Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dream Country

I need a good reason to be who I am.

For today.

And for lots of other times too.

I'm taking a blog vacation.

Maybe only for a moment.

Perhaps for decades. I dunno.

There's too much irony in my blood. Too much contradiction.

Normally I revel in this absolute, but today, there's far too much of that metallic component flowing freely throughout my inner verse to feel comfortable in taking everyone else with me into that descent.

It is snowing outside. That kind of beautiful light snow, that doesn't stay long enough to accumulate, but it keeps coming nonetheless? Fluid, flowing, elusive.

That's me in a nutshell.

I feel as though I'm going nowhere, really, fucking fast.

Black Katherine wants me on meds. Real meds, not this herbal supplemental shit that I kid myself with everyday. She's not pimping it on me drug lord style or anything. It's in a way that's making me question my every step though.

Snookms was doped up on meds for 8 fucking years of our marriage. And where did it lead us to? "A Brave New World", that's where. Where opinions didn't matter and apocolyptic zombie like behavior was the condition, rather than the momentum of things.

I queried some lit agent about my memoir. I feel as though I'm handing in an essay from my 1st grade years.

I hope none of you give up on me, as I love every last one of you, "anonymous" and the like.

But I must take refuge in Dream Country for a while, and find the Cuckoo in me. I need to differentiate some things, and find out if she is where she is supposed to be.

"Optimal" is the key word here folks.

Otherwise, I'm fucked.

P.S.

Help this guy out, if you can. His fucking house burnt down for Christ's sake.

10 comments:

spyscribbler said...

But I've only just met you!

Aw, well, I understand, though. Pop by when you can, will you? But take care of yourself. You've only to pop by, even if it's a year or two or three down the road, (or a month or a week, whatever!) and I'm sure I'll still be there. :-)

*hugs* Be well!

Stephen Parrish said...

I won't give up on you.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I know exactly what you mean. Take it easy. We'll be here waiting...

Realmcovet said...

You guys have no idea how much your support means to me. Thank you.

kathulhu said...

I love you Rachel.

Merry Monteleone said...

Hey Realm,

Many hugs and cyber well-wishes coming your way. I'll still be around the blog-o-sphere in some form or another when you get back... stop by whenever you're up to it.

Be well... And I believe in you, too.

Realmcovet said...

Kat: I love you too. :)

Merry: Thanks again. I'll still be occasionally dropping by everyone else's blogs and leaving comments and what not. I just need to sort some things out in my mind privately. And blogging what's on my mind here is just gonna depress the shit outta everybody.

Thanks for believing in me, all of you. It truly does make a difference to have you guys in my life.

Hi! I'm Grace said...

So, are you on blog vacation already?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hey Realm,

Take what time you need. Sometimes it helps to write about it though and we're here to 'listen' whenever you feel the need. Hang in there. I'm sure the right answer will come - eventually.

Realmcovet said...

Yep Grace, I sure am. :)

Sarah, thanks for the reminder and the "listening ear." It's nice to know you care.