Showing posts with label childhood alienation and trying not to feel sorry for myself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood alienation and trying not to feel sorry for myself. Show all posts

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Doesn't get any better than this!

I'm watching reruns of Burn Notice, and reading the "Rock My World" novel that Erica sent me. I hadn't realized it til just today, but when I opened the book to the first page, Erica had wrote "To my friend Rachel" and signed as her pen name, with x's and o's on it. I was so touched by this that it made me smile and want to hug the book, and Erica.

I had to take a break from Nicola's Ammonite novel today cause I just couldn't resist waiting another day to start reading "Rock My World". Initially I had thought I would be done reading Ammonite by now, but I'm only a little more than halfway through. Really such a lovely, LOVELY novel, but again, I couldn't resist NOT reading "Rock My World".

I was going to wait until I was done with Ammonite and then read Rock My World, but already I'm on page 22 and totally loooooooooove the book. I love all the pop culture references. And the young adult POV. Lots of unapologetic cursing and talking about sex too, which I heart. :)

I find myself drawn to these kinds of books, always have, even when I was too young to even be reading them, but, alas, there I would be, hiding under my bed covers, laying on my belly, novel in one hand, flashlight in the other, reading about Deenie's next masturbatory experience in the illuminated dark of my Fairfield, CA hailing bedroom.

I guess there is this part of me, the little girl I pushed away for so long, perhaps, that needs to know if it all adds up in the end. If everything went according to plan, like I always thought and hoped for. More often than not, it never was the case, and getting the "less than ideal" perspective that these books provided proved a sort of "refuge" for the feelings of loss that I couldn't quite understand at such a young age. I had felt so alone and like such an outcast for so long and these books somehow spoke a language to me so few others had the ability to speak.

I live for books like this. Thanks so much again Erica, and I promise to give it a proper review once I'm done reading it, if one can dare to call what I might possibly deem "proper" so!

New Burn Notice episode tonight!! Mustn't forget! It's me and Snookms newest shared passion in life, aside from blowing holes in our siding via potato cannons and sharing heated conversation over a Grande half-caff, with a splash o' whole milk.