<h1>A Narrative Means to a Sober End?</h1>

So I've elected to volunteer for this new 'training' method that my therapist wants to try out.

It has to do with flashback moments, for the sufferers of PTSD. I guess like, when a traumatic image surfaces itself in one's mind? Well, my therapist is working on this EMDR method, where there is a sort of 'healing' that takes place in that visual moment of relapse, using a bilateral approach as a distraction from the negative thoughts that have a tendency to automatically occur when hit with a wave of pictured trauma.

In whatever session we elect to do this 'training', I will choose an image which causes trauma, & from there we work together to speak aloud of this trauma, identifying all the negative labels I have put upon myself in correlation to this image, & while I am doing this she will be using whatever manipulatives to visually distract me while I am experiencing all of this. Then we will seek to redefine what positive things I could say about myself in that traumatic moment, kind of retraining my mental & emotional response to see the image as something positive vs. negative.

I guess in a way it smacks a tad of hypnotism? I asked what exactly is the theoretical purpose of the bilateral technique in all of this & she came back with the hypothesis being that if one can distract the sufferer visually, that the sufferer can then not only learn to focus on more than one thing when experiencing the trauma, but that they can also enable the part of the brain & emotional response that involuntarily acts in these moments of distress to behave in a more voluntary manner.

She explained that sufferers of PTSD have a tendency to automatically react the same way over & over when struck with a traumatic memory, disabling one's ability to benefit from the sitiuation most optimally.

To me it makes perfect sense.

It reminds me a of a post that Nicola had done quite some time ago in regard to PTSD & the playing of Tetris & how studies had shown that sufferer's symptoms seemed to have improved with the use of playing this game. Why, I asked then? Well my conclusion is that it goes with that whole visual distraction bit, & that your brain is retraining itself to react differently in moments of trauma & stress.

We shall see.....

Today is a rather strange Today. I feel unstable, nervous, shaky. Too much caffeine perhaps? It seems more than that though....

Snookms was a sweetheart & came home with a surprise gift last night after work; The Breakfast Club (Flashback Edition) on dvd. All this time I've been watching it via VHS, like when I cook a meal that requires lots of preparation (I have a tiny tv/vcr combo in my kitchen) so it was quite a pleasure to receive this gift from Snookms. We stayed up late together watching the commentaries for each character & this pleased me on various levels because this is typically something Snookms pretends not to care about. I seriously think he harbours a secret crush for Bender, for he is the Protector I see inhabiting Snookms every now & again?

But yes, Snookms & I giggled & snickered & I even think he was pleasantly surprised to see how hot Ally Sheedy still is. He kept asking "Who's THAT?", like he didn't already know or something? It was pretty cute!

Bender got pretty fucking ugly. Oh well.

Been receiving the most beautiful art courtesy of Jason, the artist for my Teenage Wasteland project. He pumps out about a drawing every 2 weeks. He'll first send me the pencilled version & then the inked version. I am telling you, it makes my heart go 'thumpthumpTHUMP!' The Echelar is so fucking goregeous with it's curls & furls of tentacle, & he makes Gyn SO FUCKING DARLING to look at. It is everything I had wished for this project to be visually. I wish I could share each drawing as they come, but I don't really know how wise that would be? We will see....

So 'Marley & Me' is playing as white noise right now on H.B.O. & I just heard the most amazing cover of Nirvana's 'Lithium'.




This could turn my whole day around?