Saturday, July 14, 2012


current mood:
currently listening to: i bleed -pixies
currently reading: smiles to go -jerry spinelli

"i'm dreaming. i'm standing behind him. i know there's a smile on his face but i can't see it. i want to tell him to turn around. i keep trying but i can't speak. i can feel my throat getting sore. and now something is coming out of my mouth, but it isn't words. it's tiny flashes. a glittery stream of them. protons leaving me flying and dying into his black hair."

Monday, July 9, 2012

everything is fine

current mood:
currently listening to: year of the cat -al stewart
currently watching: running with scissors

"i can't focus because of the voices
i see you for what you are
yeah, the camera never lies
my parents have given you thousands of dollars & i'm still sick
you have to help me get better, you know what i do
you have to help me get better"

she's a raven

current mood:
currently listening to: girl from ipanema -frank sinatra
currently reading: american gods -neil gaiman

Sunday, July 1, 2012

in the hanging garden ...

current mood:
currently listening to: lights -interpol
currently reading: punktown -jeffrey thomas

today i submitted a summary of the paper i've been working on revising for The Atrium these past few weeks. i finally finished the dang thing last week & submitted it, & lo & behold, it was accepted. the editor, nancy, had mentioned that she was hosting the indiana college english association conference & suggested i submit a summary of the paper there as well. she said she felt it was a good fit with the theme of "civil strife" they have going for this year. if my summary does get selected i'll be doing a presentation of my paper to the faculty, which i find highly exciting since it is all about advocating autism awareness along with personal awareness on a typically functioning level. my heart is reeling at the possibilities...

a lot has been going on lately, & i feel sad knowing that i don't take time out of my day everyday to post the events here. i love being able to go to past entries & get all nostalgic because of the everyday details that are able to be articulated in writing about them.

seeing prometheus was a great & wonderful thing to do with the family. it was so nice to have my dad, mom, oldest brother, snookms, & kiddoes with me to watch it. facehuggers & xenomorphs have always been held in high regard in our household growing up. i watched the movie with the same awe & anticipation that i had watching alien & aliens as a kid, & felt the same kind of terror mixed with wonder at it all once it was over. it wasn't until a day or two later when i was able to talk with my dad that i was willing to accept that the movie had flaws. he hated how the cast failed at being a plausible group of characters, other than vickers & david. i'll have to admit that i wasn't nearly as impressed with david as i was with bishop, but my heart will forever be devoted to him no matter who tries to step up to the plate i s'pose. other than that i tried really hard to not compare this movie to the others. i think it's useless trying to do so, & i knew it would only taint my experience.

snookms is finally getting to go back to the day shift, after proving his worth for two years. he's on his way to getting a cdl license, & will be further promoted as his experience with trucks progresses. our relationship has been going nicely, even if it is at somewhat of a plateau at this point. it's nice to not have the roller coaster of emotions fucking with our ability to thrive. when we don't fuck for a long time, we have this tendency to let our pent up aggression out by wrestling, which is sometimes better than sex because there is a lot of laughter & we don't have to wait until the kids are asleep to do it. he is always trying out the new ufc moves he picks up on when he watches kickboxing matches, & i am always trying out my evasive/aggressive theories of physical escape. there is this one move that he does that is terrible & makes my head feel like it's going to explode. i forget what it's called but he wraps his forearm & bicep around the bottom of my face & squeezes & i almost can't even yell when he does it. then he lets up on me until i find a way to get back on top of him & smash his face with my crotch.

the last outing with my communications professor didn't go as planned, but was still a nice time. we wound up not going to iupui, as their admissions process is different than what we expected. instead i did my application online & then she asked me to accompany her to butler university since she had to drop off some transcripts for a job position she got hired for in the fall. she'll be teaching two classes there & she was so happy to show off how beautiful that campus is. we kept joking about it being hogwarts.

after that we drove around the area & drooled over the victorian cottages sprinkled throughout the town, & then headed downtown where she treated me to strawberry shortcake at the strawberry festival being held at the circle monument. it was so good but the heat was killing us so we decided to head over to circle center mall to check out the 'teavana' they have there. i love how she is turning me onto a whole new world of charming intricacies. i was overwhelmed with the delight of allowing my senses the opportunity to try new sights, fragrances, & tastes. ann is slowly teaching me what she knows about tea & turning me on to this new world of elegance. last saturday i received the small shipment of walnut tea i ordered at, & it tasted exactly like the buttery/coconut-ish goodness ann & i had at the tea house she took me to. i was able to place a surprise order of it & have it sent to her address, so i hope she's able to get it by next week. that stuff is otherworldlyyyyyy <3

the rest of my time has been split between cooking, budgeting finances, watching legend of korra, going to parks & going on walks, with the occasional zumba or mysty (or both!) meetup. shespawn beat silent hill: downpour somewhere amongst all that too, which i realize i haven't said anything about. that game was super satisfying on the spooky/immersing level. almost everything they have you doing in that game has you tensed up in utter fear or repulsion, & the music, graphics, & story are pretty engaging. one of the final bosses **SPOILER ALERT** reminds me of the beast from the old iron maiden album covers that i would lovingly caress & admire as a pre-teen. it's attempts at telekinesis are pretty adorbs. the ending (the one shespawn ended up with, anyway) was satisfying too.

& then today, after i was done writing & submitting the summary of my paper to the icea, snookms, jr., fezziwig & i ventured out to cicero, me to my brother's new house on the lake, & snookms & the boys went down the street to his mom's to try out his new heat. shespawn had spent the night there along with her cousin last night & my brother invited us to come out to watch the fireworks show, but since the show was postponed we rode our bikes into town instead & got pizza at this charming little shop right across from the reservoir. i was blasting 'crystal castles' & 'the doors' on my ipod the whole bike ride there & got lost inside my own thought process because i was enjoying myself so much. by the time we were done at the pizza shop, snookms & the boys were already back at my brother's place & invited us to go swimming at his mom's since it was like, 100 degrees, even though it was already 8:00 at night. so we all piled up in our vehicles & stayed at his mom's swimming & feasting until almost midnight. the drive home is kind of long, but it is one of my favourite drives to make, especially on a late, hot & humid summer night like that.

i wish every day & night could be like this.