Wednesday, May 9, 2012

cognitive dissonance ...

current mood:

these past two days have been unproductive as heck. taking 'the morning after pill' (plan B?) has thrown a wrench in my spokes. & for more than in a 'physical discomfort' sense. i've dealt with the emotional tom foolery of it all since, but yeah, don't you just hate how that shit likes to linger? makes me crave a 40.

oh. hey. does anybody remember when ice-t was a dj on those breakin/electric boogaloo movies? when he basically looked like a hella fine swedish death metal scene dude? yeah. that. it's been coming up in my thoughts lately, & like, how fucking impressionable that image of him was to my 10, 11, & 12 year old self. god, he was so beautiful then

okay, so i just finished up reading the last bit of that 'my friend dahmer' graphic novel, & i have mixed feelings about it. i mean, i guess it's going to be hard to find a book like that, with as much detail provided, but yet lacks the ego/ethnocentric ideals this dude has a tendency to splay out. but still, i really found it difficult to not get offended at what he seemed to be intentionally throwing out in the way of his opinions, as if it was common knowledge to automatically feel the way he felt in regard to many of the situations he talked about in the story. there were instances in his thought process where you could tell he really tried hard to be other-oriented in his cognitive processes about the whole ordeal, & at other times he just threw his shit out there, as if what he was saying was "what everyone else was obviously thinking". just that use of the word "obvious" ... when put into a certain context, just makes me want to puke sometimes. this mostly shows in the back of the book, where he cites his "sources". he spent much of the time here inserting his take on the story, which is the opposite of what sources are all about. the book was basically what i expected, but not what i had hoped for. i wasn't looking for a sad story excusing the behavior of jeffrey dahmer. but i was looking for details of his teenage years that could mark off symptoms of what i've come up with in my own personal diagnosis of what it may take for a human being to become a sociopath. & this book did a great job of providing some of that much needed confirmation regarding my own musings. i just hated how he referred to those of jeff's associates as "psychos" because of their rebellious behavior. & some of the other assumptions the author seemed to make in regard to joyce, dahmer's mother, as well as the way he assumed to know what was going on in dahmer's mind at times. but again, i wasn't there, & it's so much easier to accuse someone of having stupid assumptions when you yourself are not put into their situations. so ... i dunno. i felt a certain degree of satisfaction in reading this, & definitely a deep sorrow for the social situation that dahmer had dealt with growing up. i just wasn't up to hearing about all the personal suppositions the author made. i'd like for my dad to read it & get his opinion on it. he grew up in that era of "institutionalized weirdness of the suburban seventies" that the book seemingly does a great job of describing, so it would be interesting to see where my dad stands on all of this.

mordicai's re-cooked version of the cd he previously sent today came in the mail, along with a copy of 'the coldest war' ... a big, fat, super-surprise to me. it is the sequel to 'bitter seeds', which i have yet to read, unfortunately. i will be ordering it soonly tho, because it's been on my tbr list ever since i first read mordicai's review about it. he knows about all the cool books -_-

'the fall' also came, which i had ordered a few days back. going to watch it tonight & i'm really excited about that.

other than that, there is not much else to report. it feels like i forgot something, but i guess i can always mention it in my next blog entry. it's nice to make time to write here regularly again, but i miss class already tho. just not all the deadline bullcrap. :/

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