, i DID cry, i just didn't let them see me break) when the little girl alter came out of tara for the first time. her name is chicken & my heart seriously went POW. i tried to act all unnaffected by the moment but inside i was seriously dying. but it feels so good to know you're not alone sometimes. so good that i hurts i guess? whatever. i can't make any sense today.

also, i got my textbooks for college. getting excited, as it's only a few weeks away. one day i will blow shit up with my mind.

what else, what else! uhmmmm, snookms & i have got most of our christmas shopping done. we made a deal with each other not to buy stuff for each other this year so we wouldn't go broke & so the kids could have a decent christmas. i just told him if we could make sure we have enough billz to see a movie on christmas day & get our msg on @ china buffet then i'd be a happy camper. hell, i'd be a happy camper even if those things didn't take place.

right now i'm watching rob dyrdek's fantasy factory & kind of drooling over drama & how fine he is. i'm not for sure if it was him, but when snookms & i went to watch the UFC fights at bw3's the other week they were making a big deal because one of rob dyrdek's cousins was there watching the fight live. & the dood looked like drama except his hair was longer. but what, hair can't grow? so yeah, i was all ooh-in & ahh-in over him & whatnot. like i am now. he's cute. i like his accent & how he doesn't lose his cool no matter how hard rob tries to make him look like a fool. reminds me a lot of snookms & his cool factor.

i can't believe dexter went by so quick, & i'm even more bummed that him & jennifer carpenter are getting the D-word. i thought they made a really great couple. & of course the fact that they play brother & sister on the show makes it even more, i dunno... shall i say "endearing"? is that the word i'm looking for? but yeah. it's whatever. fine, get a divorce. i don't give a fuck hollywood.

shespawn is back on the silent hill kick, she made me & snookms a really adorable homemade ornament that was silent hill themed when she was in art class & then friday we ventured out to joann fabrics to buy felt & make pyramid head dolls. we had a lot of fun. snookms & i bought her all the remaining games she doesn't own from the series for xmas, so she'll be set for quite some time. akira yamaoka has been on my mind as a result these days, particularly the stray child track. i think i will go crank that while i finish tidying up the house & then maybe eat something with cheese & monster energy. CAN U HANDEL THAT?

The Scenario....

2010-12-06T06:22:00.000-08:00

Waiting on Snookms to wake up & get ready; we're finally getting around to our Christmas shopping! & the difficult task ahead of me here is to NOT jump on our shared sleeping quarters & smother him to death with my Sugarplump death grip. What? That's his pet name for me. It's s'posed to be Sugarplum, but he added a 'p' at the end to be intentionally adorable & it just stuck like that. I heart it a whole lot to be honest.

So right now I'm watching Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines on FX (well it's playing as white noize anyhow) & I'm cranking out my blip jams. I really find Blip quite useful. It's one of my most used "social networks". I'm sure all y'all are sick of it too that deal with me on Twitter & Facebook. Sowwy.

It started snowing on Friday evening I think? I dunno, could be wrong. I just know I woke up Saturday & there was glorious fucking snow everywhere. Maybe it was Friday? Either way it was great. Oh, that's right! December 1st! Shit, that's a Wednesday, BOY AM I OFF. I remember now because the spawn & I were making observations about how fitting it was that the snow finally came to grace us with it's presence on the first of December. It's only an inch or 3 but hey! I don't care, I love the snow. Shespawn & Fezziwig share the same affinity for winter & it's culture as I, but to Tha Jr. it's like motherfucking Kryptonite. It weakens his tolerance for bullshit & makes him want to curl up into a ball & cry about life. I think a big thing of it is the whole 'change' deal with Autism, & how hard it is to adapt. & then of course how ridiculously cold it gets. He can't freely go running outside everytime he needs to take a power walk without freezing his testicles off. So I understand & try not to deem him a party pooper for hating on the snow. On Sunday I made pototo(e) soup when I woke up so it would be ready for Snookms when the Colts played & it was perfect timing when it did get done because I was able to surprise shespawn with a snowball attack outside. We had fun chasing each other around the desolate snowland outside; we even took a stroll around the block & kicked a frozen snowball all the way back to the house. She saved it & put it in the freezer, we promised we'd pretend it was a piece of wedding cake & come back to it in 50 years so we could eat it. Lucky I had my fingers crossed when I made that promise. After she stored her memorabilia we unsheathed our Christmas Story gear & ate the heck outta some potato(e) soup & I made hot chocolate with marshmallows & whipped cream.

Made it out to my mom & dad's later that night & was in for a sinigang treat! Their house smelled of lemon, fresh garlic & mustard green heaven & I was telling my mom I wish I could twitter the heavenly scent to all mah peeps so they could grasp the understanding of my joy. You put this stuff over rice & you are set for the night son! After we ate Dexter came on & each episode gets consecutively better then the previous. I love love LOVE me some cuddly Dexter. Since I've been sprung into the series I haven't had the opportunity to see Dexter really display any affection, so seeing him do so with you-know-whoooooo was uber fucking delight for me. I wanted to squeeze right in between & pet them both. Deb tho? She's gotta be my favourite. She's the best. She's such a bitch, but she's so straightforward & says exactly what needs to be said, regardless of whether people are gonn' be hatin or not, y'know?

So like, Tumblr's been down since last night. I been kinda bummed about that, but it's not too bad. I get more done on my days off when I'm not glued to rb'in stuffs. I still say velveteenrabbit is my absolute favourite there. One minute she's reblogging Public Enemy shit & then she'll be bustin out the James Jean & Trevor Brown. I'm all like, "ooh grrl, get outta my fucked up head! Please!" But she won't. I got to hear her voice on this one place she posts groovy mixes & whatnot. So pretty. She also recorded her doing the Scenario rap on her phone for me & reblogged it on Tumblr just for shits & giggles & it was pretty fantastic. So yeah. She's super awesome.

Okay so now Snookms is totally reading to brave the Christmas madness with me so I'm out y'all!

Thanksgiving Menu

2010-11-26T18:42:00.000-08:00

Hickory smoked & grilled turkey
Oven roasted turkey
Snookms penis
Pansit
Lumpia
Homemade mashed po-ta-to(e)s
Turkey & beef gravy
Dinner rolls
cranberry jelly sauce
Green bean casserole
Homemade pumpkin pie
Pecan pie
leftover Mandarin salad that Snookms' sister made last night

Napalm Wishes & Caviar Dreams

2010-11-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

I hate to say it but I may be throwing the towel in on NaNo. I am s'very behind, still only @ the 5k mark. I've had at least 3 days off that I spent having nothing to do with writing. I've gone over the last chapter & the flame has just kind of tuckered out. For now. Maybe it'll spark back up, but for now I am just not going to beat myself up over it. The absolute desire to want to tell that story is still there, so I'm happy for that. At least I have some good bones to work with when I do decide to pick it back up. Right now it is kind of a schizophrenic mess & I know exactly where all the threads tie together but I just can't get to the point where it makes sense to anyone else.

I went over to my mom & dad's last night for Dexter/Spartacus-but-it's-no-longer-Spartacus-because-we-watched-the-final-ep-so-now-it-is-United-States-of-Tara-Night. My mom wasn't awake yet so the renegade wizard & I watched a few episodes of Ancient Aliens & it was dumping a bunch of extra fodder in this noggin o' mine for NaNo inspiration. My dad is a real hoot when we watch that show because he gets fed up with the Brendan Frasier lookin expert & says to him "Get a fuckin haircut if you wanna be relevant". Just like that, right at the t.v.! One of the eps was addressing the secret tunnels that were discovered in some Zoroastrian Empire in like, 300 B.C.? Was pretty awesome to see all these ancient underground caverns carved out in the peaks of these petrified lava formations. I am all for supersekrit tunnels, y'know?

Dexter was top fucking notch, as usual. The intensity of that show can almost get to be too much? Like, you have to get up & go take a walk around the house afterward to gather your thoughts kind of intense? That's good though, I like it. In a matter of watching one season I have pretty much fallen for every character in the story, it's just that good. Relentless & Heartless Dexter hardly ever comes out to play, but oh, when he does? ... I am putty in Showtime's thriving little handsssssss.

United States of Tara is somewhat of an oldie, but it's great to watch. I think Buck & 'T' are my favourite alters of any of the personalities so far. I'm sure there are many others that feel this way too. Kudos to Toni Collette for pulling all those off so diligently. Buck is the motherfucking Protectors of Protectors, no? SO MUCH LIKE MY OWN.

This was Sunday, right? & then Saturday evening I went with Mysty & PrettyPrettyDeathPrincessErica to the Rocky Horror Picture Show @ Irving Theater on the East Side. It was all very last minute for me, I was at a bit of a crossroads in decision making there. I am horrible at making choices in a hurry. Also, I was a virgin, so that experience was pretty exciting for me but also nerve-racking. Mysty's such a good, enthusiastic little mommy, though, taking pictures of her girl at her first day & all. That's what she reminded me of anyhow.

(ppdpErica, yours truly & Mysty being creatures of the night)

Thursday was the midnight showing of Harry Potter. I confessed I was dosing off big time for the first hour and a half, but not because I was bored, but because I am olde! I bolted awake with the impression that Mysty & her Werewolf might poke fun at me for my lame old lady-ness so that notion of worry right there was enough to keep me alert for the rest of the show. There were SO MANY fucking people @ the theater. & then team Gryffindor all got bitched at (well, unwarrantingly accused, anyway) of stealing the Gryffindor flag that the Indianapolis Harry Potter Society had made for the event. Kudos to Mysty for speaking out & aloud amongst the masses in our favor. I mean, I hope the flag turns up, but weDIDN'TfuckingDOit!

Oh! I made a second attempt @ homemade potato(e) soup yesterday afternoon, this time using a gravy based recipe. It came out a lot better this time; last time it seems as though the recipe was just really milked down mashed potato(e)s with some celery, onions & diced ham thrown in. This time 'round it was actually creamy & you could taste more of the onion flavor in it. The only thing I didn't like was the ham chunks I used. They were way too chewy to blend in with the whole homemade feel of the soup. So next time I am going to try bacon chunks & see how that pans out. Snookms & his pal really liked it though. I made a ridiculous amount & it is all gone already.

Thanksgiving dinner is going to consist of going to our family's abodes & then Friday will be me & Snookms' day to cook stuff. He'll be doing a turkey (he's talking about cooking it on the grill using a special recipe his co-worker is handing down to him) & I'll be doing pansit & lumpia again, like we did last year. I'm kind of worried that the idea of cooking the turkey on the grill sounds better than it really is, but Snookms is willing to take the risk so we shall see. At least we'll have the filipino cuisine if it doesn't work out.

Okay so something I have to talk about real quick before I go is Spartacus. I am currently in final episode mourning, because there is no more Spartacus to watch. I don't even know if there is going to be another season in production but seriously? SRSLY! That fucking show. Everyone is fucking everyone, both literally & metaphorically. & Lucy Lawless is so good at being cunt. Who was she, Lucretia? Yeah, that character right there. OOOOH GAWD. & Crixus. He was such a stubborn fuck but goddamn he was sexy. I tried to fight against it for the duration of the show, but that last episode had me by the balls. Something in those eyes of his reminds me of Snookms. The longing & passion he played so well, I s'pose. & then of course Spartacus. If Crixus & Spartacus had a bay-bay, Snookms would be their lovechilde. His loyalty to the Thracian way of life + his steadfast loyalty to his wife's cause = Snookms & his lawful good alignment swagger.

KILL EM ALL BABY.

Me & shespawn's newest 'which movie star would play a good character for so & so' meme is Heather from Silent Hill 3. She had shown me some article on the net the other day saying that there was a possibility of ol' what's her face? from Drag Me to Hell & White Oleander had a possibility of being fronted the role, which I thought might work. At first we were Team Holly J all the way but this morning I realized her boobs were too big. & then shespawn said Emma Watson & I was all Huh/waaaaat? but then I was like, "Y'know? I'd like to see that. I wouldn't mind that at all". So that was the basis of our morning conversation today & it was rather entertaining.

& now? I got nothin.

o'HAI!

2010-10-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

Been forever, right? I know!!!

Well first off, happy October everybody. Mine has been pretty great to start off. September ended with shespawn's 11th birthday. She got an xbox 360 for her bday, so I was pretty excited about that. Didn't have enough money to snag her any games tho so we just let her pick out Bioshock to rent @ Family Video. That game is WOO-HAW, got you all in check! ... right? Yeah, it's pretty engaging. I mean, I haven't played myself, mostly just stood back in the dark corners & watched proudly as she plugged away through it's recesses. She had to play gaming counselor once Fezziwig & his homiez got in on the action. It was pretty cute.

Last week was just a whole buncha fucking fun, got to see the unedited version of The Exorcist @ Regal (too bad it wasn't at Rave tho, eh?) with Mysty & her Werewolf. I hafto admit I was getting some butterflies in the stomach the week previous to it, because I am a gutless turd when it comes to that movie. But like I told Mysty, going to see it on the big screen helped me to deal with the childhood trauma of it all I guess? It was fun! I never have got to see Spider-like Megan run down the stairs all crazy with blood dripping from her maw. That was damn spooky. & the whole, "Let Jesus fuck you" bit. The version I always saw was just, "Fuck me, FUCK ME!!!" so yeah, blasphemy all around folks!

Theeeeeeeen, Friday was great because I got to take my 3 spawn & let them pick out Halloween paraphenalia @ Halloween City. That place used to be a furniture outlet so it is pretty damn huge for a Halloween store. I totally dig it. Jr. was able to pick out the mask he claims is from the 1978 version of Michael Myers from Halloween. They didn't have Fezziwig's Freddy claw he had had his heart set on getting so we left to get early dinner. I tell you what, traffic on the Westside of Indy is a bad nightmare. Not at all the good kind. I almost wanted to off myself fighting for the right to park in Panera parking lot. The Chicken Cobb salad nearly wasn't worth the battle.

Was s'posed to go clean for my mom & dad that night but I wound up cancelling cuz my bones were a'achin'. It was a super busy week for Kristi Klean. No maid cosplay for me that night!

Instead shespawn & I elected to stay home & found The Exorcism of Emily Rose On Demand to watch. Had my Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate to sip on whilst we enjoyed preying witness to eager spider consumption on Miss Rose's behalf. That movie is still freaky, but not nearly as freaky as The Exorcist.

Saturday was nice to wake up to. A little toss in the hay with Snookms before getting outta bed for the day. Then he made me coffee which always scores him massive brownie points. Grabbed shespawn & we headed up to Walmart to do some ultralord groceries. I always wind up doing massive groceries when I go there. But it was fun because we had the cash to do so. They had the cutest Halloween themed clothing there, shespawn picked out a skele-bride long sleeved tee & a matching beanie. I found a vamp themed one with deep red colours mixed with grey, the sleeves are all did up in black & white stripes too. Found an owl beanie just for me too! So we looked like cheesy twins all night in our new threads.

Got home & made that Velveeta/salsa hamburger nacho dip thing for dinner. I got stupid excited about making it because it's so easy to make & it has been so long since I last made it. Like, years ago long? I almost had Snookms talked into going to the haunted hay ride up @ Hanna Haunted Acres but he backed out @ the last minute. Boy am I a sore loser. So as a consolation prize he offered to take us to a late night flick @ Rave & I caved when I realized I could talk him into seeing "Let Me In". I've been superexcited about seeing this movie for a long time, so when he agreed to take us & the spawn to see it I was like, rubbing my eyes & asking for people to pinch me in my supersekrit land. We went to the 11:15 pm showing & it was still damn near packed with humanity.

I pretty much enjoyed this movie. I've never seen Let the Right One In, so I had nothing to compare it to, but Mysty is threatening to make me watch it sometime in the near future, so we shall see. I have a feeling I may be partial to Let Me In, just because I have a tendency to stick to what's been spattered across my eyeballs the first time round. Some parts kinda got boring, like restating the obvious in a lot of areas, but the rest of the movie was pretty okay. I totally dug the 70's vibe they tried to pull off. I will always be a fan of that. & that Kodi Smit-McPhee kiddo? He's pretty damn cute. I heard Snookms' pal remark that he was a clone of Mike Jr. which I could totally see. I liked his role. Chloe Moretz was what she always is in those kinda movies. She's good tho, I dig her. She's what I always wanted to portray myself as when I was a littul girl. Emotionless, y'know?

Night melded into the day by the end of all that, I can't even remembered anything that happened after the movie was over. Snookms is a pretty great movie companion to have tho, he makes the funniest remarks at the most ample of oportunes.

Sunday is my day tho! I've taken it upon myself to commit going to my mom & dad's place every Sunday night, as they are on top of all the new shows, Dexter being numero uno on their list. I've only watched a couple of eps here & there since the new season's begun, but what I did watch of it was just flawless television in my opinion. My youngest brother Chris showed up at the last Dexter get together & my mom & dad & I all dared him to be Dexter for Halloween. I should make a Facebook petition eh? Seriously, he totally looks like him & has the personality resemblance & body language as well for it. I hope he does it. It'll be like an early Christmas present for me.

My mom & dad also bought the first season of Spartacus, so them, being the gracious hosts that they are, pop in an episode each time I visit for Dexter Night. It's pretty great. I <3 the dialogue a superfuckinglot. & Lucy Lawless got me off in that first or second ep when her slave/mistress was getting her off. I was like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

Let's see, what else? Oh, Mysty has concocted a Twin Peaks Night as well, to begin this Thursday which I am totally looking forward to. She was able to finally get it in at her local library so away we shall go into more great television. The only things I care about television wise these days are Big Bang Theory & Dexter. I could absolutely use a Twin Peaks Night.

See man, I don't like making big long posts about all the mundane shit that happens in my life once a month. I'd like to aim for quick bursts everyday, that way I don't bore everyone to death at great lengths with what I'm talking about. If I can commit to getting on here at least once a day to keep up with my everyday agenda that'd be great.

Tumblr has been pretty great lately. I have a major Tumblr crush on velveteenrabbit. & slutwitches. They are my newest flavour o' the month. helenofdesTroy was the IT spot there for quite some time but she/he/it must have gotten busy with whatever in life distracts us because there were no posts from her/him/it for quite some time. Tumblr got pretty boring after that till I started branching out & following others. But yeah, velveteenrabbit reblogs treasure, I'm telling yew. Long lost forgotten gold that makes my heart want to dig deep for more. So yeah. That is what is up on my side of the lawn, there is a lot more behind the scenes, but nobody cares to hear about that shit on the internets.

Neon Bible

2010-08-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Went to Ivy Tech today & took my COMPASS placement testing. I suck at math. It was the first section I had to do too. I had to guess on every single question. I think the test just gave up on me in that department once it realized I was getting every single question wrong because it was so fucking short. But the reading and writing portions were a breeze. The test was estimated to take around 2 and half hours & I got done in about an hour and a half. I wish I didn't suck at math so badly. Oh well. That's what the testing is for I s'pose?

& like I told Paige, some guy kept farting in the test room.

I go back to register for classes in October. It's cool though cause I got a headstart with the whole financial aspect of it since I filled out my FAFSA last year. I hope all the effort I'm putting in to this comes to fruition.

I work tomorrow. I really don't fucking want to either. It has been so long since I've been able to just enjoy the warm embrace of a sleeping Snookms. All day long I fantasize about climbing into bed with him & burying my nose in his chest hairs. He has sleep paralysis tho so I have to watch out lest I get clocked in the jaw in his sleep. Scares the SHIT outta me when he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming like a fucking banshee. Wish there was something I could do to take away his terror. :(

I had a really great appt with my therapist last week. I had been dreading it all month long, as per my usual & again I was so happy I went once it was all said & done. I leave her office feeling light & hopeful, like I can accomplish anything. We've decided to move our appts back to every other week for now instead of once a month due to some of the stuff I am covering with her currently. And I'm actually looking forward to my next meet with her.

Just sitting here, listening to Cello Suite no 1 & waiting on Snookms to get home from work. I look forward all fucking day to him coming home & once he does I am so utterly tired that I literally fall asleep sitting up talking to him. I wish I could stay awake longer to hang out with him. Otherwise I don't see him again till Friday night or Saturday afternoon. My weekends with him are fucking cherished. And with the kids.

I'm realizing how much older they really are now; so far away from being the babies they once were. We're like a bunch of adults up in this house now, sharing feelings, thoughts & emotions with one another. Ideas are exchanged, musical preferences established. Movies, tv shows & video games are top conversation fodder in the household. (As long as Snookms isn't home) Because when he is home then we talk about Rambo & Sylvester Stallone a lot & the crush Snookms & I have fabricated our shespawn to have for him. We tease her that she secretly adores him but she really despises the shit outta him in real life.

(image source via artpixie)

It all started when we were watching **edit** -->"Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" <--**edit** one Saturday afternoon. We were sitting around talking about how ridiculously lame that movie is & Carmen kept going on & on about how deformed she thought Sylvester Stallone's face was. It was pretty funny but Snookms & I took it up a notch by saying that she secretly wanted to caress his jawbone. Then Snookms said she was going to get Rocky curtains put up in her room & boxing gloves to put on the four corners of her bedposts. I think I started crying at that point because I was laughing so hard. Then there was a scene in the movie where Sylvester Stallone was in his underwear sitting in his bed all doggystyle like & Snookms said Carmen was going to have a coffee table replica built of him like that. So I jumped on the floor & got on all fours & said, "Whaddoya say?" & stuck my butt out real far. Snookms was laughing pretty hard at this point. Then I said Carmen was going to get a poster of Apollo & cross his face out with a giant permanent marker.

So that was part of one of our weekends.

Man. I need another social network. Everything is getting hella boring to me again. Even Tumblr. I still love it but when nobody posts new shit I get so depressed. I'm like a lost little soul on the internet. I want something fun & engaging but also something that doesn't require too much initiative on my part. Cause I'm lazy & unstable. Pretend everything I've said here doesn't cancel out nor negate what I just said one minute ago!

& that is all.

Hey look! Things I'm getting good at!

2010-08-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

(via ... man, I don't even know!)

So yeah, that's been the name o' the game to get me through these perilous past two weeks. Typically I am pretty decent at that, but for the bomb that was dropped on me I had to bust out the handbook, y'know? Dust it off & take notes & whatnot?

Today is a new day tho.

Yesterday was awesome, finally got to see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. It was as joyous an occasion as I had expected it to be, the spawn & Snookms in tow as well. They were so diggin it & all giggles n toe curlin delight. Made me happy for life. The bestest battle was Ramona vs. the evil ex grrlfran. & then the Final Fantasy 2 bassline. Plus Needy's boyfriend (from Jennifer's Body?) was superexcellentcute as Neil. There's other stuff I'm prolly forgetting -- Oh! Like the Sex-Bomb-ombs! They sounded awwwwwwesome. & The Clash @ Demonhead. YEAH! Loved that rockin shit.

Today I'm hoping to venture up to Castleton Square Mall once Snookms awakes from his beauty sleep. That's the only mall I halfway enjoy going to that has a Build a Bear Factory. I need to witness the Sanrio Friends 50th Anniversary Celebration merge for myself. If only to touch the hem of it's garments? I mean like, think of the possibilities!!! Chococat dressed up like Hannah Montana, or Keroppi starring as Spaceman. Or even My Melody as Dracula! She could then possibly be initiated into Mordicai's vampire hoverboard gang.

Once that fun is over maybe a stroll in the park of parks? The King of All Parks. I hope so.

Books I've read worth mentioning as of late ...

The Catcher in the Rye

-Totally fell in love with this. The redundancy of details got kind of annoying until you realized that this is just the way Holden talks. You learn to appreciate the prose somehow once you get halfway to 3/4 of the book. It's really funny & really tragic & great for nosy people like me that have manic & trailing thoughts that lead you out of reality constantly.

A Step from Heaven by An Na -

This one is fucking SAD. I found this hidden gem @ the Riley Children's Hospital while waiting on Tha Jr. to get done with his Social Group Therapy. The staff issues tons of free books & just lies them around everywhere kind of nonchalantly & patients are allowed to bring them home & read them as long as they return them. This is about an immigrant (Young Ju) girl from Korea moving to America with her mother & father to make a promising future for themselves. The way in which An Na was able to explain pictures in words assaulted my sense of taste, touch, smell, hearing & vision so deeply I just couldn't put it down. For someone who has not been through the abuse herself, she sure describes the emotions attached to the situation quite accurately. I had to put the book down several times & dry my eyes because it was so touching. You'll see. Go read it.

I already talked about The Bell Jar right? Yeah, I'm thinking I want to find some more of Sylvia Plath's works. I had read recently somewhere that there was talk of a movie adaptation in the making? Partly produced by a one Julia Stiles, which I thought could be potentially cool? I dunno tho, could be olde news. I'm just sayin, it'd be fun to see what comes of it, y'know? Especially since she was even reading a copy of The Bell Jar in 10 Things I Hate About You. Things like that just tickle me in a way that is strange to most.

Other stuff ...

Dune! The old version? I watched this last week. Well, it was on as white noise while I was speeding through The Catcher in the Rye.

See now, my dad watched this when I was young. Like really young. & I was really sick when he watched it. So it was one of those things were I was stuck on the couch watching it & it kind of melded with my weird sick dreams & stuff, so like, I've always had these strange Dune like images embedded into the memory walls of my grey matter. When I'm in sci-fi or story mode my imagery tends to lend me that kind of visual thinking. So yeah. I'm sitting there watching Dune & fucking falling in reunited love with it & see here ... I've never read any of the novels. I know I want to, soon, but I think because I've never read them that I was able to appreciate the movie without having source material to reference from. I hear a lot of haters complain on that movie because I guess it fabricated a lot of extra bullshit that fans of the novels didn't care for too much. & I ain't here to bust their chops, because I feel you guys on that stuff. But I liked being able to enjoy this movie. Maybe not for what it WAS, but for what I was able to take away from it. The whole "My name is a killing word" biz got me all hot & bothered. & the worms. Oh heck. It is pretty much what I was hoping Star Wars would be when I was a kiddo. But I still enjoyed the ride nonetheless. So there THAT is.

Saw The Expendables the weekend before. Was pretty much what I expected & it was entertaining for the most part. Jason Statham kicks some major knife throwing ass. & don't be misled. That all star line up is nowhere near in action the way you hope it to be. Mostly a bloated Mickey Rourke crying about his past & a couple of 'guest appearances' with the Governor of California & ol' whathisface from the Sixth Sense. Dolph Lundgren tho! Oooh, shoooooweee! He still makes muh heart skip a beat after all these years. I always hated him for killing Apollo but y'know, he kicked ASS. I WILL DEFEAT YOU

I'd love to see Sylvester Stallone direct & star in the role of a Contra movie, with Dolph Lundgren as his trusty sidekick. Throw H.R. Giger's art influence in & Peter Jackson's attention to detail & who knows? We might have a winner! I don't know how they could pull the Spread Gun thingy off though.

I am going to college in January also. Taking the COMPASS/assesment testing Tuesday & then I register for classes in October. Majoring in Human Services, hoping to land a job somewhere in the special ed/counseling services department.

I just recently realized it's where my heart belongs; to those who think outside of the box & don't always have the voice everyone requires here on this Urth to say so. I want to be a guide to that voice. For Snookms. For Jr. For me & everyone else that's struggled to grasp the concept of communicating on this realm's terms. I'd do that shit for free & HAVE done it for free. I've read a decent quote that says something to the effect of "When you find your calling you'll do it for free". So yeah. Why not get paid & receive benefits if I can mean to do so?

It's been good to update here. I want to do it more often. It's just hard for me. I don't exactly know why either, I just know I'd love to get on here at least once a day & write. Hope for this to be so friends!

...

2010-08-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

(via Anouki)

"This fall I think you're riding for -- it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started. You follow me?"

Dirty or clean, I'm a famous machine!

2010-07-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

(image source via helenofdesTroy)

Oh boo! This is going to be somewhat of a sick rant. But it is what I am. Pretty sure I have an ear infection. It all started on Thursday when I was working with my sister in law. We were on our way to our last house for the day & it was going on about 90 degrees with no air conditioning & I just felt my stomach wretch horribly. I almost thought I was going to shit my pants right there in the bosses' vehicle. It passed & I was fine, then another tumultous wretch. This one sent chills down me & I could just envision splattering my innerds all over some rich person's perfect carpet. So yeah, Kristi stopped, I ran into McDonald's... but NOTHING! I really had to scratch my noggin at that one. I was fine again, just a bit weak & wary of my situation. Kristi took the liberty of grabbing me an ice water & after that I took it slow for the day but I was fine. We chocked it up to maybe dehydration because it was so ridiculously hot.

I get home & my body is full of aches & weakness so I lay down until it is time to eat dinner. Still felt weak when I exerted myself physically, so I just took it really easy for the rest of the night. The next day my throat was itchy, scratchy & hurting. Mostly when I swallowed & mostly on the left side of my throat, like it was connected to my ear. By Saturday I was a mess. I woke up, not getting out of bed for like 4 hours, thinking I was okay because I was spending lotsa quality time with Snookms just chatting & giggling & watching tv & eventually sexxing each other up. As soon as I stood though, I thought I would fall over. So dizzy! Chills, aches, weakness, ear hurting & making fluttery noises to remind me of my plight all day. So I spent it mostly hibernating in my room in my Hello Kitty robe, alternating moaning with reading cause I had just picked up Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" on Friday when I went to snag my mom some birthday loot @ SuperTarget. I started reading the book sometime around 4 that afternoon, stopped long enough to watch this B horror movie called The Shadow Within, eat, sleep, & pee, & I was done reading it by 3 in the morning. That book will probably get you the best experience for you money if you read it while you are physically ill! I am telling you! I sincerely felt everything Plath intended. Of course it doesn't help that I've been down her road (minus the electro-shock therapy, fuck! I can't even imagine!) but still, being ill like that made me feel really in touch with her emotions to the point that I'd cried several times in the middle of reading. It was such a beautifully tragic story & just totally was able to express so many of my sentiments exactly. The line that struck at the recesses of my heart most?

~"Everything she said was like a secret voice speaking straight out of my own bones."

By the time I finished the book I was ready for a bowl of Cocoa Krispies. I was running a temp too but it was kinda cool because I always feel kind of out of touch with everything when I am feverish. I was pretty delirious by then & the kiddoes were still awake so they totally humoured me.

Today I am nowhere near normal, my ear still aches like a motherfucker everytime I swallow & my judgement feels all cloudy right now, but I am on antibiotics so I should be back to my regularly scheduled programming in no time. Snookms has been extra super helpful & maybe it's just me but he has been looking extremely attractive while I hast been sick. I mean, I see nothing but pure beauty when I stare his way, but there is something about that 5 o'clock shadow of his that just magnetizes my appetite to his flesh when I am sick. I want to eat him. Gimme a "C'mere Spear" someboday!

There is a lot of other poignant moments I am totally forgetting to mention here, but I don't mind about not remembering at this moment. I am too sick to care; the only thing I DO care about right now is this song on repeat in my head: OVER & OVER & OVER

My best friends are Smith & Wesson

2010-07-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

(via fuckyeahkillbill)

Oh what's this? I have time? What is that even? Because I don't even know these days!

Okay, so somehow I stumbled upon being able to have time to go to the Famous Monsters Convention with Mysty & her other bff Machell. I dragged along on Nothingness allllllll the day long, pushing through the day the way Superman surges forth on Kryptonite. I literally didn't think I was going to make it through my work day. 3 houses & I was down for the count. I srsly do not understand how my boss does it. She is made of sheer will, that woman!

So yeah, trekked through the day & got home with no time to lose; shit, shaved, & showered. Couldn't even chat! Met up @ the Metal Mansion of Mayhem & Mysty talked me into sporting fake eyelashes for the con. I never tried them before so wearing them all day felt like tunnel vision & ridiculousness but everytime I looked @ Mysty & Machell they looked adorable so I was thinking maybe I didn't look as bad as I was feeling & picturing myself to be?

We get to the hotel the con was being held at just fine, & right off there is a person struttin aboot in a Predator suit. Things got residually better from there & before you knew it I had forgotten all about wanting to die that day. There was even a Frazetta booth. I gathered up some doll hairs for an Evil Dead shirk for me, a Freddy Krueger one for Fezziwig, an Alien vs. Marvin the Martian one for shespawn & also snagged her & I an Evil Dead necklace & I gots me some Batman Returns version Catwoman earrings. They is darlin. I didn't nab any goods for Snookms because he is like a recovering meth addict when it comes to horror movies... he just tries to stay the heck away from it all since he was overexposed to it all as a kiddo I guess? Meybbee I could've grabbed some Nosferatu merch & tricked him into thinking it was Joel Osteen? Whatever though. It was great fun. Also, Mysty entered her Lily, The Wife of Halloween tattoo into the black & white tat contest & won first place too. VICTORY! She deserves it. It is such a beaut.

I came home around 9 thirty ish & took the spawn out for a White Castle dinner. Had fun eating for the first time that day & almost od'ed on the unhealthy ingestion of it all. I scarfed those little puppies down quickstyle. I came 'this close' to buying The Exorcist' @ Walmart & bringing it home to let the spawnage watch for fun spooks but thought it through a little more carefully. Oh well. Maybe next week?

Saturday I elected to take shespawn & her cousin to see the latest Twilight. What is it, Eclipse right? Yeah. I had my open minded helmet on for this latest set & you know what though? I liked it. I really really liked it. I keep hearing all this stuff about how Bella's whooped & how Bella can't make a decision for herself & that she needs a dude in her life to go on, but I did not get that impression. The whole movie I was looking really far into it all, waiting for her passiveness to anger or outrage me, but it did not. Maybe everyone is just sippin on the hatorade because she has two gorgeous young boys fighting for her & they both give her the room to be snuffleupagus with the boths of em. & this was freaking my shit out BIG TIME but Jacob is SHARKBOY. Shespawn told me about halfway through the movie, & perhaps it is olde news to everyone else but I was like, "OMFG NO FUCKING WAYYYYY!!!" I felt so ashamed for drooling all the fuck over him throughout the movie, considering I could've been changing his diapers 12 years ago. FAKKKK. But see here, I am typically Team Edward (if I was to choose a team, which I do, I even have the shirt to prove it & shespawn haz team Jacob so I can tell her to piss off) but watching Eclipse made me wanna request a very shallow Team Transfer. Cause Edward was sporting the Fugly big time. I don't know what it was either, because again, I am usually thinking he is the cuter/better personality typed one of the crew. But WHATEVER. Fine. I drooled over the epic wolf muffin boy. But GOD did he deserve it. Even though he was an aggressive ass the whole time. I giggled embarrassingly loud in the theater when Jacob told Edward, "Besides, we all know I'm hotter than you"...

ENUFF OF THAT. I am broken hearted because Green Leaf, our local bubble tea haunt, is now closed on Sundays. I guess the hot Vietmanese chick has to go to church on Sunday. Wahhhhh.

Other stuff. What else! I can't ever remember anymore. Oh, 4th of July. Or rather, 3rd.... was fun. My mom & dad took it upon themselves to celebrate early so as not to cut into other pressing in law engagements on Snookms' end o' the schtick. The Renegade Wizard made some champion ass shishkabobs, chicken, & ribs on the barbeque. Just thinking about them right now is getting mah shit all aroused. Had a lot of good chuckles on account of my brothers. They even noticed that my hair was straightened! How's that for good ol' family lovin? Erin, aka Malakai, kept complimenting me on my hair & my octo/lego necklace & Mysty's pants, & then gave me ironic props when he saw me wearing Let-Dawg's Hollister shirk with Mysty's gothic pants of destruction the day before. HE's so good to meh.

Most of the conversation of my family revolves heavily around the latest movies we've seen or tv shows we've watched & then when Erin & I get in close quarters with one another it is then expanded even further to gaming, books & spirituality. I told him about how I found Ico @ Disc Replay for 30 bucks & he said it was probably one of the most well spent 2 hours of his life he'd ever had with a game. I started playing it last week but only made it to the first couch/save point after you get the princess out of the cage & haven't been able to pick it back up since. But so far I am seeing what everyone has said about it. A very mystical ambient quality to it that is rare to capture in gaming these days. Sort of gives me that warm familiar sensation that Legacy of the Wizard or even Dragon Warrior once had the ability to invoke within me? I am looking forward to gettng back into it this week while I have a few days off. Wish me luck!

My brother & I also talk a lot about writing & dreams when we get even deeper into our convo, but these days there ain't hardly time for all that. He likes to have dreams about getting possessed while I dream about spiders floating around my face that have special revelations encrypted into their movements about the end of the world. So between the two of us there is always a lot of fun stuff to chat up about.

Oh! & Snookms got a new job! It don't pay nearly as much as what he's got now, but it's far more stable than where he's at & we'll have insurance. Woo hooo! Wut the heck is that? So yeah, he's supposed to start in 2 weeks, so glad they are a respectable enough company to understand the importance of putting that in, y'know? He'll be working for the city, doing who knows what in the water department. He seems pretty happy & hopeful about it, a lot more hopeful than I've seen him in some time and that my friends, sounds good to me.

My bro Eric came over & spent the night 2 nights in a row with his daughter sometime last week too. I came home from work one afternoon to find that he had cleaned my whole kitchen for me, & then he was sitting @ the dining room table all damn night working on new floor plans for our whole house! Because that's how he rolls. He is pretty much better than David Bromstad. Had me all excited & optimistic for our minimal way of living right now. He's such a wizard when it comes to interior design. I am encouraging him full force to get into a school that will help nurture his knack for beautiful living; I just hope that it takes. He could make me a rich bitch one day, y'know?

Well I'm all thunk out about what to say, plus I'm starting to get Tumblr withdrawals, so away I will go to see if anyone has reblogged funny stuff about how ridiculously beautiful SHARKBOY is in the new Twilight.

Iron Girl

2010-06-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

Went to a Floor show with Mysty on Wednesday & am still recovering from the vastness of it's impression upon me. The vocalist who is also the guitarist who is mesmerizing was wearing a Melt Banana shirt. His lyrics consist of being gay. Their sound, to me, resembles a cross between The Melvins & Melt Banana, but with the singer sounding like something quite original. We were at The Dojo, like, a few doors down from The Emerson in a tiny garage like building that consisted of 1 ceiling fan, a smoke machine & 50 man-sweaty punks. Mysty merged her way to the front where all the action was & I followed after her like a lost little puppy. My choice proved to be profitable though, cause my foot got smashed by some fool that was joshing around the vocalist once he decided to throw himself bodily into the small but devout crowd of jeering fans while still wailing away on his axe. It was was great. My right ear is still recovering from standing next to the PA system sans ear protection.

Also, ELVISH MEME.

rach (rhach) = curse

el = star

Cursed star! Ha!

M.I.A.

2010-06-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile! I keep wanting to update here, especially with the new layout & such but I just haven't been able to bring myself to it. WHAT IS THAT!? I hate it!

I'd love to come here & update every day or every other day like I used to way back in the day, but it's just so different now since I started working outside of the home. Christ! I don't even know WHAT I do anymore. My new mission in life is to locate a flawless toilet? Fuck that noise.

Life has been mostly about sneaking a laugh with Snookms, or taking David to cello practice or having meaningful video game conversations with shespawn & Jr. In between I sleep & scrub rich people's posessions to a glimmering shine, or at least help my sister in law make it so. I cook stuff more now since we magically have less income these days, been on a filipino cuisine kick as of late. Lumpia, pansit, sinagan (sp?)...

I threw a huge temper tantrum (meaning I cussed in front of my kids) because the lumpia wrappers I bought sucked miserably. They were falling apart even as shespawn & I peeled them apart from one another. & then when we wrapped the ingredients with them they tore even moreso. It was frustrating as hell because you just spend so much time prepping ingredients & not to mention the cost of all that stuff. Going out at the last minute to buy lumpia wrappers is so not an option in Indiana. But whatever. We got it done, improvised what we could, they came out fine. I felt bad for throwing a hissy fit at first though.

As for David's cello practice, it's been going pretty okay. I say okay because he hasn't been practicing afterwards for 20 minutes a day like he's supposed to. He catches on really fast & gets bored easily when he's waiting for the others to latch on to what's being taught, so then he goofs off until it's showtime. I have had to rearrange my work schedule in order to take him everyday, he goes Monday - Thursday for an hour each day & it falls right in the middle of my usual working agenda. But it's been nice to sit & enjoy hearing him & the other kids in his class play. There is a surprising medley of emo-looking kiddoes in his group & they all play pretty great. The 2 teachers are a lot of fun to watch too, they aren't all like, uptight? I guess I would say? Like how you might imagine a cello teacher to be? They really remind me of comic book characters or something. One is a blonde & she's pretty cute. She makes me think of Violet from The Incredibles for some reason. I guess the way she talks & her sense of humour. She has this funny 'thing of the day' that she has the kids do before they all are dismissed & one day it was 'bumping fists', another day it was '3 snaps & a Z formation' & then today she had them do some really funny disco moves. The other teacher will blast Apocalyptica after the lesson's over in order to encourage & motivate the students. I think my favourite cover they do is 'Fade to Black'. I started getting all teary eyed & was thankful I had my sunglasses to hide underneath. That is the first song I remember Snookms playing & he did it so breathtakingly well considering he was only 17 @ the time. Most folks I knew then only had the rhythm part of the song down & when I heard him take it even further by playing the lead as well, well my jaw just dropped in adoration. Him having a ponytail with hair longer than mine didn't help much neither.

Learned how to change the radiator in our car somewhere in between all that time too. Our car kept overheating, mostly making that nasty scorching metal stench, so Snookms looked under the hood but couldn't see anything. We heard sizzling everytime we parked though & there was some steam coming out from the hood. When our intarwebz got shut off it made us do stuff that was more important than watching NCIS & logging onto Tumblr, so we figured we'd better take care of the radiator. It really wasn't as difficult as I initially imagined it to be, but @ the same time, there were a lot of hoses & bolts that we hadn't foresaw when we finally dug our claws deep enough into it. The first bolt I tried removing fucking busted! I felt foolish, but it wasn't enough to scare me off. Helping Snookms with this stuff always reminds me of how much I wanted to be an auto mechanic in high school. Sometimes I get a fever! & the only cure for it is, MORE MONKEY GREASE. But seriously though! I took an aptitude test when I was a senior & it had me most compatible with attaining an airframe & powerplant license. I about jumped for joy because that's what my dad did his whole life. Working on airplanes, that is. I suck for not pursuing that. Long story; some other day.

I wanna say that I've watched some movies, but I don't think I have. Oh wait! Toy Story 3! & the new Karate Kid! I almost forgot all about those. I think there was another movie in there somewhere but I can't even remember. Maybe it was Robin Hood? If that's the case I already talked about that. But Toy Story 3 was pretty cute. It made me cry, but not like part 2 did. I think part 2 will always be my favourite. But 3 had it's moments. Lotso Huggin Bear started to remind me of my Footprint bear I snuggled with for years, even well into my adult life. But then when he turned out to be a jerkface I was like FORGET YOU! Footprint is flawless in my eyes.

Also the new Karate Kid was fun to watch. I didn't find myself nodding off or my mind wandering because I was getting bored & I tell you what! Jaden Smith is freaking stacked for a little kiddo. He is hella cute too. That's right I'll say it. The whole "jacket on, jacket off" thing was pretty cool, but I was hoping there'd be more variation on the repetive trick practices other than that. & I guess there was some hype about the fighting style not actually being karate too, but I am not here to dismiss or get offended. I am Raistlin in the red robes neutral about it all I s'pose. I can understand either 'plight', or rather, sympathize I should say?

As far as t.v. goes I haven 't been able to keep up on much. I started to get back on the True Blood bandwagon but fell off right quick once Snookms' vacation was over. & he just now had HBO dropped from our Comcast plan so I'm all a' heart broken over that. But I can always rent the remainder of the second season from the video store or something. I keep hearing everyone gossip about it on Facebook & it is getting my panties all up in a ridiculous bunch. I miss hearing Bill say "ohbsal've" to Sookie. Cause like, he is so motherfucking gorgeous.

New eps of Degrassi start up in July, it is all shespawn & I ever talk about anymore. That, & who would play who in the Full Metal Degrassi mashup we have concocted for our own amusement. I say Johnny DiMarco is Ed. Shespawn says no because he cut all his hair off now, but I say SO WHAT! & then we giggle & say Holly J. can be Al, because she has a cute voice. Or maybe even Claire! Whaddoya say fellers? But whatever. It passes the time.

I like how Riley & Zane are making out in the previews for Degrassi. Riley still kind of appears repugnant to me just because he was such a dick in the beginning, but now that he is hooking up with Zane & being less hesitant about showing his affections to him it warms the cockles of my heart a bit. Slowly but surely.

It was Jr's b-day on Sunday but we had his actual celebration Saturday since we didn't have the heart to drag all the dads out on Father's Day. He got his own laptop! & I ordered the 1st & 2nd Halloween movies in the series off Amazon (the old ones) since he's so hardcore obsessed with Michael Myers. Also added a Michael Myers shirt to the cart too, just came today as a matter o' fact. It's funny to see Jr. overtly pleased. He tries to conceal his grimace. Too cute!

Other than that, not much else. S'posed to grab some bubble tea with Katie tomorrow/tomarrow & then a wikked/awesome soopersekrit underground show with Mysty on Wednesday. Let-dawg sent me random (or rather, completely without purpose as Snookms likes to sarcastically phrase it to make everyone feel dumb for overusing the word) giftage too! Another mixed cd & Whale Rider which made me giggle because I already own it but was touched nonetheless.

On the writing front there has been a whole lotta nada which I fucking hate. I get sad when I realize I don't write the way I used to. There is a part of me that dies a little bit inside for everyday that I don't write when it wants me to. I call it 'The Creative One' & it doesn't even resemble a person. It's a pillar with storm clouds & lightning bolts hovering above & it doesn't speak in words but rather communes in a Cthutonic kind of lexis. I am dead serious here. Don't even think I am trying to make this shit up.

But yeah. The last ANY kind of writing I did was about a dream I had about this Eminem dopelganger & it was when our webz were broke so I typed it up on Microsoft Word when I was trying to do some 'parts work' that my therapist assigned me. It felt good to let loose, y'know? I really want to write more. When I wrote Lucifer's Scar I realized the importance of writing everyday in order to enlarge my capacity to express.

I hope to afford you all more clarity in the future.

SKULLY!

2010-06-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

Ack. I dunno what's wrong here but I am always trying to avoid updating here these days? I kind of hate it because it's so conflicting. But it's a thing I feel I need to do. Weird.

Maybe I just need a layout makeover to make me more excited about coming here? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love giving out updates & talking out my ass, & I also love staying caught up on my favourite blogs, but I just feel as though it's so 'blah' around here. Yeah, I think maybe I'll brighten things up around here for the summer.

Let's see here, so much to talk about!

The kiddoes are all out on summer break. Really excited about that. Things tried to go all lemonade on our asses there for a bit but I like sour shit, SO THERE LIFE! Seriously though, man, it had me down in the dumps for a bit. But I fought it back? With getting back into Silent Hill 3! That game is damn near perfect. Maybe not SOTN perfect, but quite effing close friendo/oes. I am completely in love with the soundtrack. The spawn & I beat it last week & it pretty much gave me a reason to get up in the morning there for a little while y'know? One of those kind of things. Well, Snookms & the kiddoes are ALWAYS the reason I get up, but well, you know how it is when you play a game you totally dig. It's the first thing you think about when you wake up; the last thing you think about before you go to bed. I wonder how Jesus feels about that? I think it's okay. I wouldn't be mad.

So yeah. I'm kind of laughing @ how Heather deals with the situations she's presented with tho... "OMG, this is SO NOT MY STYLE!" & whatnot. & when she says "bitch" it's pretty cute?

Now we have the unlimited sub machine gun mode unlocked & the kiddoes are on a mission to get the possessed ending & the whatever beam ending. I forget what it's called.

I think that another reason why I am loathing updating here is because I am not good with remember certain detailed facts. When I am not for certain, I just try to wing it, or I research it on the intarwebz to make for certain, right? Well, I don't like having to do that all the goddamn time just for the sake of not sounding like a pretentious twat. But I guess I can do that all on my own regardless eh?

Other such goings on are that I am super addicted to Pride & Prejudice right now. The Keira Knightley/Matthew Macfadyen one? OH SNAP that is such a ridiculously romantic movie! I am a huge sucker for the romance, no matter how much I try to lie to myself about it. Darcy, oh sweet Mr. Darcy. I want to see you pretend to be Alucard one day. I think the part that makes me cream in muh jeans most is when he & Elizabeth are @ the private ball @ Mr. Bingley's (goddamn he is quite the adorable one as well, no?) & Darcy says very subtly, "I hope to afford you more clarity in the future"... & the room goes silent & empty as if they two are the only ones in the room. You KNOW Keira's knees were a'bucklin over that. I get superstoopid over that scene.

She-spawn & I have been frequenting this new Green Leaf haunt down the way as of late. I spotted it back a few months ago & came to an epiphany one day driving home from SuperTarget: "HOLY SHIT! IT'S A BUBBLE TEA FRANCHISE!" So the next ample opportune that came I grabbed the she-spawn & we mosied on down there. Pretty cute place, really small, I had no idea what to expect really. At one point I was like, "Um kay, is bubble tea just carbonated tea?" So when I get there & it is all vietmanese franchise I am like "oh snap! It's almost Goldilocks up in here..." I was meg delighted. There is a supercute employee doll that she-spawn & I are crushing on there. She's got the most beautiful hair & she has the exact same complexion as my momma. So I haz Oedipus complex somewhat. SUE ME!

We tried the strawberry milk tea the first time & got some spring rolls to go. She-spawn totally digs em but I am more of the eggroll fan here. So the next time I got those & tried the taro green milk tea which I love way more than the strawberry. I find myself fiending for a black ball o' glycerin to chew upon after awhile though. The taro green stuff makes me want avocado ice cream from Lee's supermarket though. It's really creamy & the colour is just beautiful in a cup. I love the uber epic straws too. She-spawn totally wanted to stock up on them. I was like, "No! Save them for others too woman!"

It was so funny too because she-spawn & I went to Walmart today to do groceries & saw the bubble tea girl we are crushing on & she was wearing the cutest summer dress & drinkin the taro green. She saw us & was all happy & cute about it. She was with her boyfriend, which she-spawn & I totally did the 'knowing' nod over cuz we kinda suspected that they may have been an item when we saw them working together. He is the whitest caucausian I ever seen in mai life tho. & he was workin them counters like nobody's business. GOOD FOR HIM! They will have irresistable babies should they elect to reproduce.

The other big news is that Snookms is on vacation! He surprised me! Totally... He came home Friday, called all the members of the Turner abode together family meeting style & was all, "I got good news & bad news. Bad news is I have to work tomorrow/tomarrow (which was a Saturday) but the good news is I'm off for the rest of the week." I was dumbfounded? He is also getting it paid, which is a luxury we are not accustomed to affording round here. There's been a couple of vacations like that but most of them have been at the risk of losing a week's worth of resources. So we have fun stuff planned but nothing backbreakingly spectacular just because we are getting old & wanna take it easy. We saw the new Robin Hood flick late last night, it was okay. It was what I figured it would be. I knew the kids would be bored but I figured they could use a couple boring movies in their life. Gives em character.

I've discovered the awesomeness that is Tumblr too, via Paige, one of Mysty's acquaintances. I like it way better over there than I do here as of late. It is where I found these 2 gems anyway... (amongst so many others)

*sources via enchanteddoll.com*

The top one is pretty much how I picture the wil o' wisp to look in Mordicai's "Wil o' Wisps & Other Illuminated Manuscripts" book; right down to a tee. She likes to yell out "SKULLY!" when she hates. & she does it so adorably! & the bottom doll I just ogle & ogle over for hours. It is quite adorable. I have a thing for nautical helms, leave me alone! It most be that one episode of Scooby Doo or something.

Katie's birthday party was held @ Robbie's on Saturday night. Trekked my way out there without too much trouble. I had stopped by Disc Replay beforehand to grab a few quick gifts & found Brutal Legend & 2 other movies for her. She seemed to like them just fine. I managed to snag Silent Hill, Shaun of the Dead & Mysterious Skin whilst I was there too. I can't wait to rewatch Mysterious Skin, I've been telling Mysty all about it. Rewatched Silent Hill today, this time with a different perspective since I actually played one of the games for a worthwhile amount of time. Also I let the spawn watch it with me since I didn't let them watch it when it first came out. They were still pretty sheltered from a lot of stuff then, didn't want to traumatize them with a bunch of stuff that I myself could not bring myself to explain to them at the time, y'know? But I liked it even better this time around, was able to appreciate the soundtrack way more at least. The kiddoes enjoyed it as well, were appropriately spooked & such.

@ Robbie's we I mostly played Rock Band, I even got to play on the drums! I liked it a lot & am now scheming & devising a plan in which I have some for our abode by the end of this summer break. I played on medium mode for a bit & got brave to do Hard, fucked up the second song in the set & chickened out, going back to medium. It was so boring though so I said fuck it & went back to Hard & did okay. I really got jazzed over playing "Welcome Home" by Coheed & Cambria on Hard Mode. It wasn't no joke, but I managed to make it through the song. Robbie made cheesecake which I didn't get to try & also chocolate covered strawberries which I did get to try & they were just as tasty as I'd always imagined them. Other things that were tasty was Katie in her pretty dress with her new hairz being all drunken & giggly & Robbie just being Robbie in general. He has this look. It gets me everytime.

I went to Mysty's house a bunch last week, what, I think at least 3 times, or maybe it was the week before? Heck, I dunno! All's I know is that we had a jolly good ol' time just hanging out on her front porch, enjoying the electric air, smoking, chatting, laughing. She showed me her collection of The Doors stuff she has & I was just totally in love with her dedication to such a thing. Her sister had brought by a bunch of her old stuff that had just been laying around for years in random boxes & she dug out a bunch of old Doors records. She put em on & we just scampered around her abode living life & enjoying being in each others'. By the time I left it was almost 2 & we were both equally spooked cause we were talking about exorcisms, remote viewing & our conspiracy theories regarding the C.I.A. She's so cute when she's paranoid!

Now I am about to assist Snookms in the culinary department. He is making breakfast for dinner with all the trimmins; homemade sausage gravy, biscuits, bacon, eggs, french toast & sausage. WOOOOOOT!

Symphony of the Night!

2010-05-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the epic win that is Castlevania; Symphony of the Night, here is a rundown of it for you, told from the perspective of my 10 year old She-Spawn, who had to write an essay of choice for school & which she chose this as her vocation:

"It is the year 1792 in my video game Castlevania; Symphony of the Night, when Alucard has the mission of killing his greedy father Dracula to save the human race. Dracula is the king of vampires. The main character's name is Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards.)

When your finally done with the first level Death steals all your weapons from you. But as you go through the game you get a lot more powerful weapons that are better and you get back the ones you start out with. After you beat the final boss Richter Belmont, if you have a special thing you can turn the castle upside down. Then you do a lot of the other stuff.

Next you fight the dark priest Shaft and FINNALLYYY! DRACULA!!!!

Before you fight him, you have to do a lot of stuff. First you start at the Chapel where you kill Medusa like the one from Clash of the Titans. Next you go to Orlox's Lair where you fight a mummy as stinky as a sewer rat. After that you go to the Reverce (<----that is how it's really spelled) Caverns and fight the clone of yourself the Doppelganger. Then after that you go to the Abandon Mine where you fight the Grim Reaper (Death) when he threatens to feast on your soul. Then you go to the Floating Catacombs and fight the toughest boss in the game Galamoth. After that you go to the Alchemy Laboratory where you fight Beelzebub. (Here She-Spawn even takes the liberty of drawing an adorable little fly hovering above the word 'Beelzebub') Beelzebub is the fly you kill. I can't remember the Zombie's name but it's probably as stinky as a stink bomb considering there's a swarm of flies forming around it and maggots falling off it.

Next I went to Castle Keep where I got an ultra rare sword called the Crissaegrim. Dracula is only supposed to raise once every century but if you collect the heart of Dracula after you beat the bosses then you'll get to fight him. Sometimes you'll only get a life max up likeat the Colliseum when you kill the 3 false heroes, the same at the Clock Tower when you fight the evil bat monster. then you fight the dark priest Shaft, then finally DRACULA.

After that he starts saying a bunch of things then it's over and it plays a song that sounds like it would be playing at an old folks home or on an old depressing 1970's Japanese anime.

Oh, yeah, I HATE THE BORING SONG!!! Well that's my summary!

(& then she drew a picture of Alucard)

S'very endearing. MeSoProud!

"WHO ARE YOU?!

2010-05-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

My loins hath brewed up a new brand of evil for the morning. It is in no way as delightful as it might sound.

Mother's Day... I'll start with that. Well, the weekend of it anyhow.

My spawn are so hobbit like in the gift giving department, they cannot wait to relinquish their presents, y'know? She-spawn got right on making me an Otep shirt, I told you guys all about that. Then the starshaped bowl that Fezziwig bestowed as gift upon me. That was all Friday. Saturday She-Spawn begged Snookms to take her to Disc Replay & they bought me the limited edition of Akira! Her in I slapped it in right away, watched it all the way through only taking breaks long enough to gather junk food rations. She was really engrossed into the movie, I'd kinda figured she would be; she's just intriguing like that.

The next day Snookms took us for ice cream to Baskin Robbins & bought me a ridiculously large bouquet of sunflowers & daisies, cause he knows I be jockin sunflowers like mad. Also grabbed me an Itunes card in which I flooded with great muzaks.

"Happy Mother's Day To Me!" Is what I titled the cd:

Someone Great -LCD Soundsystem
Nautilus -Depreciation Guild
Fade Into You -Mazzy Star
Astral Projection to Rabid Hell -Urgehal
Cellar Door -Michael Andrews
Reflection of the Television -The Twilight Sad
Unfavorable Meanings -Teenage Panzerkorps
Transmission -Joy Division
Rebellion (Lies) -Arcade Fire
Only Pain -Unsane
Black Bile -Graves at Sea
Boris -Melvins (I really wanted the Isis/Agoraphopic Nosebleed cover but couldn't find it!)
Big Empty -Stone Temple Pilots
2:45 A.M. -Elliot Smith

So I've been cranking that real loud & driving my spawn crazy with it. & Snookms too. Oh how I love to make him hate things!

So like after all o' that we headed down to Snookms' moms' pad to well wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Snookms step dad made a turkey & we had turkey sandwiches & watched Blind Side. Good movie. I had a huge crush on "Big Mike" the whole movie & kept snickering everytime anyone said his name cause that's what I call Snookms when he refuses to respond to "Snookms".

When we were done there we headed out to my mom's & dad's to drop off the 2 containers of Jamocha Almond Fudge I nabbed her from Baskin Robbins. See, that shit is treasure in our family cause all the Baskin Robbins in our area are pretty much extinct. Have to travel FarAndWide for that shit now...

So she was all squeeing & eeekin over it like I had hoped she would. She is such a great gift receiver. She got me a really cute top from some store in Metropolis that I keep forgetting the name of. She also bought me a 'Bella bracelet" cause I've been tryna nab hers from her wrist for like, an eternity & a day & shit. Mine's brown. Her's is black. & she has a white one too now. Ho-HUM! *Oh! You must have dropped this!*

Didn't get to stay & play for too long, as the hour was growing late. Came home & got the kiddoes all tuckered in bed. Snookms & I did fun stuff but I can't even remember what it was. He's been a real joker lately. Making me giggle with flexing his muscles in the mirrors when he knows I'm watching, starts kissing them & stuff till I explode with laughter. That kind of a thing.

Oh! Also! That night, when I walked to the mailbox to put a check in the mail for our kiddoes' insurance? There was a package in the mail from Let-Dawg! She took the time to send me a card & a most ADORABLE golden owl necklace. It has aqua blue eyes & an amber jeweled tummay. SO PRECIOUS! It was all moist & cold from being in the mailbox all night, which only added to it's irresistable allure.

Monday was back to work; went to do an initial clean on a new house that Kristi agreed to start doing. Wasn't too bad, the woman's got a Maserati (sp?) in her driveway though! Cute little abode, nothing too backbreaking right? She pays us more & more money as we progress though the house, realizing how "good of a job" we are doing. By the time we got outta there our pockets were stuffed with 30 dollar tips! How cool is that, right?

Later that night I looked forward to Big Bang Theory, pretty much the only light at the end of the dreary Monday tunnel aside from seeing Snookms & the spawns when they get home. Big Bang Theory is pretty much the only show I brake for these days. It was Lost for the longest time, but I have given up on the show for now just because I am so motherfucking behind. I refuse to watch the last episode not knowing what the fuck has been going on for the last 3 seasons. At least that is what I am telling myself so that I can resist the temptation for next Wednesday... or is it Tuesday? Or is it THIS week? See!!! I am a MESS!

But Big Bang Theory. This show pleases me to an obscene degree. Sheldon has me swooning & giggling in toe curling delight, & his 3 pals ain't far behind. Sheldon reminds me of 3 parts Jr. (my oldest spawn), & 1 part Erin (my oldest brother, but I am STILL older than him & can beat him up so don't even try). Everybody loves Sheldon. Mordicai kind of reminds me of him too, but Mordicai is definately a far more fashionably aware version of Sheldon. Just with his technicalities & things he gets excited over? It's pretty funny & delightful.

Thursday I got paid & had Friday off so's I took Snookms out on a dinner date to Texas Roadhouse, his choice. I'd never been so I didn't know what to expect. Final verdict? I love the atmosphere, but I'm not to keen on the food. It's too much like domisticated food for my liking. & there is some semblance of sweetness in every food you order there, no matter WHAT it is. I don't like that! But we still had our enjoyment either way, we don't need good food to have fun.

Headed over to SuperTarget across the street to stock up on rations for the weekend; bought the spawn some "Hey, I love you & I see what you've been doing there" kind of items & dilly-dallied home. Kiddoes put to bed & Snookms & I finished up watching '10 Things I Hate About You'; it was Encore or something or another. Snookms secretly adores this movie, I can feel it in my bones. He faithfully giggles when Heath Ledger smacks that cop on the butt during the ever-so-charming singing scene. & the whole, "I have a dick on my face, don't I" thing? Poignant moments in our life, people!

After Snookms nodded off on the couch I slipped away to take care of my hair business. & when I say business, BOY DO I MEAN BUSINESS! Lotta werk to be done there folks. See, I shave the back of my head, like, not half way but maybe a third of the way (though there was a point when I was shaving it even past the halfway mark) & I have a bad habit of not keeping up on it. So when I tie my hair up it looks like I've just hacked all my hair off & you see these questionable roots furling up underneath it all, which just makes it look like my hair is really short. So yeah, I had that to attend to. I used to keep up with it all the time in high school but damn! It's hard to scrape up time for that shit these days? So I did that up real quick & then proceeded to bleach half of my bangs so I could dye them purple for the next day. Feels so good to go to bed with a freshly shaved scalp!

So Friday I awoke with a beastly vigor, ready for the new day ahead. It was movie night @ Robbie's & I am falling in super mad love with Robbie real fukken quick. He was that boy in high school with a trench coat, wearing an Art of Noise tshirt & being snarky to whom deserved it & unscathingly romantic to those who didn't. His words drip so effortlessly from his maw, & I am puddy in his hands I am telling yew! I'm sure he's turned hundreds of tricks this way...

So blue black dye was in the cards for my hairs that day, along with the purple for my bangs. Took a lot less time & effort than I had initially proposed for myself, but I was still tired after it all. By the time darkness descended I was ready to just plop on Robbie's red couch & sleep.

But instead Mysty, Katie, Robbie & I watched Bitchslap, which was descent. Robbie says it's what Tarantino's movies SHOULD be, but I like the Tarantino flicks just fine the way they are. Still some decent moments in the movie though. The girl on girl action was pretty hot & I really liked the nun scene too. We were s'posed to watch Immortal after that but I just wanted to be a chatty Kathy instead. Robbie took it upon himself to pop in The Cure's Disintegration live dvd to play as white noise whilst we sat & learned more about each other. I am so in love with Weekend Evenings @ Robbie's House...

Katie has me cracking up with the way she laughs & what she laughs at. We are one in the same in that manner of thinking.

Other fun moments in the week worth mentioning was going to the park on Sunday with Snookms & the spawn tribe. We haven't been since last summer, so it was a real treat. This park we go to is the king of the woods as far as parks go; it has the most secluded, wooded areas that you could know of. They are at every corner, I am telling you. & a bridge! A creek! Here to make all your RPG fantasies come true. I am a sucker for secluded wood areas; get over me!

The kiddoes had fun veering off the paths to find their own, while Snookms & I messed around with some potsmoking teenagers who thought they were being discreet. Ahhhh! How I miss them days...

We will be going back every weekend prolly, such great adventure there.

Back around to Monday, all about Big Bang Theory of course. Later on that night Snookms & I stayed up too late watching Robocop. This movie was intense for me as a kiddo, but so fucking mesmerizing. Murphy! "Who are YOU? WHO ARE YOU?!" & that melting jerk of rat in the poo sewage? It's always great to know you & the spouse were paying attention to all the same parts of Robocop as a kid. Says a lot about a person...

Read this book if!...

2010-05-04T22:02:00.001-07:00

You must absolutely, positively read Mordicai Knode's book Watchtower Gothic if:

1! You listen to Electric Wizard & enjoy it whether you smoke pot or naught.

2! You play D&D now or ever in your life.

3! You like anything I care about at all.

4! Know what homunculus are...

5! Appreciate the art of this beautifully orchestrated melody...

6! Think that the name Mordicai is cataclysmically awesome.

7! Like to play and/or sympathize with Kender the most. (because of the unintentionably adorable factor of this book!)

8! Find insanely macabre things adorably endearing.

You must ESPECIALLY read this book if:

You play or claim to live along the alignment of a Lawful Evil.

So. With that being said, I really adored this book. This is the second book of Mordicai's I have read, his first being Wil O' Wisps & Other Illuminated Manuscripts, (as if that wasn't enough to get my crusty undies in a bunch what with his terribly clever & innovative use of face icons from them oldskool Word Perfect programs as a means for Wil O' Wisp communications) which was a winning NaNoWriMo participant from the year before Watchtower Gothic.

If anybody knows anything about Mordicai (of which I know very little, but the little that I have gathered from faithfully reading his most excellent blog) they would know that he has a knickety knack for making the Darkness adorable. Delectable. Irrrrresistable. There is only one other kat in this world that I know of has that ability over me & that is Neil Gaiman. & honestly? Mordicai kind of tops him in my book. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am all up on The Sandman's tip. & all the fuck over Silas from The Graveyard Book. But dear sweet Gillick Bootblack! I can't decide if I'm going to love you more as the preteen Alpha you once were, or the most notorious Blackhearted war criminal of all the Known Worlds & beyond!

So there is that!

Now that I've gotten that outta the way, let me just say that these two visual/audio companions stuck with me all throughout. & if anyone begs to differ please don't hesitate to steer me in the more clarifying direction?

THIS!

& then ...

THIS!!

Yeah. There is this Alizarin Red character, most charming & in a wheel chair. You know ol' Mordicai has got something in his pocketses, BUT WHAT IS IT?! Wait & see, WAIT & SEE. She is beautiful in a most terrible & beautiful way. & this is one of Gillick Bootblack's (the main man of the story) companions in this adventure.

Then you have Blondie. I switch back & forth all throughout the story on who is my favourite, but I do believe my heart belongs to her. As I've mentioned before! SHE USES CURSE WORDS SO APPROPRIATELY! But that is not the point.

I have a hard time pinpointing this. Not only in Master M's book, but in all books. I miss the point cause I get caught up in the adventure. But here is what I am guessing at?

Gillick, my main man, is like, an Alpha? Which is a language I'm not too keen on due to my parents sheltering me & my kin from too much exposure to the land of magicks, but I'm guessing is one bad ass creation of race.

He is in this Watchtower of sorts, in a realm where the Unity works strictly together to better this realm, use the bones of what the inhabitants of the past have been forced to reckon with & make the most of it's leftovers. Gillick is in the aftermath, the Unity's attempt to make the world a better place? He grows up in a sort of alchemist's foster home, learning the lore & this first book discusses the charming childhood of Gillick, before he became known as "A Most Notorious War Criminal of all the Known Worlds & beyond".

He ventures out on his birthday to meet up with his two newly acquainted pals Alizarin & Blondie, with nothing but his good natured but carefully calculated intentions on his shirtsleeve.

An Aleister Crowley-ish kind of dude in charge of the haunted house takes them the way for the rest of their ride, as they decide to celebrate at The Carnivale of all the lovely places in the Urth!

There is sort of an "alluding to" of what might have happened in those last few moments they shared in the haunted house the 3 companions agreed to walk through together, but it isn't til the very end that you get any idea of what truly takes place. To bridge that most questionable of gaps is letters...

...Letters from Gillick to Blondie to Alizarin & back. As they part ways the particular Carnivale events seems to me the tie that bonds them, all along they speak of it very vaguely, only teasing the very itchy spot you want so badly to scratch in wondering just what the heck happened in that creepy haunted house to the 3 of them.

The letters exchanged at first seem daunting when you see that they go on til damn near the end of the book, until you realize how adorably important they are in further mapping out the "true" nature of Gillick in all his intentions.

Revolution is his name friends! Docents? Citizens...? Yeah. So Gillick applies his previous knowledge attained from his schooling as a potential alchemist & combines it with the worldly experiences that he, Alizarin & Blondie share to attempt a global upheaval of the functioning society as we know it, linguistics being (as far as what I took of it as least!) a top fucking priority.

& you can totally see where Gillick is coming from in all of this. You hear him question Blondie's motive in her eagerness to swear like a truck driver, & he is so goddamn careful to choose his own words. Something I kind of see emulate itself in Mordicai as well.

Either way, he is a decent fellow, that Mordicai dude, & I'd recommend this book to anyone who digs the aforementioned, because it is just THAT FUN OF A READ.

Also! Stayed tuned for a possible Book 2 in the Watchtower series next NaNo!

Out of sorts!

2010-05-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

(Apologizing beforehand for any weird timeframe mistakes, I wrote this particular entry before I did Mordicai's book review but wanted to make sure I put that up ASAP.)

So, yeah... FUCK ME WITH A CANDLESTICK!

Anniversary week! Last week? It was fun! OH so FUN. Snookms & I didn't even have much money to play around with either, but it was prolly the best anniversary we've had yet.

I think it has to do with how close we've become over the years, 14 years... We were able to get over that hump that makes us feel like we were robots instead of lovers, & after that everything has been TITS for us. We can joke with each other like we used to, feel free to share our opinions with one another & not have to be afraid of judging. I love how we can have a casual conversation about masturbation one minute & work the next. It is great.

All day long I had been craving the salad/potato(e) soup combo from Panera so that is where we set out to go once Snookms got home & showered. They didn't even have potato(e) soup that day! FAIL! I guess I should've been more keen to the whole soup o' the day thing, but whatever! I was so dissapointed. But I settled for some cream of chicken thing. & then they even forgot to put the cheese crumbles in our cobb salads so I had to ask for it, it is what gives the salad the kick that makes it worth even buying in the first place. Otherwise it is just a ... bacon salad?

After that we headed to the Sprint shop; Snookms had a fancy Blackberry his brother gave him, he had mentioned getting his service switched from his dinosaur phone to that one, so I was like, Heck ya! Go for it! Since I already broke my Palm. So we get there & he has it turned on in MY name! Whoa? No way, Snookms you spoil me with phones! So that was part of the anniversary present I guess? & it was a present to him too because he didn't have to pay anything for it. & if you are going to find a Snookms Weak Spot, the wallet is where it will be EVERY TIME.

So after that fun was over (I have unlimited texts now...w0000000000t) we headed back out to Metropolis. Drove past the barber shop Snookms goes to & he mentioned needing his hairz did so I told him to go for it. So he did. HE NEVER LETS THEM PUT GEL IN WHEN THEY'RE DONE. Why?

Headed to Rue 21 when he was done there & I bought a Juno-esque looking plaid summer dress on clearance for 15 bucks, some comfy purple work pants for 6 fat ones & a really adorable giant pewter butterfly ring. SQUEEAK. I was totally looking forward to wearing my safety pin laced boots with the dress, & some black fishnets & the butterfly ring along with the new black octopus necklace that Let-Dawg acquired for me @ Hot Topic.

Let's see...when that was done we went to the Starbux haunt that Mysty & I usually hang at & went inside this time. (We are usually outdoors & smoking?) So we sat & chatted about a buttload of stuff, mostly about him tryna get his own insurance so that he can run his own framing crew. He's been doing it for years really, just under someone else's foot. So like, hell yeah I'm gonna be supportive of that shit. Snookms was basically born with a woodchip under his ear. It was really nice to have all that Snookms to myself. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have all the kiddoes, but it's so hard to get a meaningful conversation in edge-wise with spawn interrupting you every 10 seconds.

We had to grab some cereal for the next morning so we stopped by Meijer, the nearest supermarket, to get that & some other snacks for the kiddoes. Found some adorable baby orchids & Snookms bought me one! Eeeeeeeeeeeek! So pretty. I love how they make faces at me.

Came home, put the precious spawnies to bed & elected to watch The Men Who Stare at Goats. I told Snookms he'd prolly love it, cause I had watched 3/4's of it earlier that day, so I was all jazzed about him watching it too. But he didn't like it as much as I did. That's okay though. His mancrush for George Clooney still remains.

Had some great anniversary sex & fell asleep curled up in Snookms' arms for the night.

The next day was pretty fun too, went to see The Runaways with Mysty at the Keystone Art Cinema in Castleton. I had my silent reservations with this film beforehand, just because well, you know how they hype shit up these days & it all goes south from there for me... but oh man. I fucking LOVED this movie. The opening scene shows a fucking blood clot falling from Dakota Fanning's pussy! & it only gets better from there. Seeing Kristin Stewart make out with Dakota Fanning was the icing on the Runaways cake. & Michael Shannon playing as Kim Fowley had me sighing & swooning with his, "You gotta think with your cocks!" attitude. I'd recommend this movie to anyone.

Had fun just smoking & chatting it up with Mysty afterwards. We shared a peanut butter & chocolate chip cookie from Mrs. Field's cookie shop, hadn't had one o' those in YEARS. Verrrry tasty. Then it was home sweet home.

Fast forward to Saturday, spent it @ my mom & dad's hanging out with 2 of my brothers & their spawn... Had fun playing catch up with my mom, she is a marvelous person to have for a mother? She kept threatening to take us up the the carnivale down the street in the old Target parking lot. I told her, "Wait til darkness falls! It'll be funner!" So we did! Even got Snookms & my dad to go (he starred as Keifer Sutherland from The Lost Boys). It was a total blast. I went on that rotational ride that sways yer ass back & forth til you hang all the way upside down, suspended in the motherfucking air & shit. I wasn't able to sit in the same booth as Jr. & Snookms so I had to sit with some 12 year old girl who was really cute but really scared. She had no idea what she was in store for! The whole time she is crying & yelling out, "I want my mooooooommy!" So I had to play coach & get her through the ordeal. I am getting OLDE. & mortal! Those things fuck with me now! I felt sick afterwards!

We let the spawn play some of the rip off games & they won stuff. She-Spawn aimed her shit like a champ & got a tiger in return...

Then it was home... I can't even remember what we did then? Watched something? I'll remember later.

& then yesterday! Mysty took off early from working the Big Kahuna desk @ her current place of employment to watch The Human Centipede with me On Demand. OH SNAP! So disgusting but I was hoping & expecting more? I am a sick little puppy. Sue me. But yeah, I'm already ready for the next "sequence". BFF CENTIPEDE FOR LIFE.

I also forgot to talk about Robbie's Birthday fun from like 2 Saturdays ago, but Katie has it all documented & even put the photos in a Flickr account for all ya'lls viewing pleasure. It was OH SO MUCH FUN. Robbie sent me the most ADORABLE fucking picture of himself yesterday on muh phone, & made my fucking morning with dedicating Darkness's Proposal to meeeeee. SO IN LUFF AM I.

Today it is hopefully going to be all about seeing Iron Man 2, tried to go see it last night after eating a late dinner @ El Rodeo (or 'Gooseo' as Let-Dawg & I have coined it, another funny story to share for next time!) but they were all sold out for the time we wanted to see it. The next showing wasn't till 10 o'clock p.m. & we weren't about to see a 2 hour flick that fucking late. We are olde! I nod off in theatres if it is past my bedtime, no lie!

Tomorrow/tomarrow is Mother's Day. All I asked for was an Itunes card & a banana split from the highly scarcity of awesomeness that is Baskin Robbins. I got online last night to make sure they weren't extinct & sure enough there was 3 in our area. Gotta get my Jamocha fix on! But yeah, that's what I asked for... & today, which isn't even Mother's Day! my spawn showered me in gifts! She-spawn hand painted me a shirk with the Otep logo "Art Saves" on it & Fezziwig GAVE ME his treasured clay project that had been chosen to put on display in the hallways of his school. It is a bowl, in the shape of an amber star, with green trimmings. So beautiful & original! It is my new jewelry catcher.

I'd share pictures with the group but I am still tryna figure out the whole picture thing in regard to uploading stuff online, but when I do, prepared to be spammed with muh shit fools.

This might be long & boring to a lot of you!

2010-04-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

A day off! I found one! Just laying around... Really!

Ahhhh. Such a busy month.

I guess I'll start with spring break. It was fun. Sleeping in, playing SoTN, staying up late, enjoying the nice weather we had. Saw Clash o' the Titans in 3-D (which I totally dug so quit bitching about 3-D Katie)... I worked one day during the whole duration of spring break so it wasn't bad at all. Good times.

The week after that, Let-Dawg came to visit! All the way from Cali. So like, now I have to go visit HER & all her minions.

Let's just say that I was fucking floored at how grown up she looks in real life. I mean, I had some semblance of what she was going to look like what with the beauty of technology provides today via picture mail, heck even cute little videos she sent to me of her tap-dancing & whatnot... BUT STILL! These things do her no justice compared to the beauty I laid eyes upon in seeing her in person for the first time in over 15 years. She is all grown up.

So when I picked her up at the airport what I really wanted to do was cry, my stomach was all tangled in knots, but instead I did the opposite & just started laughing hysterically. Cause I'm Autistic like that, y'know? She was crying so hard, I was so touched by the moment.

I was nervous as all get out driving with her & 3 spawn in tow, plus I am not even a little bit familiar with the new airport system Indy hath provided us with just recently, so I was just a silent little ghost on the drive to Mickey D's whilst the spawn prattled on with her in the car. I kept sneaking glances at her. It was so surreal.

After we stocked up on rations @ McDonald's we took her home to our humble abode. Settled in for a few, waited for Snookms to get home from work so he could meet her & all that jazz, then she & I headed out to Plainfield to smoke & chat @ Starbux cause that is all I ever dreamed of doing with her. The weather was beautiful but OH SO WINDY. Leticia kept teasing the weather & calling it a Dust Devil. She got attacked as a result & pummeled with Indy Mulch. It made me giggle.

We walked around Metropolis for a few, then agreed to head out to the ol' Renegade Wizard & Warlock's Wife pad. They were pretty jazzed to see her. First thing my mom said when she saw her getting out of the car was, "Oh no, don't call the cops on me!" because like, cops were always being called back in the day when she & I were an item. MEH.

We had a lovely evening of just sitting out on the deck & catching up. It was awesome to see my mom & Let-Dawg have a conversation where we were all on the same page. 15 years ago it would've went something like, "Hey mom, can I smoke some dank in mai bedroom?" "Uhmmm, NO!" So yeah. They were talking about being good mommies for their daughters & plants & Fibromayalgia (sp?) so yeah. It was 'interesting' to say the least.

The hour grew late & Leticia was beyond exhausted so we headed home to a house full of sleeping Turners so that we too could turn in for the night. We got home, rejuventated on foods & got our pajamas on. I wound up staying in the living room with her til hella late because we were just having too much fun talking & laughing. It was like a day had never even passed by between us. Our brand of humour, I believe, is the tie that will continually bind us.

The whole night long I kept looking at her face & how young she still looked, I could still see Leticia there, so wide eyed & innocent. But there is this facet of chaos that generates a will of covetous nature from me. I want to consume it & allow it to become me. Like, maybe if I just cut her foot off & eat it that will be enough? She is such a wonderful enigma...

The next day I took the spawn to school & came home & we just sat around in our jammies & rested. RESTED! RESTED? It was weird. BUT FUN! We sat around in our jammiez & stepped out on the patio to smoke & stuff. Then she busted out the copy of Lost & Delirious I had ordered her a while back, she even took the liberty of not watching it at home yet so we could watch it together for her first time. SWEET.

I started tearing up hardcore all throughout the movie & feeling hella dumb. Fucking Paulie is top notch in that flick. She pretty much emulates all the turmoil I struggled against as an awkward teen. SO MUCH EMO. Thank GAWD she had me all distracted with signing her copy of my two books, otherwise it would have been even moreso awkward.

So by the time that was over we didn't have much time to do anything else before it was time to pick up my spawn. We elected to grab some lunch @ Panera (which is my FAVOURITE) & I ordered the potato(e) soup along with a chicken cobb salad. Best combo evar? Let-Dawg did the same, I ate way the fuck more than she did.

I think it was that night that we elected to see Hot Tub Time Machine, which Rotten Tomatoes hated pretty much, or in other words, "everybody" hated I guess? I on the other hand, along with Let-Dawg gave it two thumbs up, way up. It was just our brand of humour, plus Crispin Glover as the armless dude who was no longer armless in the past? He like, stole muh fukkin heart away... It was a perfect movie to see with Let-Dawg.

We had a field trip to take she-spawn to the next day; Indy 500 museum & race track. It was surprisingly fun, but outdoors. By then the weather had taken an about face & totally fucked us up. SO COLD. Poor Little Miss California Sunshine thought she was in the tundra & shite.

After that, the whole trip was basically dedicated to the fucking hospital, which I don't even want to go into all of that here, long story short, Jr. had 2 appts & my pops wound up in the hospital on Friday, but he is all better now so that's all that matters here. Still though, Leticia & I still managed to have fun, she's not one of those friends that you need to be in the 'scene' with to always be having fun & shit. Hell, SHE IS THE SCENE.

When it was time for her to go, I was so not ready. It came so abruptly. I knew it was coming but I just kept tucking it away, like somehow it wouldn't happen if I just kept pushing it far enough into the recesses of my mind. Yeah right. Snookms' mom was a doll & had us reserve a room in her name @ the Holiday Inn Carribean Cove (it's an indoor waterpark hotel that tricks you into thinking you might actually be at the beach for at least 5 minutes) & that is the same day that Let-Dawg was leaving. So after her & the fam & I went to lunch together @ El Rodeo she rode with us to check in to our awesome hotel room, then it was off to the stupid airport. The airport was useless to me that day, y'know?

I don't even want to talk about goodbyes. This ended up being a surprisingly awesome goodbye, but still. I HATE GOODBYES.

So this was all like, almost 2 weeks ago I guess? Or something. Don't hate me because I'm bad with time frames okay?

The next week, which was last week... ? Well I had a lecture Neil Gaiman was speaking at to go to on Friday to get me through the dark & dreary tunnel. Leticia leaving took a toll on me, alot harder than I had imagined. There was something like depression, just missing her being at my side I s'pose? Mysty had took the awesome initiative to set up us being Friends of the Library so that her, BrandiCandi & I could have front row seats at the lecture. Mysty is fucking awesome like that. She be getting the hookup yo. So dig it? I was almost in a fangrrl panic knowing Neil Gaiman was about to step foot on stage. I felt as though I needed some restraining harness other than my own sheer will to keep me from clobbering him with my drool when he finally did walk on stage. He was everything I hoped he would be. & more. He said when he grew up he wanted to be either a werewolf, or a writer. Mysty & I swooned & giggled hardcore when he said that because I started calling her husbandry Werewolf & it just stuck like that so that is what Mysty makes everyone call him now.

He spoke a bit, did some readings, held a Q&A which I couldn't muster the guster to ask a question, & then did a final reading of which was my favourite. Something about a St. Auron? I dunno. I was too bewitched body & soul to reach that far into my memory bank & record. BrandiCandi will remember! & there was a Paige! A lovely lovely Paige I had the pleasure of meeting due to Mysty & her being mutual pals. Mysty is superfamous everywhere she goes. Everyone knows her no matter where we are. Paige has awesome ink, she had this awesome owl tattoo on her arm that I took a picture of with my camera phone but cannot currently share with anyone because my fucking phone is now broke.

So after drooling over Neil Gaiman, Mysty took us back to her pad where we met up with her Werewolf & one of my exes (sp?, WUT? I'm not used to talking about 'exes'!) & headed up to Melody Inn. I had the pleasure of hearing Slam Dunk, Lair of the Minotaur & Coffinworm live that night, it was fucking off the hook? I was initially all about Lair of the Minotaur, but when Coffinworm got on stage they stole the fucking show. Everyone knows everyone @ that particular haunt, except me, of course, I was a fucking newbie fail on various levels, but I didn't care cause I was so far stuck up Mysty's ass you could no longer see my little Anarchy ballet flats sticking out. But I tell you, everytime Mysty takes me to one of these 'things'? These live/local/underground shows? It is like getting in a time machine & being transformed. I feel like a teenager again, reckless & flawless & rejuvenated. Somehow Mysty has that affect on people. We all drink from her Eternal Fountain of Youth. & I don't know, because I am new to this 'scene', or rather, just coming back into it as an old fart, but... there are all these adorable little outdoor nooks & crannies you can slip back into & just chill & smoke & chat up with potential Venice Beach material. It's pretty great & I am thinking everyone needs to try this scene on for size at least once in their life. I typically live such a sheltered life, as BrandiCandi had put it for us people that live under the stairs, & this was so entertaining... watching Mysty @ her finest.

So yeah. There is that. There's way more to babble about here, I finished Mordicai's Watchtower Gothic (a LONG TIME AGO, actually) & just received Mr. Parrish's very own Tavernier Stones in the mail about a week ago... I want to talk about those, but in another session! Time's up!

No! There is no hairstyle that can put you in the bad place!

2010-03-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

The last time I posted was March 1st. It's the 19th today. I am losing my touch.

I have a Hefty bag of crap I can't bring myself to go through yet; it is filled with the contents of our beloved Kia (R.I.P.) that Snookms managed to salvage from the wreck I got in 2 weeks ago.

Wreck you say? You didn't know I got in a wreck? Why yes, I did. I sure fucking did. & it was all my doing, or undoing, I should say.

See, the Kia's a stick. Also, it's a 2001, so like, it was getting 'up there' in age I s'pose? Welp, it's been actin funny; funny meaning I have to keep 3 feet on the pedals at one time. It stalls. When it's in 5th gear it wants to act like it's in fucking first. For at least the first 5 or 10 minutes you drive it. After it warms up or whatever, it does fine. Just fine.

Stupid me took it upon one's self to throw this caution to the wind & go out anyway, took the kiddoes up to Starbux. The Kia never did start behaving itself. I left Starbux & we got on the rode, me tryna keep the car running by alternating cramming on the gas with one foot & the other busy pedaling around with the clutch & the brake pedal. I took the liberty of turning on my hazards seeing that I wasn't having any success in this. I was worried about the cars behind me getting all shitty because the car was driving so crappy.

Next thing you know I rear end some old Asian dude in front of me. Hard. So fucking hard it caused the Old Asian Dude's car to ram into the car in front of him.

Automatically I hear screaming. From my babies. They're screaming & crying & freaking the fuck out like any normal person would. My instincts kick in after I am done being dumbfounded by the impact & I look around to make sure none of my kids are hurt. None of them appear to be. I get out of the car & climb in the back seat to try to reach out to each of my kids & comfort them. They are not consoled. My oldest is yelling out, "Am I gonna die? Am I gonna die?!"

I get out my phone to try dialing 911, but fuck touchscreens. Never try to dial on one of those when you are in a panic.

I look over at my oldest, Jr., & he is bleeding profusely from the face. His nose is now swollen & looks like something that resembles the oldskool Phantom of the Opera. There is a bump the size of Antarctica forming on the bridge of his nose. I about faint.

Some innocent bystander takes it upon himself to take us under his wing. I grab the keys from the Kia & he helps me round up my kiddoes & lets them sit in his truck. Apparently he is like, an off duty firefighter or some shit? He knows all the lingo. Gets out a flashlight to look at Jr.s nose. His gums are swollen & bleeding to. He's still asking if he's going to die. My other two are appearing to be physically okay but they are still freaking out. The ambulance comes. Snookms comes. I follow the ambulance with my two kiddoes & meet Snookms & Jr. in the E.R. at Clarion West Hospital.

Jr. has a broken nose. & his frenum/frenulum is completely torn. All the fucking way. It's that thin piece of skin that connects your upper lip to your gums? His gums are all bruised the fuck up & his face has become heartbrakingly swollen.

We get out of the E.R. around 1 in the morning. The accident took place around 10:30 pm.

It's taken a week for Jr.'s face to go back to looking the way it used to be, but it's still going to look a 'little' different than before. There is a small bump on the bridge of his nose that will always be there, but he didn't have to get any surgery, so I'm thankful for that.

I've been hating on myself for about 2 weeks now, trying to come to terms with what lessons I should be taking away from this incident. It's been hard to enjoy my usual pleasures, as I have been denying myself many of them. I tried to act normal for the intarwebz because nobody likes to see that shit unfold online, but inside I was a fucking mess. I didn't talk to anyone, I retreated to that corner inside my world where self hate was the most pleasurable thing I could grant myself access to.

I'm slowly making my way out of that realm, but it hasn't been easy. On the surface everything seems better, & technically it is I guess? But there's a part of me on the inside that doesn't ever feel like it will be the same.

My other 2 spawn are still traumatized by it, as well as Jr., & I can't blame them one fucking bit.

If there were any lessons I needed to learn from this incident I want to make sure I am being made aware of them. I know it was an 'accident', but still. It just fucks with me.

I pushed alot of people away as a result of my retreating into my self hating indulgence, but I guess that's a test of who really loves you & who doesn't, cause the ones that still stuck by my side through all of my bullshit are still there.

So that's what's been up in my neck o' the woods for the past 2 weeks.

I went back to work with my sister in law Monday since all my kiddoes were able to go back to school. I hated every fucking minute of it. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I was going to have a day off the next day to get myself back together. I even wound up calling off the appt. with my therapist because I just needed to be alone with myself for the day. It was refreshing but I was still going crazy on the inside.

I finally had a meltdown all over Snookms. He tried to do the tough love thing on me at first but I don't do well with the tough love thing from Snookms. Maybe it worked when my mom did it to me, but with Snookms it's a different story. Through it all though he was a trooper & by the next day I was starting to feel some semblance of optimality? I don't like to throw the term 'normal' around so loosely any more, because what the fuck is the norm? It is different for everybody.

So I went back to work still not wanting to go, but whaddoya know, Thursday was a beautiful day. 3 of us got 3 houses done at a rate of less than an hour for each house & even had time to dine @ the quaint little pizzeria they have in the town of Zionsville. They have pepperoni stuffed breadsticks that are just to die for. I dream about them sometimes.

We had time to spare after that so we all went our separate ways & I got home in time to enjoy a half hour to myself before picking up my spawn. I spent it trying to finish off the 1st tier in MandyLand of Vampire Wars. It was just nice to worry about nothing for a little while.

Wound up watching Ninja Assasin with Fezziwig, she-spawn watched some parts, it was a little too violent for her. She & I are now on the Raizo bandwagon. She has a thing for long haired Asian dudes? Mostly I blame that on my brother Erin (aka Malakai) because that's basically what he is & she-spawn developed an innocent crush on him during her early years of development. He was living with us then, & heck, he is one dashing young elf prince, so who could blame her?

Also got to watch Invention of Lying which was thoroughly amusing. Hearing Jennifer Garner talk unapologetically about masturbating was just ... ENTERTAINING.

Later that night after all the spawn were put to bed I found Loudquietloud on IFC & watched it. I was feeling so good by then, so free. Like everything really might be okay after all. I have a serious obsession going on with Black Francis. He totally reminds me of my possible new Dungeon Master, Robbie. He knows how to command an audience & yet remain himself in many facets. So sarcastically & romantically charming.

I was in a talkative mood while Snookms was cleaning his firearms, so I spilled the beans on another writing project I am cooking up in my head while we were watching Loudquietloud. The story I've been cooking up is a futuristic sci-fi, kind of following after the nature of Southland Tales. Scientists have discovered a way to hack into the brain matter of animals & realize their capacity to hold information; their brains are basically supermemorymachina, & seeing as there was a recent uncovering of incidents leading to the opinionated & scientific conclusion that all things electric have been directly related to Revelations taking place.('cept in this story I think I'm going to refer to The Revelations instead as The Inevitable.) So you get all these puppies & kittehs & llamas hooked up to the Urth, instead of computarz. The Gov't wants to eventually incorporate all fauna to integrate with the heart & core of Urth in order to avoid The Inevitable.

But ... I dunno. We'll see. I have tons of pages of notes & character names & so forth. Neptune DoLittle & Robertsm Ith. A play on words is alot of it. See if you can see!

Tonight the fam & I are s'posed to see the long awaited ' Diary of a Wimpy Kid ' flick. I am in serious ExciteBike mode about this, I can't stop thinking about it & also I get to grab some Starbux w/ Mysty around 4:30 this afternoon. It's been far too long baby.

So that is all for now...

My reality is way better than everyone elses!

2010-03-01T06:25:00.001-08:00

So much to talk about!

Well first I'll start with 'The Box' since that is what is on my mind most.

Decided to watch this with my spawn yesterday, ordered it On Demand since I have that luxury with Comcast. I went against what my mom, dad & brother Eric said about it; none of them liked it.

Well, I DID!

But I guess that is to be expected since I am a fan of Richard Kelly's works. You've got Donnie Darko which has become a cult classic, then of course Southland Tales, which, I dunno how much of a fanbase has gathered from that, but the few people I do know that dig Southland Tales are A-O.K.! in my book as far as taste goes.

I think the biggest problem with Richard Kelly movies is the way they are marketed. They are tryna appeal to a demographic in which doesn't really care about most of what Richard Kelly seems to want to tell in a story. If you read the back of a Donnie Darko dvd, you are deceived by descriptions, as they compare it to Sixth Sense. With Southland Tales, they attempt to pull audience in with Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson! & then of course with 'The Box' they make it look like some reality show that focuses on some cookie cutter couple making a heartfelt decision on whether they get their money or decide to kill a family.

With Kelly it's all in the details. Whether or not the family chooses the money or not is as much an aside as everything else they try to falsely convey in those ridiculous previews.

This movie blew me away with it's story telling. The beautiful details. Oh, how I want to get my grubby little paws on 'The Lightning Book'. & now I realize I am not the only one who fantasizes about comparing science fiction to magical happenstances & such.

When you watch this movie you don't get a happy little couple who has made a concious decision to do what you hope & think is right. You get reality of what most anyone would do in a situation, & you get consequence. Even the minute details of that consequence, almost to a schizophrenic degree. & I love it.

Enter a mysterious man, who is a salesman of sorts, going door to door to offer a once in a lifetime opportunity. Enter a well to do couple that has gone through what any enduring couple has gone through to keep a family financially secure. Enter a whole fucking world behind all of that & you get Arlington Steward, a man who lost half of his face to being struck by lightning, & is now being imbued with the ability to communicate with "those who control the lightning".

Use mid 1970's as a timeline, retro era mingled with some NASA sass as a backdrop, & you have a recipe for magical success in my book.

There is even a hint of what I deem hobo-alchemy may be in this story, sprinkled gracefully all throughout. O', how it maketh me swoon!

So there that is.

This was all yesterday. After the movie was over my spawn talked me into playing Monopoly, but I agreed only because it was Spongebob Monopoly. I folded after realizing my she-spawn was going to hafta sell her goods on 10th street just to pay rent for landing on Tentacle Acres with 4 pineapples & a Krusty Krab shack. The total came out to like, wut? $1, 700 fat ones? She had less than 200 dollhairz to her name so I was like, "Awww! NeverMIND!" Then of course she folded, & David came out the victor. I knew there was trouble when he still had both his 500 bills at this point & then some. Fucking bankers & their goddamned accountability & whatnot!

Rewind back to Friday, just a couple days before. I managed to talk Snookms into taking the spawn & I to see 'Shutter Island'. My baby bro got to make it out with us too, so that was a big plus.

I don't know if it was because I was so damned tired already (we made it to the 10:00 pm showing!) or wut but I just didn't have the typical visceral reaction I do to a movie like this. I went in with my own expectations, halfheartedly acknowledging that they wouldn't be met, but you know what? They were ALL met pretty much. & I was just so zombehfide I guess that I didn't get all 'woo-hoo! score one for me & my prophesies!' ... though I really would have liked to... We didn't get outta that Metropolis til damn near 1 in the morning. But yeah, if you are going to be doing a pyschological 'thriller' that makes me happy, this movie is a prime example of how it should be done. The whole "I reject your reality & substitute my own" theory here is prominent all throughout. Which I am a huge advocator of, cause like, I am straight up sick in the head, y'know? So yeah, another good flick to watch when you ain't tired I s'pose?

Saturday was a lazy day for me, didn't get outta my pj's once! It was a good day. I am sad though because I finished Kurt Vonnegut's 'Breakfast of Champions' & that book had me looking forward to being bored cause it was such a great read. It touched very many surfaces of myself I didn't think I'd ever have the words to express. Kurt Vonnegut has such a talent for doing that so fiercely & graciously. It had me a' heavin' & a hoe'in so much! I think Richard Kelly could do an immaculate job of making that one into a movie, I AM TELLING YEW! I am okay with this though because I can now go resume reading Mordicai's 'Watchtower Gothic'. I am in love with this Blondie character, she uses curse words SO APPROPRIATELY!

My other brother Eric showed up later Saturday evening & he & his daughter wound up spending the night. We stayed up late eating junk foodz, talking about our Seattle days growing up, with Totally Insane & RBL Posse as our soundtrack for the night. A little 'Trigga Gotz No Heart' didn't hurt one bit either.

One last thing that I am pretty jazzed about is that the interview Betsy Dornbusch (aka SexScenes at Starbucks) invited me to do is up @ Electric Spec for those of you that wanna take a peek at.

I was thrilled to have the opportunity to do this interview with her because of the book it was in regard to, Quencher. It's erotica, it's got vamps & it's got muff diving. ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAVE MY NAME ON IT. Now go forth!

Taking a walk on the wilde side...

2010-02-17T09:09:00.000-08:00

Floating alone on waves of despair & nothingness. I want to say things I shouldn’t say, or rather, things that shouldn’t be contrived. My therapist has rewired me to say “I wish” instead of “I should have” & that has changed circumstances significantly. But the olde beast, it still yearns for it’s ancient ways of dealing. There are still so many “should haves” washing over this oceania of regret & it’s all I can do to bite my tongue.

I have so much to say darlings, about this dreary world that only reading books about Kilgore Trout can satiate these days. There are secret scribes inside this mechanism that take notes & other gears that tear those notions asunder once the pen hits the paper readily. *Kilgore Trout* *Kilgore Trout* Those 2 words burned themselves into my slumbering imagery through the night, like I sometimes allow the word *Messiah* to do.

In this place I can be safe to be me, but for how long? Another facet of myself chooses to betray my words & make them public, as if to say, “See! I told you you were an ass, Rachel… or … whoever you are for today!” These things make me whimper with invalid frustration.
I have 3 specific images I have deposited into my spank bank of reason. No, not so I can go masturbate freely to the lustful rhythm of my clitoris, more like, thought candy for the night when all the other humans I love have failed me, or like, when I have failed them?
2 are of the female race. They intrigue me. They have puzzle pieces that don’t easily fit into the full picture that is them. They keep me awake @ night wondering about them so. I love their colours.

The other is a male specimen. This one haunts my dreams occasionally. Once I dreamt that they were an unknown roommate living in a loft I had no idea was a part of my abode & above their sleeping quarters was an adorable sign that had the words “Carved of Flesh to Eat Your Young” hanging like those nooses I so adore on the game Hangman. He was reading, laying with his back to his pillow, a shadow & claw volume of sorts, & someone came into the apartment building trying to kill my beloved friend & I, & instead HE killed them with a Rabbitslayer (see 'Chaos War' article). When he was done he simply pointed to the adorable sign, smiled a smile of satisfaction & prophesy, & ascended his ladder to resume reading.

There was another dream where he knocked boots with one of my besties & I was jealous but arguing with my thought propelling self as to why I should be jealous because I was still married in my dream too. He was in a pre-existing state in this dream too, like how I imagine him to possibly be in his past. But I didn’t even know him in my past! It’s funny here too because I feel like some part of me knows some part of him, like a Children-of-the-Grave (see Never-Never Boys) typed thing?

Either way, one should feel so lucky that they partake of my daily reasoning so frequently. But in the swing of things I feel lucky to have them to think of. It’s strange & arduous.

I hate my cogs of reasoning. For keeping me imprisoned. For being far too creative for their own good. I am like the Victor Frankenstein of reasoning. These parts of me have no boundaries. That is a boon, I feel that with every fiber of my unbeing, but @ the same time, it disqualifies me from so much. It easily removes me from the sane category & puts me in the predisposition of ‘highly unplausible’.

Eff you Fates.

Valentine Weekend

2010-02-16T06:38:00.000-08:00

For Valentine's Day I got:

snow! Lots of it.
Roses that cost 61 fat ones
A coffee mug that came with those 61 dollar roses that stated it 'loved me'.
New carpet in the living room & bedroom
to see that Percy Jackson movie which was surprisingly entertaining
'The Breakfast of Champions' by Kurt Vonnegut in the mail (which I fucking adore the shit out of)
A nice new clean & dustless bedroom in which I was able to sort through a lot of our olde shit so I could make room for our new shit
Adorable homemade Valentine cards from my spawn

It seemed like there was other stuff I was going to mention, but whatever, I'm in a hurry because I have to brave the snow today for an appointment with my therapist.

But yeah, those roses didn't happen on purpose, I guess Snookms was tryna be all thoughtful by going to a florist & by the time he got out of there he about fainted from what they charged. He initially had hopes that he would get me flowers & then stop by Sprint to buy me a new case for my 'new' phone. But it stopped after 61 dollars came out for the total for a dozen roses & a sunflower. Kinda funny but yesterday he came home from work & was all, "So & so got his flowers from Kroger, THEY WERE 20 DOLLARS, & so did 'so & so' and 'so & so'....but guess what? They got a 20 dollar thank you too!"

This made me giggle alot alot because I took the initiative to go to 'Tasty's', an adult novelty store up the street to finagle around for some sexy lingerie to wear for Snookms on Valentine's Day. Or rather, NIGHT. But uh... yeah, I found what I had hoped, 2 separate sets which were hella pricey considering what they were made of. The 'picture' made the ensembles look like they were going to be made out of far more than just lace & strings, but when I got home & wrastled em on, it was basically spandex for dummiez. But Snookms liked it just fine & I didn't feel all objectified like I was thinking I might. It was pretty cool.

Here's a boobed covered version of one of the ensembles. Mine was tit-less:

The ladies there were really helpful & kind of hot? The chick that rang me up reminded me of some hardcore church lady that really knew her lore in sex toys. & the other I'm pretty sure was a 40 or 50 year old undercover Dominatrix. The store had this sort of shabby chic charm expect everything was lavished in black & red instead of pink & pastel green. There was an 'upstairs' that led to nothingness that I had to hold myself back from climbing upon on more than one occasion & most of the fellers that came in there turned right back around once they got to the back of the store. There was this 'Show Stealer' cock in the back that had me laughing out loud for it's enormity.

So yeah, I couldn't find any pics for the other ensemble, it was basically a dress made of fishnet, like a mini dress & came with a matching thong & the part that hold your boobs was made of this geisha looking red material & the boobs had no cover except for this black tie up ribbon. I looked alot better in it than I thought I would?

Also, yeah the carpets. Snookms took it upon himself to put them in this weekend, he worked so damn fast, got one room done in 2 hours & the other one in 1. The hardest part about it all was just moving all our shit out of the way. But it gave me an opportunity to move stuff around (one of my favourite things to do!) & dust & re-organize things. It looks really good.

Katie wrote a lovely review of my book "Lucifer's Scar; A Love Story" a while back & I wanted to link to it again here. I was really walking around on eggshells the whole time she read it because I knew she'd be honest if she didn't like it, (which I highly appreciate!) & she wound up enjoying it anyway. The review is really thorough & she got all the parts of the story I was trying to tell & by the end of me reading her review I was experiencing some hardcore, toe-curling delight.

I took the review of Adam Lowe's Trog Rose down that I wrote because he suggested I try submitting it for publication for a few online magz. So I am trying my hand @ that to see what comes of it. Adam is fantabulous. If I don't get any nibbles it'll be back here where I will pet it & love it & be proud to call it my own.

I had a really great 3 day weekend with the family & I miss having them around already. We sat around & attempted to watch 'Couples Retreat' last night & as boring as it was they actually stayed around & watched the whole thing. I was really surprised because I kept dosing off & only woke up in time to see Vince Vaugn owning ass on Guitar Hero. But it was a pretty huge yawn fest.

Welp, I'm off like a dirty shirt.

Hand Me the Mace of Gabriel & Nothing More!

2010-02-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

Starting to get all them creepy international spam comments again, glad I've got comment moderation on. I just hope they don't start blasting my page with 50 of them a day & shit, like they did @ The Vampire Newspaper. Sheeeeeeeesh.

Let's see... Legion! Don't waste yer billz. I mean, if the story line would have just stole my story line from Lucifer's Scar, I would've been an insolent, yet happy camper. But it did not. The one liners were fucking embarrassing (almost as embarrassing as me?) & the female protags SUCKED. "Here, you take this little gun preggerz gurl, God Forbid you do anything B R A V E? I mean, Paul Bettany as Micheal/Michael (I always get them two mixed up!) was absolutely beautiful, don't get me wrong here. They couldn't have picked a better fellow for the role, but everyone/thing else fucked it all up. Except for Gabriel. & his MACE. & alluding to possible Michael/Gabriel lovinz. That would've been such a treat. But no. No. No. NO. There was also such potential with the Heavens & talk of going to war. But it failed. #FAIL.

Moon. Good movie. I liked it. I can't really say a whole lot about this movie because it would pretty much spoil the whole thing. It unfolds pretty quickly & then you are left toying around with Sam Rockwell imagery throughout the rest of the flick, which was a - ok! in my book. He's fucking beautiful. So is Kevin Spacey, even though he is just a 'voice' in this movie, but hey, I'll take it. Robo-Kevin! The atmosphere in the movie is very creepy/gorgeous too, you definately get a good feel of the isolation they are tryna impose, like in Metroid.

It's kind of funny here, & I just came to this realization a year or two ago, but I noticed that there is this distinct look Snookms has & when I see it in others male or female, I hone in on it quickstyle & feel automatically attracted to them just BECAUSE they resemble the Snookms' look. I would've never in a million years gave a shit about Sam Rockwell had he not reminded me of Snookms first. So I guess mostly I am attracted to potential Snookms Clones?

What else, what else!?

Been taking bubble baths everynight, courtesy of Leticia's recommendations. It's been a sanity saver for sure, I light candles, drink tea & bring my laptop so I can listen to my blipfmstation. I heart it alot-alot.

Today is Groundhog's Day & also my mom & dad's anniversary. I think it's 37 years today. Wow. It seems alot longer. They still fight like they're fucking newlyweds though. & make up like em too. Srsly.

Still tryna read up on the Shadow & Claw series. I'm @ the part where they are JUST starting to talk about this whole 'Abaia' thing. I am intrigued to the fullest extent, it is just so hard to squeeze in free time to read it so I take it to bed with me & fall asleep reading about sharp toothed mermaid thingamahoozits & dream of them in my own little urban mindwarp. Mermaids with oozis/ies?

Was taking a nice bubble bath last night & listening to Metallica's 'Call of Cthulhu', feeling inspired to write some more in Teenage Wasteland. That project has been put on the back burner for quite some time, I'm ready to dust it off again & get down to the nitty gritty. Mr. Ortiz has joined the FB wagon as of late so he can now monitor my progress more astutely! Not that that was the reason he joined of course, but, yeah, that's what I'm thinking about mostly. I'm such a twerp!

Just recently I got sort of 'best of' compilation of H.P. Lovecraft's works; can you believe this, but I've never read any of his shite til just recently? I was intrigued by the prose for a sample of the 'Call of Cthulhu' story & I'm like, "Fuck baby, where have you BEEN all my life?" I love it when you stumble/happen acrossed a thing like that & it just speaks to your innerds & makes them glow with toxic delight.

Well I have way more to babble about, but I have to get ready for my appointment with the therapist this afternoon. ONE DAY I'LL BE A THERAPIST TOO GODDAMMIT.

Someone bake me a cake because I am HUNGRY

2010-01-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

It is snowing & I love it. The blizzard intrigues me!

Well I have been a real busy body lately; not much time for anything I like to do on teh intarwebz. But that is a-ok! with me, it's kind of nice to have a thing to do & a penny to earn. I think what gets most difficult about my new life schedule is those weeks I have nothing but appointments once the spawn get home from their according academies. This week = Social Group for Jr. on Monday, Chess club & ISTEP tutoring for Jr. & Fezziwig on Tuesday, Speech therapy for Jr. on Wednesday & then the light @ the end o' the tunnel is Date Night with Mysty. We are probably going to see Legion, which I'm pretty jazzed about, BUT! I am trying NOT to get my hopes up too high in case it pisses me off with bullshit friendly shaningans. Sometimes movies like that just don't dig deep enough? But we shall see!!!

I can't even remember what happened on Friday except for giant sub sammiches from Penn Station that can clog an artery in 5 seconds or less. Oh, wait. The lunch date! I almost forgot. That went exceptionally well. I met w/ the spawns' school psychologist @ the school then we rode together to Panera where we met up with Jr.'s old occupational therapist & speech therapist. These ladies combined could fuse together to become one of the most formidable Voltron variations I know of? All 3 of them are in their 40's, dashingly gorgeous & charming, passionate, & unconditional in their love & judgements upon others & have the fashion sense of David Bromstad. I was so flattered that they wanted to take me out on a lunch date to celebrate my memoir. & let's face it; I know my book wasn't the greatest, there were so many typos, a lot of bullshit prose & just a bunch of footsteps in the dark. But the fact that they took the time to read it meant so much to me. They could've got bored & chucked it. Or offended & disregarded it. Instead they took time out of their lives & even sought to give me a card, each of them signed & enclosed a personal insight to what they felt about the book. They even bought me a beautiful necklace & some earrings. I was so touched I almost started crying. Then they even told me congratulations in the middle of our lunch date & started clapping. I wanted to sink into my seat! On the way home I had a really great convo w/ the psychologist, (we always have these!) & I drove home in my own car once she dropped me off feeling such a deep sense of connection with this woman. She's in charge of the Autism Awards Ceremonies in Wayne Township & wants to see if she can get any costume stores to donate a few Star Wars get ups so all the adult participants of the ceremony can don space gear this year. I think that would be EPIC. So if any of you know of a place that might be willing to do something like this, let me know. I've scoped out a few places on the net, but so far I haven't got any nibbles. It'd be for a great cause!

Saturday! Oh dear god Saturday! It was a nightmare. A mess. A week ago I had done what my sister in law likes to call an 'initial' clean on the spawns' bedroom. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had contemplated it to be, but it still needed decluttering in the closet, in their drawers, in the TOYBOXES. So Saturday was the day our 5 member household combined efforts to do so. We emptied out the closet, the drawers, the toyboxes. Stuff was everywhere. On our bed. On the dining room table, all the heck over the surrounding floors. There was nowhere to sit & rest at one point! But we were adamant & by 3:30 am we were able to clean up most of the disaster. Snookms even installed a ceiling light in the spawns room which I kept giving him shit about since he had to go up into the attic to do the electrical work. It is NOT to my advantage that he isn't a chicken baby. Damn you Paranormal Activity!

Sunday was another day at the new church. It went well. The pastor was talking about this story of Esther & her cousin Mord(e)cai. I really like the way he tells the stories too. It's not boring & full of inserts I want to term as bullshit.

Snookms & I had taken separate vehicles because he was invited to watch the Colts game afterwards out @ his momz & I knew I wasn't up for hanging out at someone else's pad all day considering we just did that at our own the day before, cleaning. So afterwards I took the She-Spawn with me whilst the other 2 remained with their dad & we had ourselves some fun.

We went to Peking Buffet for lunch in Plainfield & had a crab fest. By crab fest I mean unlimited amounts of crab, melted butter, lemon & soy sauce dip, & rice, rice baby. We ate till we exploded. Then we went next door to check out Rue 21, which is a clothing store I really like. It's a lot of cheaply made threads but hey man, they're pretty cute AND pretty cheap. She-Spawn found some really cool shoes & I got some sexy gun underwear & a cute yellow ninja top. She-Spawn got a chibi-ish looking alien one since she is obsessed with little green men/women.

We were going to venture to Best Buy afterward on a mad hunt for a Joy Division cd (I love how she loves what I love!) but after we realized how many bills we just dropped & decided to save it for another week. Instead we went to visit my momz & popz & just had a bunch of fun sitting around & chatting. My parents DVR everything (which I am starting to get pretty jealous of because I haven't ordered that yet on my own account!) so they had us stay & watch some great stand up comedy. I think the first one was an HBO special? Or maybe it was Showtime? It was a bunch of asian comedians (mostly filipino/a!) doing stand up at their finest, Slanted Comedy. I really loved it because there is so much inside humour from the filipino/a perspective & I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. I know Snookms would totally dig it cause he is forever tryna come up with lame ways to trump my ass cap-wise. The show was chock full of good ammo for Snookms.

Monday was busy but fun. After helping my sister in law with her cleaning biz & picking up the spawn & marveling at the blizzard we all sat around & watched District 9 which I fucking loved. I wasn't at all sure how I was going to feel about it until my mom & pops relayed to me some of the details of the movie. & my dad keeps tryna pimp Pandorum on me; he even bought it & is all like, "You need to come over this week & watch it with your mother & I". So that needs to go on the calendar as well.

I also came home delighted to find an email from SexScenes, asking if I'd read over a couple of chapters from her latest WIP to see if she got the feel for one of her characters right. I was fucking FLATTERED, cause she's pretty top-notch when it comes to writers in my book. (You people/posthumans know who you are!)

"I'm in love & DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!" ~Buddy the Elf

Vade retro Satanas

2010-01-19T06:54:00.000-08:00

Holla!

Okay so that is my chant for today. I've been creeped out since yesterday doing all that exstensive Anneliese Michel research. & I don't even know WHY I am doing it, except for the simple fact that subject matter of that aptitude intrigues me to no end. I know it'll come in handy one day, I just don't know when.

But yes, this case of Anneliese. It's what the Exorcism of Emily Rose was loosely based off of. & that is not even why I started in on it, I think it started from wanting to show my nephews some oujia board stuff on youtube & the threads slowly lead to stuff about demon possession & then of course dear ol' Anneliese. First I watched some supposed actual recordings of the exorcism but I never like to rely on youtube for truths so I further researched & came across the actual movie they did of the exorcism with english subtitles because it was killing me to know what Anneliese was saying to the priests whilst they performed their exorcisms. I guess there was 6 demons? At one point she claimed to be Judas, then Lucifer, then Hitler, then Nero & some others I can't remember.

The actual footage is real creepy at this point, when Lucifer is speaking. He claims that he did not follow the lord's decrees & wished to reign alone. I so wanted to hear more! When the priests had initially thought they had banished all 6 the demons wound up coming back & claimed that they willed to go but that they were not allowed to do so. A couple days later Anneliese died & that is when the accusations started in regard to Anneliese being neglected & starved & such.

I guess I wanted to form my own opinion based on the information that was presented. I mean, I listened to that audio, & the way everything sounded, geeze it sounded awfully legit. My initial reaction was to be angry at the parents & the priests too, but when I read up on more details & listened to all that audio ... I dunno. Pretty spooky.

There was another part that had me sorta creeped out & that is when the priests had brought 3 separate cups of water into the room where Anneliese stayed, one blessed by Romans, another blessed by something or another, & one that was just plain tap & that is the only one she willed to drink. The priest that was repeating the account of this had also said that Anneliese kicked one of the cups & that the water managed to remain in the cup while it hung suspended in the air for a time. Eeeeeeeeeek!

So that is enough of that.

Our weekend was busy, Friday we did our usual outing & abouting. Saturday was a nice treat, I thought Snookms had to work for a few hours but he called off at the last minute. It was quite scrumptious to wake up next to his gorgeous skin so close to mine own. I love the way his flesh smells in the morning!

After the day got it's start she-spawn met up with my mom & niece & we hung out & had girly time at the dollar store. They had Throwback Pepsi so I was pretty jazzed about that. There was also some Jonas Brothers houseslippers I kept giving my niece some shit about.

My mom, being the sweet & ever loving mom that she is, offered to buy them for my niece & I had to stifle a giggle because you could tell she was tryna be nice but at the same time is like, "Uh fuck no gramawmaw, I'm too old for this shite!" So then I kept telling my niece that I felt compelled to purchase them for her anyhow & threatened to smuggle them in the hood of her jacket. We giggled about that for a time & headed home to find out what Snookms & the remaining company were doing. He decided to take the other 2 boyspawn out to his sister's for a sleepover so then Carmen & I got to hang out some more with my momz & she wound up coming with us to see The Lovely Bones.

It was pretty much what I expected it to be but not what I had hoped. It was, after all PG-13. I have harboured a secret crush for Stanley Tucci so watching this didn't make me hate him. I wanted to see less dead little girls & more uh ... you know. The bathtub scene in the beginning had my heart feelin all confuzzled.

Something here I think is that the unknown scares us. We make our own stories up as we go when we don't know about a thing, & I think it's not any different for the story of pedophiles. It's a pretty taboo subject; nobody wants to 'go there' when it comes to taking the innocence of a young child. But I have my own personal views on that & there is a post I once read from one of Adam Lowe's many blogs that I could really relate to. If I find it, I'll link y'all to it. Some food for thought, at least in my own crazy grey matter? Oh, wait, HERE IT IS!

Since I had a house full of mostly prepubescent penis we elected to go to Walmart late night Sunday & one of the nephews had leftover money to spend from his birthday so he bought a bunch of airsoft gear, then we went to White Castle & I ordered a case of cheeseburgers. I had never been blessed with such an ample opportune to do so, it was rather liberating to carry a case o' $23.00 meat around in a cardboard suitcase.

So we get home & Snookms' Avatar lovin pal is there & winds up taking Snookms & she-spawn to go see it with him whilst the rest of the testiculars stayed with me. They had never seen Paranormal Activity so we turned out all the lights, grabbed our miniature cheeseburgers & had us a night. It was hella funny to see preteens get that afraid. Cute, fun, & downright hilarious. They kept going on about Katie's hot rack & how they wished for it to be possessed. I say go for it?

I have a really funny picture of them all on the couch snuggled together but my phone is refusing to behave itself otherwise I'd share. Perhaps when the bill gets paid appropriately?

Monday was MLK day, so we had it off to do whatever we liked, even though I didn't. It was spent cleaning up & taking the kiddoes back to their mother hen.

Oh! We also tried out Mike's sister's new church that she kept telling us all about on Sunday & it wasn't bad at all. It's in what used to be an old Marsh grocery store building, right next to the McDonald's Snookms & I used to work at, so that was pretty cool. It was one o' them fancy grocery stores too, had pianos & chandeliers for lighting fixtures. Interesting to see it in this light? The atmosphere of the church was very Joel Osteen like in the sense that they didn't preach down or at you. It was like a self help kind of atmosphere, & there was nobody there that gave us condescending glares just cause I wear chains that hang past my knees or whatever. So we shall see what comes of it.

See my thing with beliefs here is that, well. Geeze. I don't even know. I mean, I believe in the same Jesus that I guess most Christians are raised to believe in, but at the same time, I don't go for a lot of the other stuff that goes behind it. Not that I hate anyone that does go for it, it's just not what floats my boat. & the difficult dynamic about Christianity is that most everyone in that boat will shake their dissaproving finger at you for doing what floats your own boat.

This is where Snookms & I collide most. I mean, you guys should have seen his face when he first laid eyes on the actual real live copy of Lucifer's Scar! I thought my heart was going to tear in two! He has a very conventional & standard set of beliefs for his own self, which I do my best to give him room to have. But sometimes he is just completely assaulted by my love for what he deems 'blasphemous'. & I can understand it if I put myself in his shoes, but sometimes I think he has a very difficult time putting himself in mine.

It can get disheartening at times, but it always comes down to love for him & I. We love each other & are willing to put our differences aside because we feel that way about one another. It's not easy at all for me to agree to disagree with him, but we do it because we can. I can't always say the same for others. A lot of people don't get Snookms & I, & I think it even creeps a lot of people out. But I'm not here to be un-creepy?

Well, she-spawn has fallen asleep watching 10 Things I Hate About You, & I have a Shadow & Claw series plus word bank that I need to catch up on, so I will quit the babbling.

& remember the chant babies!

Fun Friday!

2010-01-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

Snookms is trying to make gold. & zinc. FROM PENNIES & TOILET BOWL CLEANER. No lie. There is a blow torch on at full force in my kitchen & 2 curly headed nimrods attempting free masonry typed things. Snookms is also wearing a Colts jersey, automatically dubbing him 'hobo'. So there you have it; hobo-alchemy.

Alright. First things first!

"Lucifer's Scar; A Love Story" is here for your reading pleasure. (Mom?)

Only one thing displeases me, & I know of no other way to remedy this issue ... It is really not THAT big of a deal for me, more of an obsessive compulsive typed hang up but the uh... chapters? They don't start on a new page! They'll just start wherever the fuck they feel like starting, so not all of them are starting on new pages like you'd typically see in a book, even though I formatted the document to do so. & I'm thinking maybe I should've used the 'page break' option to avoid that? But yeah, coulda', shoulda', woulda'. Oh well. You live & you learn. Wut can I say?

So yeah. Totally jazzed about that. I got mine in the mail yesterday, after I got home from dusting rich peoples' knick-knacks with Kristi, my sister in law. I think she is pretty much the best human being to have for a sister in law? I've never wanted to punch her & that is always a plus. That is hard to avoid with in laws. Also, Snookms mom falls in this category too. She's a keeper.

Got the most ADORABLE fucking Krampus shirk in the mail courtesy of the illustrious Jess. She knows just what I like:

I've already got quite a few compliments on it. I adore how there's petrified childranz in Krampus' little backpack o' love. Squeeeeeeeeak.

Hmmm. Other stuff...

Stupid stoopid me thought there was a lunch date today with my spawns' school psychologist, we were s'posed to meet @ Panera for lunch celebrate my other book, but I was damn wrong, it's not til next Friday. I felt like a complete ass in her office chopping it up with her & she's all, "So, you think you're gonna be able to make it to lunch with us next week ('us' being the speech therapist & occupational therapist my son used to have when he was at that school) & I'm all like, "Uhm. Huh/WHAT?" So yeah. Total ass. But it wasn't a complete loss. I got to see the school psych's pretty/gorgeous face (she has this sort of illuminating beauty? It makes the halls glow when she walks down them, kinda like that balrog beauty?) & she lent me "Pretending to be Normal" by Liane Holiday Willey, which I've been wanting to read FOREVER & a day now. It's about this lady that has Asperger's & how she didn't find out til she was much older, like maybe 40 older, or something? I dunno. I'm too lazy to do research right now for the sake of sounding un-ass-like. & besides, that usually happens regardless?

So all day long I've had 'Tegan & Sara's' "Hell" stuck in my brain on repeat today. I am in serious lust with that song & it's all Brandi Candi's fault. Mysty keeps giving me shit for it BUT I DUN CARE. I love it. S'kay though. I still love her Christ-Raping-Black-Metal-Lovin TOOSH. We went to see 'Youth in Revolt' last night becuz we both have pedophile like crushes on Michael Cera. At least that's how he makes me feel when I get a boner from him? He totally reminds me of Snookms when I first met him. That whole 'I'm a virgin but I don't give a shit' persona that he put out. & that gentle nature of his, it's very feminine but such a goddamn turn on. Snookms totally has that & can pull it off. Mysty & I had a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry hard time stiffling giggles all throughout the night.

She looked so damn beautiful too. She was 'Professional Mysty' last night. & she has sekritz too that only people in her soopersekritklub can know about, but I know of them. She's awesome like that. She also bought me an adorable "Jack; the Pumpkin King" purse & I used it today. I plastered it with all the Smurfs pins Let-Dawg bought me for Christmas & it looks adorable. I don't give a shit HOW LAME anyone thinks I am!

Snookms, spawn & I had dinner @ Panda Express tonite & something about all that MSG makes me really hyper, & the spawn too 'cause we were having way too much fun at SuperTarget pushing each other around in the carts like we were in real life Mario Kart. We were pretending to be in the MUSHROOM GORGE!

I thought there was a whole lot of other shit to talk about but I guess not. I already promised myself I wasn't going to bitch about Castle Age OR Vamp Wars for at least another two weeks.

Friendo?

2010-01-11T08:14:00.001-08:00

Here today, gone tomorrow/tomarrow...

I think finally my regularly schedule programming is back to it's usual self for now? We shall see?

What with the spawn getting sick a week before winter break let out & 3 weeks of irresponsible bliss, things definately required a different style of living.

So glad to be able to resume my daily agenda of morning coffee with Erica & Stephen's rants, amongst other favourite haunts I visit on a regular basis.

So like, I was able to finally upload Lucifer's Scar successfully onto Lulu! & I didn't have to sacrifice any of the adorable images my spawn worked so hard on either. It took many tries & failed attempts & a whole evening of being away from the family to do so, but it is done.

I am now awaiting my own copy to be delivered in the mail so that I can make sure it's up to par with my preference of 'presentable'. I shall let you know how it fairs friends.

I did elect for it to be letterhead size, so it's kinda graphic novel style, but not quite? I wanted to try something different, I just hope it isn't too much of a risk. The preview Lulu provides of the book shows that some of the text is being cut off, but I am hoping that it's just because of Lulu & not my hogwash theory of what 'creative' means. Again, I shall let you all know.

Went sledding for the first time on Saturday evening with Snookms & spawn. It was possibly the best kind of free fun you can get in the winter.

Yes, this was the big fucking hill I slid down on. There was a wee baby that took it upon itself to sled down shortly after I did, resulting in my skidding down halfway with my ass faced to desired place of destiny. I was so afraid I was going to crash into this kiddo & ruin its life! My face was all a flutter with snow dust & my neck became numb for the rest of our stay there, but goddamn, it was worth it.

I was in love with the dark wintry eve that night, it created this atmosphere that one might experience when admiring those small scale towns they have on display @ Menards regarding happy jolly Christmas time.

& then we rushed to Kmart afterwards to score some hot chocolate, marshmallows & whipped cream to top the evening off. Definately an evening that is going to go in the memory book of my heart.

Been playing a lot of Guitar Hero 3 as of late, being that the spawn got it for Christmas. We have it for PS2 already, but the controller is all fuckin whack & the one Fezziwig got me for my berfday causes me to fail; it's meant for Rockband I guess? I just know that I do much better on this here Wii controller that is MEANT for Guitar Hero & not Rock Band. I'm still not back at my 'expert' level of playing, but I'm getting there, rehashing my love for Social Distortion's 'Story of My Life' & 'Paint it Black'. Though I prefer Black Dahlia's version!

Was able to take down all our Christmas exploits last night too. The house looks so empty now? But in a good way, so I won't bitch. Snookms & I were marveling over all the Christmas loot we actually got the kiddoes, most of it being games & dvds...

She-Spawn got Guitar Hero 3 for Wii w/ the controller, Degrassi season 8, Guitar Hero Metallica for PS2, & Spirit Tracks for Nintendo DS.

Fezziwig got Lego Rockband for Wii, Call of Duty 3 for Wii, Cars Race o Rama for Wii, some Need for Speed game (I think it's Nitro or Carbon?) for Wii, & the newest Ben10 flick, the one that's an actual motion picture I think? 8 Crazy Nights, Joe Dirt (that David Spade flick where he has a mullet?) I can't keep up these days!

Jr. got Bully for Wii, The Grinch (animated), Majoras Mask for N64, the new Thomas the Tank Engine where their mouths actually move when they speak, (the oldskool Thomas is way better IMO) & Mario Kart for Wii.

Snookms got the first 2 seasons of Scrubs, the Skillet cd, & Avatar (based off the Nickelodeon cartoon) for PS2

& I got Pink Floyd the Wall on cd.

So that's what good in the way of electronics anyhow. It made for a damn hefty stack to file in our ever growing shelving unit.

Snookms, spawn & I are going to attempt to make another sledding trip when he gets home from work & I am finding myself excited over this.

Watched 'No Country for Old Men' the other night w/ Snookms & I really dug this movie, but I kept dozing off at the end off and on so I need to rewatch it. That bounty hunter though? Fukkin A! Now THAT'S an Astaroth, MY idea of Astaroth. That's who I was tryna picture before I could readily come back with Sam Rockwell as a runner up in Teenage Wasteland. That pneumatic contraption he was using to open doors with & shit? Holy fuck. Badass. & the inflection in his voice when he spoke & such... no doubt about it, he is the heart of Astaroth. Sheeesh.

I still dig me some Sam Rockwell though.

There was this very poetic sense about the movie that I totally dug, plus it had this 70's vibe to it that I drool all over when it comes to certain flicks. Few succeed in attaining that sense of retro that I hold in my heart as dear, considering that is what was surrounding me in my infant years. There is this very autistic form of reasoning I hold fast to in that 'era' (if you will) where certain colours represent emotions, hairstyles & fluffy moustaches & such, do you even know what I am saying here? Textures & patterns are very important too, they have to be spot on for me, body language & such. It's ... weird is all. I'm a big whiny face when it comes to the details of certain things I hold so dear. It's for a reason, I can promise you that.

But yes, Snookms got stood up on a movie date last night, we were supposed to rewatch it but I fell asleep! I was so tired, I couldn't help it. I elected to do the rest of my sleeping in bed, (I was falling asleep on the couch like an old man! Sitting up!) & crawled into my sleeping quarters. The last few minutes of Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church thingy was on so I fell asleep watching that.

We had this strange moment of clarification the other morning, Snookms & I, in the least expected moment too. Right before we were about to have sex. He lay there, just staring at me. I knew he had things to tell me, there are always so many things to say when one suffers with what he suffers with. "But now?" is what I was asking at the time. I was okay with it though. & I could tell he was too. & then we got down to other things & it made for some great music between the sheets. That kind of music where you feel as though all is well, even though it ain't?

If that ain't love, I dunno what is folks.

Boooooooo!

2010-01-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

Boo on Lulu!

I am having one HELLUVA time uploading Lucifer's Scar onto Lulu. First off, it DID initially allow me to upload it as a PDF file, considering the funky fontz I'm tryna use, okay? Well, I decided to take it down right quick so I could incorporate some images my spawn created (courtesy of Paint, woohoo!) & then uploaded it right, fine ... right? Well, then I had to add a couple more images & now Lulu is giving me some shit about the 'Times' font not being embedded as a font. I'm like, "Wut? I'm not even USING a Times font fuckers!"

So that's what's been driving me bonkers this afternoon. This kind of shit is making me want to smash stuff.

Oh yeah. Christmas. I haven't talked about Christmas, because it was a nightmare before Christmas.

I'm sure everyone knows all about our plague sufferings what with my insolent whining via Facebook updates.

Snookms Grandpa passed away a week before Christmas too.

Christmas itself was not so bad, at least no one was sick, so we were all pretty jazzed about that.

& I got a trench knife & some Victoria's Secret fragrances that I really adore. Got to see Sherlock Holmes. Lazed around for the remaining week of winter break. That was fun.

First 2 days back I played bloody maid & helped my sister in law with her cleaning biz, dusting thousand dollar knick knacks for rich people. It was actually kind of fun?

I'm hoping she can use me on a regular basis, I could use the extra cash.

Composing an interview for Betsy (aka SexScenes) (aka Ainsley) in regard to her latest release Quencher. I was hella stressing it at first cause I didn't want to be sounding like a newbie ass/fail, but she seemed pleased well enough with what I came up with. Should be in Electric Spec sometime in February? I'll keep you all updated.

So yeah. Mostly I want to bitch about Lulu & how much I am pissing myself off with my lack of knowledge. Hopefully I'll figure it out. I'm frightened of the notion that I'll have to delete the images my spawn worked so heartily on.

Fezziwig made me the most ADORABLE cup of filth & blasphemies for the "Whore of Babylon" chapter header.

& also an equally endearing papal tiara (Triregnum!) for the "To Mega Therion" chapter.

& the she-spawn composed a Beelzebub fly I want to squee all over. It's not fair I tell you, not fucking fair.

Other stuff I am currently contemplating is personal info Mysty relayed to me about somebody I THOUGHT liked me but now I am of course questioning the hell out of their motives for even being my friend. I hate trying not to care about that stuff?

I missed a lot of potential fun dates over winter break too, one with Mysty, another with Kat. & I'm way the fuck behind on learning all about Severian. I'm going to get a big fat F in my new book club already! At least I have a cool name for the Spear of Destiny in Lucifer's Scar courtesy of the Shadow & Claw series.

The lack of a root beer jellybean can still manage to = FUCKING SUCCESS

2009-12-17T16:40:00.000-08:00

I am SICK. The spawn are SICK. There are many traumatic elements at play in the hands of the almighty currently. But I'm still here, alive, kickin & a' breathin', SO FUCK IT I SAY.

This week has been a whirlwind of ridiculous bullshit. Today has been the icing on the feces cake.

Took the kids to urgent care today; they have strep throat.

Dropped off prescription request for the antibiotics the doctor prescribed.

Took spawn home.

Went back out to pick up prescription meds, realized my throat is really fucking sore all o' a sudden.

"Perhaps just sympathy pains?", I muse to muh' self....

I trudge on.

Stop @ the Warlock's Wife's pad to borrow a 20.

Go to bank to deposit it so Snookms has enough gas in his truck to make it home from work.

Make it home just in time to chat w/ Let Dawg & tell her thanks again for all the Christmas Goodies before I have to head back out to pick up the Jr. from school.

Drive once again!

Come home.

Feel faint. Sore throat.

Take nap.

Snookms awakens me.

I feel like SHIT.

My throat hurts when I BREATHE.

Snookms has to leave to go see his grandpa at the hospital.

I am here at home now, watching Riley secretly make out with some cute emo boy on Degrassi, wondering what the fuck just hit me.

*scratches noggin*

So that is that. I'm kind've feverishly delirious right now, wanting to babble about a lot of things that don't make much sense. So bare with me.

Oh snap! Riley just head butted Savv for making a snide gay remark! #degrassihashtag!

Let's see... so um, the spawn (well, 2 of em, anyway) are on antibiotics & I'm thinkin I need to get my ass to the Minute Clinic & see if I can't get in on some of that spore action too.

There is some other pretty bad shit going on right now too, but due to the honoring of privacy I want to hold in regard to the situation, I shall remain silent until further notice.

Tomorrow/tomarrow I'm s'posed to meet up with my kiddoes' school psychologist, the speech therapist & also the school's occupational therapist @ Panera for lunch. They want to take me out to celebrate muh book! I think I might still brave the waters if I'm not feeling too terribly ill. Already I had to cancel once & felt pretty awful about it.

Got to hang with my 'baby' brother yesterday for a few. He's all enrolled in college & shit now, I am envious but I shall join him soon! Seriously considering going for some sort of counseling/mental health courses. I've always wanted to blow shit up with my mind?

After I took him back to his current place of abode I drove home feeling a sweet serenity fall upon me that I hadn't felt since I started taking herbal supplements. It was quite nice & I cried in the moment cause it was like having an old friend back in my life that I hadn't seen in far too long.

Came home to find a package from Leticia. I texted her & said she was a madwoman! What was she thinking! & THANK YOU also & of course. She said to open it now instead of waiting til Christmas so I hopped in the shower right quick & bailed the fuck out. Open the lovely Christmas packaging to find "A Boy & His Blob" for Wii, "Heavenly Guardians" for PS2, Harajuku Lovers G, & many burned copies of various cds!!! "Akon" for my baby bro," Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix "(for moi!), "Kings of Leon" (for me too!) & a Leticia medley special (for all of us fool folk!) I could not believe it!

Snookms was like, "Hey! I was gonna get you "A Boy & His Blob!" for Christmas!" Too late! He even teased & said he should've snagged the game before I got home from taking my bro back to his work release facility & wrapped it up as his own. I thought it was pretty giggle inducing?

But yes! The trouble on Blobolonia... The spawn & I have been taking turns playing off & on ever since last night, & I tell you, it is pure beauty & whim. Everything I had hoped & imagined for it to be. & also?

THIS HAS TO BE THE BEST FUCKING SPOILER I HAVE EVER HAPPENED UPON IN MY LIFETIME.

He's like, fucking Ripley & shit, only in a BLOB SUIT!!!! It is so going to be worth treating the blob like it's my bitch. "Get away from her, YOU BLooooooooooooooooB!"

Other cool & fun junk...

Currently sending chapters out of Lucifer's Scar to Mysty, Leticia, my brother whose pseudonym is Malakai, & Katie. I'm kinda cringing in my husky sized panties here, wondering how lousy they might think it is.

Also, this is my new twitter backround:

It makes me feel all bouncy & polite!

I've been tryna read up on the plethora of 'Poison Elves' Mysty's Werewolf slung me & am really digging it hardcore. I only initially started out with a Poison Elves 'companion'. I mean, wut kind of shit is THAT, right? So yeah, he quickly schooled me on what to start with, dude has an immense collection of what was once deemed "I LUSIPHUR". They don't call muh redhead awesome for nothin!

Also one other last thing! I have to say, whether he chose this as his vocation or naught, fucking Mordicai is a wizard when it comes to writing.

There! I said it!

But yeah, I'm reading his newest NaNo publication in between 'Poison Elves' breaks, & man! There's just this world inside his head that I totally get, but would never be able to put into words anyone but him could describe. I'm not like, crushing on the feller or anything, but seriously. He's pretty bad ass with his prose if you ask me. He's up there with Gaiman & Gene Wolfe in my little ol' book!

Congratulations! You have destroyed the vile Red Falcon. Take this shitty ending as reward for your 15 minute trouble.

2009-12-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

Ohhhhh! I feel terrible! & I am not even sick!

I made the mistake of going back to sleep after I dropped Tha Jr. off at school & I am paying for it BIG TIME.

I guess I just have to face the fact that I am a night owl & work around that predisposition. Snookms & I both...

We've been staying up way past our bedtime for the past week or so; resulting in little cat naps here & there as the day wanes into our beautiful night. After we get the kiddoes all tuckered away we team up on Contra (killing about 15 minutes), make popcorn, watch old movies (Johnny Got His Gun was on AMC the other night!) & eventually meld into our own devices... It's fun while it lasts but when it's time to get back on the bandwagon? Oh boy HOWDY does it SUCK.

So I was ridiculously excited to be sitting with Snookms to watch 'Johnny Got His Gun'. It's always been on some secret 'Things I Wanna Do Before I Die' list or another. So there's one to scratch off! I loved the movie, don't get me wrong, but the whole time I am thinking, "Man, they need to do a modernization of this, that would be so awesome!" & then I realize that maybe they already have? I just know that I always say that & that I always wind up hating on the shit, so I always wind up asking myself, "Why?"

I have two of my spawn home with me currently. Tryna look at the bright side of things & see it as, "At least it's not on Christmas and or Christmas Break!" but I was not having it after She-Spawn was hacking her guts out this morn'. Sick is sick for anybody & I fucking hate it.

Currently on ch. 18 of Lucifer's Scar in the way of 'editing' process. & when I say edit I throw the term around quite loosely; more than anything I am just making sure there are no terribly embarrassing mistakes. The rest of it I am just dissassociating myself from, but still though, by the end of the day I am happy with it thus far.

Kind've sweating Christmas this year in the way of shopping for everyone. Things did not turn out as financially prosperous as I'd hoped they would, but still, each year gets subsequentially better than the next, so I am not going to bitch. 3 Christmas's ago my brothers were in the hospital for a car accident, 1 of my brothers we could not even SEE while he was getting pins & surgeries & such because he was in hospital prison/jail, & then there are other Christmases(?) I don't even want to care or think about anymore.

I thought my brother Eric was going to have to end up in the hospital over Christmas again this year too but somehow it didn't happen that way. He had an accident at work with the table saw & cut through 2 of his knuckles. He almost had to lose his index finger because the saw blade consumed so much of his knuckle bone, tendon & muscle, but the surgeon was able to come through & work his fleshy might & magic. He wound up getting 2 pins in each of the fingers that were hacked through & yesterday he had yet another surgery to have the pins removed to install ones that did not protrude from his flesh. So now the adamantium claws are all safe & tucked underneath, no?

When I first got to see him out of surgery his whole right side was slouched; they put a block in his arm! He was completely numb from the neck & down to his waist. (On his right side.) It almost reminded me of a stroke victim. But again, he's been a real fucking champ through it all, he always has when it comes to his vocation in life man. The kiddo just about broke his back when he was in 2nd grade, was told he would probably never walk again, then when he punctured his lung in that Christmas car accident they said he would never be the same. & now this? The dude is a fucking cyborg I'm telling you! I just KNOW it. I think I shall start calling him BISHOP. Not even playing around here!

Let's see... Other stuff.

Oh! 'Brothers' was a good flick. Very emotional. Spiderman made me cry. So did Donnie Darko. Not so much Padme as much as her oldest daughter, but yeah, it was a real tear fest for me. So many issues that were too close to home. But it was a good thing I s'pose? I'd definately recommend it.

I have pretty much put Castle Age & Vamp Wars on the backburner. I mean, WAY the fuck back there, where the rice & the gravy & the Stouffer's Stuffing mix get dried, hardened & forgot all the fuck about? Seriously. Mostly Vamp Wars is pissing me off because there are too many items you need to request from your clan in order to move ahead. I'm okay with that the first few times, but after awhile I just am not digging sounding like a needy vamp bitch? & also, they have this new 'portal' they've opened up where you can saunter around New York (yeah right!) but you need Blood o' the Elders to do the missions there & they make you jump through hoops just to get the shit. Sorry. I'm not that goddamned desperate for my vamp fix that I have to get on my knees & put in elbow grease for the shit. I'll just go back to watching True Blood if it gets that bad. That is about the only Vamp related thing on this earth (aside from Castlevania SOTN) that doesn't dissapoint me or piss me off.

Don't even get me STARTED on Vampire dissapointments!

But yes. It was good while it lasted. I had me my fun & that is all that matters in the end of things. I'll still dabble, but it just won't be the same.

Castle Age is a whole 'nother boring story. I still enjoy what it has to offer I guess, but I just know that I am not down for spamming everyone's Facebook page with Monster Requests. Screw that!

Oh well. Christmas is a' comin & there will be many new games to play what with the spawn's gift requests getting filled by grandparents & whatnot.

Also, I'm pretty fucking sure Snookms bought me a trench knife for Christmas. They had this purdy sleek black baby @ the flea market when we went there over the weekend to look for swords for Jr. & it was decently priced. He thought I wasn't caring or paying attention, but that is my FRONT. So we shall see?

We are talking about seeing Sherlock Holmes on Christmas Day, I dunno how it'll pan out though. But it sounds like a smart plan to me? I told Snookms not to worry about me for Christmas & that maybe we could just go see that as a family for my present, but I'm not gonna be a crybaby about things if it doesn't happen.

But FUCK! Did you see Robert Downey Jr.'s abs??? Typically I am not a sucker for the abs, but sheeeeeeeeeezus fucking CHRIST! It totally worked for ol' Julian! Ripped like a SONOFABITCH.

Hot/HOT.

Other stuff I have put on the backburner....

Teenage Wasteland
Dying my hair purple
Laundry
Reading a lot of stuff in lieu of 'Watchtower Gothic' & 'Poison Elves'
Dusting
A whole general slew of things that require my focused attention & effort when it comes to keeping the house in order
Self induced orgasms
Eating out every other fucking night
Writing a review that will spew forth how fond I am of Adam Lowe's Troglodyte Rose

Hopefully soon SOME of these things will come back to the front & center, but what with the cold, the Holidays, the spawn being continuously sick, & my brother having a bionicle hand, I've got to reallocate my stats!

Speaking of which! Katie & I must be on the same dreaming wavelength because I too have been dreaming Snookms & I are back to back in full on RPG action. It was intense, but uh...COOL?

If only dreams came true. Snookms wouldn't be caught dead in chain mail.

All Hail Krampus!

2009-12-04T20:51:00.001-08:00

Ugh! I'm feeling pretty damn listless for a Friday night. Typically I am face deep in reading a great book, watching a great flick, or giving a great blow job. Right now all I feel is sleepy, cranky & BORED.

I guess it's just the wheels on the bus slowing the heck down after 2 weeks of nonstop GO-GO-GO.

Also, I was without the net for like, almost 5 days & shit. As per usual, our shit got disconnected like it does every month, but I paid the bill hella quick this time, I promise! Then there was issues with Comcast getting our signal back for the internet, everything else was back though, our phone, On Demand services & whatnot. But no fucking internet, & we had to wait til Thursday before a technician could come out. When he finally did get here it took him a matter of 5 minutes to get our shit going & was kind've halfway bitching about how the phone operators at Comcast TOTALLY could've taken care of the issue over the phone themselves. HMPH?

But whatever, I'm over it. Over & OUT.

Let's talk first about the thing on my mind MOST right now.

I'm pretty dissapointed with my NaNo novel at this moment. Maybe that can explain my blase mood right now... I dunno, I just... Well, I was feeling pretty great about it, right? Didn't even look back, just kept on going. Well, today, I finally get the chance to go back & start reading it from the beginning & I'm starting feel like, "Ew, maybe this isn't as great as I anticipated it to be?" So now I'm all bummed. I mean, I'm only as far as chapter 4, but I keep dosing off while reading it & feel the need to edit every other fucking word. Which is typically fine on any other jolly ol' day, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood? Maybe my perspective just needs to be refreshed after a couple of good night's sleep. I think I've only got like a total of 20 hours in the last week? ACK.

Speaking of last week! Ooh man. What adventures, I tell you! Thanksgiving proves to be the most eventful of holidays since these past few years. I'll start with Wednesday evening, which was great fun because Snookms & I kept pretending it was Friday all night & got excited cause it was almost as though there were still 3 Fridays in a row to celebrate after that (he didn't have to work; HOLLA!) so we were being pretty silly with each other. We took the spawn out late at night & went on a Target shopping spree for turkey & all the trimmings, plus I got the remaining ingredients to make Lumpia, the filipino version of an eggroll (but way better in my opinion) & we stopped at Wendy's so I could try Let-Dawg's Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe recommendation. I was not in the least bit dissapointed.

When we got home I can't even remember what we did but I do know that Snookms & I had lots of teenager-like-sex all weekend. We've been having tons o' that lately; it's been pretty 'fun' as he likes to refer to it.

Thursday was all about preparing for my mom & dad's turkey celebrations, as my youngest brother was able to get out on a pass from work release for 10 whole hours. It was the first time in 3 years since the six of us (me, my mom, dad & 3 brothers) had been together in the same room. We did this really cheesy Team Voltron kind of hug thing & all started getting ready to cry like giant mammoth babies but I broke it up before the waterwerks could be brought down upon us. I'm like, the thankless superhero n shit.

Snookms, Spawn & I stayed there til about 8 in the eve having fun chopping it up with the families. I am pretty much joined at my brothers' hips when we see each other & we have even started considering going to the bathroom together to save on missed time with one another. I know, I know. SHUTUP.

So after we left my mom & dad's pad we headed to Mike's sister's domain, where we elected to just spend the night, we had planned this a week ago actually, seeing that Black Friday started at 5:00 am anyway & I have made it a point to accompany Mike's sister every year now as part of a tradition. To be honest, I don't really go for the sales (even though they are pretty grand) I just think it is great entertainment to see humanity at it's 'finest'. Funny thing here is that Kristi is a fucking PRO at dealing with 'tha noize' that is Black Friday. She knows all the secret mantras, passageways & tombstones to push & scoot aside! I'm tellin ya! Eastmost peninsula has the SECRET!

The spawn were really excited about us all spending the night there, they brought all their game systems & She-Spawn even brought Castlevania SOTN cause I got her hooked on that em-effer. We got their & pretty much everyone in the abode was appropriately intoxicated. I was greeted by a very staggering sister in law at the door; she had been drinking & cooking for 2 days straight & totally had the shit eating smile to prove this insanity. So not only was Mike's sister, husband & spawn there, but Snookms' dad, his step mom & some other Harley Davidson lovin neighbor who I had no idea about; & they were all plastered too. I had to go 'commando' for the remainder of the evening because Mike's dad made me piss my pants with laughter. He took turns calling every member of the household a 'punk -BIIIIIIIIIYATCH' at the top of his lungs & I just lost it when he turned to his wife & called her one too. He was ... immensely hilarious. It was pretty funny seeing him call his own son (Snookms) a 'punk biiiiiiyatch' repeatedly throughout the evening. Many other crazy conversations took place that night & Mike's dad officially knows that I want to take him home with me one night. He is seriously, pretty fucking hot for an old geezer. I am thoroughly pleased with the prospect of how Snookms is going to look in 20-30 years. Cause if it's anything like his pops, IT'S ON.

Stayed up through the evening after all the intoxicated people were vanquished, even brought my pajamas & laptop (so's I could work on Lucifer's Scar, gawud, I'm so delusional sometimes!) & typed the night away till it was time to shimmy up for the Black Friday madness.

It really wasn't bad at all this year; no waiting outside for an hour with hundreds of other irate humans, & they weren't hostile, neither were the employees. We went in, got our shit, waited in line for about maybe 15 minutes tops? & then we were on our way to the next greedy corporation. We got to Target & turned right back around when we realized the lines went all the way to the back of the store. Kristi was still feeling pretty 'electrick' so we didn't spend too much time at Menards. But that is usually our triumverate of haunts that we make a concerted effort to hit up each year; Walmart, Target & then Menards. So we did 2 out of 3. Not too bad. I was able to snag a 7 dollar Joker (yeah! I said Heath Ledger alright, WUT?!) zip up hoodie & The Phantom of the Opera on dvd for 2 dollars for my troubles, & some decent loot for Snookms & Spawn. Got Snookms the new Star Trek on dvd for 7 fat ones, The Dark Knight for 5, or was it 7? & the new Joel Nosteratu Osteen book for 9. Also bought Snookms a down pillow cause he misses the one he used to have when he was a little 10 year old chronic masturbator. There is just something that makes me feel all warm & fruity within when I know I have had something to do with bringing some semblance of that era back for Snookms. I'm like, "Here! Go take this pillow in the bathroom & masturbate like a little kid again!" Sometimes we manage to miss them lonely days, y'know?

Alright! Now, on the way home from Mike's sister's slumber partay, Snookms & I take it upon ourselves to bring (along with our own 3 mind you!) 3 of her spawn home with us. We were pretty beligerent & delirious from lack of sleep, we both had to sleep on couches, apart from one another's embrace; NEVER A GOOD THING. Well, we exchanged some pretty harsh words as a result of our misgivings. Ultimately it boiled down to him telling me that I "need to learn when to shut up" & me threatening to "throw him bodily out of the god damn car myself". I was pretty amazed at how awful we were able to be with each other? I mean, we NEVER talk that bad to each other! But alas, we eventually made up when we got home, he apologized for telling me to shut up & I said sorry for wanting to throw him out of the car. Later that night it made for some pretty dirty, knock down, drag out sex, that is all I am tryna say. I TOTALLY felt like a slut-ho. But in a good way.

Saturday was OUR turkey day, Snookms cooked an awesome 20 pound turkey but he decided to be a total jerkface & not stuff it with any onions or potato(e)s like I commanded him to. It still came out good & so did everything else & it was really nice to have our own leftovers to rummage through at midnight. After we got all of Mike's sister's spawn evacuated we elected to take a family drive downtown, listening to Christmas muzaks & admiring the giant tree that was all lit up at The Circle downtown. It was crowded down there & we were stuck in traffic for a long time next to Borders & I kept peeking in there while we were waiting & wishing we could be in there sauntering the halls & secret passageways. They even have stairs at that Borders! So I ventured to ask if Snookms wanted to park & walk there & he said okay. We had fun people watching on our trek to the two storied Borders downtown & it made me miss my Teenage Wasteland days real bad; me, Let-Dawg, a fat bowl o' the good schtuff & Haight & Ashbury for miles & miles. Those were the days yo! But I have my own days in the here & now & they are equally great.

So this Borders is beautiful. There were even places to sit & drink Seattle's Best Coffee on the stair landing; I kept picturing Mysty & I in there all tucked in one of the nook & crannies giggling away about double dongs & Marduk. It will happen one day. It SHALL happen!

Was able to talk Snookms into purchasing 'Brave Story' for me, I was really aiming for volume 7 of the Sandman series, but that was, of course, THE ONLY ONE THEY DIDN'T HAVE. So I took a gander at what Brave Story had to offer in the graphic novel section & decided to brave the waters. I've only read a couple of pages so far but it seems to me like a very child oriented story. I'm not complaining, just reporting what I've gathered so far....

I finally dug my claws deep enough into the Book of the New Sun novel that Mordicai recommended me a while back. I really can't wait till the kid's winter break starts so that I can't truly sink my teeth in, cause already I am in love with Severian's narrative. I'm at the part where his doggie is near dead & he has gone out to look for it.

Speaking of other books; I am also STILL tryna to trek my way through the rest of 'City of Saints & Madmen' AND 'The Center of the Universe'. I'm also awaiting Mordicai's ' Watchtower Gothic ' to arrive in the mail any day now. He's quickly become one of my favorite authors. (Along with Neil Gaiman, Nicola Griffith, Sexy Betsy, Jess Watsky, Kathulhu, & Miss Erica Orloff) His chronic use of the ampersand has worn off on me terribly! See????

Other good stuff....

Our Christmas tree is up!
I got to watch 'High Tension' with Mysty earlier this afternoon (which was off the fucking HOOK)
She also bought me the most adorable Jesus candle holder, which touched me a whole helluva lot, considering she doesn't share my delusions. She even paired it with a black candle. I wonder if it can summon demony things? But seriously, I love it!
Let-Dawg recommended this bomb ass poor boy recipe for canned corned beef, cut up cabbage & slivered onions over fresh rice & it was a huge hit up in heeeeyare.
Even though I didn't make the NaNo grade, Lucifer's Scar is now officially done, done, DONE! & I will be putting it up on Lulu sometime soon for those of you (if any!) are interested in giving it a twirl.
Jess fookin Watsky managed to find me thee most EPIC of all fucking shirks; can you say KRAMPUS little children?
I have 45 dollars in cash in my purse that don't need to be directly forwarded to any utility billz, which is a fucking RARITY.
Sex's new erotica tale is going to be out Jan. 1st, which I'm totally fucking jazzed about cause I been waiting to see what makes that ass tick for almost 2 years now.
& the She-Spawn & I got our hairz did on Wednesday & my eyebrows waxed. My fluffy caterpillars now look like eccentric centipedes. Also, I look like a 'Desperate Housewife', minus the sexy element.

What can I say, she's in to malakas

2009-11-23T06:41:00.000-08:00

I need to get on the ball!!!!

I have therapy today instead of tomorrow/tomarrow... @ 11 instead of ten. So I have a bit o' time to spare. Still though, not nearly enough as I'd like.

Went to see New Moon w/ Carmen yesterday afternoon. It was so cute how excited she was. Mostly I think she was just happy to have a day out with me, but I know seeing Edward & Bella get their pretend mack on had a lot to do with her vigor... She even wore my pretty purple Star Wars t-shirk & wore her hair down. She now considers 99.9% of the population a potential Meat Market. Scarrry.

I have one conclusion to make from the Twilight series; Edward would make an excellent Alucard. If I was a Peter Jackson I would SO be bringing Castlevania to life. Black No. 1 would have to be thrown into the soundtrack as well as LOTS of fucking. Seriously. That is just about all I could think about the whole movie. Also; EPIC WOLF MUFFINZ! Did you see how large those fuckers were? I mean, they were muffinz as big as your HEAD. *makes silly hand gestures just to get the scope*

Had great fun this weekend with Snookms too. Thursday we stayed up late & watched 'Weird Science' one of my favouritests. I was reminded of how badly I wanted Wyatt to saunter out of my kitchen in Kelly LeBrock's underwear. Triple Sigh! Snookms always giggles at the same parts I do during that movie. Like when Gary is plastered at the bar & gets all crazy with his posse just cause they asked if it was "on tha dang telephone". Ev'ry damn NIGHT! In the family jewels???? Heeheeheeeeeeeeee! Snookms is my TWIN.

We also had great fun just hanging out w/ the spawn at Barnes & Noble. Going there is a simple pleasure; we can get away with just sitting around & not spending ample amounts of money, reading, chit-chatting & drinking things that make us addicted. The spawn entertained themselves with gore mags & I finished up reading Trog Rose (which deserves an entirely separate post when I get more time; I highly enjoyed this book! It was everything I anticipated it to be & I want MORE.) whilst Snookms read magazines about Colts & How to Blow Shit Up From the Comfort of Your Own Kitchen. He's such a conservative anarchist.

Saturday evening I tried to get away with frying hamburger meat, making a pot of fresh rice & serving it as 'dinner'. Snookms was not tryna hear that though & gave me a bunch of shit for it. Mostly made fun of me & said things that made me punch him in the shoulder.

He also made me giggle when he took the plastic ring thingy for six packs of cola & told Fezziwig in a very serious tone, "Hey, David, can you place this around a duck's neck please?" instead of just cutting it up & throwing it away. He knows I get all postal on anyone who doesn't do the 'deed'. Jerkface.

I am not NEARLY as far as I wanna be on Lucifer's Scar. May not even make the mark, I don't want to be delusional about it but I don't want to give up hope just yet. The kids only go to school for 3 days this week so I may have some decent hours to crank out a few K. We shall see. I'm going from loving the story to hating it & right back to loving it again. I try not to go back too much & read what I've already wrote cause I know the shit will make me cringe .... Still though; it is what it is!

Finally got to see "House of 1000 Corpses" with Mysty, it's one of her favouritests so of course I had to see what it was all about. It was great fun & the clown makes me giggle, cause like, Pigs is Beautiful. We have our winter schedule all planned out; there will be some High Tension, I Spit on Your Grave, Slither, & lots of other goodies in store for the near future. & all on the comfort of muh redhead's couch.

Also one last thing:

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

"People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life".

There's more, WAY MORE, but I have to go!

Encouraging the beast within....

2009-11-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

Gah!

It's an odd time for (me!) to be posting a journal entry, but still ... times are out of whack these days.

I think things might finally be back to normal within the next week or so, relatively speaking. At least that is what I am projecting for myself.

Mysty's wedding reception was a hit. Very beautiful & elegant. Snookms even came with me & we brought our spawn. They got restless after a couple of hours & Snookms elected to take them home whilst I stayed, which was very gentleman like of him. My mom & dad were able to take me home just fine, but not before my mom could get hit on at least 20 fucking times in a row. I am just going to have to face the fact that my moms is way the fuck hotter than me. It's rather cute though, cause she is only interested in the ladies now that she has her renegade wizard snagged.

Blacks n reds painted the night, including my hands which I can't seem to scrape the paint off of. I had a blast painting the pretty white pumpkins for Mysty's reception & even carving the ones I did, but I feel like I can't move any of my body parts now. Red and black pumpkins do look adorable however.

I guess I should be working on 'Lucifer's Scar; A Love Story ' but I am just damned tired & brain dead. I've written myself into a corner which I am not going to be easily scrambling out of either, so that doesn't help. The premise is basically Lucifer before he became Fallen Star. Lucifer in all his glory. I've quite fallen for him myself, over the breadth of my words & I am now in the throes of his fell nature. He was god's first creation; god & him become lovers. Adamant lovers. Like at-one-with-the-will-of-the-lord-typed romance things. The colour scheme has become a very inherent part of setting the environment in the heavens; lust, ecstasy, purity. I've woven the concept of evolution into the tale as well. It's classified under the 'erotica fiction' genre of story telling simply because there is a whole lotta lovin goin on with not only god & Lucifer, but with all the angels of heaven. Free love, y'know? It's my preference, anyhow.

I'm starting to really grasp the concept of what I love in a protag. It's got a lot to do with encouraging one's personal best to come out in others, whether it means for the side of darkness or light. & that whole darkness & light thing, very fine line for me. It's not even so much a dynamic as 'line' for me inasmuch as it is one side coming to embrace/accept the other & not wanting to be caught up in the whole evangelistic murk of things. Whatever floats your boat man! Find that, nurture it, forge it the motherfucking flame & hit the 'slay' button. That is just my way, not the way I think I need to project upon others. But whatever! The thing here is that I love watching these small diminuitive characters be given the power over such creatures of the deep & instead they utilize that power to beef up the beast, the guardian, the protector,...Oh, you know what I mean, right?

Midna's a great example. Sebastian from Neverending Story. The Chunk & Sloth dynamic, from that Goonies flick? John Connor & the Terminator. I seriously think Gandalf & the Balrog could've had some great moments of beauty but Gandalf had to go & fight instead of converge. Boo! But still. I think mayhaps the whole Ed & Al bit from Full Metal Alchemist could be another example of what I'm possibly tryna convey here?

Here's a good one fer all you old timers.

Bodyguard, protector, call it what you may. I like it. The combined effort of brain, brawn & compassion, for whatever principle you're rooting for... if I was going to do it, that's how I would go about it anyhoo.

I still try to figure out whom is which in my personal relationships. Like Snookms vs. Me? I'm pretty sure he is vessel & I am diminiutive commander. Mysty & I, not too sure still. Just when I think I've got her to a 'T' she goes & surprises the shit outta me. Let-Dawg & I; here I am vessel & she is commander. It's been steady rock n rollin all life long....

But yes, I am rambling. I still need to recover from how busy last week was on top of my brain being fried from spewing 12k words forth from my noggin in a week's time. I really hope I can get the ol' ball rollin again; my dreams are getting plagued with too much symbolic imagery.

Speaking of which! Antichrist: watch it if you dig symbolic imagery, for that flick is chock full o' the shit. I dig it, highly. I know a handful of others that will too. I was able to order it 'On Demand' & though it was a tad pricy, it was worth it. Mysty came over & we covered up with leafy quilts & sipped on Peppermint white mochas all the while. It was very much temptation at it's finest, but I feel like Galadriel in my effort to resist, for I did not yield to the desire of my loins. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Well I must concoct creative reasonings as to why I can't nor shan't cook dinner & watch the uncut version of 'Drag Me to Hell'. I should want to fuse the two together somehow, no?