i can almost hear you scream

current mood: orestes -a perfect circle
currently watching: phantasm 2



footsteps fall on a blackened, tree covered floor
somewhere in my mind i hear your voice, summoning me
black hands, black hair, black mane, & an even blacker voice commands me back to life
i am trained to do your bidding, tho my mind can't comprehend one fucking word you say
the spirit obeys again & again, and all i care about is the task you have set before me
i want to cut out my own heart & give it back to you, since you have succeeded in designing me
to be
... just like you ...
nothing i want to do is in convergence with what i Will to do
i am nothing but evil deep inside
but the holy light keeps shining through
a blade of unity to keep me bound to you for an eternity
i have learned to obey instead of walk away
somewhere, somehow, & at some point this will have been proven to be a fruitful strategy
for the plan of Chaos is no plan at all
i strike blindly, not ever revealing to my right hand what my left hand chooses to do
but Chaos is no master strategist
it's end is no end at all, no beginning ...
only rebirth & destruction
it is all i ever Will
& all Will i am never
for you are the way, the truth, & the light

ritual

current mood: suehiro maruo gif
currently listening to: weird tales -electric wizard
currently watching: jennifer's body



turns out i'm chatty on muscle relaxers! i've been having to take them every night before i go to bed since last week & you know what? i LIKE talking. i sometimes miss not having reservations.

i've been having neck pains off & on for years now & ever since school started back up for me & the kiddoes, there has been added stress i guess? i thought i was handling things pretty well, honestly. but it came out in a physical distress signal instead. so here i am, feeling good, feelin' fine.

today was super fun in biology class. i really dig my teacher too. she's short, old, & full of spunk. she loves to tell stories & is not afraid to talk about nasty, crazy, shock value shit. she brings it up in a funny way tho, & somehow manages to pull it off classy. i like her a lot. she has a super short pixie hair cut too, & it compliments everything about her. the first half of her class is just lecture, & then the second half we go in the lab, which i love doing. we get to work together with our classmates in groups which i realized i actually enjoy doing. i never have before! but i am kinda clueless in that class & it makes me feel so much better to realize most everyone else there is too & that we can band together to form a knowledge Voltron of disaster. today we were learning about molecular structure & how to read periodic tables. i liked drawing them & writing out the formulas. & then we got to mess around with a bunch of solutions & measure their pH balance. the cabbage juice we got to use was a really pretty shade of purple & i wanted to put some in a vial & secretly drink it. GROSS.

there is this guy that sits across from me in lab & he is HELLA FUCKING BUFF. but he's so quiet & not like the "hey y'all come look at my bi-ceps" kind of a dude at all. & i hate to throw this term around so loosely, but he is what one might classify as the "nerdy" type, & not in the new way that everyone & they gran-maw-maw likes to claim they are these days. basically he reminds me of what napoleon dynamite would look like if he had washboard abs & straight blonde hair. that is a really hard thing to visualize, i know! but if you saw him, you would get it, i think. but yeah, anyway. i thought for sure he was on top of his game in class but when we got to get in groups today we were both talking about how lost we felt. the teacher talks so fucking fast! & then muscle-man said that he thought this was just going to be a class about the human body & i was all "i know right?" but then said it will be eventually, these are just some of the preliminaries & then he opened up his binder & busted out this old school looking muscular tissue chart of the human body & was all, "see!" like he was loud & proud about it. i dunno. i just thought it was cute. in a napoleon dynamite way.

what else... ohhhhhhh. the whole "Women Writing the Weird" anthology thing is creeping up on me. it's due to be released sometime in October, i believe. some of the females have already begun the process of promoting, Scotland (hiiiiiiiiiiiii Wendy!) being one of the places that at least one writer is from, & then a possible panel at the world fantasy con? mysty & i were talking the idea of our stories being shared across the world, in places we've only dreamed of being, & that we thought that was really neat shit to get all head-swellered about. i still can't believe we're being published in an antho together.
*le twirl*

snookms, the kiddoes & i went to see "don't be afraid of the dark" last saturday. it was very disappointing. it had so much potential to be a great movie & a great story that i thought for sure there was no way guillermo del toro could fuck up, but sure enough, (whether it's his fault or not) it sucked. the opening scene had me hoping for a theme that did not continue throughout the duration of the movie & by the time it was all over i was glad to be done with it. it was about evil faeries for christ's sake! HOW COULD YOU FUCK THAT UP?

i am all about seeing the remake of "the thing". & i really want to watch the new "fright night" too. & then "paranormal activity 3" is on the must see list. oh yeah, has anyone heard anything about the "lady in black" flick yet? i never thought daniel radcliffe was uber cute or anything but he looks totally suitable to me in this. i'd say it's like "lemony snickett" meets "the shining"? one can only hope! coming out in february, so we'll see...

i also forgot to say that my new math teacher for this semester looks like superman with grey/gray hair. he dresses like clark, acts like kent, but reminds me of jor el more than anything i guess. he's not sexy to me, but it's cool that he's all fit & still takes care of himself. he's not a very blunt fellow, likes to beat around the bush with everything. i don't take that as a bad thing neccessarily, i've just noticed about myself over the years that i have come to appreciate blunt honesty. i guess maybe because of having to live with & adapt to snookms for the last 15 years? & this teacher is not blunt. but it's okay, i can adapt to the different behavioral patterns of society.

lastly, i think i might be headed in the pastoral counseling direction for my career. at my last appointment with my therapist i asked a bunch of questions about what she does, because i want to do what she is doing, but i just don't want to limit my availability to only those of a religious faith. & mother katherine made it clear that that is not a requirement. & so the more questions i asked her about it, the more intrigued & excited i became about pursuing it. & i really like how she emphasized the point to me of a non-evangelical approach in how their system approaches clients, which is a very important thing for me. the last thing i want to do is the whole "turn or burn" dance. she even told me they stress that in the classes & instructors go out of their way to be informative in cultural upbringings as well as environmental factors. so who knows? i may be a pastoral counselor in my future, & i'm excited about the thought of it. set me up with the finest red robes y'all!

good night <3

throned in blood

current mood: dead to the world
currently listening to: dead to the world
currently watching: dead to the world



it's been over 24 hours since i saw jucifer live & i'm still in the kind of daze where all i want to do is talk about what i experienced. i mean! like, all day in class today, & even last night in my math class all i wanted to do was tell everyone, 'GUESS WAT I FUCKING SAW JUCIFER'. & i was so sad because the only person that would ever even care was mysty.

so i'll start by apologizing up front & center for the horrific fucking recording that i did on my camera phone of jucifer. Amber was so fucking tall & slanky that i thought positioning the camera would be an advantage, but it turns out it only ruined the visual sharing of what was experienced. & to be fair, i was just in complete fucking awe and my senses kind of went into shock so that anything that made sense to me pretty much went out the window for the rest of the night.

jucifer didn't even go on until 1 in the morning & i was in a super sleep haze because it was a school night & so ready to go home. but when Amber came out with this pitch black hooded cloak on, tinkering with her Wall o' Sound, me & mysty were all hush-hush & totally gawking. i mean, it was dark as fuck & she STILL had her hood draped over her head & would only peak her head out long enough to make sure all the amps & stacks & lights for the show were working up to par. i just kept thinking to myself, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN".

next thing you know, her husband, who is the drummer, comes out & starts testing out the drums. he's wearing some tight cut off hipster looking jean shorts & a tee shirt with his hat turned to the side. my tits & pussy just kind of melted when he started pounding away on his drum set. & the show hadn't even started yet.

finally Amber slinks off her hooded cloak to reveal this sleek, silk coven-esque looking dress that is blacker than the heart of nosferatu. her hair is a sickly pale blonde & is tied in two loosely braided piggy tails on each side of her head with black & white feathers dangling from the ends. her eyebrows are as black as motherfucking midnight & she just keeps her face covered with her hair the whole time. then she slings this metallic silver flying v around her body & starts wailing away on her axe. i look over & her man is screaming into the mic while he's blasting away on his drum set & i'm all like, "HOLY FUCK HE SINGS TOO???"

mysty has already seen jucifer live in bloomington, i was supposed to be with her,that night but shit happened & i had to cancel. so us seeing her together was like this heroin like ritual that we felt we absolutely had to engage in with one another. we take one last look at each other before shit started to get real & went in for the plunge.

so ... the whole tiny little stage goes dark, & then these green lasers start flailing all around Amber like some kind of crazy satanic-fairy haze & Amber is banging her head all the fuck over the place while she cranks out the most amazing drone i've ever heard in my life. it reminded me so much of sunn 0))) & my heart started beating so fast because it was everything i ever imagined it to be. she starts screaming into the mic while she's banging away on her axe & i look over at her husband & he is LITERALLY mouthing every fucking word she is singing & he has this mad look of fuck-passion on his face like there was not going to be a damn thing that got in the way of his expression of love for his wife's art. every word she screamed he had a gesture for like the song was etched into his the very essence of his soul & it was just like mysty described: you felt like you were intruding on some sort of intimate act, but you just couldn't look away. & you could tell he was in so much pain from beating the shit out of his set, but he wasn't going to let anything stop him from performing to his wife's expectations. & she had no doubt in his ability, not once did she look over at him in concern or doubt. he was so fully imbued with the vibe that he started punching his heads instead of beating them with his sticks. i about fainted from the erotic-ness of it all.

i also forgot to mention that while Amber was getting all her equipment ready that i saw her GREASING the neck of her guitar up like a well oiled cock. when she started actually playing i noticed that she was oiled up all the way to her forearms in that shit. & oh GOD did she need it for how spectacularly she was was wailing away. she was belting out these oldschool metallica sounding riffs that made me so jealous i started whimpering. at one point she turned completely around, facing away from the audience (mysty, werewolf, & i were smack dab in the front, inches away from her) & she gathers up the ends of her dress, gets on her knees & just starts belting away on her axe in this crazy, fucked up, masturbatory kind of trance, right in front of her Wall of Amps, just getting blasted away by her own music-made jism. out of the corner of my eye i see mysty's werewolf making homage gestures with his arms & mysty just nods in perfect agreeance. i love how mysty & eric were made for each other like that.

so like, i'm totally alone in the this experience in that "romantic" kind of sense, but i'm not sad about it at all because i felt like it was a very intimate thing for me. i know this sounds stupidly ridiculous & cliche, but i really feel like that whole night changed my outlook on life. i feel like, maybe there really are things & people & channels out there in sync totally with everything that makes me tick.

the drive home was like a dream, my hearing was totally massacred, even though mysty hooked me up with ear protection, & everything sounded like i was on the planet jupiter, sound traveling through time & space like spheres of liquid metal. i was able to put my brain on auto-pilot the whole ride home since mysty & eric said i could just follow them home in my own vehicle, so that is what i did. & i love how smoothly snookms' car rhythm flows once you get it in a good shifting trance. i rolled all the windows down & just let the humid midnight summer breeze hit me full force while i daydreamed of how beautifully black Amber's eyebrows were in contrast to how sickly pale her face & bleach-blonde hair was. & the way mysty's flawless complexion reflected the unholy light of that night so beautifully & perfectly.

that night has seriously made up for every shitty thing, for every heart-wrenching disappointment that has ever occurred in my life.

birthday blitz!

current mood: thor vs. loki
currently listening to: pieces of quiet -khanate
currently reading: the wasteland



oh, so hay guess what? snookms' vacation totally happened this week! & so did my 35th birthday & one of my brother's birthdays & then 2nd oldest's, & then sunday is snookms' 34th birthday. so. many. birthdays. yOU. GUISE.

i guess i'll start with my birthday, it came first. again, i was really feeling the birthday girl blues, but i'm over it. monday came with a fresh new outlook on life. i wanted to have a nice & clean smelling house, so i took joy in prettying the place up. wound up needing to make a trip up to supertarget for a few things & snookms offered to take over what i hadn't finished up. i really wanted to kick the sun's ass because it was killing my eyes & giving me a potential migraine headache. i am an allstar pro @ losing my shades tho, so i didn't have anything to protect my eyes. decided that needed to go on my list of things to purchase once i got to target. before i left to go i told snookms i wanted to try this new taiwan tea house restaurant in castleton for my birthday dinner right? well i get to target after all that gridlock bs & am like "fuck all of that, let's just go somewhere close". so we went to the chinese buffet on 10th. but by the time i get home from target i'm all drained from the sun beating MY ass. those 17 dollar sunglasses came a dollar too late i guess? so when i get home i don't want to do anything but lay in bed until i feel normal again. so while i am doing this snookms goes out & when he gets home i awaken to a box to my head with a picture of a girl running on it. so i'm all "oh hey! snookms bought me a pedometer since i am all up on the staying in shape front now?" & pass out again for a minute. then i remember registering the word "sprint" in my head & then i'm all "oh! that's an effing fancy cell phone right there!" snookms got me an android. i've not ever had a super fancy phone like that so i was really excited to have technology at my fingertips. it was a touchscreen & i didn't realize that at first; i kept trying to slide the keyboard out, haha! but then snookms came sauntering in the bedroom & showed me all the ropes since he already has a smart phone. at first i thought he had the victory fanfare ringtone from ff7 put on my phone, but that was just his phone ringing with the personal ringtone he had set up for me. i got a big kick out of that & it sort of flung me out of my "i'm sick please feel sorry for me depression". it's the little things you guys!

after that we all made it out to the buffet. i didn't eat a whole lot because i didn't want to get attacked by that migraine again. i even avoided playing around with my new phone for too long so as to avoid it's return. after that i was in the mood to be one with nature (i usually get that away just before the sun goes down these days) & so we headed out toward avon park. didn't make it in time tho, it closes a 9 & it was right on the dot when we got there. & i forgot to tell you guys all about the last time we went there a week or so ago. there was these folks out there practicing their martial arts, two older guys specifically were in the "bark" (which is actually recycled tires instead of wood that are cut into tiny pieces that have been made to look like bark) doing all kinds of amazing backflips. i was cheering them on while shespawn & i were on the swings & we totally got a free show from them. this dood was doing backflips off some 12 foot playground equipment! & he was trying to teach his friend/pupil how to do backflips & what not to do when doing when. i mean he was so elegant that he'd be all, "see, i USED to do it like this" (insert less than perfect formation) "but now i do it like THIS" (insert perfection). i walked over to where snookms was shooting hoops with the other 2 spawn & told them about this awesomeness & of course they wanted to see it for themselves. then we all walked back over to them & i introduced the family, asked questions & asked if he could show off some of his moves. he was super friendly & knew exactly what moves to pull off to bring out the "oohs & ahhs" from us. i guess he is in charge of some kind of gym that helps to keep kids out of trouble & was teaching/prepping them for some show he's getting ready to put on for the public. i wished him well in his journey & gave him encouragement. i wish i would've remembered to ask for some kind of website or something, he was really great. but i digress, this was again, last week's events. nothing happened this time since the park was closed so i think i remember us just driving around for an hour or so. we came home & i made peach dumplings from a pancake mix i got online. the failure here was in my forgetting to remember how gross nutmeg is. so the batch i made the next day came out better since i remembered to eliminate that fucking ingredient.

the next day was a haze, except for me thumbing through the last bit of mordicai's book"the wasteland". my nose has been buried in that book off & on since last week, i've been excited to get to the ending of it, tho i haven't quite made it yet. i'm on page 187 where lovely Gillick is having to fight off the attack of ogres & a giant acid leaking snail. i have this to say so far, i really like how mordicai introduces the element of surprise in the book. i really don't see the shit coming, & when it does i'm like "whoa holy fuck, i didn't even predict that at all!" & i really enjoy that a lot. & i also like the way he uses vampires in his books. they scare me & mystify me & glamour me the way they used to! woohoo to that. so that is what i'll say about that for now.

as the hour grew late the turner party became restless & so we set out to go driving once again & then next thing you know we end up in greenwood @ movies8 to see "thor". & see, here is the thing about that movie. i see a shitty preview & typically i don't get phased by those too much. but something just told me not to trust my instinct to see it anyway. so i held off. & then when we saw it i was kind of mad for listening to myself to not listen to myselfffffffffffff. pretty dumb, right? i really enjoyed that movie a lot. loki & the frost giants were what made my night the mostest, & then thor being cut like nobody's business. & you know what? i had no complaints whatsoever about idris elba as heimdall.



i think he is an eloquent actor & sexy as all get out. especially when he was laura linney's part time lover in "the big c".

wednesday was set aside for snookms dr. appt with the surgeon @ clarian west, he needed to get a second opinion on whether or not his suspicions were to be confirmed that he had a hernia. & guess wut you guys? he doesn't have a hernia, HE HAS 3. yes, can you fucking believe that shit? i am so glad i went to that appointment with him, because i would have had no clue exactly what all this meant for him. he has to get surgery now & it's going to take him 4 weeks to fully recover. so like, he has a hernia in his belly button (which has explained away his most adorable but ever so sensitive "outie" all these years, the doc even confirmed this shit) & two other hernias resting neatly on each opposite of his belly button. i've always been a fan of symmetry, y'know!?!? i am telling you all right now, it was everything in my power i had to muster up to not pass out from the doctor opening up the hernia brochure to show us what exactly had happened to my snookms. it was like looking at a fucking brochure about akira. & then explaining the surgery is basically explaining how you fix a flat on a bicycle. you get some mesh, & just patch that fucker up (for the ones with symmetry, anyhow). the belly button one will require the doctor to sew the muscle back up where it has torn, before anymore of poor ol' snookms guts come spilling out. so this has been a real stress on me, worrying about snookms everytime he clutches his stomach. he shared with me that he has suspected this for years, now that he's read up on it. he thought all along it was just some re-ocurring cramp from lifting so many heavy things when he used to frame houses for a living, which he's been doing since he was fucking 15 years old & all the way up until just last year getting hired at this new city job he has. such a scary thing, man.



snookms promised to me that he was okay to go to the kings island trip his mom wanted to treat us to on thursday, so we went. i knew he would be more bummed if we didn't go anyway, so i just kept reminding myself of that whenever i started to worry. we had a lot of fun there, & snookms took the pain medicine the dr. prescribed, which he claims makes him feel "stupid". i think that helped take any edge off he might have been experiencing. the first coaster i got to ride with snookms when we got there was the firehawk, & that was a pretty decent ride. the mechanics of it have you going from a sitting position to a lying down one, & then you are going head first into the coaster, which disables you from seeing a whole lot of what is in front of you. but i stuck my little head out like a good little kender would to see what adventure lay ahead & it was funner that way. after that i just kind of stayed with whoever in the party was not down for the spinning rides, since they make me puke my brains out. we went on the log water rides which are always great & then spent a good portion of the day in boomerang bay where they have a wave pool that simulates the ocean's movement. the other kids ran off & got in the 2 hour lines for waterslides but i was perfectly content with bobbing up & down in the pretend ocean. we met up with everyone in the parking lot for a sandwich lunch & snookms had fun blasting the best of skid row & forcing his brother to have flashbacks of their childhood together. it was really cute to see snookms & his brother singing along to "youth gone wild" & never missing a beat. it's like seeing two picture perfect housewives doing "the donnas" karaoke.

& so that leads us to friday. snookms, jr. & i had a date w/ the special needs coordinator at mike jr's school since he is making the transition from jr. high to high school this year. we were able to get his schedule & a more in depth tour of the school so that he would be a little more familiar with his surroundings. & let me just say thank GOD for shit like this, because back when i was going to school these kinds of opportunities were just not available for us. or at least if they were, i was not made aware of them. because believe me, i would have taken up on them in a heartbeat. anxiety tore me in fucking knots because of not being able to better understanding my potential surroundings.

when that was done & over with we came home for a bit & by then i was pretty emotional. i get this way every year when it finally sinks in for me that my kids are getting older. i also miss them very much when they go back because they are some of my best friends in life, so my heart remembers that too. i cried on snookms' shoulder for a little bit about that & he was the total gentleman he always is when it comes to me crying & it helped me a lot. once that was addressed we met up with snookms sister to give her back her daughter since she asked to spend the night with shespawn after the kings island trip. then we went out to zionsville & got pizza at my favouritest pizza joint ever, "amore's". they have pepperoni stuffed breadsticks that taste like how i would imagine the word "beautiful" to taste if ever it could be tasted.

after that we all did some school supply shopping at "big lots" & then clothes & shoe shopping at "shoe carnival" & "rue21". both the places were packed like sardines so we tried to get out of there quickstyle.

made it home to relax, home, sweet, home. how we miss you when we are gone away from you for more than a day! snookms & i got right into our jammies & played the "hey, wanna spend the night?" game, which basically entails me asking him to call his parents & ask if we can have a sleepover & then him saying okay & then me saying "what are we gonna do" & then him saying all the fun stuff we already do, like watch "burn notice" or "transformers cartoons" & eat fruity pebbles & build forts. i always crack up really hard when he says all this cos he says it like he's 5 & its kind of cute in a really goofy way.

& now it's 5:08 in the morning & it is officially my 2nd oldest's bday.

malice in wonderland

current mood: you & your friends are dead. game over
currently listening to: i hate the human race -grief
currently reading: the wasteland

• 2 more days until I turn 35.
• getting ready to read some more of the ms for the Women Writing the Weird anthology.
• the other writers are blowing my mind.
• Adam & Deb say they're working on a Halloween-ish date for the release.
• my hair is back to its usual blue/black. also, freshly shaved.
• starting to get some birthday girl blues, but oh well.

not a soc

current mood: raise your weapon
currently listening to: blue skied an' clear -slow dive
currently back to reading: the wasteland



so like, i just remembered some other things i totally wanted to talk about that i forgot about in my last post.

my moms bday. my dad & i drove out to Eduardo's, this filipino restaurant that i found out about when i was on a mad internet hunt for goldilocks venues to appease my mom. i got fed up when i realized that goldilocks only exists in california & the philippines, so when i googled 'filipino restaurants in indianapolis' this was literally the only thing that popped up. about a 20 minute drive from our house, so it was worth coaxing snookms into venturing out. i guess the place is mostly a fried chicken joint that sells filipino food on the side? the day before my mom's bday, snookms & i went to scope the place out. not a fancy place at all, but not terrible either. it prolly wasn't the best place to throw a birthday shenanigan (i really hate that word for some reason) but i figured we could always bring the food to my mom & surprise her for her bday with it, so that is what we did the next day. it was a nice surprise to realize halo-halo is served there too, because my mom is nuts about that dessert. its basically an ice cream sundae served filipino style, is the way my mom has always explained it? shaved ice, jack fruit, evaporated milk, leche flan (some kind of carmelized sauce i think?) ,coconut & these little things that look & taste just like green rice crispies called pinipig. my dad ordered a huge serving of pancit for the whole family, some pork adobo, shanghai lumpia, and the infamous filipino version of the shishkabob which i didn't get to try any of because everybody tore that up quickstyle once it got served at my mom & dad's house. we also got my mom a cake that said, "Maligayang Bati sa Iyong Kaarawan!", which of course translates to "Happy Wishes on Your Birthday!".

my mom seemed really touched by everything. she has this way of saying thank you that makes you want to go the extra mile, all day & every day, y'know? she's just so full of gratitude & it's super gratifying. i mean, i'll like do something as simple as scrub a skidmark off their toilet & she'll make me feel like i just laid my coat out over a puddle, gentlemen renaissance style & all. no doubt!

also! i was able to order my books for this next upcoming semester. it has got me really excited for this school year, not only for me, but for my kids & snookms too. jr. got his schedule today & i can't believe he is going to be a freshman this year. OHGOD. & i'm going to be 35 years old in a coupla days too. ohgodOHGODohgod. not because i feel old, but because its just all going by so fast!

last night we all actually sat together as a family & rented "Limitless" on demand. i thought it was going to be this dumb hipster shit that was going to bore me 5 minutes into the movie, but you know what? it really was some hipster shit prolly, but I WASN'T BORED. i was into it intensely & even predicted the ending. i think i tend to like movies better when i can figure them out & nobody else in my vicinity saw it coming, y'know? so HA!

ooooooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaah, I ALMOST FORGOT. shespawn showed me the trailer last night, but i was ridiculously excited about the newest Paranormal Activity trailer. the whole time i watched part 2 last year i kept thinking to myself how great it would be if they went there, & they DID, THEY DID! so hooray for October y'all!

one last thing real quick, i was able to explain to snookms the manic side of bi-polar due to the movie's portrayal of the whole "limitless" perspective. it's just like that, you feel like you understand everything so clearly & that you are capable of anything & everything. it all just goes together like the most perfect puzzle you ever could piece together. i was so happy to be able to convey that to snookms for some reason, & the movie just got me all amped up like i wanted some NZT-48. but sometimes i get it fo' free, ya heard?! fringe benefits of being manic-depressive i s'pose?

good things

current mood:
currently listening to:
currently watching:





got this feeling
when i heard your name the other day
couldn't say it
couldn't make it go away
it's a hard place
can't be friends we can't be enemies
it's just too much
i feel the weight crushing down on my face

the hardest part is things already said
getting better worse i cannot tell
why do good things never wanna stay
some things you lose some things you give away

broken pieces
try and make it good again
is it worth
it will it make me safe today?
it's a dumb song
but i'll write it anyway
it's an old mistake
but we always make it why do we

this time it'll be alright
this time it'll be okay

i will follow you unto the dark

current mood: the summoner of all
currently listening to: vanished -crystal castles
currently watching: proposal of darkness



its late & i'm tired, but not sleepy.

woke up this morning feeling like my bones had been chewed on all night, coming to the realization that MY PERIOD WAS IN FULL FORCE. i guess it didn't help that i started the new weight lifting plan that snookms recommended me either? but i was motivated so whatever! i lost all my motivation to do healthy things for my body last week; my mind & emotions delved into a sort of depression that couldn't be putted out easily. my pms does that to me & i have learned to make way for it rather than ignore its pleadings to be kind to myself.

i was in luck tho, what with mordicai recommending me "Tender Morsels". it took me awhile to finish it, but i was able to turn its last page as of friday evening. snookms had just got home from work & i was buzzing through, hoping for its perfection of storytelling to veer me where i wished so badly for the mc to go. everything about that book was perfect, but the ending broke my heart kind of. i was still especially pleased with it, & very grateful for mordicai's recommendation.

it was funny too, because i had been talking about reading the book off & on on twitter, & then margo lanagan, (the very author herself!) retweeted my tweets about the book so i totally fangirled out about that. i really enjoyed the way in which this story was told. so much emotion was invested in each character, each perspective. things that are typically so terribly difficult to convey & discuss when it comes to the affairs of the heart were so beautifully translated in the storytelling & it gave my heart a new found appreciation for the art of writing. it really made my heart happy!

it seems like time goes by so quickly & little things that i always want to talk about on here slip away into the Nothing.

snookms DID find 4 baby rabbits at work & the kids & i visited him for lunch to bring them home & see what could be done about stabilizing their situation until we can get some sort of wildlife experts to advise us otherwise. they are as tiny as mice, these little cuties. they still have the white stripes on the tops of each their heads, & according to the information we gathered on the internets this is an indication that they are not ready to be on their own yet. so while snookms & the 2 boys ventured out to his brother's & mom's on the northside, shespawn & i set out to gather the neccessary ingredients to make the proper baby rabbit formula. it calls for sweet condensed milk, heavy cream, light karo syrup, & 1 egg yolk. TALK ABOUT A SWEET OVERDOSE MAN! but when shespawn administered it, they tore it up. i really hope the little cutie pies make it & that the wildlife experts can point us in the right direction. i read that most wild rabbits don't live past six months! BIGTIMEFROWNYFACE

my sleeping schedule is starting to get on the night owl prowl; i'll sleep until 12 in the afternoon or so, & then won't be going to bed until 2:00 a.m. at the latest. it doesn't bother me too much, really. sometimes i miss the day seeming to last longer, but i enjoy staying up & watching a good sunrise without a struggle, too. it'll get back to its regularly scheduled programming soon enough.

school will be starting in about a month for me, and 3 weeks for the kids, so it won't be much longer! yet another frownyface. i look forward to school starting for us but GODDAMN do i miss my babies. & then the whole idea of snookms even existing basically becomes a ghost too, once school starts. we'll trek through this tho, its all for a greater good.

i've been having lots of late night fun with my new tumblr layout these days, as i was able to find a code that honours size maximization of backround photos, as well as permalink images. i change it quite often because there are s'very many pretty pictures out there that make a great tumblr layout. plus i've been getting all crazy with the cursor art, so that doesn't help one bit either. it takes so little to please me, y'know?

other than that i can't think of much else to report. of course i had a fuckton of mouthwords to shout out when i first initiated this particular blog post, but now? I HAVE NOTHING

playing dress up

current mood: seal of metatron
currently listening to: confession room
currently watching: the color purple



a rundown of snookms stats:

• ryan goslings eyes, cheekbones & beard. (he can totally sprout one out in like, 4 minutes?) also, 1/4 of his contrived hollywood kindness.

• faramir's nose

• h.p. lovecraft's forehead, ears & jawline

• balrog with a bouquet of flowers spirituality.

• mark ruffalo's five o' clock shadow & complexion.

• bruce lee's physique

• tom green with a side of dirty bob saget sense of humour.

• sturm brightblade's loyalty & Francis Dolarhyde's sexual conflict.

the other night i had a really good but also creepy dream about snookms. i was in a polyamorous relationship with a past version of him & then also his present version, both existing simultaniously. the past version of snookms was just like he was 15 years ago. he had a ponytail, was super pale, super skinny & super horny. also very emotional & needy compared to the snookms of today? & then the present version of him was exactly how he is now; preoccupied. just always fucking preoccupied! it was funny in the dream how "present Snookms" treated my relationship with "past Snookms". he was just treating him as if he were a nuisance, an annoyance, almost like an extra kid he didn't want around but tolerated. & "past Snookms" was all like, "what's his problem?". & i'd alleviate his anxiety by making out with him. "present Snookms" was sort of grossed out by it but had more "important things" to worry about, like paying hospital bills i guess? the dream was nice because i got to see young snookms again & get my mack on but it also felt terrible too. i just hate being annoying to snookms, even tho i know it happens all the time in real life.

oh well. he totally annoys me sometimes too.

balance hath been restored to the universe

current mood: yoga flame
currently listening to: i only have eyes for you
currently watching: i am speed muthafucka



i found a new favourite blog to read, but unfortunately it looks as if she doesn't post on a daily basis. it has also made me realize a couple of things reading into about the fourth or fifth post she wrote...

i've lost my funny. it's been about 3 years since i started taking st. johns wort & the omega 3's. it's been another two since i've elected to start doing some serious healing on a regular basis. i realize this has all come for the better, but i miss my highs. it sounds so goddamn cliche, but being bi-polar, you come to miss them. like maybe the way a drug addict craves the feeling of being doped up? i had "highs" occurring on tha regular before i got all balanced out. i desired to laugh, & go to any & all costs to make others laugh as well. not so with this newfound balance that has been restored in my life. for a second there i wanted to mourn this loss, but i sat on the porch in my front yard after reading "Checking the Electrical Box" to sneak a smoke & further ponder my emotions about all of this. i'll readily admit, i am happier now than i have ever been in my life. i guess i didn't need my manic ups & downs to keep me as sane as i thought i needed to be. peace of mind has outweighed the need to laugh at someone else's expense (including my own, which was usually my favourite way to spend funny points?) but i don't miss the lows. nobody ever does. i mean sure, i'm a sadomasochist by nature, but i could only take so much of beating myself up the next day for all the stupid risks i took in the name of sustaining a high that had evaporated long before i realized i could even sustain them in the first place.

another realization that occurred to me: i miss writing. a lot. writing about nothing. writing just for the fun of it. i don't do much of that now because the creative spark doesn't catch flame nearly as much as it used to when i was less balanced. but, once again, i am happy. i had this inherent fear when i first agreed to start taking herbal supplements that i'd zone out & conform. the fear lessened as each day went by because i was just tired of being on edge all the goddamn time. even though i might have appeared cool, calm, & collected on the exterior, i was a madhouse inside of my head about 90 percent of the time. the other 10 percent belonged to me in the bathroom on my knees crying my eyes out. i second, third, & fourth guessed every thought that came into my mind, and couldn't ever find a way to throw a wrench in the spokes so that i could slow the fuck down. & when the likelihood of that did occur, there you had it; me an emotional shutdown of self loathing. trust me, what i have now is way better. it takes more for me to experience the highs, but i'd trade that any day for the manic-depressive bullshit i was treading through.

on a lighter note, i'm staying fit these days! katie had been keeping track of herself via myfitnesspal for some time, & i had started an account there way back, but got off track. all her progress (as well as snookms getting buffer n shit) inspired me to get back on the bandwagon. i've been keeping track of my calorie intake as well as exercise & calories burned for 50 days in a row now. it feels great. i get off track every once in a while, but i don't beat myself up over it. i just use it as a learning experience for the next possible circumstance & get back to where i was. it's nice to get on the exercise bike & do 10 miles a day like it's nothing. it's also nice not to feel overly stuffed with food constantly. counting calories has taught me the importance of paying attention to serving sizes. & of course when you start dieting, you will automatically assume that you have to starve yourself to lose weight, but not so. you might hafto go hungry an hour or two, or get used to your belly not feeling stuffed, but you can still eat & enjoy what you eat. just in moderation. so far i've lost *-edit-14* pounds. i've gained a couple pounds back & then lost them in 2 separate occasions, but i'm noticing this takes place when my period is on the prowl. so it could be water weight gain, or it could be that i just don't give a fuck around that time of the month so i stuff my face with salty stuff then chase it down with chocolate. but again, there has been so many benefits to this life style change because i can't handle the effects of overeating the way i used to. & i am always down for a good trek in the woods or bike ride through the neighborhood. so yay me?

some really sad stuff happened over the weekend, but i'm not one to talk about all that. it's really nobody else's business & it'll just get me sad talking about it again, but i'll just say that a funeral for a firefighter is no fucking joke. there is so much ceremonial tradition, care, & respect put into such a thing. i really had no idea what all that was about until this took place. it really brought tears to my eyes. tragedy abounds, & you only live once. if anything this week has taught me the true importance of living each moment to its fullest.

take that, you inefficient text analysis internet generator thingamahoozit.

quadrinomial is not even a WURD

current mood: it's britney, BITCH
currently listening to: the metro -berlin
currently watching: quadratic equations crawl up the wall & out the door



time to celebrate!

i passed my math class for the semester. i failed my first test, got a C on the second test, & failed the third test. i got a 91 on my final, which averaged all my homework, mathlab work & tests into a final grade of a B! holy shit, can you believe it? iMEAN! you guys should have heard me when i first checked my score that night. i was squealing & yelping & clapping & jumping up & down & kissing snookms' neck over & over because i was so. so. HAPPY. & i have my pal dana to thank for it, she pushed me to keep on keepin on. i was feeling pretty damn sick & heartbroke that day too. no joke.

i aced my other two classes too. those were relatively easy tho. next semester i'm taking another math class, a biology class, public speaking, english 111, & intro to microcomputers. i'm considering dropping the microcomputers class tho because i have a feeling that 4 classes is going to be quite enough. waiting to hear from my advisor...

so sunday is mother's day, eh? my momz has plans & my dad too. i've already whipped up a batch of pansit to take over to my parentals on sunday & going to work on making lumpia tonight when shespawn gets home. we're gonna watch scurry movies & drink monster energy till our brains fry out y'all.

my mom is going to make this killer macaroni salad that i haven't had in years. i think i am most excited about that, of all the mother's day events.

so snookms had his brother make this neverending story-ish looking pendent for our 15th wedding anniversary. his brother put a lot of time & effort into it too. 15 spirals to represent each year, not to mention the spiral he wrapped around the whole crystal itself (which is the traditional element for 15 years of marriage i guess?) & then he even added an extra spiral of coil on the back for a symbol of the next year to come. how fucking sentimental, yah? i seriously love it. snookms also got me a beautiful diamond ring, he even re-proposed to me! we have to get it resized tho because it was too big. apparently i wear a size 5 1/2! me & mah tiny fingers. but yes, i can't wait to get it back & wear it. I LOVE IT

snookms & i also got to see hanna @ metropolis too. we missed the first 10 minutes of it, but it was a pretty amazing fucking movie. just go see it already!

so like, eddie izzard is killing me on the united states of tara's newest season. it gives me great joy to know he has black sabbath & motorhead posters hanging on the walls of his office as a professor of psychology. OH FOR REALZ EDDIE, I LOVE YOU.

i really thought i had way more to say than this.

you have bewitched me, body & soul

current mood: the storms of early summer
currently listening to: jackyl -true widow
currently watching: pride & prejudice



summer is getting closer & closer & i can barely contain myself.









a couple of things:

• i looooooooooove my new blogger layout
• it's late saturday night & i can't sleep but i am at peace with this
  
• the kids are all snuggled up in their beds watching episodes of 'the whitest kids you know'
• snookms, shespawn & i went out on a late night taco bell run & it was so fun
• i got trapped into seeing 'scream 4' today & man did it suck. it sucked so bad that it was worse than 'little red riding hood'.
• nobody will ever be good enough for Her. 2 have come close. the other girls can all SUCK IT
• since i made my tumblr layout less creepy i have been getting a fuckton of followers. but i LIKE creepy
  
• i am still haunted by The Laughter
• i have fond memories of watching 'hellraiser 2' with my dad when i was somewhere around 12 years old
• i really, really, realllllllly want to get a giant cicada tattoo on my chest for my next ink sesh
• i also want to get the words "smiling the smile of broken glass & fallen empires" tattooed on me somewhere too. it's one of my favourite lines from the 'teenage wasteland' project i started forever ago but haven't had time to pick back up
• i really need to go to bed so i can be ready for the facepainting booth that i volunteered for tomorrow @ fall creek

goodnight babies <3

welcome to your doom!

current mood: norfair <3
currently listening to: the storms of early summer
currently watching: eat, pray, love



i'm in the lair of ridley. i'm on the cusp of greatness, of defeating a most worthy opponent, yet i am still recovering from the warfare of a previously fought foe. i won't lie around for long. i'll pick up this great wavebeam of strength & shoot with the might of my missile soon enough. for now tho, i just wander around in this bubble realm of relaxation & false pretense, for that is the charm of norfair.

i have 3 weeks left for this semester. i'm doing awesome in Life Skills & Writing (ENGL 025) but I failed my last math test. i'm fucking bummed about it too! worst case scenario? i'll have to take the class again next semester. the advantage here is that i can take a lower level math class. BUT. i just can't shake the whole, "i'm a failure, i'm so dumb" feeling outta my chest. i'm trying tho. i'm really, really trying. it's like i feel betrayed by mathematics. i work so hard everyday, committing myself to it's ways, learning it's in's & out's. & it sucks because i'm still in love with the concept of mathematics, but it's like this mysterious ex, y'know? no matter what you did, it just wasn't good enough? so i'm not all like, "fuck you math! i hate you hard". but i'm heart broken. i'll just have to keep on keepin on. it's hard not to get discouraged!

supposed to go see 'insidious' later tonight with snookms & the spawn. i heard it was pretty spooky, from the same directors of 'paranormal activity' (& 'saw' too, but barf, i think the 'saw' movies are dumb). it's also pg-13 which is to my benefit when it comes to horror movies since snookms isn't too fond of rated R flicks. GOD I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. i mean, i can really get frustrated with him over that shit, real quick? but like, for the most part i love that he is my polar opposite in so many ways. it makes for some great chemistry. & he has such a carnal effect on me too. i can smell the scent of his skin & he won't even be around & i'll get butterflies in my stomach & wanna go hump something. or even just the other day. i had to follow him home in my car because he bought a new car for work right? so i was trailing behind him & i could see his mouth (5 o'clock shadow & all, but keep in mind, it was just his mouth framed in that tiny mirror!) in his rear-view mirror & i got all excited & bouncy & wanted to kiss him. i love how he has this effect on me. but it has it's disadvantages when we argue. i'm all like" FUCK YOU I HATE YOU I DON'T WANNA COME NEAR YOU!"

so what else? oh! 'eat, pray, & love' was a lovely lovely movie for me to wake up to last sunday afternoon. it was on the starz channel or hbo, & i was prepared for something boring but it really moved me emotionally. & i still harbor somewhat of a crush on julia roberts too. there is something about her gentle assertiveness that i find myself magnetized to. & then ol' what's his face from 'no country for old men'? that 'friendo' dood? he makes my tits hard. & even moreso in 'eat, pray, & love' because he is the Ultimate Protector, but so sensitive too, eh? so yeah, this movie made me cry. especially when julia was in india & that guy from the temple was giving her shit about his forgiveness story. good movie!

so i finally got to check out this whole 'zumba' ordeal on thursday. mysty has been going & had invited me several times, all of which i had declined due to other obligations. but i finally got a chance to go with her, & i have to say that all my preconceived notions about it have been thrown out the window. i thought it was going to be really dumb, un-entertaining & embarrassing, but it was only one of those things. & after about 10 minutes, the embarrassment went away too. i felt so alive & invigorated & it was fucking fun. i found myself becoming envious of the zumba instructor because she moves so sexy. so the plan is that mysty & i are going to go back every thursday & dance our pants off. exercise & dance for an hour for 3 dollars ain't bad at all. i'd love to get my mom involved too because i think she'd love it. she loves dancing & is awesome at it, & this is SO her cup o' tea.

i'm really excited for the summer break that's coming up. i can't wait to start reading mordicai's 'the wasteland' again, & 'american gods' & all the other books that i had to put down in order to put college first. & all the silent hill video games that snookms & i got shespawn for xmas have remained unplayed for the most part, so those will DEF get torn to pieces once summer break hits. (i almost forgot about 'ico' too!) plus, snookms & i are in the works of planning a camping trip to florida. my sister-in-law went & i'm so jealous because it sounds like her & her family had the greatest time. i am at one with the motherfucking ocean people! can you handle this? can you wrap your brain around the idea that i am married to the sea? because i totally am. so i really hope me & snookms & the spawn make it out there this year. it's been far too long since i've last inhaled the salts of the sea into the desperation that is my lungs.

& last week i received one of the most endearing compliments. i went to study with my new study buddy & when i left to go home she noticed i drove a mini-van & said, "so that's your car? you are such a contradiction of character!" & it made me feel super proud. i don't know why really. i guess i like the idea that my character doesn't fall into the hands of the analytical so easily? but yeah. it's made me smile thinking of that notion.

& the dreams i've been having? they are back to insects speaking spiritually to me. there are messages encrypted into the sounds they are making, their movements, they way they sway to & fro & float free form around the four corners of my room. there's definitely a sense of urgency about what they are trying to convey, but i can't always decipher what they mean to communicate. it makes me want to cry in my sleep, not being able to transcend to a dimension that will help me understand what they say, & they cry too when my dreams are gone. i wake up feeling the need to know. cicadas & beetles have managed to worm their way into the fibers of my unconsciousness, but the spiders are still the stars, & my mind is the galaxy in which they roam. it feels like they tell me secrets about a crystalized realm. a future that is not so far away, but far enough that i may transpire of old age before i come to it. but it's a message for me to pass down to my children, & my children's children. & it's fucking important & i don't know what it is! it's been like this for so many years. it was shortly after 9-11 took place too. it's probably just my mind's way of dealing with the fear of the world coming to an end? i always fantasize about the what's & how's of it, but i still carry a lot of fear of the unknown in regard, y'know?

welllllp, the storms of early summer are calling to me, as well as snookms' super-sexy coffee.

childREBELsoldier

current mood: alice glass
currently listening to: love&caring -crystal castles
currently watching: grave of the fireflies



dearly beloved! we are gathered here today to update!

i'm so happy today because i don't have a class to go to or an appointment that needs keeping or any other such obligation that will tear me from what i love doing most. (which is lounging around in pajamas and torturing my kids that are on spring break)

i started my writing classes a couple of weeks ago. it's an accelerated course too, so it's kind of been kicking my ass, but in a good way? at first i thought i was going to regret taking this class but it has been really beneficial to me so far.

mysty is supposed to be coming over in a bit & i'm super excited about that. i'm going to head up to green leaf & grab her some taro bubble tea. i think i'm going to go with mango for myself. i'm really jazzed for her & i, cause remember that 'women writing the weird' antho i was telling y'all about? one of her stories got accepted too! so we're both going to be in it. & deb, the editor, said that she was able to fill the spots up so it looks like it will be coming out sometime in the fall. *does a happy dance*

rewatched black swan with shespawn yesterday & i was able to enjoy it a little more this time around. i don't know what it was last time, i think i was just really out of tune with my emotions? i actually got teary eyed a couple of times with this second viewing. i of course had to fast forward & tell shespawn to get outta the room for some scenes but i overall had a better experience watching it the second time round. perhaps the expectation factor being washed away helped to better the situation? who knows.

haven't got to see suckerpunch yet, but snookms took shespawn to see it on their day out. shespawn really liked it. i've heard a lot of mixed reviews, but i wanna see it for myself still. i think it'll be as cheesy as i've projected it to be, but visually cool. i can take the cheese like nobody's business y'all.

i'm going to be attending a self defense class @ ivy tech in april, the day after me & snookms' anniversary. (we'll be married 15 years! holy cow!) i'm rather excited to be taking this class because i'm kind of tired of feeling a tad helpless when i get outta my car late at night y'know? i mean, i have a visual of what i'll do in my head if an attacker comes, but like, nothing extravagant. i wanna be able to bash a person's brains out with a milk carton if i have to okay?

oh yeah, snookms & i took the kiddoes to the HorrorHound convention this last saturday. it was a lot of fun considering how horribly crowded it was. only got to see mysty & her werewolf for a few seconds tho. they had some cool folks at the panel that i squeaked, ooh & ahh'd over in my own weird way. the terminator 3 chick was there, ol' what'shisface from reanimator, & a shitload of others. corey feldman was supposed to be there too but i never did spot him. i did come away with some rad loot tho. i was just happy to share the experience with snookms & the kids.

united states of tara season 3 started up last week so the sunday nights with my mom & dad have re-convened. i'm glad because i really miss hanging out with them. they are some of my best friends in life. my dad has such a low tolerance for bullshit, but goddamn is he funny. his stoic demeanor is most definitely an asset. & my mom is so cute & charming when she tortures my dad with her little girl nuances. it makes me proud to be a part of their circuit. their relationship dynamics remind me a lot of me & snookms. i love how my feet are the only feet snookms will ever tolerate touching him. he lets me pet any part of his body; WITH MY FEET! but if anyone else even thought about putting their toes upon him he would roundhouse kick them in the face. i really find that kind of shit endearing. LOYALMINOTAUR

so i guess i better bounce. i gotta get some bubbletea & mysty will be here soon! don't wanna get flogged by my domina!

subtle poisons

current mood: grima wormtongue
currently listening to: rather be dead -refused
currently watching: .................



oh man has it been a day! a week! a month!

it's been over a month since i last posted? shit's been crazy around here, but a good kind of crazy i s'pose. at first it was pretty miserable but things have really turned around for the better.

yesterday i was s'posed to team up with mysty, katie, robbie; we were going to chicago to see emilie autumn perform. her show was postponed tho, hella last minute but not last minute enough that we were already out there before we found out. it sucked, but at the same time i was kind of relieved. my back was killing me all day & i did miss my kids. i kind of hated the idea of being away from them all day.

so instead mysty & katie & i still met up (robbie tapped out since he's still not feeling 100%), but we opted to go eat at applebees for an early dinner & then went back home to pick up my youngest & her cousin so that they could go see the new justin beiber flick while we 3 grown lay-days saw 'the rite'. i mean, it was 'okay', but i was almost thinking i might want to see the justin beiber flick more. i was genuinely interested in seeing that movie. but whatever, i ain't gonna cry home to mama about it.

thursday was pretty cool because snookms & i went on a belated valentine's day date. first we ate at chili's & couldn't eat anything because it was way earlier than we're used to eating. it was just barely past eleven & neither of us are used to even thinking about food till around 4 or 5. but at least we had great leftovers to take home. afterwards snookms wanted to go to dick's sporting goods @ metropolis & i opted to venture into barnes & noble. i just wasn't in the mood to have a bunch of hunter doods gawk at my v-day outfit. my knee high platform boots are stoopid noisy to walk in & turquoise lace stockings were just as loud as well. the people in b&n tend to be a little bit less rubberneckish so i felt less socially anxious about lurking in there.

i originally set out to complete my sandman collection but the only volume they had was #2. i was dissapointed for a little bit but then brightened up when i found sophie crumb's 'evolution of a crazy artist' (daughter of r.crumb!) for a price that was a lot cheaper than i expected. i went ahead & picked up 'american gods' as well since i've never had the chance to read it. i bought a used copy for my oldest brother, erin, for christmas, but he's still reading it & i'm too impatient to wait for him to get done so that i may borrow it. by the time i had decided on that purchase snookms came slithering around the corner of where the sf/fantasy section meets the special needs section, so i started headed up front to pay for my shit. snookms got caught in the bargain bin net & soon enough i too was knee deep in it's treachery. i managed to come away with 2 purchases, but i was still happy. snookms was strong enough to resist temptation, as usual. i found 'cobain unseen', an amazingly beautiful hardcover photography book of kurt cobain in all his glory, & only for like, 10 bucks. & then there was this origami kit i picked up for my 2nd oldest since he is a wizard at that folding shit. that was only 10 bucks too.

when we got home snookms & i slipped right back into our pjs & i snuggled up next to him in our bed while i thumbed through the kurt cobain book & snookms slept. it felt so cozy! i have been super excited about our new bedroom set up as of late (thanks to snookms' big brother & wife) because they gave us their old dresser/tv entertainment stand-thingamahoozit. it's fucking huge & takes up at least 3/4s of a wall but it holds all the clothes we both had in our old dressers, plus our t.v. & shit-ton of action figure crap. as a result i was able to free up the custom built in bookshelves that snookms had built for me years ago & he had the idea of making a little nook so i could have a place to study & write. together we worked about 3 or 4 days to make the room into perfection & our efforts have paid off quite handsomely because it almost has this hotel feel to it every time i enter the room. it's tiny as fuck, but very cozy & not cramped with too much crap like it was before. having that tv stand/dresser thing really helped! it feels like a hotel room that i got to customize with me & snookms' personal tastes. i really love it a lot.

took the kids shopping for some much needed clothes the week before last & paid up all of our bills since we got our refund. also went out to dinner a coupla' nights, but other than that not too much else, aside from school, school & more school. i've been doing really great in my life skills class & not as great as i want in math. but i'm slowly getting it, even if i'm not making the grades i want to in that class. i am learning, i know that much. slope intercept form! quick! what's y=mx+b???? huh? SOLVE FOR y BITCH!

oh yeah, & in my life skills class i won the game we played last week. each student had to make up 3 questions for the test we had last monday & put them on index cards. then we had to go around the room & quiz one another on the questions. if you got the question right the person asking the question had to give the card to you. if you got it wrong you got nothin. if you ran outta cards you had to sit out till someone with 3 cards or less came to bail you out. by the end of the class the guy with the highest amount of index cards was 8 & i beat him with 11 cards total. i won a bunny sticker y'all. proud as shit, i aint' gonna lie.

& the other thing! the thing i am most excited about, really... a short story of mine got accepted into the 'women writing the weird' anthology that deb hoag & adam lowe are going to be in charge of publishing. deb hoag is the editor & adam is in charge of the business end of it. adam sent me deb hoag's way & said my style might be a good fit for the project she was working on. one thing led to another & next thing you know i'm getting an email saying that my story had been accepted. i was excited, to say the least. i was told it will be published possibly as of winter this year, so keep your eye out for 'a stray child' if any of y'all wind up picking it up. also, if any of you are interested in submitting anything that pertains to that genre, let me know because they are still taking submissions!

can't think of much else to say, really. tumblr is where i usually go if i have free time, so if you ever wonder where my face is these days it's either there or nestled firmly between snookms' hairy thighs.

(i even put up a new avatar pic, via ju ju mechanics)



feel free to stop by & say hello!

...two stoges y'all, i'm out.