It's been an interesting few days.
Right away I will have to admit, my heart was far more crushed than I had realized with this whole 'ordeal' I've been trying to surf my way out of.
2 nights ago I began to unfold all the detailed events of what took place in the last week to Snookms. The whole time my voice was wavering on that thin line of resolve & breakdown. I hadn't realized how much I had truly been hurting until I heard the catch in my own voice. I began to speak out loud about how my voice was doing that kind of a thing, and in that I broke. I began sobbing pretty uncontrollably, telling Snookms how much I cared about this woman, she had been in my life for so long. I kept remembering all the adorable pictures she would send me on my phone, her donning an venti Iced White Mocha, with that gesture of invite, whispering, "Come, let us dine together". Other pictures were beautiful too, ones I can't bring myself to look at, for it crushes the resolve I have created in this little chest of mine, to keep the hamster wheel rolling. T'uh! I even TOLD Snookms about these pictures while sobbing and how I kept thinking of them and wanting to scratch my eyeballs out because I just feel like I am never worth anyone's trouble.
The previous post is nearly 18 years worth of hurt spilled out in a matter of 6 or 7 small paragraphs. There was so much pain I just couldn't hold in anymore. It was eating away at my insides, like some sort of Tom Green testicular cancer. So I had to let it go.
It's like a true breakup, I can't even look at S.P.A.M. or glazed donuts without wanting to break into a steadfast run, hide in the bathroom, curl up on the floor next to someone's ill aimed piss & sob like a fucking toddler.
It's the little moments that get me.
On the surface, I am A-OK!!! I eat, sleep, drink & shave without a second thought to any of it. But again, catch me in a momentary lapse of reason, & you will see the cracks and small fissures.
I will be okay. More than okay. I just hope this is not something indefinate. I don't know any other way it could possibly be though, she has one fiery temper, and I, I hold grudges for fucking EVER & never say so. So what dreams may come? Who knows....
On the lighter side of things, the past 24 hours have been pretty amazing.
Yesterday I picked Mysty & Brandi up @ the metal mansion & off we headed to the northo-netho region to hear Mysty's pal Wuki drum for his new band. InaDaze??? I think that is what it was called? Well, I was pretty surprised at how well the music sounded, Mysty kept forewarning, "This is a ROCK band guys." So we were expecting less? They were 8 out of 10 on a rock band scale. Typical rock, stuff you'd hear from a band that was backing up say.....I dunno, Nickelback? Mysty says typically her pal Wuki drums for a more core sounding kind of rock & that he is one tight fucking drummer. I had no disagreements there!
But yeah, after their band played this one man band came up. At first our clan o' 3 were taken aback by this guys standoffishness. His voice was brave and bold in the way that you at first think shouldn't be, very off key and whiny. He was telling stories in his songs though, and I am always a sucker for the story. I eventually chocked him up to a "Ghetto version of John Mayer" except maybe even better. Brandi even ventured to call him "John Mayer from the Hood!" It was right! He sang of smoking people, & it was beautiful & off key in all the right ways. I never DID catch his gimmick though, I was too busy pissing every 5 minutes. Marm!!!
After he was done we headed back out to the Wessssstsiiiiide! & saw 'Whip It' @ Metropolis. It was a 10:10 pm showing, so there were only our clan o' 3 & 2 other Ellen Page fanboys/men. Cause they were old? Like not OLD old, but like, probably the kind of fellers that you'd see hosting 'Rotten Tomatoes' or 'InfoMania' on Current T.V.
The movie in a nutshell? Cute. Very cute. Juliette Lewis was top fucking notch; I don't care how flat she is. She is still fucking GOREGOUS. The lack of bosom for this woman only further adds to the allure for me. She is drill sergeant goregeous. Drew Barrymore wasn't as hardcore as I was hoping to be, nor was Ellen Page, but we DID get to chester the HELL outta the giant Ellen Page props outside the theatre. I tell you, I am bringing the SEXY back into mongoloid, because that is what 99.9 percent of my photogenics are equivalent to.
Mysty was being naughty with her camera phone & taking pictures she shouldn't have and we both died of laughter for it. I am still paying for it today with a cough from hell. Too bad she deleted the photo, it would've been outstanding in a bribe.
Today I awoke to the most pleasant of tweets, so I was one happy camper all morning long, looking forward to this Repo! madness. It was more amazing than I had contemplated so, & I usually contemplate such greatness & always pay for my high expectations. This was not one of those cases. I am kind of angry that I did not know about this rock opera sooner? A faceless Paris Hilton is kind of a dream come true?
After that was over I skimmed Werewolf's (Mysty's Other Half) library collection & was coveting the fuck out of it. Dune series, Conan series, 3rd Reich kind of shit & Stairway to Heaven kinds of things. It was a Wizard's Library, & I told him so. I wanted to remove his shelf fully & run away with it to far off lands. To be married to this shelf! For real!
Tonight is new ep. of Degrassi the Next Generation, so I must prep accordingly. Hopefully more 'Pushing Daisies' on Hulu later on, possibly some 'Glee'?