I feel a bit more stable in my emotions today than I have for a while. I've had fleeting glimpses here and there of insecurity, but it seems to be getting better and better as the days go by.
I think the things that were bothering me most, breaking my heart, are beyond me now, and for better or worse, I've gotten through it. And I thank every last one of you for putting up with my mellow dramatic bullshit.
At this point it's best to just keep moving forward, and when something begins to hurt or tug at my heart strings, I should want to stop, acknowledge it, discover it's origin, put it in it's proper precious place, and move on. That's all I can really offer myself, and it's by far been the best I have been to myself in a long time. Such a very long time.
While on the subject of "moving forward", I've been wanting to blab about this for quite some time now, but have just been waiting for the right "time" (if ever there were such a thing). For those of you that don't know of her, awesomely awesome author Nicola Griffith has been in the beginnings of iniatiating a "co-op" of sorts, gathering up any whom are willing, and combining whatever forces that come of it, in an experimental attempt to take a stab at something "new" in the publishing industry. Rookie as I am to all of this, I have taken the opportunity to jump on this bandwagon of amazing talent, and ride it for whatever experience I can possibly come away with, be it negative or positive, with much of my stock placed on the "up" and "up". Nicola started up a Google Group, encouraging any who wanted to be a part of it to sign up, and has titled it "Ozymandias" in silent nod to the poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley, for it's "reminder that overweening pride is just not helpful" in regards to "all that is wrong with the prevalent publishing model". If you look to the sidebar, you'll see the little "banner" I made, showing off my "Ozymandian" pride. I haven't got any feedback from the group as to whether or not anyone objects to it's presence on my blog, so at this point I'm riding it for all it is worth. :)
Nothing has been anywhere near to being set in stone, everyone is still in the process of introducing one another, but it looks like things may slowly be coming together in agreeance. It's been really exciting to have the opportunity to meet such a slew of talented people, and I feel as though I'm a tiny fish swimming with a bunch of big sharks. But alas, I must remember that we are all JUST PEOPLE.
I wanted to take the next few weeks to introduce some of the talent that's come on board the Google Group, here on my own blog, and I hope at least some of you will be able take a few moments to visit their blogs or sites or whatever it is they have to offer up when I do get around to introducing them, as they all have very wonderful and interesting things to contribute to the universe. I think I might take it one week at a time, introducing first Nicola and Kelley, since they are the "founders" of the group, and then work my way from there. But mostly for today, I just wanted to talk about the group and what it is all about.
During introductions I just explained myself honestly, laying out what cards I had to offer on the table, and have been awaiting further instruction and introductions since. It really is a friendly environment, and I have been superfluosly jazzed about it all, which has been a wonderful component in battling the misery I had been experiencing for the past few weeks. I really can't wait to start "exposing" everyone in the group to the world and how awesome they all are, but that will be in the process of getting completed somewhere between tomarrow and the beginning of next week, as the hour grows late for me.
As time goes on and takes it's toll upon me, I may just indulge in posting a weekly video with an excerpt or 3 of the imaginings in my head that run wilde. Otherwise, it will just be the usual me, blathering on about fucking Snookms and getting phone calls from friends in the middle of what might have possibly been one of thee best orgasms of the year for me, and instead, being made to pausing in mid-fuckery to laugh at how ridiculous the ring of our cell phone sounds when called 20 consecutive times in a row. I've NEVER laughed so hard while Snookms was inside me, his limp dick curled in defeat while both of us lie on top of one another, crying from eminent laughter at the prospect of it all.
As for now though, I leave you with a *list*:
Mordicai -for ignoring my attempts at friendly convo.
Nicola -for being too clever and sexy in a way that makes me want to stalk like a hired professional
Kelley -for the same reasoning, + being married to the aforementioned awesomeness above
Adam -for not adding me to his blogroll yet
Snookms -for making me JEALOUS
Mysty -for makin' me love her so god-damned much
My Mom & Pops -for having fun without me
Neil Gaiman -for winning the Newbery Award
Snookms -for being Nice, and Sexy when it matters Most
The childrens -for their Love and Innocence and Originality
Woody Allen -for Stardust Memories
SexScenes@Starbucks -for having such a cool name, and awesomely awesome blog
Mom & Pops -for their undying love, even though they know how I get jealous too easily
Erica Orloff -for her hilarious use of the "Snuggie" reference, calling me a "chick" and saying I "made her laugh", and for being on the same list as Richard Kelly in regard to "People to watch in 2008" (or was it '09?)
Mysty -for being purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-fect
Wolverine -for his tacky yellow jumpsuit apparatus that somehow manages to liven my spirits whenever I happen to glance his way.
Neil Gaiman -for writing Sandman
Jesus -for never getting pissed at me, even when I cuss at him on Wii, and tell him that he sucks at Wii Tennis.