<h1>What's my motivation?</h1>

Oh man. Man oh man! I haven't written here for a long time.

Things have been pretty busy here ever since the kids started school back up. You'd think I'd have more time to do shit like this, but really...The first week of school for the kids was anarchy man, plain and simple. I was so nervous for Tha Jr. starting up Jr. High. Lockers! Many different teachers! Many different classrooms! It was making me crave muscle relaxers, the anxiety level was so high.

The anarchy week transitioned into this week of complete calm and silence, but it's taking my body a long time to adjust to the newness of it all. Every year I have a breakdown after the kids go back to school and it takes me about a week to recover. It feels something like 'empty nest syndrome'. Or at least what I imagine it to be. I usually cry for the first few days because I miss the kids so much. It'll be over something simple, like seeing the motor scooter charging in our dining room, unoccupied by sweaty smelly spawn. Or hearing The Weather Channel on every t.v. in the house, with no Mike Jr. there to recite what the weather is going to be in 42 different counties. He watches that shit the way I used to watch He-Man back in the day. It's beautiful how different minds enjoy different things, y'know? But yes, all these little things and more make me cry. I just let myself these days, instead of bottling it up. It feels so much better that way. The silence of their bedroom, versus the usual Ocarina of Time & Majora's Mask theme music blaring from their televisions is a lonesome feeling too. But it's all for the good. Their in school, learning how to insult their classmates and pass notes behind the teacher's back, just like every other student in this universe.

Yesterday was pretty exciting for Tha Jr. & I cause it was his first day of Chess Club. It was last minute as fuck, didn't even realize there was going to be a chess meet until I was already driving far, far away from the school, but we turned around, found the room it was being held in, introduced ourselves & my reasoning for feeling the need to be the only parent in the building to escort their child to chess club *autism sometimes = nervousness which sometimes = lack of ability to communicate optimally which sometimes = child/mother meltdown combo.*

The teacher in charge of the chess club was really cool & he kept staring at my City of Saints & Madmen book that I brought along to read while the Jr. played chess like he knew it of olde or some shit. I wonder if he does? These are the narratives that keep me up at night. But yes, every Tuesday, after school there is a chess meeting in which Tha Jr. has the opportunity to forge his blade in the fire that is checkmate. It was REALLY quite lovely, because one of Mike's classmates that new him from his previous school said very loudly, "Mike was the best chess player in all of 6th grade!" & this boy, he surprised me, cause he's not the type to brag about others' winnings & such. He's the type that gets in trouble for insulting others in school & has to have his parents come pick him up on a regular basis. So for me, it was beam-like amazing to hear someone say that about my spawn.

Another funny I should share is that everyone at Tha Jr.'s school keeps thinking I'm a student there. Twice I was stopped and questioned of my intentionable whereabouts. I said, "Home?" & then they said, "HomeROOM?" & then I said "Huh?" and was like "Oh! I'm a parent." The second time it happened there was another teacher, and she laughed all the way down the hall at me and said, "You look like an 8th grader!" So now everytime I pass them in the hall after walking the Jr. halfway (not all the way, cause, y'know, don't wanna cramp his style) to his class she yells out and laughs & says, "It's our 8th grade mom!" It's funny and makes my day until I realize how I must look to everybody when walking around Metropolis holding Snookms 32 year old hand. Even one of the students mistook me for a fellow classmate in chess club. I heard him telling the girl he was getting ready to engage in a game of chess in, "Well, why don't we play this girl over here first. She doesn't look like she's had a chance to do a match with anybody yet". When I said, "Oh, it's okay, I'm just a parent" the kid said, "Oh my gosh! I thought you were an 8th grader. You LOOK like one!" I giggled & then went back to my reading of Dradin shanking Dvorak's punk ass. Is it wrong that I've fallen in love with Dradin's character so fast? He's naked! & in love with a mannequinns' head! I can't tell you how many times I wish someone would've sympathized with that plight when it was mine own!

I'm kinda bummed cause Snookms deleted his myspace account. And I don't know why I'm really all that bummed cause he doesn't ever utilize it anyway. I just like seeing his purdy profile picture that I hand made on my own profile & then clicking it to see that I could say, "Yep. That's MY bitch right thar." I know. I'm just ONE OF THOSE kinds of pathetic myspacers. I stalk! I steele! & then I wish you back from whence you came! But Snookms HAD to delete it if he's going to become a police officer. I'm s'very excited to see this happen for him. My Snookms just MIGHT be a po-po!!!! I wonder if he'll hafta bust any caps in any asses. I hope not.

Got a new B.C. Rich Warlock Guitar Hero controller for the ps2. David bought it with the remainder of his birthday money from Disc Replay, which I guess that technically means it is not 'new'. But you know what I mean right? The Warlock is very hard to use though. The buttons are closer together than what we're used to, the neck is fatter, and we STILL haven't got the whole calibration lag thingy in control on our new HD. It pisses me off royally too, cause I can no longer beat The Wind Cries Mary on Expert anymore. I know it has at least 1/8 of a fraction to do with me being rusty as a tentspike too though. FAIL!

Also, in other cool news, *turns to face different angle of camera shot* I have an actual artist for my latest work! (Teenage Wasteland)

It's my brother's old best friend from when we lived in South San Francisco.



He was one of those artists that you coveted and planned their murder cause they won their place in school popularity for their drawing skills alone, & whether they had the social skills of a leper was an aside?

(Some of his work)






So yeah. I'm pretty fucking excited.

I guess he's been trying to find our whole family (the Bedfords, which of course I was formerly one of) on the net for quite some time now (he even made this page! I just GIGGLE at the part where he says, "I have lots of HP. Jen is the weak one that you have to protect, but has lots of MP".) & just recently found me on myspace in hopes of getting in touch with my brother. In the process we have been exchanging emails back & forth playing 'catch up' & I put my balls on for a day and asked him if he was interested in doing the art for my projects. He's really excited about it & so am I & even if it IS not going to be done til the year 2060. Our first collaberation is going to be him doing a black & white inked (his artistic spiel splattered all over it of course) version of this:



So like. Needless to say, I'm totally jazzed about it!

He (my awesome artist) is about to be deployed, he's a jet fighter avionics specialist. I'm am meg-tarded in awe of that position. I've always had a thing for jet fighters & the ways of such things. Ever since like, D.A.R.Y.L..... Anyone ever love that boy/movie/boy as much as I did? My boy Tha Jr. really reminds me of him in the way of looks. I wonder what Barret Oliver looks like now. I had it BAD for him. And all because of that damn fighter pilot helm.

Well now, time has flown by me once again and I must go. Don't know when I'll be back, but I hope it's sooner than later. I miss everybody. Like, the whole 2 people that ever comment here. If you love 'em like I do, it's more than you'll ever need.

G'day!