Thursday, November 6, 2008

Proposition 8 and saying "yes" or "no"...

So I've heard that they've banned gay marriage in some states.

This is really sad.

Who the fuck are we to do decide, to dictate who is valid and who is not?

Just when I thought humanity was taking a step further in relinquishing the fear that was once instilled in me to be very afraid of ourselves, it comes back full force to kick me in the ass once again.

I'm not going to lie and say that I never thought being gay was "wrong".

I've only actually come to the exclusive conclusion that being homosexual is something that isn't our place to judge until just recently.

I was shrouded in a cloud of oppression and darkness and guilt for many years.

As a child, I was taught that my admiration for a woman was something to be hidden away, and later on, in my teenage years, something to feel guilty about. I walked down the school halls with my head in shame whenever I felt attracted to the beauty of any woman, and grew up the rest of my years feeling like a fucking pervert for not being able to "make" myself not be more "wholesome", like most "everyone else".

I've been to therapy now for a few years, sorting out the slush pile that was my disconnected emotions. So many things were put together within me, yet they never added up to make any sort of an equation that I could ever make sense of.

I lived most of my life in fear, fear of being rejected, fear of being alone, fear of being eternally deemed wrong.

It's not until this year that I've come to the conclusion that there is only one difference in each of us as these entities of life, prodding about in these mad human suits:

There are those of us that are going to walk the walk and take a chance of living to their fullest potential,

and then there are those that won't.

Plain and simple.

There is no good or bad, no black or white, no up or down, nor hot or cold.

Just people who make choices everyday that have no right to judge what choices others have made.

I grew up my whole life thinking that being gay was bad, wrong, something to be afraid of letting your children be. Not because of some shit my parents were trying to preach down my throat, but because of society and it's reaction to those who don't fit the "standard". If anything, my parents taught me that as a society, we have all FAILED miserably in fitting a standard, and that no one is any better or higher up on the totem pole than anyone else. But alas, once I got to the outside world, as much as I tried to live to that decree, it just didn't fucking work. This ideal that my parents lived up to was more like a "pretend world" that my family lived in, when it was safe to be ourselves behind closed doors.

I really fucking hope, pray, that all of this will eventually wash away and that the message Jesus was trying to spread around when he was here on Earth will prevail, and that is "Love one another, as I have loved you". It says it right there, plain and simple, with the introduction of that statement being "But ABOVE all these things".....

As Obama president, this is the message that I hope will continue to spread and be educated to the peoples of the world.

Even if he DOESN'T live up to our hopes and dreams of what he promises, fails miserably and our economy falls further than it ever has before, one thing will have struck a chord with me, as with many....

When I was a kid, I walked around with the notion that we were all humans and loved one another and that love was the most important thing. The first time I heard the word "prejudice" I was introduced to a world I would never in any of my wildest dreams as a child think humanity could be capable of. I lost so much innocence in my youth, being introduced to the true meaning of prejudice when I saw the bodies of millions be piled up one after another in the Holocaust. I lost much of my faith and heart in what I thought was a safe world. Humanity became a very dangerous word to me. It was equated with "prejudice" for a very long time...

Seeing as many people supporting Obama as an acceptable candidate for leading the country that once kept people as slaves restored my hope in humankind.

Over the years, people have taken a beautiful message of unconditional love and acceptance, and twisted it around to their own ends, using it as a tool to manipulate/control others with threats of fear and divide.

My parents always advocated a message of unconditional love all throughout my life. It's society that made me believe that being different was wrong. I hid myself away for so long, and asked, SCREAMED into my pillow at nights, "Why God, did you make things this way, if it's so wrong?"

The answer I came back with was that HE didn't make this, WE did.

The ones that judge, the ones that continue to "shadowbox" with a part of themselves that they choose not to accept for whatever reason, the unforgiving, the ignorant. Self hatred and ignorance is what keeps us divided.

Not God.

None of us are any better than the other, but this is what these kinds of things generate:

Segration. Division. Ultimate defeat.

Someday, in whatever paradise one has fashioned and deemed for themselves a paradise, we will ALL be able to walk hand in hand, free of judgement, free of fear, free from laws and doctorates that dictate our every step. I hope I don't have to wait until I die to get a taste of this, but if death is where I shall finally be in paradise, well then that's where it shall be.....

LOVE wouldn't cause people to hurt and question, like this. Or this.

The love I know of would be angered that these people are feeling so hurt and rejected. I feel these people's pains. Hurt. Rejection.

True love would welcome all, with open arms.

That's the Jesus I know. That's the Jesus I talk to everyday.

11 comments:

Stephen Parrish said...

Powerful post, RoC. Agitate, agitate, agitate.

Realmcovet said...

Thank you sir. I LOVE your posts.

Sarah Laurenson said...

You can link to me anytime. What a wonderful post. So much self-reflection and a deep examination of what it really means to be Christian. Thank you.

Billy said...

Realm, first, thanks for stopping by my blog. I left you a lengthy response about your memoir. Hope it helps. You also may want to visit agency websites, where sub-agents list interests and preferences not in directories, including avante garde material--but again, check out my response at Publexicon.

Next, I really--and I mean REALLY--like this post. We're not a very advanced culture, imho. I think you and I believe in the same Jesus.

The politcial "deal" with gay rights has become a pendulum. Marry, don't marry, marry, don't marry. Or it's okay to have civil unions but you can't call it marriage because it might upset Republican Muffy or redneck Bubba. Ugh. People must surely have a strange definition of love, but what I'm seeing doesn't tally with the way love is explained in the gospel. I think people skip over the parts about not judging others. We conveniently skip over the parts about love and tolerance.

I think the last few days have taught us all that gains unfortunately come slowly and are hard won. It's shameful. No one can legislate the heart, which is what Christ said and the evangelicals miss.

Thanks for a moving, thoughtful post that's is honest and straightforward. I read every word of this post and wish more people could write something that cuts to the heart of a matter like a razor, which your prose does. I am linking you to my two blogs, Publexicon/Chapter and Verse.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I believe my marriage is sanctified by God, and that's why I believe it's so special. (We'd been together for years, but marriage changed us. For the better.)

The thought of denying such sanctity to anyone on this earth sickens me. I haven't had to go through the soul-searching you have because my mental block is against the other side--those who would deny sanctity to others based on who they love.

Hi! I'm Grace said...

This is the art of blogging, being free to express ourselves, being heard around the world.
Not everyone has the gift of expressing oneself's to the fullest. I like that attitude.

Realmcovet said...

Sarah, No....Thank YOU!! You are an inspiration to me, to live each day to it's fullest, and to not take any moment in my life for granted. You just never know when it's gonna be your last.

Billy, YOUR style, YOUR way with words....Now THAT'S prose that cuts to the heart of a matter like a razor. I really like your style. And thank you sir for linking me, I linked you a while back. :) I also highly appreciate how much time you have taken in pointing me in a direction that could possibly help me make my dream come true. I hope people give back to you as much as you have given to them. You are so informative!! Thank you!!

Sex...it indeed IS quite disheartening when one thinks they have the capability to deny another of rights. Pure, unequivocal BULLSHIT, is it not? I'm glad you feel that your marriage has been sanctified by God. Such a beautiful way to describe the way one can express their love to another. EVERYONE should be able to share in this beauty, and stop using "the bible" as a reason to back up their answers as to why one should be denied this right.

And last but not least....GRACE!!! Thank you for your kind words. You give me encouragement where doubt usually likes to prevail. I am part filipino, ironically enough (my mom is, my dad's caucasian) so it's just even more awesome to have had the pleasure of you "happening" acrossed my way. You have a beautiful blog and such a beautiful way with words. Don't be a stranger, beautiful!!!

kathulhu said...

This is one of the best blogs I've read. You are so smart, Rachel. I wish everyone could think this way. I think the world would be a much happier, lovelier place to live.

I just spent the afternoon with my cousin and her family and was subjected to racisim, fanatacisim, homophobia-ism, and just plain nastyness. And each and every one of them invoked some bible passage and "word of god" to justify their nasty beliefs.

My cousin is a good person, but her relatives really made me angry. Whenever they started in on their hateful rhetoric, I'd take the boys out of the room. I wanted to stand up for the "other side" but at the same time, I didn't feel like any purpose would be served by arguing in front of the children.

And now I feel like I wussed out by not defending my point of view. gr.

kathulhu said...

Oh yeah, and I asked God what he thought about gay marriage since everyone was bashing it in his name and this was his response:

god @kathulhu mortals have a short amount of time on my planet and should worry more about their own happiness than who is marrying whom!

Realmcovet said...

Katie, don't feel like a wuss. You are taking a stand against this in the most powerful way ANYONE can take a stand...you are raising your kids to know that they don't have to stand around and listen to the bullshit if they don't want to. That within itself speaks louder than anything.

I know how you feel though. I wouldn't be able to be so "out and about" in regards to my opinion outside of "bloggerworld".

And also...twitter God for me. Ask if I can borrow His/Her socks for the week. I've run out.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Life is far too short. I'm still learning to live it to the fullest each day. Thank you for your kind words!