Monday, November 10, 2008

"The mind is it's own place, and in itself can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n".

A quote I stole from Seasons of Mist, volume 4 in the Sandman series hearing Harlan Ellison suck off Neil's writing prose. :D

And then....

"God's not looking for ability. He's looking for availability." -Joel Osteen.

I just got done reading that in one of Joel Osteen's books: "Become a Better You".

As I read that ingenious statement yesterday while taking a shit, I thought long and hard about the definition of "avail-a-bility".

Usually when I am trying to form my own opinion of what a word means in my OWN definition and how it connects to the personal world around me that I have managed to fashion for myself, I try to break a word up into syllables and focus on each syllable as a word all on it's own (when possible). I then take turns with each individual word and piece each definition together until I begin to make sense of the equation and how it all fits into my own calculated realm of nonsense.

Now comes the fun part....

I bust out THE DICTIONARY. I usually have to make sure I've got plenty of time on my hands once I break this baby out, because, like I read in one of Sex's blogs awhile back (critique series number 3, last paragraph. Yes I stalk the bitch, GET OVER IT), getting the dictionary out can be risky business for a busy body. Once you find a definition for ONE word, you quickly find yourself looking up another word. And then it leads to a trail of millions of other words, and the next thing you know you're keeled over in your computer chair, nose deep in a cocaine heap of syntax addiction.

Alas, knowledge is power. And words the great almighty sword of Victor & Destiny.

So, like, back to the word AVAIL. There's a really cool punk band called AVAIL.This is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word AVAILABLE. Group it with the word ABILITY, and you have a whle new word with a completely different ambience added to it.

The word AVAIL is defined as: to be of use, help, or worth. Ironically enough, the word AVAILABILITY is not available in my dictionary, but of course, "AVAILABLE" is. It is described as follows: 1. that can be used 2. that can be gotten or had, handy.

Incidentally, the word AVANT-GARDE is one word directly beneath AVAILABLE and again, as Sex speaks of, the word addiction begins.

AVANT-GARDE is defined as: (to MY spectacularly schitzophrenic delight!) the leaders in new movements, especially in the arts; vangaurd.

So then of course I go on a mad hunt for the dictionary's definition of VANGUARD. (Keep in mind I already have a pretty good sense of what most of these words mean, but there is just something very appeasingly profound about discovering them in print.)

Solace is found as I pinpoint the meaning of VANGUARD- 1. The part of the army which goes ahaead of the main body. 2. Leading position or person in a movement.

I also note VAN GOGH available for my definitive pleasure and quickly skim over the word, being defined as simply, "painter", before I return to my search at the beginning of the dictionary yet again, where AVANT-GARDE was previously discovered.

I stare at my new pretty word while experiencing feeling of completion, a sense of deep connection. I rest with this word in my mental psyche, making it one with myself, letting it roll off my tongue a few times, saying it aloud:


Somehow my schitzophrenically challenged wavelength of mentality tells me,

"This is an important word".

It is spiritually highlighted in my mind, kind of in the same way that "Frank the Bunny Rabbit" would highlight and relay important information to Donnie in the movie Donnie Darko. (A must-fucking-see film for any who eat, drink, and breathe sci-fi fantasy with profound meaning and intelligence.)

My mind races like this everyday.


On a good day, I'll take all this riff-raff and BLOG it, or recite it longhand style in one of my BAH-ZILLION journals I keep lying around my abode. On a bad day it'll just stay bottled up inside of me with nowhere for it to spill except into what later becomes my ostentaciously annoying manic/irritable modes. I'll flail about on a mad rampage of cleaning and self-mutilative/destructive frenzy.

This fever will typically burn within me for the next week or so; at least til I crash and burn from utter exhaustion and lack of sleep, so that I am no good to/for anyone or anything. The whole universe has to be put on hold until further notice until I can recuperate from my arduous journey.

There are times that my mind races so fast that it can feel like my orbital cortex is on fire, and I want nothing more than to douse my frontal lobes into a cooler of steaming dry ice.

I will keep feeling my forehead, making sure there are no beads of sweat trickling down.

But alas, my hand always returns to me dry.

So here I am.

I've become sexually involved with my new word, avant-garde, and invited AVAIL and ABILITY to come and indulge in a foursome with me and my new word of the day.

Anyone got some Valium?

P. to the S.:

Joel Osteen reminds me of Stephen Moyer, a.k.a. "Bill Compton" from HBO's new T.V. show "True Blood".

Not only does he resemble him in appearance, but in personality profile, body language, and verbal socialization style.

Bill Compton is WAY THE FUCK sexier than ol' "Joelie" though:

"We vampires don't like for our weaknesses to be made public knowledge".


sex scenes at starbucks said...

I really can't stand the guy who plays Bill, but he's improving slightly with the last episode.

The dictionary is a dangerous playground. Wear your waders and bring a big stick.

Billy said...

Talk about same wavelengths. I started watching Joel Osteen last year. His show last night was really great, I think show # 403 or 404--("You live in a controlled environment.") I have long believed, after reading about reality at the quantum level, and watching movies like WHAT THE BLEEP--that the universe is thought responsive. The technical name is called Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which says reality is formed by the act of observation, so that the observer determines the outcome. We do indeed make life heaven or hell--with our mindset. And that's what I see in the gospel. Jesus mentions faith about 106 times, always saying that what we believe is what we're going to get. And that's what Joel preaches--the positive and "staying in faith." Terrific post, realm!!!!

Sarah Laurenson said...

cocaine heap of syntax addiction

I love this description. For me, it's more about the origin of the words rather than the meaning and that's problematic as it's a bit harder to find. Or manybe it helps slow down the frenzy. ;-)

Realmcovet said...

There's just something about your inherent hatred for Bill that makes me giggle with glee Sex. I LOVE the guy, but somehow love your passion to hate him even more. Can I borrow your big stick?? :D

And Billy, yeah, Joel Osteen is one big pile of awesomeness. I just got done watching that episode (you were right, it's 403) last night, and I always feel so invigorated after watching his shows. Not heard of "What the Bleep" might have to go hunting for it. It is my mission in life to find movies that deal with that sort of a reality. Kinda like Morpheus explaining reality to Neo, is it not?? I LIVE for shit like that.

Sarah, glad you liked that statement. Have to give good ol' Billy some of that credit though, he reminded me of the whole "syntax" word what with his last post and all. And yes!!! I'm all about deriviatives. I wish I knew more about which word came from what language. Definately a way to slow down the frenzy, eh?? Origins fascinate me to NO END!!!!

Billy said...

You will love "WHAT THE BLEEP DO I KNOW." It's part movie, part documentary on consciousness and existence. Has Marlee Matlin. A great film on how we determine reality every day. Gets into spiritulaity, quantum physics, and a lot of great stuff. It's on Amazon.

Realmcovet said...

I'll definately keep my eye out fer that one!!