Friday, September 12, 2008

An ode to "Scotty"

My ex. The one that got me into punk. The last guy I ever went out with before I met Snookms and said "I do". We thought we were in love at the time, and sometimes, I think he may still think he is with me, but he's kidding his self if he thinks he is. He occassionally sends me messages on myspace, but I never respond. I don't want to open a can o' worms, considering his and my husband's last encounter 12 years ago was one of Scotty wielding a crowbar, threatening to NOT beat my husband's arse with said device.

In learning what I have over the years in regards to autism and it's many phenomenal "spectrums" of sorts, I have come to the conclusion that "Scotty boy" is quite possibly high-functioning autistic, maybe Aspergian at best. He showed ALL symptoms, issues with eye contact, social difficulties, repetive stereo typed movements, and an unequivocal knowledge for all things mechanical. This guy was a drafting master of sorts. Had the mathematical mapping all sorted out in his brain like it was the recipe for grandma's chocolate chip cookies. I don't know how I always manage ending up with these kinds of guys. I guess it's just what appeals to me.

Anyhow, I'm all choked up at the moment, over this issue I've been struggling with. I really want to somehow relay to this "Scotty boy" the possibility of being autistic. I think it could answer many of the heartbreakingly painful questions he's probably asked himself over the years. In regards to rejection, social/emotion issues, why things just are the way they are.....but again, I DON'T want open up a path of open communication with this guy, considering the incidents in the past that have ensued between hubby and crowbar wielder.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just being a tad too sentimental. It's always been a weakness o' mine. Woe is poor, pathetic me.

He sent me this message last week. Somehow, it gave me this sick/sad boost of motivation. I feel like I should be burned at the stake for feeling any joy in this, but at the same time, it gave me pleasure in knowing that someone I haven't seen in 12+years still holds on to something of mine, even if it IS just a Misfits template I drew on the back of some ol' punks leather jacket.......(you'll have to pardon the lack of punctuation, he never did get caught up in little bullshit semantics like periods, exclamation marks, spelling and capitalization.)

haha sometimes i drink too much and when i do i randomly email people who i usualy have not talked to in a while lol,tonight your my victim

i went to punk rock night at the melody tongiht with eric and misty,to see gay black republicans (fucking greatest name for a band ever)

anyhow,misty mentioned to em you guys hung out sometimesand i mentioned,to her that i emailed you once or twice and you never wrote me back,and that i assumed you must have thought i'm some kind of pshyco lol

however she said,that you told her how nice i always was and that "if you saw me in public youd talk to me"

lol i kind of like being thought of as someone worthy of being talked to in public

honestly though that made me smile,ive been battling depression for a few weeks now and that shit made me smile for the first time in a while it never occureed to me as being your "ex" from ages ago that it wold seem wierd if i was talking to you on here...i'm a fool

for the record lol i really wasnt going to clobber mike with a tire iron that night hahahh
god-damn that was some stupid 18 yr old pumped up on testosterone and black flag douchebaggery on my parti fucking hate bullys and i was trying to be one lol

i always regreted that shit lol..once when i was like...21?,I ran into your brother chris somewhere and i decided to call mike ont he phone to apologize because that shit bothered me literaly for YEARS..he was my lunchroom buddy way before he was your husband after all lol and someone answered and i hung up ...god did i just admit that i DO sound like a pshyco

you know after all these years i still have 3 things of yours

1.a blue ben davis shirt that is hanging in my closet as we speak,and that i wear from time to time

2,my leather jacket that you drew a rad misfits skull on..that i even got doyle and jerry only to autograph after a misfits show

3.a casseete tape of HI-c preforming "sitting in the park"..slap that trick till the trap is through you hi-c got a gang of sense hahahah

anyhow i dont even know what im saying...just glad to know you dont think of me as a tire iron wielding maniac

and i guess i can see why you couldnt write me on here or anything

i need to go to bed

but maybe i will see you in public sometime lol

p.s check out the band alkaline trio,if you dont know of them you will fucking love them,trust me


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