Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Neon Bible

Went to Ivy Tech today & took my COMPASS placement testing. I suck at math. It was the first section I had to do too. I had to guess on every single question. I think the test just gave up on me in that department once it realized I was getting every single question wrong because it was so fucking short. But the reading and writing portions were a breeze. The test was estimated to take around 2 and half hours & I got done in about an hour and a half. I wish I didn't suck at math so badly. Oh well. That's what the testing is for I s'pose?

& like I told Paige, some guy kept farting in the test room.

I go back to register for classes in October. It's cool though cause I got a headstart with the whole financial aspect of it since I filled out my FAFSA last year. I hope all the effort I'm putting in to this comes to fruition.

I work tomorrow. I really don't fucking want to either. It has been so long since I've been able to just enjoy the warm embrace of a sleeping Snookms. All day long I fantasize about climbing into bed with him & burying my nose in his chest hairs. He has sleep paralysis tho so I have to watch out lest I get clocked in the jaw in his sleep. Scares the SHIT outta me when he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming like a fucking banshee. Wish there was something I could do to take away his terror. :(

I had a really great appt with my therapist last week. I had been dreading it all month long, as per my usual & again I was so happy I went once it was all said & done. I leave her office feeling light & hopeful, like I can accomplish anything. We've decided to move our appts back to every other week for now instead of once a month due to some of the stuff I am covering with her currently. And I'm actually looking forward to my next meet with her.

Just sitting here, listening to Cello Suite no 1 & waiting on Snookms to get home from work. I look forward all fucking day to him coming home & once he does I am so utterly tired that I literally fall asleep sitting up talking to him. I wish I could stay awake longer to hang out with him. Otherwise I don't see him again till Friday night or Saturday afternoon. My weekends with him are fucking cherished. And with the kids.

I'm realizing how much older they really are now; so far away from being the babies they once were. We're like a bunch of adults up in this house now, sharing feelings, thoughts & emotions with one another. Ideas are exchanged, musical preferences established. Movies, tv shows & video games are top conversation fodder in the household. (As long as Snookms isn't home) Because when he is home then we talk about Rambo & Sylvester Stallone a lot & the crush Snookms & I have fabricated our shespawn to have for him. We tease her that she secretly adores him but she really despises the shit outta him in real life.

(image source via artpixie)

It all started when we were watching **edit** -->"Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" <--**edit** one Saturday afternoon. We were sitting around talking about how ridiculously lame that movie is & Carmen kept going on & on about how deformed she thought Sylvester Stallone's face was. It was pretty funny but Snookms & I took it up a notch by saying that she secretly wanted to caress his jawbone. Then Snookms said she was going to get Rocky curtains put up in her room & boxing gloves to put on the four corners of her bedposts. I think I started crying at that point because I was laughing so hard. Then there was a scene in the movie where Sylvester Stallone was in his underwear sitting in his bed all doggystyle like & Snookms said Carmen was going to have a coffee table replica built of him like that. So I jumped on the floor & got on all fours & said, "Whaddoya say?" & stuck my butt out real far. Snookms was laughing pretty hard at this point. Then I said Carmen was going to get a poster of Apollo & cross his face out with a giant permanent marker.

So that was part of one of our weekends.

Man. I need another social network. Everything is getting hella boring to me again. Even Tumblr. I still love it but when nobody posts new shit I get so depressed. I'm like a lost little soul on the internet. I want something fun & engaging but also something that doesn't require too much initiative on my part. Cause I'm lazy & unstable. Pretend everything I've said here doesn't cancel out nor negate what I just said one minute ago!

& that is all.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Hey look! Things I'm getting good at!

(via ... man, I don't even know!)

So yeah, that's been the name o' the game to get me through these perilous past two weeks. Typically I am pretty decent at that, but for the bomb that was dropped on me I had to bust out the handbook, y'know? Dust it off & take notes & whatnot?

Today is a new day tho.

Yesterday was awesome, finally got to see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. It was as joyous an occasion as I had expected it to be, the spawn & Snookms in tow as well. They were so diggin it & all giggles n toe curlin delight. Made me happy for life. The bestest battle was Ramona vs. the evil ex grrlfran. & then the Final Fantasy 2 bassline. Plus Needy's boyfriend (from Jennifer's Body?) was superexcellentcute as Neil. There's other stuff I'm prolly forgetting -- Oh! Like the Sex-Bomb-ombs! They sounded awwwwwwesome. & The Clash @ Demonhead. YEAH! Loved that rockin shit.

Today I'm hoping to venture up to Castleton Square Mall once Snookms awakes from his beauty sleep. That's the only mall I halfway enjoy going to that has a Build a Bear Factory. I need to witness the Sanrio Friends 50th Anniversary Celebration merge for myself. If only to touch the hem of it's garments? I mean like, think of the possibilities!!! Chococat dressed up like Hannah Montana, or Keroppi starring as Spaceman. Or even My Melody as Dracula! She could then possibly be initiated into Mordicai's vampire hoverboard gang.

Once that fun is over maybe a stroll in the park of parks? The King of All Parks. I hope so.

Books I've read worth mentioning as of late ...

The Catcher in the Rye

-Totally fell in love with this. The redundancy of details got kind of annoying until you realized that this is just the way Holden talks. You learn to appreciate the prose somehow once you get halfway to 3/4 of the book. It's really funny & really tragic & great for nosy people like me that have manic & trailing thoughts that lead you out of reality constantly.

A Step from Heaven by An Na -

This one is fucking SAD. I found this hidden gem @ the Riley Children's Hospital while waiting on Tha Jr. to get done with his Social Group Therapy. The staff issues tons of free books & just lies them around everywhere kind of nonchalantly & patients are allowed to bring them home & read them as long as they return them. This is about an immigrant (Young Ju) girl from Korea moving to America with her mother & father to make a promising future for themselves. The way in which An Na was able to explain pictures in words assaulted my sense of taste, touch, smell, hearing & vision so deeply I just couldn't put it down. For someone who has not been through the abuse herself, she sure describes the emotions attached to the situation quite accurately. I had to put the book down several times & dry my eyes because it was so touching. You'll see. Go read it.

I already talked about The Bell Jar right? Yeah, I'm thinking I want to find some more of Sylvia Plath's works. I had read recently somewhere that there was talk of a movie adaptation in the making? Partly produced by a one Julia Stiles, which I thought could be potentially cool? I dunno tho, could be olde news. I'm just sayin, it'd be fun to see what comes of it, y'know? Especially since she was even reading a copy of The Bell Jar in 10 Things I Hate About You. Things like that just tickle me in a way that is strange to most.

Other stuff ...

Dune! The old version? I watched this last week. Well, it was on as white noise while I was speeding through The Catcher in the Rye.

See now, my dad watched this when I was young. Like really young. & I was really sick when he watched it. So it was one of those things were I was stuck on the couch watching it & it kind of melded with my weird sick dreams & stuff, so like, I've always had these strange Dune like images embedded into the memory walls of my grey matter. When I'm in sci-fi or story mode my imagery tends to lend me that kind of visual thinking. So yeah. I'm sitting there watching Dune & fucking falling in reunited love with it & see here ... I've never read any of the novels. I know I want to, soon, but I think because I've never read them that I was able to appreciate the movie without having source material to reference from. I hear a lot of haters complain on that movie because I guess it fabricated a lot of extra bullshit that fans of the novels didn't care for too much. & I ain't here to bust their chops, because I feel you guys on that stuff. But I liked being able to enjoy this movie. Maybe not for what it WAS, but for what I was able to take away from it. The whole "My name is a killing word" biz got me all hot & bothered. & the worms. Oh heck. It is pretty much what I was hoping Star Wars would be when I was a kiddo. But I still enjoyed the ride nonetheless. So there THAT is.

Saw The Expendables the weekend before. Was pretty much what I expected & it was entertaining for the most part. Jason Statham kicks some major knife throwing ass. & don't be misled. That all star line up is nowhere near in action the way you hope it to be. Mostly a bloated Mickey Rourke crying about his past & a couple of 'guest appearances' with the Governor of California & ol' whathisface from the Sixth Sense. Dolph Lundgren tho! Oooh, shoooooweee! He still makes muh heart skip a beat after all these years. I always hated him for killing Apollo but y'know, he kicked ASS. I WILL DEFEAT YOU

I'd love to see Sylvester Stallone direct & star in the role of a Contra movie, with Dolph Lundgren as his trusty sidekick. Throw H.R. Giger's art influence in & Peter Jackson's attention to detail & who knows? We might have a winner! I don't know how they could pull the Spread Gun thingy off though.

I am going to college in January also. Taking the COMPASS/assesment testing Tuesday & then I register for classes in October. Majoring in Human Services, hoping to land a job somewhere in the special ed/counseling services department.

I just recently realized it's where my heart belongs; to those who think outside of the box & don't always have the voice everyone requires here on this Urth to say so. I want to be a guide to that voice. For Snookms. For Jr. For me & everyone else that's struggled to grasp the concept of communicating on this realm's terms. I'd do that shit for free & HAVE done it for free. I've read a decent quote that says something to the effect of "When you find your calling you'll do it for free". So yeah. Why not get paid & receive benefits if I can mean to do so?

It's been good to update here. I want to do it more often. It's just hard for me. I don't exactly know why either, I just know I'd love to get on here at least once a day & write. Hope for this to be so friends!

Monday, August 16, 2010


(via Anouki)

"This fall I think you're riding for -- it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started. You follow me?"