<h1>Hilariously ironic</h1>

This guy was pretty much my first real boyfriend in 8th grade. I was a huge fucking dork, trying desperately to emerge from my dorkiness. It wasn't working out too well for me, but I did what I could.

One day, I had to go fight this chick after school, because she kept talking shit to my brother at lunch, (even though he DID sorta start it) so all day long while I waited in anticipation for school to be over, I had to listen to everyone give me advice on how to kick her ass and how to not get my ass kicked. And I was kinda/sorta/sorta/kinda friends with this Kurt guy. He was pretty much the bully of the school, so people tended to stay outta his way. He was an okay guy though. He hung around with me and my old friend Mary on occasion and when it came time for school bell to ring, I met up with the chick I had to duke it out with on the football field and there were all these unexpected spectators there. So I really felt dumb.I just sorta stood there, not knowing what the fuck to do. So the next thing you know we're rolling around on the ground like a bunch of fucking idiots and I'm trying to punch the shit out of her to get her off me, but mostly I just succeed in making myself ridiculously tired. And this bitch could wrestle. For serious. She kept doing all these stupid assed wrestling moves on me that I used to watch Mama Tika do to Lady Godiva on G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling). She tosses me to and fro like a fucking football and next thing you know this funny guy that doesn't get along so well with this chick is sticking his ass on her face while she's got me pinned to the ground and says "I'm farting on you!! I'm gonna fart in your face!" So there I am on the ground, getting my ass owned, laughing insanely. I was just about to give up and let her deal the final blow when this one popular girl looks at me and says "Don't give up. Don't do it." It was just like you'd see in a movie. Priceless shit, I'm tellin' ya.....She must haved sensed how weak I was getting. But when she said that it somehow gave me the strength I needed to get back up and at least throw ONE punch in this chick's face. So I do, and then this chick gets all pissed off and crazy and is like "Ooh!!! Fuck you!! I HATE YOU BITCH!!" and then she basically ramsacks my ass and knocks me to the ground senseless. She spits on the ground and then the funny fart kid tells her "Hey, your mouth is bleeding". And she says, "My mouth ALWAYS bleeds like that". And then next thing you know the principal is coming so everyone makes a run for it.

I manage to scramble away, my witts barely about me, and there "HE" (the picture boy I'm about to reveal) is, with his Bull's Parka coat (member when Parkas were ALL the rage???) and I ask if I can wear it, because I was a stupid ass that day and wore a strapless bra that was all stretched out cause of the fight (I'm pretty sure the spectators got some very much UN-needed boob action on my behalf) and the thing was almost hanging down to my knees. (Plus, I just felt I needed some sorta security for what I just went through, I pretty much got my ass served up to me on plate) and somehow wearing this guy's smelly parka provided just enough of what I needed to make the 2 block away walk to my house.

I wounded up getting suspended for fighting, and having to make a trip to the doctor to get a check up (the bitch bitch bit my arm and broke skin) but my parents were totally supportive of me sticking up for myself, and even administered the neccessary antibiotics to me for the rabies nip inflicted on me.

So it wasn't too bad of a deal. I made a boyfriend out of it, whom I was hardly ever allowed to see cause I technically wasn't allowed to have boyfriends then, so I had to sneak around and lie all the time, and I eventually wound up breaking up with him because of stupid ass Jr. High rumours floating around. You know how that shit goes.

But yeah. Here he is......(he's posing in some "Porn for Women" book, funny shit I tell ya!)