Monday, August 20, 2012

black orchid

current mood:
currently listening to: overworld theme -ultima-exodus
currently watching: hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

i miss staying up late, struggling to keep our eyes open while the glow of the television, with all the lights turned off, burned 8-bit images into our retinas. forever enabling in us , a heartfelt pang of inexplicable and fragmented desire for things no longer of this earth. always afraid we descended too deep, the soundtrack of those caverns caused in us a panic that led to an irrational sense of misdirection. above ground, we were safe once we got to town. you got in so much fucking trouble, for being a smartass, for playing nintendo too much, and for showing your bare ass to us. you even eventually got me in trouble, because i was influenced by your behavior.

& i loved every second of it.

the castle theme, when heard, will always bring solace ... while ambrosia will always creep me the fuck out. that is, unfortunately, where the party was always at. you knew things were looking up though, when you got your sea legs.

regardless, we'll always have the mark of kings.

goodnight <3

Saturday, August 18, 2012

(you outta be proud that i'm getting good marks)

current mood:
currently listening to: needle in the hay -elliot smith
currently watching: my cat from hell

today i woke up in a really good mood. i didn't wake up until 1 in the afternoon, and it felt really good to get a decent night's sleep. i took a muscle relaxer before i went to bed since my neck has been giving me problems again, so that must have helped. i avoid taking them on school nights because last time i tried doing that i wound up sleeping through the alarm and the kids were all super late for school.

i'm trying to read the first chapters for all my classes next week. so far i have the first chapter read in my cultural anthropology book, my cultural diversity in the u.s. book, & half of the first chapter read in my intro to human services book. i still need to finish reading that, & then the first chapter in my lifespan development book. the subject i am most excited about learning is lifespan development, but the class i am most excited to attend is cultural diversity. it's the honors class, & i am kinda nervous because this is an all new experience to me, but more than anything i guess i am looking forward to it.

i helped snookms' sister clean some remodeled apartments over off of pendleton pike on the east side the other day at the last minute. she texted me around 4 in the afternoon asking if i knew of anyone that needed some cash & wanted to work, & even though i wasn't dying for cash i knew we could use it, so i told her i'd be there around six, and worked straight through until midnight. we cleaned 3 apartments which wasn't too bad considering it was my first time doing those apartments. the worst part was cleaning the tubs in the bigger bathrooms, because the construction workers left them looking pretty gross.

yesterday i drove to the gas station down the street to get some soda for the kids before they got home from school & there was a stand-up dildo strategically placed on the sungate sign that sits at the entrance of our subdivision. i thought it was pretty fucking hilarious & was dying to know who did it. it was gone this afternoon, though, & i was actually kind of glad because that IS kinda moded to have a dildo greeting everyone coming into our neighborhood. not the best first impression to make.

my cat from hell is on & i actually really love this show. the cat whisperer seems to be a really good listener & makes good inferences in order to best help the cat from hell's personal situations. cat psychology 101 should've been my jam.

i guess i'm gonna go now because i ran out of shit to talk about.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

happy birthday to me

current mood:
currently listening to: dracula -gorillaz
currently watching: game of thrones

oh god i am so wide awake right now. i'm rewatching the game of thrones season 2 marathon on hbo. well, actually it's just playing as white noise in backround as i sit & stare off into space. i can't seem to stay focused on anything for too long. i finally sat down and watched both seasons of game of thrones a few weeks ago, so i'm not as into watching it as i was before. but yes, oh so good. i loved watching every second of it and wasn't bored with any of the story. typically there is one perspective of the story telling that i get bored with hearing about but every character i found equally intriguing. like i was telling some friends on facebook, even though i love tyrion & arya bunches, i really found myself attached to cersei & jon snow. i think it's mostly because of the inner conflict they both seem to outwardly play off as if there is no such thing, even though they appear to be kind of polar opposites?

so like, a lot has happened since my birthday a few weeks ago. i am 36 years old, & can you believe it but i truly did lose track of my own age these past few years? i felt embarrassed that i really didn't know my own age, & was seriously telling people i was 35 or 34 or 33 when i was a year older or younger or i don't even know anymore. i guess after 30 you really do lose track? not because i feel old or unaccounted for, i just stopped keeping count. i also am terrible with remembering numbers. i don't even ever know my brothers exact ages, which i sometimes feel ashamed to admit. i do know their birthdays though, which is quite a feat for me. i wonder what causes that kind of mixed up thinking, almost a kind of disassociation with regard to numerals, which i don't like at all. i'll have to investigate that further...

so for my birthday i just wanted to pig out at penn station with snookms & the kids & then go see the amazing spiderman, so that is what we did. shelling out the cash for those two events costs nearly $100 fat ones for the 5 of us, and that is typically the limit that snookms & i try to stay at for each of our birthday events. spiderman was okay i guess. i really liked the new spiderman, & emma stone was alright too, but i was disappointed in lizard man. i'm not comparing it with the other spiderman movies that previously came out, both had their good and bad points, i guess i am just not putting one on top of the other as far as which i liked better. both of them had really derpy moments, but also had some breathtakingly cool scenes as well.

either way, it was fun just getting out with snookms and the kiddoes. we don't get out to see movies and get something to eat together as a family nearly as much as we used to since we took the paycut with the job snookms has now, but positive aspects far outweigh the negative ones. snookms not being constantly tired, snookms not being constantly taken for granted by ungrateful contractors, snookms not being abused by absurdly high and low outdoor temperatures, and snookms having a retirement and insurance are far better than snookms & co. having enough money to go to the movie theater every weekend any day of the week.

let's see, ... shespawn & i did slip out just the two of us to see moonrise kingdom a few weeks ago. she had some graduation money that my mom & dad had given her & wanted to use some of it to pay for tickets, so we did just that & it was a great time. that movie is really cute and i couldn't stop thinking about how perfect it was. this might sound really weird but it reminded me of what it might have been like when mordicai met jenny. i dunno, go see it & tell me what you think dude! RENEGADE BOY SCOUT

oh, oh, ohhhhhh! my paper did get accepted to the atrium, i don't remember if i said anything about that or not yet, it's been a while since i last wrote here. i've written small, vague entries that pertain to no one and no thing but my own personal bullshit, misery, or musings since then, but i just couldn't be bothered to talk about anything in great detail or with any sort of emotional investment then. so you see, my paper has been accepted, and will be published in the fall, and it'll be the first student paper to have been accepted there. the editor i became somewhat close with in our emails back & forth said that she would like to continue taking student submissions on a yearly basis and publishing one annually. this also sparked an interest in the possibility of me presenting my paper at the Indiana College English Association conference this year, and the editor asked if i would submit a summary of it to be considered. when i got the email that my summary had been accepted i felt like i won the fucking lottery. i'll be presenting at the end of October, the same day that the new Silent Hill movie is being released. FML, right? no, actually, i'm looking forward to it because most likely snookms & the kiddoes are going to tag along & we're going to make a family adventure out of it as much as we possibly can. & my campus is working to find a way to fund the trip for us since the editor said that, "the fact that my paper was chosen to present at the conference gives not only me high points, but my professor, as well as my campus". "toot-toot!" goes my very loud and shame filled horn.

it's weirrrrrrrrrrrrd that it still feels like my birthday has been celebrated every day to some degree or another, even though more than two weeks have gone by since. each new day some surprise around the corner that makes me appreciate having another day to be alive.

one of the biggest and sweetest of surprises was the anniversary orchids snookms bought me 2 years ago regrowing new flowers. there hadn't been any more flower growth since the first ones wilted away, and just within the last two days 3 of them came blooming into life. this plant has already gotten me emotionally attached, just like all the othe breeds that snookms & i have come across over the years. this one long & leafy cactus like plant had a spike shaped pink flower growing from the middle of it lived for at least 5 years, and when it finally said goodbye snookms & i were both super depressed & totally went into plant denial, pretending it was still alive and watering everyday for months. we do that you know.

another cool surprise was how much i wound up liking the movie prozac nation. there is a large handful of 90's media that i missed out on, on account that snookms & i became both newlyweds and parents one after the other. we also got our own place and had this all happen within a 2 month time frame so that left us with very little interest in keeping up with the joneses at that time. but uhmmm, apparently this movie was one of the few movies that i was like, "oh gosh christina ricci movie! where have you been all my life?!" kind of deals. i loved the movie to pieces & i think what moved me the most was the lou reed scene & the piece wurtzel wrote about that concert that won the rolling stone magazine award. & then how she treated, handled & talked about the loss of her virginity. if i could ever identify with anyone's experience, her reaction in the movie depicted exactly how i felt in my own loss. the soundtrack kind of tore my heart in half with reawakening ... the songs were ones that i had heard from so long ago, fragments half-assedly etched into my memory as a child, what with my dad's melancholy-like state of being, and then never to be heard again until seeing this particular movie. the replacements' "i will dare" hit me so hard emotionally that time stopped momentarily. everything about that song is me, & my dad, and everything else would be history. it hurts to remember things so vividly, both in regard to the positive & the negative. & so even though i had felt that awkward pretentious feel that autobiographies have the tendency of having, the movie was an enjoyable surprise for me. in the past i had assumed it would be a movie that i would care less about watching, but i was wrong.

hahaha OH GOD the dragons are crying for daenerys in game of thrones. the episode just ended & i think the next episode is the one that reminds me of the tower of high sorcery in the dragonlance novels when daenerys goes looking for her babbies in the house of the undying. i really liked how they played that out & the whole time i kept imagining raistlin would come shuffling out in his techni-colour dream robes to zap caramon for being his equal in wizardry. IT COULD HAPPEN

i can't remember anything else really cool to talk about now, plus i have to get my ass to bed because the kids are done with summer break & i gotta get up early with them to get them off to school. i would just go back to sleep after they leave but i don't like getting into the habit of that with my first day back to class being  this coming monday. so here's to the sandman bringin' me a dream, i guess.