(snookms, me)

current mood: heartbeats -the knife

currently listening to:

currently watching:

so far this year, i have:

1. shot a 12 gauge
2. fallen in love with all my new classes this semester (sociology, interpersonal communication, microcomputers, & psychology)
3. managed to NOT beat the living hell out of somebody that has managed to make my worst nightmare come true
4. get into a friendly debate on facebook (which i typically avoid like the plague)
5. fall in love with snookms all over again like it was the first time (& then readily hate his guts 2 seconds later)
6. begun reading "catching fire"
7. watch "it's complicated" 5 times
8. watched every episode of "elfin lied"
9. start playing guitar again & do nirvana/alice in chains karaoke with shespawn
10. run out of gas in the middle of a snowstorm at 8 am, walk home, get gas cans, fill said gas cans, get offered a free biblical end times dvd whilst in the midst of filling these cans, calmly tell solicitor no, drive back to the car, fill it up, drive back home, walk back to the car, & take it home, all without losing my shit. IN THE MIDDLE OF A SNOWSTORM AT 8AM

my conclusion is that i am getting old. but i like it.

also, i forgot how old i was the other day.

i have a dick on my face, don't i?

current mood: this is planet "look-at-me, LOOK-AT-ME"

currently listening to: sexy boy -air

currently watching: 10 things i hate about you

LOOKIT WHAT MAH NETBOOK CAN DO LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

this is what i have been reduced to.

something so, so, so fucked up happened in these past few weeks. & i can't even talk about it. i want to die inside & the sadist inside me keeps laughing. i'm so glad i don't have the desire to murder myself anymore. otherwise i'd be dead right now.

FUCK

(me, snookms)

current mood: i don't want him to go back to work

currently listening to: i don't want him to go back to work

currently watching: i don't want him to go back to work

christmas loot!

current mood: i'm in love & i don't care who knows it

currently listening to: amy says -flyleaf

currently watching: elf

• a netbook/notebook?
• nightmare before christmas chain wallet
• nightmare before christmas house slippers
• nightmare before christmas snow cap
• running sneakers
• hello kitty knee high socks
• black bjorndal uggs
• black snow boots
• towels galore
• holiday gumdrop & cranberry scented candles
• free dinner to 'on the border' with snookms & kids
• free dinner to o'charleys for snookms & i
• pear glace bath & body set from victoria's secret
• pure seduction bath & body set from victoria's secret
• socks galore
• an oldschool popcorn popping machine
• a canvas picture with me & snookms favourite bible verse ("& the greatest of these is love")
• fancy photo frame that says the word 'love' in the middle
• huge fuzzy nativity scene blanket
• trip to rave metropolis to watch "sherlock holmes 2: a game of shadows" (which was beyond lovely)

knights of the round table

current mood: quadra magic

currently listening to: still born -burning witch

currently watching: the gate

fuck the universe -craft

magic spells -crystal castles

history of hell (crippled lucifer) -burning witch

ghost song -the doors

it took the night to believe -sunn 0)))

pap smear -crystal castles

in that corner -khanate

eutow -autuchre

whorecrown -marduk

baptism -crystal castles

werewolf -gehenna

darling nikki -prince & the revolution

tower place -burning witch

intimate -crystal castles

a witch is born -gehenna

i am a disaster

current mood:

currently listening to: eutow -autechre

currently reading: blood willows -caroline m. yoachim

all my friends are embryonic

current mood:

currently listening to: gutless -hole

currently watching: degrassi: nowhere to run

friday nights are my favourite. i'm sitting here watching the newest season of degrassi & eating some magnolia brand mango ice cream from lee's, the asian grocery store that my mom & i typically haunt to gather ingredients for our holiday filipino food-fest. i love going to that store with my mom because she knows all the oldskool brands & has a story for all kindsa different food items from her past, which make our trip that much more precious. i seriously treasure our trips there together. she's like a little girl again & i love how knowledgeable she is of everything there. a wizard at it, really!

human biology was fucking rough today. i struggled with the lab assignment; the packet we had to work was chock full of dna & rna translations & decoding. i wanted to fucking cry at first because i couldn't get it at first, but then the professor pointed out that i had to use mRNA codons to determine amino acid sequence & i was sort of okay after that. i just couldn't wait to get out of there today & see my mom & kids.

finalllllllllllllllllllly got to watch splice late wednesday night, it's been in rotation on the hbo channel & we have that channel so i obliged most willingly. i really liked it a lot, kind of figured i would after my dad told me about it, but it took forever for me to make the time & develop the willingness to sit down & just watch it already. the only thing i kind of hated was the way the boy version looked. everything else was pretty much perfect & i just wanted to hug dren when she was crying about her cat. :(((((((((

the following night i stayed up super late, glued to my monitor because i was hooked on reading the two chapters my public speaking professor sent me of her ms. it really reminds me of that new show 'homeland' on showtime (which is my new favourite) because it's about her experience in the middle east but it has ties with her life here in the states, traversing between the two realms very elegantly. it's really intriguing to read her life story & i feel so flattered she was willing to share it with me & the next morning i was able to talk her into sending me the rest of it. i'm looking forward to reading it this weekend! i'm hoping i can point her in the direction a few agents that will be appreciative of her manuscript. i can really see it happening as a publication.

& then thursday evening my daughter was a representative in the spelling bee competition for her school. their team scored last, but she was the top scorer of her team, which i was really proud of. there was some seriously hard words to spell. i used to be a wizard at spelling back in my day, i got like, 3rd place as a fourth grader or something. but i don't ever remember having to spell some of the crazy words that were on her list! scrimshaw? octahedron? YANGTZE RIVER??? sheesh.

in love with a ghost

current mood:

currently listening to: love is a stranger -eurythmics

currently reading: the hunger games

TEAM VIOLET & TATE FOREVaH

american horror story does have a pretty sucky element to it, which i can't quite put my thumb on? but there is this chemistry between tate & violet that i totally obsess over. it's like a kitiara/lord soth kind of trope we're dealing with here i guess? that undying devotion, that is so sad & sick, there is a deep down part of myself that resonates. & how he wrote "i love you" in chalk on her wall? it was so romantic it made me want to puke.

also, i like seeing dylan mcdermott cry because it's sexy.

anyhowwwwww. TODAY YOU GUYS. today i had to present my second informative speech in the public speaking class i'm taking this semester & i scored the whole 150 points it was worth total! i was really blown away by that number because i just started working on it the night before & thought for sure it was gonna suck, suck, SUCK. but apparently it didn't according to my teacher. which, i in fact adore. she used to live in iraq, saudi arabia, germany, & louisiana. before she was a professor, she would give presentations to military troops in saudi arabia & all these other countries, on ethics, medical needs, & all kindsa other cool shit. i got to tell her a few weeks ago that she was a college student's wet dream because she's super efficient teacher-wise & she was so flattered. she was all, "leave it to the girl who writes erotica to say that. i can't wait to tell my kids somebody thinks i'm a wet dream!" i blushed with pleasure of course. i dunno what it is with me falling all over these teachers this semester. shalafi! TEACH MEH

let's seeeeeee, rewind to the day before that, wednesday i think? snookms had a day/night off from work because of election day & we got the spawn out of school early & went driving out the the strip on west washington out past plainfield to go antique store browsing. we managed to find this huge fucking antique mall that was still open for another hour, so we got lost in the past & had so much fun. we got turned back on to going to antique stores after our visit downtown in irvington after me & mysty's lovely book launch last week. i love that my kids actually LIKE going there & don't hate it. & it's free! if, of course, you don't want to buy stuff.

now, let's go back to monday, the beginning of this week, when i finally go visit mysty's new haus. it's her & werewolf's first haus, & it's so lovely. i mean, i know it's just a house? but it seriously has a charm to it that i fell in love with right away. mostly it's mysty's stamp on it i s'pose, but i really love the vaulted ceilings, as well as the colours that her & werewolf painted their rooms. also it didn't help that i had a dream about that haus a few months before. when i walked in & saw the gypsy teal coloured walls with a fresh coat of paint & the slant of the vaulted ceiling & about fell to my knees because it was pretty much the exact replica of what i had dreamt months ago, except it was snookms & i living there, & it was in our neighborhood. so freaky, but i've come to expect experiences like this anymore. i'm a starting to become a firm believer that my family comes from a long line of non-nurtured psychics.

the proboscis/prognosis ...

current mood:

currently listening to: patience -guns & roses

currently watching: the exorcism of emily rose

taking a quick snack break before i dive back into reading 'the hunger games'...

this book, man! this fucking book! i'll place the blame on my daughter, as she's the culprit for making me care about it in the first place. her school has a new librarian, & she's all about getting the kids into literature by making them care about what they read. i mean, i know it's important to engage a child whether they care about a particular subject or not, but at this tender age it's so hard to make them care about much of anything that doesn't directly relate to them. so yeah, the new librarian put this, amongst a handful of other "controversial titles" on the shelves to replace many of the ones the previous librarian had targeted for shespawn's age group. this peaked carmen's interest, (which i'm happy to say doesn't take too much in the way of reading these days) but yeah, i guess the new librarian's strategy has "success" written all over it, as there is now a huge wait for most of the titles she recently put out there for her YA public. shespawn felt she couldn't bare to wait any longer, so i indulged in her pleading to buy her a copy from the store. i couldn't deny a kid that's begging to read! she's had it for a week & is on page 100, i just started a few days ago, & i'm on page 55. i'm at the part where katniss is tasting hot chocolate for the first time.

i guess i can blame another part of why i started reading it on shespawn's reports of the movie that is in the making. she was complaining about who was being cast for the role of 'gale', saying that he was miley cyrus's ex (whom i secretly adore) from 'the last song' movie they were both in. i got especially curious when she mentioned that josh hutcherson ("jess" from the 2007 version of 'bridge to terabithia' movie) was playing as peeta, & then resolved firmly to read it when she said that ol' what's her face from the movie 'orphan' was playing as the knife throwing girl. (i so adore isabelle fuhrman & can't wait to see her play some more roles!)

it took me awhile to get sucked in; carmen has been sick with a mild virus all week that led to some wheezing in the chest which had me concerned enough to take her to the doctor over. once the doctor was able to alleviate my worries, i felt nothing holding me back from tearing into the book today. it's been my 'go-to-guy' for the better part of today, aside from making foodies, giving flirty winks, kissses, & nods to snookms, & whining over the cramps from my period. i'll be digging right back in once i'm done here, as a matter o' fact.

wanted to make a quick mention of the "WWW" book launch. it was a real success, everyone showed that said they were going to show, & a few unexpected faces as well! it was smack dab in the middle of the halloween festival that was being held downtown in Irvington, so streets were blocked off due to the costume parade that was going to be coming through later on. the lazy daze coffee shop was super fucking packed, but sure enough our little area was available to set up me & mysty's cozy little repartee for the afternoon. so many people supporting our cause, it felt really invigorating. & snookms was such a complete sweetheart, he even came up to mysty once we were done signing books & asked to purchase a copy of our book with his $20 in hand. i had to clutch at my heart strings, & i saw mysty's face just kind of melt too. it was really a great experience. i was so happy see katie there, & my mom & dad too. i was super shocked to see mysty's husband's parents show up, & delighted to formally be introduced to mysty's mom.

(mysty & i signing copies of our book at lazy daze coffee house, photo taken by miss katie!)

my ex showed up & snookms totally handled it like a champ. they even talked about pizza for a bit & snookms referred to him as "prince charming" for the remainder of the evening, which totally had me giggling for mr.-quinn fox-whom-i-have-promised-to-stop-calling-denny. it's harder than you think, remembering to refer to someone who has not only been a great ex, but a family friend for nearly the past 20 years.

welllllll, not much else to report. going to resume reading about katniss slurping hot chocolate. & even if there are no fight-to-the-death-matches soon, i'm still totally enjoying hearing katniss configure to what ends she would have to go to make meals that the Capitol produces with the ease of pressing a fucking button.

the little girl inside that died ...

current mood:

currently listening to: souvlaki space station -slowdive

currently reading: the hunger games

i need you everywhere; in everything ...

where ever i go; whatever i see ...

it is all a magnified version of you; past, present, & future

i want to feel you in my bones, in my marrow, furrowing deep beneath the many layers of tissue & sinew i possess within this mortal coil of a shell

your vibrations travel within me, in waves overflowing, crashing to the ground with a resonance,

this beautiful lexis is so ambiguously translated, that ...

that i cannot bear to decipher where it will go or where these things will take me

my nose stings against the breeze of where you carry me, through the night ...

you take me down, s'very far down from what i've ever known

only to bring me back to majestic heights of drowsy unawares

pleasures unknown, not ever sought after...

as a child, thinking i would never care about so much of what you have brought me into,

yet i maintain my childlike image, in an eternal vial of reproach ...

... you will forever be the Thing that has saved me from drowning in a volatile puddle of my own self-hating ways ...

gretel & hansel

current mood: wooden heart

currently listening to: only you -portishead

currently watching: american horror story

i keep forgetting snookms isn't coming home tonight! he went on a trip out of town, will be gone over night. i haven't been away from him for more than a night since the day we kissed. this is going to kind of suck, but at the same time, i like being able to test my parameters. i wonder when i'll finally break? i sure do miss him already. he always leaves his bowl & spoon out on the counter from his nightly 3 bowls of cereal ritual & uses it the next day so he doesn't have to dig for a spoon & bowl the next morning & i always get aggravated & throw it in the sink anyway, but it reminds me of him so i'm leaving it out. & then when i was folding his underwear i got all emotional. he'll be back soon enough.

we are talking about going to see paranormal activity 3 this coming saturday with the kids & a buttload of their friends, i think it will be super grand. the more the merrier! (sometimes)

this month has been full of activities, mystymayhem sure knows how to give me a run for my money in october. she does not EVEN fuck around. she managed to put together another successful "ghouls night out" this year. our evening involved jockomo pizza for a dinner meet-up with like 20 of her worshippers (lots of fresh meat this year!) & they had the CUTEST topping combos i've ever seen. there was even a "slaughterhouse five" pizza named in honor of vonnegut himself. so the pizza joint got sexy points from me. & thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, just a block over & across the street from jockomo pizza was the irvington ghost tour at the lazy daze coffee shop that mysty had taken the initiative to set up for us. IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN ON A GHOUL'S NIGHT OUT. 15 bucks got you a book of the haunted history of irvington, as well as a well guided, 2 hour walking tour of the community led by the author of the book you receive at the beginning of the tour. he is an actual ghost hunter & was more than happy to brag that he was doing it "before ghost hunting became cool". so we all trolloped aboot this gorgeous middlesex-ish looking town with the leaves crunching under our feet & the moonlight & lanterns the guides held to guide us. there were so many lovely stories & it was such a beautiful night.

when that was over half of the girls/ghouls had to bail since it was getting late, but the rest of us headed to the asylum house, where we went last year with the hopes of getting felt up by jack the ripper. no such luck tho, he wasn't there this year. but it was still fun, & an annual ritual well worth re-living. there were some new set ups & ideas, but less pop out actors coming to grab you & carry you away. it makes me wonder how similar this haunted house experience is in comparison to the "sleep no more" one that mordicai speaks so fondly of. i'm sure it pales in comparison, but at the same time, the spooky/sexual interaction situations that go on maybe? oh heck, i don't even know. I JUST KNOW I WANT TO GO SO BAD

getting off subject too much is soooooooo my thing to do.

so yeah, our night was over after that, mysty & i got to enjoy each other's company on the drive home. (we even got to see a shooting star together!) it's nice to have her all to myself sometimes? she's good with a crowd tho, unlike me. i don't even know how i am NOT going to wig out at our book launch in two weeks. she's going to have to coach me big time, i am TERRIBLE with crowds! get your tomatoes ready ladies & gentlemen!

i am kind of fangirling out over here about mysty & i being able to book our event at lazy daze, even. it's the same spot we started our ghost tour at & it's smack dab in the middle of historic downtown indy. there's going to be all kinds of halloweeny action going on that day too, so again, i am shocked that jeff is letting us do it. BUT EXCITED. we are going to take turns reading excerpts of our story to whoever shows up & then have our books available to purchase for anyone interested in dropping 2 tens on the table. initially i was just going to have my kids stay home & have snookms come on his own because there isn't a whole lot i can read of my story without traumatizing them for life, but i found some choice paragraphs i can chop up so that they can partake of the festivities. my heart would not be in it if my babies couldn't make it!

the college-front is going decent these days, i have a pretty well established study schedule that i more or less stick to & it is getting me the results i want. i was kind of bummed that i only got a B on my last paper in ENG111; it was a review of "the soulforge" & i wound up spending too much time explaining shit rather than critiquing, (something i am notorious for) which was the whole point of the paper, so i got points off for that. my professor included the note, "my wife reads these books, i on the other hand am not a fan"... so i was like "oh, FINE, be that way!"

but it's cool. a B is a B is a B is a B. i'm just used to effortlessly scoring A papers in that class & got a little too careless. my next paper is a problem/solution essay & i'm doing it on the drop out rate in indiana... it will be more of a challenge but i'm looking forward to it.

managed to score a B on my 2nd math test, despite the fact that my professor likes to berate us on tha regz in the classroom setting. he didn't yell at any of the students the last session, but none of us were brave enough to ask questions or piss him off this time. so he was a happy little camper.

my greatest accomplishment this week was in biology; i got a 92 on the lecture portion of our 2nd exam, & 100% on the lab. i knew i did well, but i wasn't sure if i got all of them right. the process of elimination is really on my side when i'm in unchartered territory, i s'pose. i studied the heck outta the chapter on bones, as well as the muscular-skeletal system & whatnot. also the cardiovascular system is & will always be my motherfucking jam, so i had a lot of that already committed to memory from 9 year old me fantasizing of becoming a heart surgeon. i had the human body model (both pregnated & non-pregnated versions to boot) & would take the little heart out almost every night before I went to bed & mentally make love to the atriums, chambers, & ventricles of that thing. i can still smell the fumes of testors modeling paint like it was just yesterday.

well, i'm off to bed, i've gotta get up earlier than usual to meet up at kid conferences early in the am, & then there is the therapy that i have neglected to show up for in the past 2 months. i've got some serious catching up to do with mother katherine...

once upon a hallow's eve...

current mood:

currently listening to: a place to belong -little dragon

currently watching: carrie (1976)

3 little girls playing in my closet, like a dream come true. they find all my things, my precious, precious articles.

out my clothes billow, in piles heaped upon my bed. i want to object, because the mess. but i let go. i let them play.

because i watch them with an ache in my heart so hidden & ancient. once upon a time i was one of them. they unearth my bloody maid costume. they each take turns trying it on. i do not object, but my heart cries, because i love them so much for their innocence. i will not rob them of that. it is far more precious than they will ever know.

they look so pretty in my things. so many of my parts want to devour them whole in their ability to be so unknowingly beautiful & sexual. it is the demon in me that has been passed down from my father, & his father's father. i am in need of a shaman, because sometimes masochism isn't always the heaviest dosage. tho neither is sadism, & so, here i am, caught in a paradigm, of watching myself through others & learning from their graceful movements.

my vast collection of boots are tried on & they too are thrown in the heaping pile. i smile at the novice click-clack that resonates from the overly confident 12 and 13 year old footsteps as they only act out what they think they see. they are simply a projection of their counterparts.

they never knew the details of what went on behind the scenes; beyond the curtain of act I, II, or III.

& the Protector in me will make for damn sure they never have to play the part.

eventually they all meander out from my room, satisfied with their final choices.

one saunters out, all silly. dusting things with my bloody feather duster. the black & white costume only adds to the endearingly macabre of cuteness. i let her giggle & be herself. who knows how long anyone will ever let her do that again?

another takes cerebral strides, donning a geisha like gown of blues, blacks, & yellows. she whispers to me she'll be a zombie geisha. my heart beams at her creativity, but also cries out for it's loss at that opportunity. i let her too have her moment of bliss.

the third is wearing a pink & black ruffled dress. one even the grown up in me hasn't had the audacity to wear. she possesses just the right amount of innocence in it to pull my heart out of the argument of letting her wear it. it suits her just fine & the smile behind those eyes is one of pure joy. i don't ever remember allowing myself that at her age. i want it for her.

why it has taken me so long to come to where i am today, i will never be sure of. but i'm certainly glad i am here, ready to stake a claim for my brethren. they are free & i am proud to have fought the war for their freedom.

yukiko-chan's dream

current mood: women writing the weird
currently listening to: old man -neil young
currently watching: lords of dogtown

the last dream i remember feeling (& not having) is from a week ago. i went to bed feeling really cold; i was shivering. i grabbed snookms' brother's old ivy tech hoodie & curled up in bed. i guess i was shivering so bad that it affected my dream? i was walking on this desert mountain, but it was filled with townfolk, very urban-esque looking. snookms, the kids & i were walking on the fault line of some legendary shit, & then i felt vibrations in my legs, really bad. they were so strong they hurt. then i began to feel them in my heart & in my arms, but when i looked to my surroundings there was no evidence of an earthquake. & then we all realized the earth was bleeding, & it was tearing us up from the inside, out, since we were all extensions of the earth. i looked around & then the vibrations came out in sounds that shook only the trees but nothing else. cicadas came out & had bowls attached to their proboscis, almost giving them the appearance of wearing gas masks, except they were gold. they flew overhead & poured the substance that was in their bowls over everyone in the mountain-town. they were floating letters in an undecipherable language & i knew what was happening. but i really don't! but in my dream i did! the vibrations became so intense that it woke me from the dream & i bolted awake feeling all traumatized. it was like the cicadas were stuck in my legs now & they kept making them vibrate. not going to lie here, i was freaked the heck out. but you know how it is when you wake up from a dream, you're all like, "mannnnnnn, that was so. fucked. up!" & then BLONK! you're right back to snoozing away.

i love dreams. i love hearing about other people's dreams. i even love nightmares (excepts snookms' nightmares, because he scares the shit out of everyone when he has them). i had this re-occurring dream about lo pan, from big trouble little china? from like, the time that i was in high school all the way up until my early thirties. i'd be walking around in chinatown, wearing this miniskirt & some high heels. & he'd bust out from some corner & start chasing me & i couldn't run good because of my high heels & corner me and lift my miniskirt up & sodomize me. I HATED LO PAN FOR A VERY LONG TIME GUYS.

soooooooo. there's that. i keep forgetting to talk about seeing super 8. super 8 was a great fucking movie that i hearted a whole fucking lot! it was basically iron giant meets goonies. so, so, sooooooooooo perfect. & elle fanning is super fucking cute in zombie make up! you should totally watch it if you grew up in the seventies & sometimes miss the weird lighting & the oranges & greens that accompany that decade. they really went into some detail i could seriously appreciate in order to capture that feel of the post-hippie vibe. & the alien thing at the end, iron giant guys! i'm telling you, it's great!

snookms & i also saw drive, which was a let-down on ryan gosling's part, for me. hey man, i actually LIKE hearing him talk, which he did so very little of. i have a review that i wrote in ENG111 about it. might post it on tumblr sometime since one of my follower buddies is all butthurt about not being able to see it yet. i'm like, dude. trust me, you didn't miss much. (much)

on the women writing the weird front, yesssssssss, i know i'm promo-ing the fuck out of it on facebook, but dang! i'm excited! so sorry if that is annoying. there are a lot of ladies involved in this project, & they are doing their darndest to help spread the word about it too. supposedly, there are two females that may get a panel open for promotion at fantasy con? & then wendy, who is such a doll, is doing a launch in scotland! so. rad. again, if you're interested in reading my story, it's in the first section, second to last story. it's titled, "a stray child". also, mysty's is in there as well, hers I believe, is in the second section (there are 3 total, categorized by each story's particular "weirdness") & it's titled "the scene changes". pre-orders are available at the moment & should be ready to ship in late october.

(cover art by LushLynx)

in other news, i am so overwhelmingly excited about all the new shows on tv that i've been watching! doctor who is my new favourite, which snookms & i watch together. on saturday evenings, we'll either go out on a dinner date just he & i, or with the kiddoes too, & then we come home, slip into our jammies & watch it together. i think it's so cute that he's into it. & i can always tell when he's into something when he tries to predict what's going to happen at the end of the show, & he's usually right. our fav eps so far are "the girl who waited" & the "praise him" one, "god complex" is it? i got to watch the dollhouse ep & one of the weeping angel eps (so. fucking. perfect. i.....i want angel dust in my eye!)

there is also big bang theory, & community. but i have to wait to watch community on demand, because i have math class the nights it comes on. s'kay tho! 2001: a space odyssey homages don't happen everyday. my dad & i have a super-special connection with that movie. he said when he saw it in theaters as a teenager that it changed his life; his whole perspective on everything, really. he had me watch it when i was around 10 or 11, one of those nights when i was either sick, or couldn't sleep. it was a special father-daughter sci-fi bonding moment. we have a lot of those!

i can't really think of anything else. i'm doing pretty great in all my classes so far, & that is why i'm hardly on the internet anymore. my paper for ENG111 got an A (i wrote about the jucifer concert), then an A on the public speaking exam & a B on my first speech. uhmmmm, i got a B on my math exam (woohooooo, i guess a lot of people didn't do so good on it?) & then an A on my lecture exam for biology & a B for the lab test. not too shabby for the beginning of the semester, ya?

the ring, the sword, & the unicorn

current mood: killer rabbit, run away! run away!
currently listening to: fuck the universe -craft
currently watching: my life flash before my eyes



all the pieces are in their proper position
the knight can strike each taint only once
while the queen does all the work
& the king only layeth in his filth
hail the ways that lead beyond the cosmos
did She ever know her hatred is the key
to my twisted & blackened heart?
death will not welcome me
because i will govern its branches
& uproot its beginnings
i am the dark creature
i come through these barriers to claim Her
forsake your light-bearing ways
& forget what you have been crafted unto
it is useless to fight against me

i can almost hear you scream

current mood: orestes -a perfect circle
currently watching: phantasm 2



footsteps fall on a blackened, tree covered floor
somewhere in my mind i hear your voice, summoning me
black hands, black hair, black mane, & an even blacker voice commands me back to life
i am trained to do your bidding, tho my mind can't comprehend one fucking word you say
the spirit obeys again & again, and all i care about is the task you have set before me
i want to cut out my own heart & give it back to you, since you have succeeded in designing me
to be
... just like you ...
nothing i want to do is in convergence with what i Will to do
i am nothing but evil deep inside
but the holy light keeps shining through
a blade of unity to keep me bound to you for an eternity
i have learned to obey instead of walk away
somewhere, somehow, & at some point this will have been proven to be a fruitful strategy
for the plan of Chaos is no plan at all
i strike blindly, not ever revealing to my right hand what my left hand chooses to do
but Chaos is no master strategist
it's end is no end at all, no beginning ...
only rebirth & destruction
it is all i ever Will
& all Will i am never
for you are the way, the truth, & the light