Saturday, November 29, 2008

Black Friday

I just changed my new myspace blog backround to this. I was going to opt for this, or even this, but my first choice fit the layout of my blog better, and matched my previous layout's colors, so I'm happy with it. What would I do without good ol' Deviantart????

Katie and Sex made my day today. What with Katie's kind remarks as to how thankful she is for me, and Sex promising hugs and a beer or ten, (although I'll have to pass on a beer, quit drinking. Had to, it's like crack to me!) I'm all giddy with Thanksgiving delight. And then of course the icing on the Cornucopian Cake was movie night with Mysty on Monday. I wore my gum forcefield suit, and we sat WAAAAAAAAAAAAY in the back, so if any gum chucking was going to take place, WE were gonna be the ones to blame. But alas, Mysty and I were the only ones in the theatre to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and one other porn lovin fellow, so our hopes were safe in knowing we wouldn't be getting arrested that night. Zack and Miri was great fun to watch and Justin Long as an ambiguously gay guy was like, THEEEEE sexiest fucking thing I've seen since Sex's ass on her myspace default and/or Mysty on Monday night. Mysty's beauty takes my fucking breath away, and I just never know what the fuck to do when she starts petting my hair or caressing my inner thigh. I get all geekfest on her and start talking like Farmer Ted from Sixteen Candles. Hopefully the "situation'll come on line". But yes, Mysty is stunning, and her sporting her hot pink leggings and combat boots combo doesn't help one fucking bit. She's muh little miss sunshine.

Well, nothin' says lovin' like playing co-op mode on Guitar Hero World Tour with your 9 year old daughter. She's currently obsessed with Tool's "Schism", which is an awesome fucking song, but hubby is kinda "if-fy" about allowing Carmen's absorbent little 9 year old mind processing the contreversy that is Tool. She took the liberty of looking up the definition of what "schism" meant, and she's like "huh"? So I had to explain to her in 9 year old terms what that meant from my cloudy perspective of it all. I did some research on Tool last night and was kinda annoyed at how they treat their fanbase, but at the same time mesmerized. The lyrics for "Schism" are very profound, as most lyrics for any song belted out by Maynard Keenan are. I kinda dig his other band Perfect Circle, but more than anything Tool is what does it for me. My dad's been an avid fan since 1980-whatchamahoozit, but I didn't really start digging most of their shit till the last few years.

Prison Sex, which I recently discovered is about child abuse, was banned from MTV supposedly after only a few airings, which kinda pisses me off too, because, fuck yeah it's offensive, but at the same time, it's putting sensitive subjects out on the table for people to look at and dissect and consider. More than anything, it's the lyrics that hit home for me:

It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,my head down , my eyes closed,and my throat wide open.

Do unto others what has been done to you

I'm treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyre, you look so precious.
Won't you come a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can't stand to burn too long.
Released in this sodomy.
For one sweet moment I am whole.

Do unto you now what has been done to me.

You're breathing so I guess you're still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
Won't you come just a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this.
I need this to make me whole.
There's release in this sodomy.
For I am your witness that
blood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me piece of mind.

Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit blood and cum on my hands.

I've come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
You look so precious.

Oddly enough, I spent the last 5 hours of my night writing a very private piece, kind of speaking from the perspective of one of my characters, which wound up becoming very personal and too close to home for me. I had decided to do some Tool research before I hit the pillow after I was done writing, and I kind've made me sneer with ironic derision at the ache of it all. After I read the lyrics for Prison Sex, which I had heard in so long, I felt such a deep connection with what I had written last night. It just kinda tore me to pieces inside, and so I've kept it festering within.

The line that struck the most prominent of chords within?

"I have found some kind of temporary insanity in this".

Maybe I'll have the balls to post what I've wrote sometime soon. Maybe not. I dunno. We'll see.

But uh, yeah. Back to the matter at hand....

"Black Friday"?

Went with my sister in law again this year. She invited me last year, which was my first experience with a facet of humanity that I have compared to Magneto's experience of losing his family in Poland, in the first 3 minutes of X-men 2, which can be viewable right fucking here.

I'm NOT fucking kidding.

THAT'S exactly what it was like at Walmart at 4:00 in the fucking a.m. For those of you that don't know what it's like to be exposed to the madness that is Black Friday, you absolutely MUST try it at least once.

I was squeezed through a vagina fashioned of human hands, shoulders and arms, while being vortexed through the doors of America's Favorite Supermarket, clutching for any last remnants of my sister in law's gloves as we were tore away from one another in humanity's desperation to get their grubby little paws on the last 42 inch flat screen television (for only $698.00. if you act NOW!!!) I entered the building much like that of a newborn, with the same dumbfounded look on my face as I was greeted by Walmart employees looks of disgust and contempt for us humans altogether, retorting ""Walk!! Don't run!!"

I was just as nearly as disgusted as these disgruntled employees, walking around in a daze, not knowing where I was going or what I was even doing for the next 10 minutes or so, while Kristi, (my sister in law) led my rookie ass around, showing me of shortcuts, rites of passage through the masonistic temple that is Walmart. She knew of secret bricks to slide out of place, and bookshelves that rotate if you sang in the correct inflection of hymn, all of which spelled out "Power, greed, and value!!".

I was amazed at Kristi's dexterity, although I shouldn't have been. She's been doing this faithfully for 12 fucking years know. Talk about a devout!!

And we fully intend on doing it all again next year....and the year after that and the year after that. I go for the jest of humanity. Such a good laugh for one's soul!!!

9 comments:

Jess said...

Did you buy the TV?

Someday, you'll have fantastic sex with Mysty, and it will be fine with your hubby on the conditions that you let him watch.

I must do Black Friday with you...

Realmcovet said...

Meh!! He won't even watch lesbian porn with me! (It's the ocd, so I just leave him alone on that one). As much as I love the thought of banging Mysty, we have mutually agreed to remain friends with sexual tension. Maybe in another life. :)

And yes, we MUST do Black Friday together. You can help me snag a 42inch because no, I never did get one. Those opportunities were left for the Asshats that actually had money overflowing from their precious pocket-holes.

Billy said...

Hi, Realm! A belated Happy Thanksgiving. As for Guitar Hero, I am really bad even though I have played the guitar, accoustic and electric, since I was twelve. You would think that my fingers would be nimble enough to handle it. Alas, I can only do well on the Beginner's Level.

Realmcovet said...

Yo Billy...

I sucked HARDCORE when I first picked up a Guitar Hero controller. I tried to argue to myself, "Well at least I can kick out some of these jams in real life!"

But I was persistent. I can successfully beat most songs on "hard" and a handful on "expert" mode. The higher up the level of "expertise" the more similiar it becomes to playing real guitar. Snookms will get all shitty and go lock himself in the bedroom cranking out his "real-life" tunes, therefore rendering my bragging rights of Guitar Hero useless. The man's a true guitar god.

That's way cool that you play. I had no idea. I've only been playing since I was 17, and I'm 32 now. Or 33. I can never remember anymore.

kathulhu said...

mmmm...Mysty...Rachel...you two could make a "katie" sammich! Although I would have to get permission from MY husband, too.

I avoided the stores on Friday and did my shopping on Saturday. There were still good sales but less people.

Prison Sex was the very first Tool song that I heard. Tool is in my top 5 favorite bands of all time.

kathulhu said...

I haveto poop.

Realmcovet said...

So go poop, you Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins.

You shoulda' seen the size of my shit this mornin. I almost took a picture and set it as my myspace default. Twas a sight to behold. Go take a picture of your poop for me. I WANNA SEE YOU POOP.

kathulhu said...

I see you put Twitter up, yay for you! It wasn't any harder than library thing, now was it?

The potato soup turned out really well. I was uber surprised. The recipe is def. in my rotation now.

I want to go see Twilight w/you and Mysty. Why do you have to live so damn far away. Maybe if you meet us in castleton, we can get Tiner to go too...

Realmcovet said...

Hey Kat! I would love to do movie time with you, Tiner and Mysty, maybe we can do it for the next week or something though, as Mysty and I have planned this for a while, what with special free tickets for having to endure gum filth. We have to go to that particular movie theatre in order to utilize the benefits of our free movie. So if you want, maybe we can plan to see something together, the 4 of us, sometime within the next few weeks. That would be orgasmick, would it not??? I miss you and Tiners big time!