Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I have pretty much given up on Blogger. It's fucking boring and nobody talks to me. I only come now to check out Sex's blog, and poke fun at her Uggs. Or Uugs. Or Ugs. I will also use it to ocasionally bitch about things I don't feel comfortable bitching about on my other blog. B-O-O H-O-O.

I'm really fucking heartbroke right now. Yesterday, my son, the one with autism, got into the car yesterday after picking him up from school, all torn up over the "King of Dipshits" club at his school.

Let's face it here folks, he's not the most popular kid at school. In fact, he's probably the least popular, and the kids he hangs out with at recess to play Star Wars roleplay and SECRETPIRATE aren't top notch either. So let's just call em "The King of the dipshits" gang, as Farmer Ted so cleverly puts it in 16 Candles. I am of this clan, matter of fact, not only am I a member, I'm the fuckin PRESIDENT when it comes to this shit.

So anyways, he (my oldest) proceeds to tell me that these dipshits suddenly don't want him following them around anymore, but lovely little endearing Mike, as he is, doesn't care. So he KEEPS following them. They say "Quit following us". Mike persists, heartbroken as he is. He tries to get on the slide that they deem the "secretpirateship" and they block his fuckin way.

Boy, if I had a missile launcher for every god damn time someone did that to me or my kids, you'd be callin me HITCO.


So, anyhoozle, Mike finally decides to tell their teacher what is going on, and the teacher makes the kids apologize, but not before they can chuck him in the head with bark. (I fucking HATE bark) and here Mike is, all lowly and humbled, pulling his shirt up over his head so no one can see him crying. (That's just what he does) The teacher suggests for him to go play with his buddy Alfredo on the swings, (another member of what all the asshole popular kids deem the "loser" club), which Mike normally doesn't have a problem with, but he's still burnt up about why the fuck the king of dipshits gang are suddenly (in the LITERAL sense of the meaning) dipshits today. (I would be too) And now he's taken it upon himself to make it his mission in life to feel accepted by these dickwads......

This is all too familiar a scenario for me and my angsted youth. Instead of saying to myself "FUCK EM", I walk circles around myself like a stupid assed dog chasing it's tail endlessly, trying to find acceptance in this bullshit world. It wasn't until I was a Junior in High school that I finally adopted this ideal, and by then, it didn't even fuckin matter anymore. How I would love to drill this same ideal into my son's head, and have it click. I've had the FUCK EM mentality from the get-go, but I can't MAKE him embrace it. He has to come to terms with it on his own. I hope he does soon, and doesn't wait a fuckin lifetime, like I did.

Also, also, second in running, David, has been in the process of autism ruling in or out as well for the past year, and I just got back the report yesterday. It's quite a meaty piece of read, with a whole lotta psyche-jargon that I'm not too familiar with, but I read every page and absorb every word for future use. It reports that indeed my son David, is NOT autistic, but shows significantly high levels in the anxiety area, and considering the father's history with ocd, is prompting that we get him tested in that area as well. The detailed report talks about all the specific worries that David expresses (in the confidence of the school psychologist) and I am just overwhelmed by everything this kid is carrying around on his shoulders on a day to day basis. Here I was, thinking that I had combatted those demons successfully in my own wake so that my kids wouldn't have to deal with them.

BOY was I wrong.

It's heartbreak multiplied by the thousands I tell ya. He is also a major germaphobic, equivalent to Adrian Monk, from the show MONK. He can't stand to look at people when they have food on their face either. (Just like his fuckin POPS) It seems like sheer snobbery, but when you realize the suffering they are going through to be like this, it's quite a different story.

I want to strangle the word "dissension" in this moment like a mutherfuck.

And then, the biggest reason I chose to blog this here, and not on my other blog, is because my son's teacher is on my friend's list on my other blog, which means there is a possibility she might read what I am about to babble, and I just don't care to deal with all the bullshit right now.

Last night was "Back to Hell, whoops, I mean School" night. Big whoop. I always get a STRONG sense of insecurity whenever I saunter those smelly halls. My uber sense of insecurity is cranked FULL FUCKING BLAST last night, treading those floors of ridiculousness. I get the sense that every god-damned teacher is avoiding me like the Plague in that building, and rightly so....I took a stand against my son's teacher last spring, and they all think me shit for it. Hell, I think me shit for it too, BUT!!! (there's always a BUT!!) I don't fucking care anymore. I spent the better half of my 3 years dedicated to volunteering in that school so that the teachers there wouldn't have to feel the everyday burden that life offers in said school systems. Sure, I didn't save them from every trap, I didn't even save them from MOST, but I put in every ounce of my effort to make them feel like they could depend on me anytime they needed me. And "need me" they did. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is the way they all act because I didn't let some god-damned teacher crucify my son just because he's got attention issues, and she's obviously got deepseeded problems from her past which obviously fuels the reason she chose to take the actions that she took on my son (and others who "fail" to fit the "standard". (I hate that fucking word, standard)

......I guess I'm just not a member of my own realm of "King of the Dipshits" anymore.

Oh well, my card was gettin worn anyway.


Monday, August 18, 2008

Privacy exposed

Mmmkay. So I had my myspace profile set to private for a number of reasons, but I think I have come up with a number of solutions to combat the demons that taunt. So have at you, if you like. I know you're all dying here. Come and worship.

Sugar rush like a MOTHERFUCK.

All I had is one cup o' tea, and I'm shaking like mad, and babbling prophetically insane bullshit like infamously insane DanielJohnston. And I don't know what the fuck's up with my computer, but I am so god-damned tired of dodging these bullshit popup ads. I don't care "how dumb I am", or how horny the couples are on "", I just want to get to my Blogger dash, WITHOUT all the fucking hype, you know? I think maybe one of my dipshit nieces or nephews I was watching last week somehow compromised my security efforts, therefore rendering our internet helpless to the fascist world of pop-ups. Fuckin dildoes. Or is there no "e" in said dildo plural? I always forget the plural rule of thumb, damnit.

School is now officially in session. The kids are all back on track, with great teachers this year, so I don't feel the need to be vortexed into staying all god-damned day there. My 11 year old's teacher was such a bitch last year (to put it blunt), and I'm so thankful he's not having to deal with her cold hearted ass this year. Don't get me wrong here folks, I appreciate teachers to the fullest, and this teach was a good one, in the sense of organization and delivery of teaching new concepts to a bunch of kids who could give jackshit about anything that doesn't have "Playstation, X-box, or Wii" tattoed acrossed it's forehead, but she lacked in compassion. Big time. She got way the fuck too caught up in little bullshit, therefore making me and my son's life a living 4th grade hell. I had to deal with her bullshit the year before, when my oldest had her, and then it was almost every god-damned day, if not everyday. There was no way I was gonna be able to trust her to be understanding to the needs of my autistic son. The days that I did "trust" her (only because I had no choice when my other kids got sick and had to call in and I had to stay home with them) my son would come home early with migraine headaches, sleeping and or puking all day because she just stressed him way the fuck out.

My husband put it this way:

She's like the typical football coach. Only focuses on and nurtures those who think they are going to go far in life, basically letting those who don't fit the "standard" to fend for them fucking selves, throwing them to the god-damned wolves.

When I wasn't there, she was sending him, and his best friend who was also autistic as well as ADD, out in the fucking halls to do their work, because they were unable to work independantly. Everyday. So like, was sending them out in the halls gonna teach them a lesson or something? Her job as a teacher: not easy by any means, I know, but IS to teach. Her being angry because she has to step out of her comfort zone of teaching, and actually have to apply some of those techniques she learned in college, a place that I'm sure her mom and pops had work HARD for, to put away hard earned dollars, so she could even HAVE this opportune in the first place, is just pure bullshit, plain and simple. Her being angry because she has to take time to assign individual attention to those with special needs is un-fucking-fathomable to me. Why are these kinds of people even applying for jobs like this in the first place? Isn't it obvious that this was going to be part of the job description? I don't know what kind of pre-requisites these asshole employers are forgetting to cross off their lists of "reasons NOT to hire dildo asshole teachers that don't want to do their fucking job", but I do know that it is getting OLD.

Really. Fucking. Old.

I had to deal with these same kinds of teachers all of my elementary years(save a few angels that lit my darkened path).... My husband did. My brothers did. Now MY brethren? I'm so tired of taking it up the ass for people who really don't give a shit about my kid's well being. People like this should be getting therapy before they go into wanting to "better the world" with their ritualistic ideals that they so heftily paste onto others. They are only fucking up more lives than making them better. ACTUALLY....I think that ALL and ANY people that are considering going into teaching of any sort, especially when dealing with young children, should be required to go to some sort of therapy, not only as a pre-requisite for the job, but also every week thereafter employment. And if they fail to comply, then their jobs should be held forfeit. I know it all seems very extreme, but when you consider that today's youth is tomarrow's future, it's all well worth the stock put in, in my view. Especially if these are OUR CHILDREN being raised here. Hell, I know I could've used some therapy when I was homeschooling mine. And that was only for my first 2 kiddos! These people are potentially going to be solely responsible for up to 30+ lives for almost 6 to 8 hours on a daily basis. Think about it...That's even more time than WE get to spend with our kiddos as PARENTS for cryin' out loud. That's just CRAZY. If someone is going to have to be responsible for instilling values and morale into your kids, as WELL as providing an ample academic structure, wouldn't YOU want them to be the best that they can possibly be? Again, these are OUR CHILDREN, for Christ's sake. Having these guys go to therapy would not only be good for them, but good for the kids, and ultimately, good for you. They would be made to deal with their everyday school related stresses, instead of having them compile into the compost heaps of bullshit that are already the everyday stresses of life.

Having to be responsble for other people's lives in this way is by no means, an easy task, and I respect the SHIT out of that. And I think it should be respected by the proprietor of said task as well, don't you??? And more food for thought....If these people are WITH your kids for 6+ hours, 5 days a week, your kid's gonna come home with these same asshole principles ingrained into their processing memory everyday, if the ones that are supposed to be teaching your kids haven't ever got the chance to unload not only psychologically, but emotionally as well. So if you're kid comes home acting like a blatant asshole all the time, you might wonder..... It just may be that your kid has a dildo for a teacher, like mine did last year.

I feel bad for being so angry about all of this, and even for calling my kid's teacher a dildo, or a BITCH for that matter, but it really does have an impact on our society as a whole when you know someone is potentially teaching 30+students daily how to be the town's local douchebag. For parents like me, it deconstructs everything you strive to teach your young ones about compassion, being supportive, being loving, and unconditional when the one you're paying your tax dollars to every year is sending your kid, (as well as a handful of other kids, NOT just mine, I promise you THAT!!) out the classroom for being autistic, or having any special needs of any sort.


We've ALL got special needs, if you really think about it. Schools are just NOW seeming to hop on the bandwagon with this one. It's hard enough to realize that so many kids who are now grown adults had to face life at school, knowing full well that having special needs was a de-valued characteristic, considered a flaw, if you will. Finally they have introduced the "ideals" that it's okay to have needs, and NOW, that it's OKAY to have "SPECIAL" needs. God forbid we be individuals in this society, each with our own "individual" set of needs. Where would the world be if we all had to stop and take the time for one another?

Ask Albert Einstein that question. Or Isaac Newton, or John Nash for that matter. Or any other of those ingenious motherfuckers out there who were locked away or shunned from society for being considered a nut, just because of their INDIVIDUALITY, or their NEEDS for that matter. I'm sure they'd belt out a mouthful quicker than you could butter bread about what ideals they felt should have been valued when society failed as a whole to make them feel like they should have belonged. I mean FUCK. They've contributed their worth, have they not?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Joy Division - Love will tear us apart

Just got done watching Control today. Sad movie. Now I'm gonna go flail to and fro all Ian Curtis like.

Things that make me giggle

Writing at it's finest.