Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Man oh man!

I'm still kinda recovering from my anger last night!! I spent a good hour writing this long ass descriptive blog about all the awesome things that are happening in my life right now, and when I hit submit, the fucking internets had signed me out (I guess cause I had been taking so long?) and then it erased all my shit!! Just like that, really. Gone with the fucking wind!

But I'll get over it. I guess all I really wanted to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYBODY. For all your support and love and encouragement. If it wasn't for every last one of you all's kind words I would have done gave up by now.

Weeeeell. Saturday? No, wait. Sunday. Yeah, Sunday. I call my mom and dad to see what they wanted from the night before, they had called and I was asleep, so I was just returning their call.

Me: Hello? Mom? Did I wake you?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: Oh. I'm sorry. I'll call you back later. I was returning your call from last night.
Mom: Hang on. *lots of shuffling, and a back and forth whispered conversation* You give it to her. NO I want YOU to. No, YOU!*
Me: Um hello?
Renegade Wizard: He-llo.
Me: Hey dad. What's going on?
Renegade Wizard: Not much. Just sitting around watching t.v.
Me: Oh. Well I was just calling you guys back from last night. David says you called.
Renegade Wizard: Yeah. Your mom and I are giving you her laptop as an early birthday present. She got a new one as an early birthday present, so this one is all ready to go for you.
Me: silence.....Are you serious?
Renegade Wizard: Yep. Come pick it up whenever you're ready.

So that's what I did. I was in a daze, cause I just couldn't fucking believe it was as simple as that. I've been waiting my whole life for a laptop, pretty much giving up on the idea that it was ever going to happen, and then one falls in my fucking lap.

I get to my mom and dad's house, and sure enough, my mom's got her new laptop, and mine is all set up and ready to go.

My dad gives me a walkthrough of how to set it up to a router once I get it home, and turns it on to show me all the bells and whistles he and my mom have taken the time to add. Like my own Skype account, a new email account on AOL, and my personalized picture and name when you sign on. For the screensaver there is 3-D multicolour bubbles floating all around. It's like heaven in plasma HD.

All this time, my heart feels like it's going to explode with terror. I am in this kind of a boat where there is doom waiting around every corner. Things are going beautifully in this moment and it's just too good to be true. I'm getting a laptop. It's free. It's customized. No one hates my guts. And there is a program on Spike t.v. playing in the backround of a guy fucking a cow's heart. All is right with the world.

And still though. The doom. It looms. It festers. It peeks it's crooked little nose around the corner, forboding as it is, telling me, "Just you wait you little cuntflap. This will all come crashing around you."

I stick my tongue out at it and eat my Fazolis. The Renegade Wizard has taken it upon himself to get me and the Warlock's Wife something to eat. He asks me, "You like lasagne? I'll bring you back some lasagne."

The Warlock's Wife, in a voice that only she can get away with using on said Renegade Wizard, insists, "And bring back some dessert!"

Oh boy. Now I'm REALLY gonna pay, the one that possesses the doom warns. Something terrible is going to happen for having so much delightful fun. And all in one day.

As the day progresses into night I am plagued by notions of Snookms insisting on a surprise divorce, or Neil Gaiman dying, or even my mom and dad saying they need the laptop back so they can give it to their long lost daughter that they just discovered was living under their stairs.

But nothing of the sort happens.

And then the next day.....

Mike's mom says she needs to talk to us. After Snookms gets off work. She NEVER asks us to come out there that late. And on a WORKNIGHT at that.


I ask Snookms if it's bad news. He says she said no. I have my doubts though.

On the way out there, I come to the conclusion that Mike's mom has cancer and is dying. She is having us come out there so she can tell us in person. That is all I come up with. I say prayers, ward away worries that are impossible to ward and next thing you know we're pulling up in Mike's mom's driveway.

There is a shiny red minivan in the driveway and the kids ask, "Who's van is that?"

"Oh. That's must be Michelle's". (Mike's mom and Ed's houseguest.)

We get in the house and Mike's mom says, "Well hello there!"

"Hi" I reply weakly.

"Well, do you have something to tell her?", she looks at Snookms.

"Huh. Oh. Yeah." Snookms gets this knowing look in his eyes and then smirks his sexy juicy Snookms smirk.

"Go outside and look at your new car!" Mike's mom yelps.

And so now, I just know I'm TOTALLY fucked. Right? Can you imagine the downfall of all this greatness?

Worst case scenario? No clue here. WhatsoEVER. But I'm going to ride it for all it's worth!

Til then...

Thank you everybody.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Fer Serious

He was the fucking Man with the Plan.

He embraced his whole self with no shame. I can remember my mom busting out the record of him snuggling with some lions, and me and my brothers would break dance all our Smurf like little worries away for the day.

I hope he's in a place where he can boogie to his heart's content.

Fav Michael Jackson song of ALL TIME:

And THEN, of course:

(Lego style!)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I don't know what it is, but lately the idea of journaling, blogging, whatever you shall call it, it has far less appeal to me than it ever has in my life.

I mean? I've been doing some kind of journaling since the first time I discovered masturbation? The two kind of go hand in hand for me?

But what is it about this summer that has stolen my heart away from my former passions? I don't play videogames nearly as much as I used to either. I really miss that shit. I'm not on the net....what the fuck am I doing then?

Spending time with the spawn. Watching Twin Peaks (which was OH SO FUCKING EPIC!) "Do you know who I am? I am the arm!" Fuck yes you are. Snookms impersonates that so well. I heart him for that for sure.

But seriously. That movie got me thinking about father fucking. I mean, does anybody here really know what it's like to be in love with your dad in that way and feel the doom of civilization thinking you are wrong? Ugh. I've got a motherfucker recovering in my bedroom right now. He's like, The One that Doom Possesses & shit!

I know my posts have been pretty fucking off and erratic. But it's what's in this noggin o' mine 24-7.

I finished (like REALLY finished this time) editing my book. It's about set to be print ready on Lulu. I'm stalling for a bunch of time I don't have. I'm on borrowed time right now, and that too is running out. I need to just do things already!

Well we are supposed to go see the new Transformers tonight. I forgot all about that and had made plans to run away and go get married to Mysty, but now I can't. Kind of bummed about that, but watching movies with Snookms & Co. is pretty fun too, no?

Just finished re-reading Craig Thompson's Blankets last night. Sat outside amidst the the electric air while Snookms cleaned his truck out & seriously wept over some parts of the book. Craig Thompson draws little boy dicks with EXQUISITE detail. Anybody should read Blankets.

So like I was in the shower last night, washing the many layers of dirt out of all the crevices of my strange body & started speculating.

Neil Gaiman.

Amanda Palmer.

They are an item. That is a pretty much a Dream Team of Spectucular right there. I like to fantasize about what they do & how they do it & what they are wearing, how they smell & what they're eating and such. I just thought it would be cool to attempt a fabricated novel of their relationship, except like change the names to Neil Palmer and Amanda Gaiman? I dunno. They could make Fey babies and Druids and Warlocks and call them all Neil and Amanda. Or something.

I just feel like blessed Maxon Crumb here lately. In the movie Crumb? Y'know, like when he was drawing all those comix as a boy & then they showed his slow but deliberate ascent into madness where nothing he did made any sense to anyONE, but perhaps himself? I felt such longing and adoration in that reveal. I want those fucking drawings.

There's just so much longing here folks. For things not of this realm. There's a small handful of you that get that in this universe. But frankly it's just not enough to feel Safe anymore.

What is Safe though? I've never ever really been That.

Friday, June 12, 2009


I LOVE Adam Lazzara in this video. I never cared about Taking Back Sunday until I saw this.

I love how he makes love to the camera! S'very sexy!!!

Today is a kind of grumpy day for me. I am very lion like and IMPATIENT with any who dare request things of me. Not good for a homemaker at all!

My spawn remind me of the Golden Girls right now. HELLA SNARKY and arguing about everything and anything.

Well Drag Me to Hell was abyssmally wonderous. I am telling you Sam Raimi/Evil Dead fans, go see it! It's RAD. Loved the Slapstick Gore and Demon Lore. P'shaw!

Was watching special features for The Fountain and thanking my lucky stars that Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett DID NOT stay the roles that Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weiss replaced. That would've been INFERNAL. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was enough!

Hoping to charm the Snookms into going to the Drive-In tonight. My fluttery wings and striped pajama pantalones just might do the trick. I miss Clermont Drive-In severely. Alien Glow Pops straight from Roswell, New Mexico & infinite tubs of buttery popcorn made all ambrosia-like and what not. Okay so now I wanna play Battle of Olympus. Minotaurs! Labyrinths! Here I come.

Oh. And I just thought this was pretty amazing. Something Gyn would be wielding, yah? Wakkawakkawakka.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Death is the Road to Awe

Ahhhh....here it is.

Freetime. And I don't know what to do with it!

Kathulhu is going to see Wicked with her momma and I am HELLA jealous. Mysty is now on Twitter which gives me joy abounding. SexScenes has a BADASS piece up in Thuglit. And I finished reading Mordicai's book.

First I will address the Katie matters.....

Snookms, spawn & Co. made it out to her abode some Saturdays ago for her Berfday. I finally got to meet the illustrious Robbie (one of Katie's best friends) in person. He was just as charming and gorgeous as I had fabricated him to be in my own midnight imaginings. My daughter also has a HUGE 9 year old hard on for Kathulhu's hubby, which is just fucking funny as all get out. And then Katie wore her pretty dress in which I got to peep at her awesome rack. Yo diggity. She had a My Little Pony ice cream cake which was adorable and I guess one of her pals got her a My Little Pony action figure. Woot dolla!

And Mysty on Twitter. I dunno why this makes me all starry inside. Probably because she asked if I wanted to sneak off with her and go get secretly married. I can't wait to go see Drag Me To Hell with her tomarrow.

Ummm, let's see. Oh! Yeah. Betsy. Sexy Betsy. Was able to read her short in ThugLit titled "Living on the Blood of Others". Some of the most powerful character reading I've had the pleasure of my eyes gracing in a long time. By the time I was done reading I was pissed that it wasn't a full length novel. Fell in love with the MC right away. Loved the narrative. Every inch of it. So revealing. Unapologetic like too. I fucking LOVE no apologies. & she needs to hurry up & tell me what she thought of Donnie Darko already!

And then of course ol' Mordicai. Ordered his book on Lulu last week and received it Friday? I think? Maybe Thursday? I dunno. But yeah. This book is a real gem. He keeps saying that he needs to go back and edit some shit, but I say it's all good. Hansel is coming to get you! AND his adorable Wil o' Wisp. Having the heart of Nosferatu makes you one bad motherfucker. I love the way Mordicai used his creativity for the Wil o' Wisp's communication. I've not ever seen anything done like that before and I absolutely ADORED it. Very fucking innovative. A must read for anybody who loves RPG, DnD, Automata, or the Fey. Those all kinda get tossed in the same category somehow though, so perhaps that doesn't help? Someone like Kathulhu would love this book. Yeah. Someone like her. And me. I want to pass this book around like a great girlfriend that gives awesome face and then turns into a pumpkin @ midnight. For real. That good!

Let's see....what else?

Oh. Lots more internal dialogue going on in therapy these days. All my appts. have been set as phone appts. due to the spawn and their lack of schooling. But they have been just as effective for me as if I were to show up face 2 face. Again, I find it AMAZING that Motherine is the one walking me through, holding my hand in this land of Mysoginistic behaviours; where little 9 year olds indulge in shooting their private parts off so that they don't have to feel anymore. There's this part in Mordicai's book, Wil o' Wisps & Other Illuminated Manuscripts? & It is unintentional, I'm sure, but again there is this part, where Hansel's being torn to the core by ol' Nosferatu, and because he is automata, has been programmed to go inside a more primal core within himself, for survival & shit, y'know? It's like, all this crazy shit is going on in the out & about, but within is a nesting sort of mechanism, that keeps safe until you are no longer put in harm's way. I felt complete sympathy for Hansel in that moment, whether sympathy should have been intended or naught.

I've been getting the manic spurts lately, going off and mowing the lawn @ 10:00 @ night & stuff. It's so fun though when the air is electric @ midnight even. You feel as though you are defying some law of physical nature and that there should be toxic mushrooms glowing in the dark next to you, illumating your path to a Netherworld you shant soon come back from. Renegade Wizards @ your every, & Warlock's Wives that aren't afraid of Foxglove.

Okay, okay, so perhaps these are all things that should be saved for my own personal account. I dunno. Sometimes it just feels so good to spiritually bleed here & there. Sorry 'bout that folks!

Looking forward to the new Transformers flick as well as G.I. Joe. I wonder if I'll be all 'WTF' afterward? Thinking about popping in The Fountain (only thee best. movie. EVAR. C'mon now? DEATH IS THE ROAD TO AWE...) late night tonight and working on my new character Surreal that I've fabricated. I actuallly dreamt of him early in the morning and had enough Luck Points left on my talisman to have R.E.M. so's I could still remember him when I awoke. He's got flaming red hair. Short, cropped & curly. Loves to listen to Scissor Sisters and owns a 500 Magnum. (Yes. They do exist. I was witness to a real live one just a few months ago. Holy SHIT is all I had to say!) Surreal treats it like a shotgun though. Surreal is also a fucking asshole pervert too. No love for this one. Most of my perverted fabrications have some sort of sympathetic perspective. But not this one. Oh no. This one Mysogyny gets all postal on. With NO remorse. Drags him through the streets of SSF with an umbilical chord birthed in steele chain & retribution; with a capital R, this one.

Well now, after all is said & done, my she-spawn is requesting that I hook up the PS2 in the living room so we can play Castlevania Symphony of the Night. Hurrah for Duplicators & the Power of Sire. Makes life so much easier!!!

Friday, June 5, 2009


Bah! Summer is such a busy time! And it is not even technically summer yet...

A nephew called yesterday, late afternoon, asking if all 3 of our spawn could spend the night. Judging by the hooting and hollering and jumping I'd say they were all pretty excited about it? So Snookms and I got em all packed up and shipped out. We managed to have a whole night to OURSELVES.

What did we do all night you ask?

What any spawnless couple would do of courseness.

We sat and watched the newest ep. of Burn Notice (which was pretty engaging) and then watched the new show Royal Pain?/s? Ya know....the do-good doctor one? I really liked it.

Then we had late night interface.

I awoke this afternoon to the discomfort of one of the most WILDEST of dreams, which pissed me off because in wake mode I would've NEV3R been upset about it. And it also pisses me off that I'm having dreams about this certain person. It involved him. Perhaps cause I'm reading a book of his right now and really enjoying it? The dream also involved Let-Dawg. And me. And her wearing my Bloody French Maid outfit. & Me again, getting angry about the pictures that were taken of her in said costume. And then me getting mad @ myself when I awoke for getting jealous? Arrrrrrrgh! *scratches head profusely*

Enough nonsense! Snookms is talking of going to the Air Show this weekend. It's been really cool to see jets flying around in the sky to practice for it. I keep awaiting some Black Jet of Death and Destruction to fly by and obliterate humankind in one fell swoop, but to no avail.

I really want to see The Hangover. I am on this kind of boat that sails in the direction of Zach Galifianakis all Windwaker style and what not. Don't even have to play the Ballad of Gales either!

Oh,& I finally have pictures put up of our fun fun fun camping trip too!

Here Snookms waits patiently while our cabin is being put in order:

Here Janna (my step-mother-in-law?) is pimping some of her hoes back home:

Gorgeous Bleeding Hearts!

Snookms and his old man. I keep telling Janna that they could switch sex partners on us and we wouldn't even know the difference.

Here we have Janna again, getting ready to pimpslap me for being a paparazzi:

The look I have grown much accustomed to from my 9 year old wannabe teen:

Tha Jr. stole muh frakkin Windwaker shirk. I kid you not! No skull necklaces for YOU sir.

I do love the spores. I kept thinking "FINCH!" "FINCH!"

A cool ass cabin!

Me trying to look all clever and Alucard like:

The Fezziwig says, "Peace". And "C-L-O-V-E-R-F-I-E-L-D".

This is the playground that is just a stone's throw away from everything, including the 80's like arcade/storefront, which is that building you see in the backround!

This is what my real smile looks like. Only a small handful have the power to brandish from me.

I was being a dope and taking pictures of the cool ass bathroom @ the arcade/storefront. It was a KrustyKrab Paradise!

Here is the 80's like arcade, complete with wood paneling and Ms. Pacman. Made a late night venture here only to have my ass handed to me on the red banana level. RED BANANA! You're IT bitch!

The honey resin lighting only added to that 80's arcade allure:

And alas, the campfire....

All in all it was a lovely trip. We want to go back when it's hotter than HOT! so we can swim in the lake and snorkel for Jellyfish (yeah, that's whaaat I said! But it's true, they're in the lake!) and beat the Red Banana level on Ms. Pacman. What more could a Smurf smurf for?